Cell Phones and the C. B. I.

How did we get so addicted to cell phones and how did we survive before everybody had one?


I am sitting naked in an Arby's fast food place typing this hub on an iPad. Well, I'm not really naked. I just don't have my trusty cell phone and I feel as unprepared as a boy scout with daddy's stolen credit card at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch.


Granted, I'm a little different from some folks. (Okay, I'm very different from most folks, but that ain't the point here.) I depend on that phone as a lifeline to my handicapped stepson who is at home by himself right now. But I'd be uncomfortable even if someone was there with him. There's just something unsettling about being out of touch.....


I didn't realize that the battery was dead until I got ready to leave and there was no time to charge it at home. Now it sits in my car about a half mile from here, charging, and of absolutely no use to me. I could borrow a phone (heaven forbid) and call to let my wife know I'm out of touch, but the darn number is programmed into the phone. I don't know it!


I bet someone is calling me right now. Really. I often get two or three phone calls a day.


People are nuts! I just saw a ten year old girl standing with her four year old brother on her shoulders. She was leaning over her table so that the little boy could get a Curly Fry and dip it in ketchup while their mother texted something on her phone. She was oblivious to the whole thing. If the kid had fell off and busted his head, Arby's would have been sued for thousands of dollars for not providing a padded table!

No reason for this photo, I just like Jana Mashonee!

Last night I was sitting in front of my TV watching the History channel when I had a thought. Now that sounds sort of impressive, doesn't it? 


Anyway, Larry the Cable Guy has this show on the History Channel called "Only In America" and I was watching him pretend to be someone else impersonating Larry the Cable Guy at Harrah's in Las Vegas when I thought of a new law that we need to pass. ( No, I don't want to put "Get 'er done!" on our currency. That's just silly.)


I got to the bottom of a pack of Ritz crackers ( Plain - no peanut butter, I'm on a diet after all!). Suddenly I realized that those things are slammed in there any which way. Sometimes the salt side is up, as it should be, but often they are in there upside down. It's a travesty! 


My wife had gone to bed and since cookies you eat that your wife doesn't know about have no calories, I opened a snack pack of Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chips. There were five tiny cookies in there. Five. Tiny. Cookies. Something has to be done!


An Oreo ought to be an Oreo. Don't need one with extra filling, green filling, chocolate filling or pimento cheese filling.


I think Federal is the way to go with this and we will need a new enforcement agency to deal with these issues. I'd call it the CBI, Cookie Bureau of Investigation. I am willing to come out of retirement to establish this highly technical unit. Lobbyist from Keebler will tremble in their little green elf boots at the mere mention of CBI. Justice, or something close, will triumph and the world will be a safer place.


Call your congressman, I'm pretty sure he has a cell phone.

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Comments 12 comments

sunflowerbucky profile image

sunflowerbucky 5 years ago from Small Town, USA

Funny, funny. Albeit strange, but funny nonetheless!


resspenser profile image

resspenser 5 years ago from South Carolina Author

Your hubs were sort of the inspiration so I guess it takes one.....

Thanks for reading!


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Cookies give you brain damage, or is it alcohol? No it's definitely cookies, so i'm telling your wife.


sunflowerbucky profile image

sunflowerbucky 5 years ago from Small Town, USA

I'm truly flattered!


resspenser profile image

resspenser 5 years ago from South Carolina Author

Attemptedhumour,

You're going to tell my wife?? I thought we were mates!

Sunflowerbucky,

Your rants always make me smile. Thanks.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 5 years ago from Alberta and Florida

You know that they say about people who stash packets of cookies about the house for those times they really need a quick bite? They're hopelessly addicted and their last chance is Cookies Anonymous. I can see it now: Hello, my name is Ron and I'm a cookieholic. But think of the benefits. You could murder someone and use a new version of the twinkie defense. I mean, what works once should work twice. No? This could set you up to become the social avenger, ridding us of low-lives who don't deserve to exist. Certainly beats opening a CBI and whining because your cookies are too small. Here's an idea: eat more of them.

PS And I won't tell on you. Fun hub, resspenser.


resspenser profile image

resspenser 5 years ago from South Carolina Author

Thanks, Lynda.

I need to get a life!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

You've got a good way about yourself ress.Two smiles and a chuckle from this one. Thanks. Hows this sighting: In the DMV and saw a mother doing all the talking for her maybe 17 or 18 yr. old son. The clerk asked: "can't he speak for himself", the mother replied: "no, he's to busy texting", and he was. Good hub and good pic of Jana.


resspenser profile image

resspenser 5 years ago from South Carolina Author

Thanks, Alas. I wrote this one mostly out of boredom. You bring up a good point about texting. People do this while driving and that scares me more than......


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Ok, I was going to comment on how funny your hub was but got tied up on the texting while driving thing and got po'd. Now, I am going to have to go read it again and miss the comments to get my humor back.


resspenser profile image

resspenser 5 years ago from South Carolina Author

Thanks for reading and for NOT texting while driving or conducting brain surgery!


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I try not to text at all but seem to end up doing it anyway.

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