ChiChi Chamois and the Dance of the Seven Chamois Leathers (Updates Added)

ChiChi in casual day wear.
ChiChi in casual day wear.

I would like to introduce ChiChi Chamois a wannabe alias accidentally spawned from a truly great hub: Party Time Is On It's Way! - Here Are 16 Ways To Recognise Signs That He Is Just Maybe Cheating On You.

During the course of conversation at that hub, it was stated that she, ChiChi, must prove herself to be worthy of having a hub alias as others have done in the past. It was also suggested that she perform a dance, The Dance of the Seven Chamois Leathers. Actually, the word 'leather' wasn't used in the original suggestion, I just don't have the slightest clue how to make a French word plural. Anyway, not knowing how other people have proven an alias or character worthy of development and notice, I've decided it would be best to turn her dance into a hub and perhaps performing such a dance will earn her the worth of being her own entity.

Warning: While there is no nudity displayed in this hub, there is some very Harlequin Romance Novel-like language involving 'heaving bosoms' and things of that nature. So if you are under 18 or if you are currently taking heart medication, you should probably leave. I cannot be held responsible for corrupting young, developing minds nor for potential heart attacks in those with weak hearts who might not withstand the verbal seduction of said heaving bosoms.

** Some newsbreaking updates follow the original content of this hub!**

The Beginning

It’s probably important for you to know just a little about the conversation that gave me the desire to create ChiChi. After plenty of great comments about the topic of the aforementioned hub, something small was said that I happened to find very humorous and the opportunity presented itself (or not) for me to add a little drama to one of my comments:

“…said with one lonely tear rolling down my cheek and dropping onto my still heaving bosom from sobbing uncontrollably, then sliding into my supposed cleavage that is only an illusion made possible by Victoria's Secret”

Someone else posted a comment that included lots and lots of funny, sultry drama:

“He held her close and tight, her deep breaths creating a dramatic rising and falling of her bosom as the sinew appeared in his neck, pulling her closer, closer, her defenses weakening like a sandcastle in the wake of lust, his mouth finding her sweet, full lips as his tongue gently explored the warm, moist interior of her pie hole, until she exclaimed in feminine servitude, "Accckkk.""

The twists and turns of that fun hub are many that move swiftly from sharing serious cheating experiences and tip offs to talking about recipes, car parts and chamois leathers, and back to examples of cheating spouses, but I think it's time to move forward with the dance.

ChiChi's Chamois

Ze deeesco bowling is tres hot.
Ze deeesco bowling is tres hot.

On with the dance!

ChiChi slowly and seductively moves to the middle of the hub drawing one hand lightly up her somewhat hairy but soft thigh (hey, she’s French) as she walks barefooted over the cool floor. She slowly scans the room through long, perfectly curled false eyelashes and whispers in a blatantly fake French accent, “My nem is ShiShi <she pauses to lick her full, juicy, collagen filled red lips> I will donce for yew ze donce of ze sevooon shammiezz.”

One of her slender hands motions for the hub music to begin, and soon the deep, dark, brooding voice of Jim Morrison fills the room with her carefully chosen song, "Light My Fire."

She turns her back to the crowd and begins gyrating her full but not too full hips slowly from side to side. ChiChi then gives a casual yet provocative glance over her delicate and softly rounded shoulder causing her long raven hair to sway and gently caress the small of her back when she immediately spots several pulsating manhood specimens. ChiChi saunters slowly over to these sinewy specimens of manhood with their hot manly muscles bulging like boulders beneath the polyester fabric of their leisure suits and begins stroking the soft chamois that tightly encases her bosom which is now heaving hard and heavy like a drunken sailor’s stomach after a night of slamming tequila shots.

Suddenly ChiChi notices that the lighting isn't creating quite the illusion necessary to display the alluring cleavage she will soon pay a surgeon very dearly to have. She angrily snaps her fingers at the lighting guy, points to where her cleavage should be and says, "Grrr yew beeeeg boobie!" "Feeeex it!"

Not one to waste time, she pulls some recipe cards out of her chamois and hands them to several women, then she quickly rips the chamois free from her body and a fan belt bounces to the floor. A wicked smile forces its way through her overly plump and permanently pouting lips (also made possible with a fat redistribution procedure). With cat-like fluidity, she snatches up the fan belt and suddenly turns and flicks it towards two men in the front row smacking them both sharply and swiftly on their legs. Both men jump up and scream, “ACK! Where were you hiding that fan belt?”

ChiChi's Future

ChiChi's future now depends on you. While she has already been contracted to perform at various bowling alleys across the country when they feature disco bowling night, she would like the opportunity to heave a bosom or two around the hubs.

Speaking of bosoms, her plastic surgery expenses are getting out of hand, and her Botox injections are getting more and more expensive with the economy collapsing and all. She only needs one or two more breast augmentations, preferably the double-lumen, triple-decker type, then she can fire the lighting guy and stop spending all her money on Victoria's Secret undergarments both of which are presently desperately needed to keep the cleavage illusion alive. 

Thank you for your support.

She's pumped and ready for action.
She's pumped and ready for action.

Important Update!

Since it only takes 5 votes to pass a motion on hubpages, ChiChi is now considered a hub alias, and she is very appreciative of this high honor. Don't worry, she won't be thrusting her hot, heaving silicone-filled bosoms in hubs where it's not considered appropriate. She has just a tad of tact tucked somewhere under that tiny chamois which quite often gets ripped ruthlessly from her womanly body by heavenly hunks of man meat.

Her first project is to install a log flume ride in CR's now expanded shower on the other hub. This idea came quite unexpectedly as ChiChi thought to herself..."hmmm, ze flume singie is mooch like ze poopshoot, no?"

Thank you again, and new visitors may still feel free to vote.

Update #2

ChiChi’s accent may hopefully sporadically improve since she recently ordered a special French dictionary from Amazon. It’s the unabridged, new and improved "French Accents for Dummies" special edition. This should prove to be particularly helpful since she can’t read French, and this book provides a close description of how to phonetically pronounce each English word in a fairly reasonable French manner. I just don't know if she will take the time to read it - even if she does, she sometimes forgets she's French when in the midst of slamming shots of tequila with rugged sailors on shore leave.

Also, if anyone knows of a more compact type of breathing, bosom heaving apparatus, it would be greatly appreciated. It would need to be something small enough to tuck away in the delicate folds of a woman's womanhood. All this bosom heaving is taking a toll.

Update #3!

It's come to ChiChi's short attention span that more tools are necessary for her trade. She is publishing her wish list here in hopes that donations will follow. If you are able to make a donation, then please do NOT leave any items on her dressing table because it's already full with:

"lipstick, cinnamon stick, dip stick, nail polish, nail polish remover, nail polish inhaler, face powder, body powder, booty powder, flea powder, perfumes, colognes, fake eyelashes, feminine personal deoderant, Desinex, Cruex (for jock itch), shampoo, conditioner, scratch-n-sniff advertisements, face cream, anti-aging cream, wrinkle cream, hair coloring, hair spray, extensions, wigs, colored contacts, unused razors, unused Nair, unused chin hair tweezers" and too many other things to mention here. The full list can be viewed in the comments section.

The current list of much needed tools includes:

  • The audio version of "French Accents for Dummies" because...while her bosom makes for a wonderful book rack, the frequent heaving of her bosoms makes reading impossible. Plus she can barely read - the result of dropping out of school in 3rd grade per the suggestion of her teacher who had trouble controlling her precocious advances.
  • A new book with information about how to look more introspective and smart. She would really like to have one with lots and lots of pictures (refer to specific reasons stated in the first request).
  • Edible undergarments. She's running low on these since her apartment was vandalized by a cowboy who left half-eaten edible undies scattered around. The sad thing is that she wasn't wearing those delectable edible treasures at the time said eating was happening.
  • Cases upon cases of pre-made butter tarts. ChiChi is very hungry because she doesn't know how to cook. She's already had to eat a cat due to uncontrollably violent hunger pangs. These tarts will also come in handy to ensnare fleetingly coy jackalopes with huge antlers.
  • A cattle prod - not to be confused with a probe which might also come in handy.
  • Spurs - the kind you can wear with no shoes.  
  • A case of "oozing sexuality." She just ordered some of this, but it's quite likely she'll go through a case in a day. It's not easy for a fake French chick to allure and entice unsuspecting men to help her get her groove on.
  • A case of "room owning glow" so that she can own a room much like that cowboy man with the cow pie smelling boots who teases her relentlessly. The spray variety that fits neatly in her heaving cleavage would be best. You never know when you might need to own a room on the fly.

We will be adding more items as necessary.

Has ChiChi Proven Herself Worthy of Being a Hub Alias?

  • Heck no, she should crawl back in that trash can she rolled out of!
  • Sure! Let the cartoony, fake French chick have some fun.
  • Maybe, as long as she keeps her Harlequin ways away from my man!
See results without voting

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Comments 65 comments

ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Pam - Love it Love it - chi chi has proven herself and her fake bits sound as if they may even go on to make it from temporary to permanent body status - more of everything is better! lips, hair, boobs, cleavage etc.

So although she was disappointed with her plastic surgeon (who did not make her heaving bosom as alluring as she wanted) - bigger boobs being much better for the heaving of!! as a somewhat versatile and creative french bird, chichi was able to fix it with "lighting"! lol

a serious question - did ag and cr get hurt badly when chichi smacked them on the legs with her fan belt? did she also have misty's propshaft hidden somewhere on her person? Thanks for the link and description of our joint fun.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ajcor, ROFL your comment has me in stitches! I'm glad you enjoyed it cause it was fun to carry on with it. ;)

Your serious question...LOL, you knew exactly who got smacked! So funny! I think they liked it until they started wondering where that thing might have been. ;) I better start thinking of ways to incorporate that propshaft. I forgot about that booger!

Thanks for the fun and the major laughs! :D


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

carry on chichi chamois!!!!!

the incorporation of the propshaft onto chichi's voluptuous body sure is going to cause a major re- adjustment of something somewhere!! look forward to it ...lol


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFLMAO! Thanks for the tip, I'll be working on that one. She needs all kinds of re-adjustments. ;) And thanks for the link too.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

you can always add something to her body that obviously no one is going to notice - NOT!!! re. link pleasure.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ok, I didn't get to read all the comments from the first hub, but I'm going to read them now and I'll be back.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

OMG, how did I miss al that, it was hilarious! Dang, I wish I could have been there for that conversation. This hub is great! Go chi chi!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Oh, Chi Chi. You're dancing skills are surpassed only by your accuracy with a fan belt. And ajcor, yes it did hurt but it wasn't my "leg."

Very well! You may now be known as Chi Chi Chamois, but I think you better get those new "WOW" chammys - they soak up more moisture, you know, and when I get through with you, we will be sailing on the quiver river, and you a glimmering puddle of ecstacy in my cupped, capable hands!

By the way, do you have my permission to include that quote? I'll have to check with Countrywomen who seems to be my ipso facto secretary.

Shake it, Chi Chi, shake it!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL Pam, I am so glad you found such a genuinely good use for that chamois leather and fanbelt.

Fabulous hub :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you, but none of this would have been possible without all of you on the other hub, especially the Captain. ;)

Gwendy, thanks for giving ChiChi a chance. She's saving up for a new boob job you know, so all support is appreciated. ;)

Christoph, ooops! May I have your permission please to use that fantabulous quote of the Captain's? I'll wait for CW's approval too, but let me warn you, ChiChi is not a very patient woman. lol! And she loves gliding on shimmering, glimmering puddles of ecstacy. :D

*making a note to purchase extra absorbant WOW shammies at WalMart*

Misty, thank you and I'm still trying to work in that propshaft of yours. ;) LOL!

Gosh, my internet has been crappy all night, so have fun you guys, and thanks for giving ChiChi a thumbs up. You won't be sorry. :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

CR sorry about your pain - although I cannot feel it I can empathise with you - however if you get a good grip on yourself and set your cap firmly at chichi and jut your manly chin towards the promised land all will be good. Chi Chi gives her word .....lol (sorry ChiChi - if I am speaking out of turn)

Pam ...where is that propshaft? and now that chichi has been approved as an alien -- no no I meant alias ...you really to move on her enjoying her full attributes! I hope she can swim and ice skate....she appears to have a few promises being made to her......

cheers


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Ajcor, you're doing a fine job of speaking for ChiChi! She adores a chisled, jutting, manly chin along with other things that firmly jut about. ;) LOL!

Still working on the propshaft! I have to figure out what one looks like before I can use it. LOL!

Alas, she can't ice skate and while her swimming ability is bad, her boobs and lips make nice floatation devices. She never learned to do these things because it's her nature to collapse in a heap or flail about amidst trouble so that some manly hunk of meat can passionately rescue her with his strongly cupped hands and tree trunk like hulking arms. ;)

I wanted to give you a very special thank you yesterday above and beyond what I already did. You have a wonderful sense of humor, you're a very sporty hubmaster, and darnit, I like you. :)

My internet was coming and going with the wind yesterday, and I ended up shutting down early. Hopefully today will be better cause ChiChi has some serious work to do. lol!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

ChiChi is hotter than Jessica Rabbit and the Little Mermaid combined. Got me a new favorite cartoon sexpot.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I have just recieved a visit from a fella calling himself "Swifty," who said I'd better sign the papers giving you full rights to all of my work "in perpituity". I tried to object but he wasn't having any of that. So I signed and am now off to see the knee cap specialist at Cosa Nostril hospital.


Em Writes profile image

Em Writes 7 years ago from Upstate NY

LMAO! ChiChi is great. Can't wait to see what kind of trouble she causes.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Shades, can we throw in a little Betty Boop? :) I see that ChiChi has already had her way with you...or your head anyway. Watch your back. ;)

Chris, ah, yes, I believe that's the same dude that ChiChi has 'banged' a number of times. Thank you for signing, and I feel terrible about your kneecaps. :( What we don't go through for these hub alias characters.

Thanks a lot Em, and I'm getting a big kick out of your Sarah Palin too! What fun that is. :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

CR re yes it did hurt but it wasn't my "leg." so was this to do with chichi Yes? but re.the signing up in perpetuity with "swifty"; (there's some really serious signing going on here) - "So I signed and am now off to see the knee cap specialist at Cosa Nostril hospital".

Is this referring to your leg that isn't a leg? or future unforeseen ops caused by "swifty"? I am so confused as you seem to be planning future leg operations at a Nasal Hospital!!! Just don't tell me that you have 3 legs? Waiting on enlightenment........ If you have plaster I am sure we would like to sign " get well Pepe" "Our Toughts are with you?" you know the usual good will and care to all .........

Thank you Pam and ChiChi for your great thoughts towards me - I enjoyed all the banter - had lots of fun.. just returning the compliment!!! I enjoy your mad comments and crazy ideas also - laughing makes the world go round....

Shades is awaiting the shower party with ChiChi and Pepe!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

breathless update!!! Shades said "Yes" to chichi's invitation to scrub hees spinal corrd!!


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America

Congratulations! -- ChiChi is livening up Hubpages already. And with Jessica Rabbit, Little Mermaid, and Evilpants - there's a Mermalope in there somewhere for her to encounter.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Ajcor, I'll bet I've already missed the shower party, but I'll check back in a few! Thanks for the update, I actually caught that "yes" and let ChiChi loose on Shades just a few moments ago. Poor guy. ;) She hasn't met PePe yet. That should be very interesting. Is he French too? LOL!

Patty, I'm doubled over about the "Mermalope" ROFL! That is a good one! I'm so glad if ChiChi is able to give some laughs. :) Thank you for dropping in and for the nice comment. :)

OH, Ajcor, the deal with Swifty is about something CR said on Shade's hub...Top 5 Worst Species in Which to be a Guy....fun read if you haven't seen it yet. ;)

And about CR's leg...if that wasn't his leg, then he has an incredibly big propshaft.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Ah Moi cherie, you have broken my heart. You had so captivated me with your smile and those teeth that were likes stars (they come out at night). There you go galloping off on your Propshaft with any PePe, Shades or Harry that just happen to wonder in off the Hub street. (sob sob). Alas and alack I'll just have to go and drown myself in the Captains new Jack Cousie!


The Captain 7 years ago

The captain entered the hub breathing deeply, smelling faintly of leather and horse and sex - thanks to those pheremone suppliments. He looked guickly around the room like an eagle looking over his land and there she was. ChiChi, the only woman who had ever unleashed his passionate fury.

ChiChi saw the Captain in that very instant. The room began to spin, the people moving in slow motion. Her shoulders raised and tensed as her eyes grew big and wide, her breasts expanding against her bodice with every deep breath. The Captain said to himself, "There are those heaving breasts again." He became worried about her breathing and thought maybe she should see a specialist and he promised to remember to talk to her later about it because nothing, NOTHING could bridle his ferocious, angry lust.

He strode towards her, seeming to get there in one giant step. Grasping her by the shoulders and forcefully brought her to him, their chests pressed together and hers was still heaving and everything, then moving his hands to her (kinda) slender hips and pulled her forward, and forward, until they almost went through each other and came out on the other side. His right hand, his sabre hand, moved down and gently cupped her buttock, and his eyes - those ocean blue deep pools of mystery - held her gaze tightly as his mouth moved achingly, tenderly toward her lips, big lips, really big puffy lips.

As their mouths met in blissful satisfaction, there tongues met and explored each other, old friends meeting again. The Captain's brow was moist and his manhood pressed heavily on her thigh. ChiChi was moist and wet, a little too wet and she swooned into his powerful, muscled arms, rippling as he swept her up and carried her to the door, as a limp rag doll going to the ceremony that will bring her life and shivering ecstacy.

...to be continued...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

agvulpes...LOL! You have quite a way with words! Yes, ChiChi's teeth are made of the finest porcelain. She got a good deal on them by polishing the dentist's propshaft. If Jack Cousie is liquor, then please do drown yourself in it because she likes to get her men drunk first. Please let us know when you're sufficiently soused. :D

ROFLMAO...tears are literally, swear to god, streaming down my face from laughing so hard at the Captain. OH MY! You've slain me so totally!

Pam gets abruptly pushed aside...

ChiChi feels the Captain's pulsing manhood pressing against her hairy soft thigh and feels like she might explode in a fury of unbridled passion before they can reach the destination of shivering ecstacy. She brushes her plump bulbous lips against his slightly unshaved neck where the muscles and veins are protruding and throbbing in such a raw man meat fashion that she swoons. Thank goodness she was already in his masculine arms which felt like hunks of granite that still yeilded somewhat to her womanly curves. He was squeezing her tighter and tighter and tighter, and she was heaving her bosoms into him closer and closer and closer...

Breathlessly she croons in the Captain's warm inviting ear, "You are crushing my boobieez coopcake, zay are tres expen-seeve."


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

CR, you're about as subtle as a handgrenade in a barrel of oatmeal, but I'm LOL'ing even as I think, "not bad."

And ChiChi has been answered on the other hub, at least for one of her escapades :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Who? What??? Me?


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Pam you to go visit 16 signs to see what shades has to say to chichi - I 'm laughing still and btw shadesbreath' wife popped in with a few words to say about your protege's attitude to beer!!!

Glad chichi found a use for the propshaft ... she'll need fast transport dodging from one manly thigh to another while she flicks fat hair out her eyes and prepares to have her breathing apparatus inspected for lost beer....

cr ...hysterical - all that lust and fat bulbous lips.....still laughing - very clever!

thanks for the heads up Pam about swifty ..am now going to check out The Top 5 Worst Species to be a Guy......


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ChiChi pops in her blue contacts that make her eyeballs look like mysterious blue pools of mystery. While her real eyes sparkle like a catfish pond at moonlight, she wants to add some extra sparkle for this new man...the down under man with the interesting accent who also happens to know real French words. She'll have to watch out for this one, he seems slightly smarter than the rest which is why she recommended he get pickled first.

"Why is zis peeekling toking sew long?" she wonders aloud.

Meanwhile, since she's actually quite shallow, she practices looking smart, introspective and what not. She gently places one finger on her chin and arches one lonely, finely brushed eyebrow like the back of a woman in ecstasy while looking into space as if she's contemplating something very profound.

It's not working as she planned. Bored with looking smart and what not, she scans the room and sees a man trying to look terribly innocent as he also exclaims, "Who? What? Me?"

Even though a coy man sometimes gets her attention, she decides to go hub-hopping to see what other man meat specimens are vulnerable. But before she leaves, she says, "I weeel wait for yew my leetle down un-daire man, dreeenk up, toot sweet!"

She quickly adjusts her bosom heaving apparatus because it's getting increasingly difficult to heave longer than any human should be able to heave.

<Pam waves at ajcor...thanks for the heads up!>


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

The cowboy enters ChiChi's apartment. In spite of his laid back, gentle manner, he somehow oozes more sexuality than all the others combined. His confidence radiates from him like the sweet/pungent aroma of a stable. He owns what ever room he enters, as though a bright light shines on him from the heavens, reflecting off his pearly teeth, a spotlight focused only on him, leaving the rest to bask in his glow. He looks around the room, noticing immediately that ChiChi's Bosom Heaving Device - patent pending - is missing.

"Well shucks," he says as he makes a clicking noise shifting the straw in his mouth to the opposite side, "Looks like I missed the little filly."

He meanders over to her dressing table piled hi with make-up, lipstick, cinnamon stick, dip stick, nail polish, nail polish remover, nail polish inhaler,  face powder, body powder, booty powder, flea powder, perfumes, colognes, fake eyelashes, feminine personal deoderant, Desinex, Cruex (for jock itch), shampoo, conditioner, scratch-n-sniff advertisements, face cream, anti-aging cream, wrinkle cream, hair coloring, hair spray, extensions, wigs, colored contacts, unused razors, unused Nair, unused chin hair tweezers, an open deoderant stick with fugitive hairs stuck all over it, syringes full of collogen, miracle bra's, corsets, fish-net stockings, half eaten edible panties, KY lube, engine lube, crankshaft lube, leather belts, chain belts, fan belts, bug spray, fly paper, empty bottle of tequila, empty bottle of cold duck, empty bottle of Mad Dog, empty bottle of Valium, jumbo box of flavored condoms (unopened), many used home pregnancy tests, dog-eared copy of Big Meat magazine, a Mount Everest sized mountain of 8 inch come-f**k-me high-heeled pumps, two ankle braces, and the prettiest delicate music box given to ChiChi by her Grande Mere, referred to in the old country as slut realmente grande.

"Well ain't that purty," the cowboy said as he fingered ChiChi's box. Flipping the lid open, a familiar tune filled the air. The cowboy raised his head and listened, taut, full alert as though listening for the distant hooves of a posse in pursuit. He couldn't place the tune but it was so familiar he was flooded with feelings and emotion he hadn't felt since...well, since...and then it hit him. He smiled broadly and sang alond: "There's a place in France where the ladies wear no pants....la, la, la, la, hummmmm.)

Then he saw the note and, picking it up, began to read aloud: "Deeer Person who reads zis letter. If you are zee poleeze, ChiChi no live here. ChiChi move. Bye, bye, ChiChi. If you are any ozer man, come find ChiChi. I will be eazer at zee dahnse hall or zee cantina, since I am zee French girl wiz zee Spahneesh name. Come to ChiChi. ChiChi wet for jou. OOoops. That suppose to bee WAIT for jou!"

The cowboy rubbed his grizzled face, lost in deep thought. Suddenly he dropped the note on the table and broke out of the room like a bull out of the chute who just had his balls yanked at a rodeo so some cowboy could try to ride him for seven seconds. He was off to find his love, the only woman who could tame him, the woman who was his light in the cabin window and the stars of the midnight plain, but before he found that woman he was going to find ChiChi for a quickie.

 


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

ROFL Christoph me and my wife are laughing our ass off. I just read this to her. God, that was awesome.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Ok. I think I'm all caught up with the action. A little disturbed, but caught up. By the way, ChiChi, you know what they say about jackalopes. If they have big antlers...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ChiChi enters her apartment feeling a bit worn out from being discarded so ruthlessly in the other hub and treated like a barmaid’s wrung out beer tap rag. She is halted in her dainty tracks by the overwhelming smell of cow pies rotting in a stable. Her perfect, newly constructed nose flairs delicately as she takes another quick wiff and notices the smell of oozing sexuality.

No stranger to oozing sexuality, she starts scanning the room for clues with her doe-like eyes that always sparkle with lust and desire now that she has those special sparkly, lusty contacts. Fresh boot tracks are spotted in the rusty orange shag carpeting that leads to her dressing table.

“Ack!” she exclaims while clutching her bosom. “Someone has tooched my flea pow-daire!” She also notices with horror that someone has also been fingering her box…her music box. “Boss--tairds!” she sobs.

At this moment, she begins to notice a glow…a mysterious room owning glow that can only come from one man – the cowboy man. A look of concern tries to form across her smooth face, but it can't because it's frozen from too many botox injections. She rushes around her one roomed apartment looking everywhere for the cowboy man with his cow pie boots, but it appears he has left. She lets out a heavy sigh that nearly cause her bosoms to touch her knees, and she whimpers softly, “Wee aire lick tew sheeps zat poss in ze night.”

She rides her propshaft into the sunset clutching it firmly with her long fingers that are perfectly manicured with fake red nails which are threatening to chip. Glancing back, her brain begins throbbing almost as much as her loins from all the thinking she's just done.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

"Ooh-la-lah!" exlaims ChiChi. She giggles with wicked glee over this new jackalope evil pants manly hunk of, er, jackalope meat.

"I'll be bock my leetle evilpants mon wiz ze beeeg jackalope ant-laires!"


Drop Bear profile image

Drop Bear 7 years ago from Upper Gumtree

I reckon you'll be through with that jackalope in no time.

I give him 5 seconds!

Come and see me if you want a neck biting session that you'll never forget! So - lets see if how much of a real woman you are.

Actually, if you read my hub, you'll see that I'm quite inexperienced with the ladies. You could be the girl that shows me a few tricks.

I promise not to bite you too hard.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Alas, poor ChiChi, no-one told her that a boob implant would save her knees the job of supporting her 'assets', and that all she apparently needs to do to get the 'cowboy's' attention is to "Yank his balls", (his words, not mine).


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Drop Bear! Actually the thing about a jackalope is that they breed 24 hours a day. At least that's what I heard one of em say. Maybe it was all talk though. ;)

ChiChi doesn't discriminate against Drop Bears or Koalas, so as long as your teeth and claws don't puncture her expensive boob job or her permanently pouty lips, then it's all good! lol!

Misty, LOL you're a hoot! I'm so glad you told me about that cowboy 'yank his balls' thing because somehow I totally missed it when he said it! That's an attention getter for sure. ;)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Yes, I am sure it is, I really must try it sometime :)


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong

Hi Pam,

welcome and thanks for the interesting hub and lovely character. She got me at the first hello, but lost me when I realized there wouldn't be any nudity to follow.

Sigh.

cheers.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Benson, thank you so much for the comment, and I'm happy to know you have a good sense of humor. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Now ladies, I can't speak for the Captain, but I'm sure that what he meant is that that is what they do to bulls at rodeos just before entering the ring to make them mean, the bull then bursts into the ring and trys buck the cowboy off because, you know, he is angry at having his balls yanked. And it hurts.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Sounds a bit mean to me Christoph, I mean, how would you like it if ChiChi did it to you???


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hey, what a coincidence, that's exactly the same thing ChiChi does to get her men all worked up and bucking about wildly. ;)

But seriously, I had no clue they really did something like that to those poor bulls. :( I've watched rodeos on tv, but I didn't see any ball yanking. They must be very slick about it, and it almost makes me feel not so sorry for those dudes who get stomped on.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ok, after reading the other hub I have to post a warning to all the unsuspecting men out there in hubland.

I believe that miss ChiChi has been riden more times than a roller coaster at sixflags, and believe me that's alot.

Sorry ChiChi, but it's my duty to post this.And it has absolutley nothing to do with you stealing all my flirting partners.

Guys, you can't say that you haven't been warned!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California

They aren't supposed to pull the nuts (and they don't anymore - if they ever did, which I don't know), they use a strap (rope) around its flanks that pisses it off, plus stock contractors breed and select for really jumpy animals.  However, they do in some cases, particularly where there aren't referees monitoring, use hotshots (electric shock devices) and zap them, sometimes in the nuts I suppose (I've never seen this), but pretty much anywhere will do.  They have small ones now that really pack a punch.  They are against PRCA and college rules, but every once in awhile people get caught with them anyway.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Shades: I stand corrected. To tell you the truth, I was told that about the rope a long time ago and just took it as fact. I never looked it up for clarification. Thanks for setting the record straight.

Gwendymom! Howdy. You've been a stranger. Never fear. We are still your flirting partners.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Pam This a killer hub -I have to say though that chichi is indeed a busy girl - just to get out of the house she would need to sort through all that stuff on her dressing table- use what ever she needs which I guess would be most of it!!! put aside the stuff for her men friends(?) such as the jock itch powder et al! and to top it off now she has fat lips, big, biiiig boobs and and a "perfect, newly constructed nose that manages to flair delicately" in direct competition to her other attributes. But fair warning has been received from Gwenymom's in her sincere words, so seriously I think chichi could have a leetle problem - I mean give a, mno make be a leetle problem to her men friends - rodeos and roller coasters it's all heady stuff!!!! rofl....

Benson - where have you been? Shades was looking for a doctor on the other hub re his spine and tail...!! a call was sent out for you!

didn't know about the rodeo bulls either - pretty awful when you think about it...


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Christoph - loved your small missive - particularly ChiChi's Bosom Heaving Device - patent pending. Doesn't she have such a girly girl's room - despite the size she manages to fit in quite a bit of artifice.....lol and doesn't she show such a high level of intelligence - BTW who is the cowboy - and Pepe - and The Captain - and Swifty - The Brain? busy busy busy - what more can I say - it's makes me breathless thinking about it!!!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL Gwendy! I can't fault you for doing your job - especially since you're right, she has been riden more times than the roller coaster at six flags PLUS the tilt-o-whirl at Disney AND the ferris wheel that makes its rounds to nearly every county with at least 100 residents in the U.S. :) LOL! Carry on, and I'll start piling the warnings up on her dressing table.

Of course, please try to be understanding if such warnings get lost amongst the police tickets for loitering, drunk in public, solicitation, and the landlords constant written threats of eviction. ;)

Shades, I do appreciate knowing that they don't do that ball yanking or at least that it's not supposed to be a practice. All that other stuff seems pretty bad too though. Gosh, isn't it enough just to have a big bull in a small whatever those things are with a man wearing spurs mounted on his back enough to make a bull mad? Regardless, you've just given me some really great material to incorporate on this hub. Thanks! :)

Ajcor, you're always the thoughtful one who notices even the small things. :) Yes, ChiChi always looks after her men, and she doesn't appreciate them leaving half-eaten edible and non-edible things laying around after she's gone to the trouble of making sure their 'jock' doesn't itch.

I didn't realize Benson was a doctor until I responded to his comment. I went over to his profile and loved his way of talking about what type of doc he was, then gave his Fatal Attraction hub a read. :)

Yes, we do need a doctor here for sure...especially one who is skilled at chopping off those pesky hemerroids! <spell check please!>


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ChiChi spots a warning from Gwendy taped to her apartment door. As she pulls the note off the door, large chips of avocado green paint filled with lead fall to the floor. The note reads:

"Miss ChiChi, you must cease and desist with these harlequin, fake french advances upon helpless men in the hubs. I'm notifying the hub police about your circus-like boobs and exploitative escapades that can only be compared to a theme park ride."

ChiChi crumples the note and tosses it on her dressing table amongst the many other threats against her person - not to mention many unmentionable necessities which someone has carefully outlined already.

"Hmpf" says ChiChi. She takes a moment to reflect upon the fact that Gwendy must be totally unaware that ChiChi has already banged or blinded or bribed most of the hub police, and those she hasn't banged are simply banger's in waiting.

She decides to go out for the afternoon and softly exclaims to noone because the room is empty...

"Zis roll-aire coost-aire toolk meeeks ShiShi zooo...." <censored>

She swings her hips into motion and strolls out the door singing her favorite song softly to herself (because there's still noone there)..."I'm tew sexy faire my shairt tew sexy yea...."


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

She fails to notice the jackalope crouched outside the door, ogling those curvaceous getaway sticks. She also forgets to lock the door.

The rather innocent looking creature hops in, for a quick look around. He knows better than to hide under the bed. High traffic area. Leaving a trail of jackalope musk, he hops toward the shower...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ChiChi barely makes it halfway down the hall when she remembers she forgot to lock the door. As she reaches the door, and inserts the key into the lock a quiver runs through her body as she thinks to herself, "Ze keey in-sair-shee-on is sew mooch like..."

That thought abruptly ends as she catches the faint wiff of something very musky smelling. She gingerly lifts one arm and takes a quick sniff of one hairy armpit as that's where most musky smells this familiar come from. She's confused by the non-musky smell of her armpit and continues locking the door.

She walks away with hopes that those butter tarts arrive soon. She's so hungry she could eat a jackalope or something of equal fuzzy value.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Ajcor: I will update you on who the characters are: The cowboy is me, I guess./ Pepe is a spanish cabana boy wearing speedo's who can give great massages - leftover from a Mighty Mom hub / Swifty is ChiChi's agent / The Captain is the romance novel virile man character who started this thing / The Brain is just another name for Shadesbreath. There is some mystery about who is playing Shadesbreath's wife.

Hope this helps clear things up.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Gotcha Christoph - Thank you for your words re the men or the wanna be men in chichi's life.... I guess what I was really wondering was how do they all fit into her love triangle - no make that her octangle??? and now there is a jackaloupe waiting for her in her bathroom!! one can just hope his horns don't tear the shower curtain or her landlord is going to very put out!! lol...

btw how big is a jackaloupe - small enough to hide behind the bathroom door?

Is pepe still waiting outside your house for ag and me - I hope he has your propshaft - the secret sign I'm at the Arkansas Smackers enjoying fine cuisine waiting for ag - not only can i not read maps - I lost it at chichi's apartment - maybe on the dressing table!!!....


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL ajcor! ChiChi is looking for PePe right now. That's one smart jackalope to hide in the bathroom...that's the last place she would look since she showers so infrequently.

Secret sign? Arkansas Smackers? Hmmmm!

OH....the "owning a room" and "oozing sexuality" stuff...she ordered the spray on type so she can own a room on the fly and pull out the heavy guns of oozing sexuality when her normal charms don't work . ;)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

right ......so the "heavy guns of oozing sexuality " is something like a heavy duty cloud of agent orange waiting to descend from the Gods to cast their spell on unsuspecting males - bees to the honey pot could be another way of putting it! ands ....as grey matter competes against turbulent propshafts and secretive fan belts.. chichi sings her way out of the room again as she seeks out yet another conquest....lol she is one exhausting chick.a.dee -this chichi! Let's hope she finds true love in the arms of speedo guy


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL ajcor, you've got it right on the nose with the agent orange! Very nice! Wow, I forgot that PePe wears a speedo. How could anyone forget something like that?? I must be slipping. lol! ;) You're a hoot...which is a very good thing. :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Love the updates - what a huge list - should keep chichi going for some time yet...


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Love the updates - what a huge list - should keep chichi going for some time yet...


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

I love it!! I think i might be jealous of all the attention ChiChi would get, though.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Anna! I like your new sassy avatar picture! :)

No worries over the attention Chichi may ever get...she's a nightmare who thinks she's wet dream. She makes men run (away) as they've never run before, women scoff, dogs howl with pain, cats throw themselves at cars, and children scream for their mommy! :D lol!

Thank you! :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

O...M...G....

That's all I have to say as I follow this treacherous hub drama from spoonerisms to pirates to Chi Chi herself...

*evil smile*

Oh what have you all started now?????


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Oh Spryte, you arrived just in time! :D I don't know how to stop her from this heaving rampage she's gone on, and she even said, "Now I weel write ze hoob und tell everyzing!" God help us all!

Oh, and I think the Captain started it. *pointing finger towards the Captain* He's quite a rascal. :D

Thanks for coming in! :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Hahahahahahahaha I never knew that little vixen Chi Chi, "Miss Caterpillar lashes was invented in your neighborhood Pam." My god even though I just want to chest bump her into oblivion, I can't help but love the buxom breasted, crab leg, witch. LMAO. Bravo bravo...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you BP! Caterpillar lashes! LOL! I'm afraid that a chest bump is viewed by her as more erotic than a threat. Better think of something else. *wink* She's a strange one, and she's even in the process of publishing her first hub which took 10 years to write even though it's only about 900 or so words. That poor thing. :D

Thanks again! :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I love Chi , Chi and the Captain too!!! I am still trying to figure out who The Captain is, mmmmm I think I know who that maybe..:)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you so much AEvans! Yes, the Captain is quite irresistable with his pirate charms. Unfortunately, Chi Chi is far too shallow to care who he is beyond the rippling muscles that burst through his pirate shirt many times a day and the manly jutting jaw..Oh and the rugged, strong hands that will hopefully catch her in one of her swoons. :)

Thanks for coming in, I appreciate your comment! :)

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