Cinematic Hell: The Specialist (1994)
The Specialist doesn't feel like a real movie. It feels like a parody of an action movie you would see in Family Guy or something. Not only is it "By the numbers" or cliché ridden... it's the very definition of a popcorn movie. It's loud, dumb, acted with a lot of ham, stupidly written and the film has so many explosions that you'll think this film was secretly directed by Michael Bay. Actually something tells me this film helped inspire Mr. Bay to start his long career of ups and a lot of downs. But enough talk, let's see how The Specialist blows.
Ray Quick (Sylvester Stallone) once worked for the CIA as a bomb expert who's some sort of assassin I guess... his entire role in this movie actually makes no sense. Anyway, he's hired by May Munroe (Sharon Stone) to take out mobsters who killed her parents a long time ago. This revenge plot includes a lot of explosions, mobsters so stupid you'll wonder how the hell they weren't killed until Ray finally does them in, a screen couple that takes part in one of the funniest sex scenes ever and James Wood having the time of his life playing a cartoon villain. I would go on wit this plot but really.. I don't need to. You guys know what happens in this movie already. All you have to do is watch the trailer and you just know where the story and characters are going to go. Vengeance for May's murdered parents is guaranteed along with the villain getting his punishment for his reckless killing and May ending up with Ray. And no, those are not spoilers guys, you all knew this was coming. This film is so paint by number that it even features the stupid 'Red Wire or Green Wire" cliché. Yeah... I thought these guys were suppose to be bomb experts that worked for the CIA.
With all that being said, The Specialist is actually one of the best bad movies ever. The bland plot and all the clichés work to the film's advantage in a strange way. The hammy and at times monotone acting also help the film's So Bad-It's Good levels. Stallone plays himself on downers mostly. His voice seems more hoarse and slower than usual. This is probably one of his most "I Don't Care" performances in his entire career. Rod Steiger plays the mob boss responsible for the murder of May's parents and... wow he's awful. In fact he might give the worst performance in the whole movie. His performance is trying to be intimidating, but it comes off more as a parody of Marlon Brando's performance in The Godfather. Sharon Stone is mainly playing Catherine Tramell as a heroine and her silken but yet monotone voice never changes an iota. Even in the face of being blown to bits she still acts like she's ordering a pizza. The only person who Is truly having any fun in this movie is James Woods as Ray's former bombing partner and villain. He clearly knows what kind of schlock he's in and doesn't care how over the top he is. Woods is a cartoon made real and is the film's only real highlight.
The Specialist is truly a hidden gem just waiting to be discovered by a bad movie lover. The plot is predictable and the explosions get a little annoying. However, if there's one thing to sway you into seeing this movie it will be the hilarious shower sex scene between Stallone and Stone. Not only does these two have no on screen chemistry, but in the scene they don't even look like they're having sex. Its mainly posing while moaning erotically and these two look like they're shooting a photo shoot for Playgirl or something. It's almost as hilarious as the pool sex scene from Showgirls but not quite. If you want to know what I'm talking about, just watch the movie. It has to be seen to be believed. Score: 3/10
