Daily Weird #11 (The Mankini. Please dear God bring back the Speedo)

Cropped, but not forgotten.

Due to the adult nature of this picture, the banana hammock has been removed. You can click on the source link to see this guy in all of his hairy Mankini glory.
Due to the adult nature of this picture, the banana hammock has been removed. You can click on the source link to see this guy in all of his hairy Mankini glory. | Source
I cropped off the guy to the left of these, he's as close to a Mankini "Do" as you can get, and it's still a "Don't". The second link below will bring you to the full picture.
I cropped off the guy to the left of these, he's as close to a Mankini "Do" as you can get, and it's still a "Don't". The second link below will bring you to the full picture.

I Was Wrong


I said “large men in Speedo’s offend me”. They don’t. Not any more. Now I long to see big men in Speedo’s, I dream of the day when the only picture in my head is a fat old guy in a Speedo. I dream of this, because the image in my head is of a guy in a Mankini. I’ve watched Michael Moore degrade the rich and scoff at the obese while shoving fried chicken down his 400 pound gullet in the back of his stretch limo, scrubbed my brain with Sponge Bob the 5th Season, and even made myself look at sumo wrestlers for hours at a time. Nothing. My brain still sees the guy in the Mankini.

In 2006 some actor I’ve never heard of donned this Mankini thing that I wish I’d never heard of, and the masses decided that if some guy on a big screen wore it, it must be fashionable. They were wrong! Being wrong has rarely stopped anyone.

I’m sure the beaches in Europe are crawling with these things, but I swear to God and the Fruit Loops bird, if I ever see them start to encroach on our beaches I will hold a protest sign while puking my guts out until they leave, or I run out of burrito ammunition and begin to dry heave-whichever comes first.

On the upside, this would make a great gag-gift for the man you love…. or a real gift for the man you hate, If your ex is dumb enough to wear this to pick up chics, it really would be a Christmas gift for you.

There are some links below, one to talk more about this atrocity and one to give you more pictures of a variety of this sexy garment. For those of you who just can’t get enough, the last link is a hubpage on how to buy a man-bra. I’m thinking the guys out there who aren’t comfortable wearing just a Mankini may want to purchase a man-bra to help them feel less exposed on the beach.

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Comments 23 comments

tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 6 years ago

Content defies words!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

What's that saying about one picture being worth a thousand somethings?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

tenderheart- I almost posted this with just the word "Mankini" because, really, there's not a lot more you can say.

Drbj- Absolutely! Isn't it just awful. The un-cropped version is worse.

Thanks for commenting on this very, very borderline hub!!


sunflowerbucky profile image

sunflowerbucky 6 years ago from Small Town, USA

Oh my lord, that cracked me up! I loved the line "I swear to God and the fruit loops bird". Seriously funnfunny!


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

What are they thinking? Eeewwww! Kaie


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Wow, such passion. I hope I can send mine back for a full refund...

Chris


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

bucky- thanks! That was my favorite line too! I appreciate the comment and the fact that you stopped by to read. You're the queen of funny, so I take the "seriously funnfunny" as a HUGE compliment. Did you click the links to see the full Mankini? If you didn't you so should. It's unbelievable!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Kaie- I agree. I'm not positive what they were thinking, but I believe it was something along the lines of "What do we do with this left-over material?" and "Who's turn is it to do the beer run?"


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- we all know you own a Speedo, so keep the Mankini. One turn around the beach in that thing and your daughter will be just fine with your Speedo.

Please, please, do NOT take pictures! :)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

I have sons, the ones that disowned me twenty years ago for wearing a speedo, ONCE, on American soil. The mankini is just for my online video site www. chris-grosses-out-the-world.com. No hits to date, but...

Chris


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Ack! I knew I should have double-checked your comment on my speedo hub before posting. I'm sorry I called one of your sons a girl. :) Wow. You wore a Speedo TWENTY years ago. You are one very confident guy!

Being the twisted person we all agree I am, I tried to check out your website. The link must be broken. There was a www.chrisrocks.com. though. I think the name says it all....


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

You thought maybe I'd been wearing it for twenty years? Glad to hear I had a daughter though, always wanted one.

The website was removed by the powers that be, due to spontaneous outbreaks of projectile vomiting, and the hangover helpers refused to clean that up.

It's a blessing.

Twenty years ago I was almost hot. Now my body is covered, for modesty's sake, in a protective layer of hair, and is a little, um, larger, than is healthy. It is better to keep it covered. Boy Burka anyone?

Chris


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- I think you should take the hangover guys to court on that one, unless of course, your projectile vomiting was excluded in the fine print.

I don't have a Boy Burka, but I've got a mu-mu you can have. :O)


poorconservative1 profile image

poorconservative1 5 years ago

OMG! OMG! OMG! Please tell me that this isn't true. I think I'm going to have to have my eyes burned out. Wait a minute, OK I'm already blind from looking at those pictures. Somebody shoot me...Just kidding.

That was funny, disgusting but funny. You never fail to make me laugh.

Thank You.

Chuck


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chuck- ahh, I see you took the bait and checked it out. Your words say OMG, but I think your heart is saying "I want one of these!!"

You know you do. :)


poorconservative1 profile image

poorconservative1 5 years ago

If anyone seen me in one of those it would scar them for life. I wouldn't even put one on for a Halloween costume. trust me, people would run screaming. anyway, if any of my friends seen me with that thing on, they would beat the crap out'a me. And they would be right to do so... Mankini, I'm gonna be laughing about that one all summer.

Thanks

Chuck


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chuck- I'm sure the makers of the Mankini will be sad to hear this. I alerted them to a potential customer yesterday, and they said something about sending you a sample in the mail, along with a photoshopped picture giving you an approximation of what you would look like. (They took your picture off of your avatar).

If I remember correctly, they were planning on sending copies of the picture to all of your friends.

Oops.


poorconservative1 profile image

poorconservative1 5 years ago

If I see anything in my mailbox that says mankini on it, the mailbox gets destroyed. So remember the life of my mailbox is in you hands.

Save the life of a mailbox today, don't send mankinis through the U.S. post. Sponsored by the coalition to save mailboxes.

Thanks

Chuck


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chuck- you win. I'll send the mankinis by UPS. :O)


poorconservative1 profile image

poorconservative1 5 years ago

Did you say Up? It's funny you should mention the word Up. That's what I vote all your Hubs.

Thanks

Chuck


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Awww. Thank you Chuck!

I guess I'll keep the mankini for someone else... you know how to sweet talk a girl!! :)


shay 4 years ago

Flaxseed oil works for top and bottom. Break open capsules and rub yourself with it. After afewdays stop and continue with flaxsed and vitamin e. No need to exercise!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

So, what you're saying is as long as a guy slathers himself with flaxseed oil, he can feel comfortable wearing a Mankini? Hmmmm. Interesting.

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