Daily Weird #28 What's up Chicken Butt?

Move over chickens, I want a big butt!

In an unexpected move, the women of Britain are suddenly clamoring for a big bum. They have, apparently, grown tired of dieting and have decided to start their own trend.. they call it "bigger is better".

In order to achieve this epitome of fashion, the British women are knocking back glasses of water; water used to wash chicken hormones down their wring-ably skinny necks.

Apparently, some big-ass rich person (most likely a woman, but possibly a mutant chicken) discovered that the same hormone used to make chickens all-over fat, would give women bigger booties and thighs. In a move to look better by comparison, she began what is known, in the scientific communities, as a “fad”.

The rich lady (chicken?) with an extensive derriere wasn’t an original thinker. She had recently returned from Jamaica where the trend actually began. In Jamaica many little-bottomed Jamaican women were enticed to take the butt building supplements by a friend of big-ass rich lady known as big-ass rich chemical making lady.

Most people are not above taking someone else’s idea if it’s good enough. This one is. Can you imagine the boost in self-esteem the naturally well-endowed-on-the-low-end women will gain? They can lay claim to it all being “real”. Butts enhanced with hormones most likely jiggle differently. I suspect only certain talented men can tell the real thing from a fake, but the women know, and that’s all that really matters.

The pills were banned in Jamaica, but are still sold illegally, if you happen to be in Jamaica and can’t restrain your need for a bigger rear end.

In Britain, they’ve worked a way around this “illegal” issue. They have formulated pills from nature. The manufacturers claim these supplements are made from exotic plant extracts. Their pills have fancy-dancy names like “Star Curves”, “Big Beautiful Butt Formula”, and “Brand New Booty”.

What I would like to know is why people are taking these pills, when they can, for much less money, just supersize it at McDonalds? I find it interesting that women in America are obsessed with making our fannies smaller and firmer, while across the ocean they appear to have decided it would be easier if everyone were clamoring for a big fat booty.

I will never understand fads. I think I will enjoy, however, sitting back and watching this particular trend unfold. I wonder what the side effects will be from taking “make the chicken fat” pills? I don’t mean the “oh, lookie I have a huge bum now” side effect, rather the side effects that aren’t showing up right now, but very well might in the future.

There are the obvious ones like liver damage and breast cancer, but warnings regarding organ's dying and killer cells have done nothing to slow down the rampage of women grabbing butt-fattening agents from off of the shelves. Perhaps though, one might consider the following…

What if one day we find Catherine Zeta-Jones pecking for food in her front yard, or Margaret Thatcher trying to hatch an egg? Even worse, imagine how little use will you have for that big, fat, bootie if you die… from trying to cook yourself for dinner?

If you’re seriously considering this, perhaps one other fact may help dissuade you… a year’s supply of “fat-butt” pills will cost you around $800.00. They’re on EBay and Amazon.. Go check it out; I’m completely not lying. A Big Mac and fries twice a week should produce the same results for half the money, or, better yet, order the fried chicken sandwich at Burger King. There's no pill in the world that can replace the satisfaction of knowing you worked for that big bootie! You earned it fair and square, no short cuts, no side effects... well, other than heart disease, high blood pressure, and bad knees.

Maybe, and I say this as an opinion and nothing more, just maybe, this isn't such a great idea!



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Comments 31 comments

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

It sounds like it's not a matter of being too chicken to try this product,but one of common sense:-)


Vickie Bovender profile image

Vickie Bovender 5 years ago from Southeastern US

Cool. For once I'll have something that's trendy. hahaha For certain, I don't need pills to get fluffy. In fact, I could offer fluffy transplants.

:) Sorry, this just tickles me! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Metalist.. nice one!

Vickie.. thanks for stopping by, it tickles me too! If you ever find a place that will accept offers of fluff for transplant please don't hesitate to let me know!!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

I think this latest fad was started by our First Big Mama, who wants us to eat healthy food while her own big butt is growing faster than the national debt.

Having said that, men usually like you just the way we found you. If you change something, don't do it on our account.

Voted up and funnny as hell!


Kindacrazy profile image

Kindacrazy 5 years ago from Tennessee

I really thought butt cream was to slather on babies when they had diaper rash, boy was I wrong.

Up and funny!!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Will- Lm(chicken)ao! You may have something there!! LOL!

Kindacrazy- thanks for stopping by and leaving a note. Can you imagine if someone accidently got the two butt creams mixed up? I see a whole new meaning to "baby got back"!


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

A chicken butt doesn't sound like a very nice thing to have! Butt...perhaps the roosters will disagree? :D


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Another great hub from you. Thanks for writing this. Take care! ~prasetio


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Feline- I believe you may have found the key. Over seas, perhaps the men are taking rooster hormones, and the women are just trying to keep up!

Prasetio- I wish it were a great hub, you are, as always, diplomatic and kind. I re-edited this twice this morning, and I'm still not happy with it. :( You are so nice to come by and read my stuff... even stuff about chicken butts, bless your heart! Thank you!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Now I'm a little scared to go back to England. This phenomenon is concerning, as from my observations it was not an island of little bottoms (Yes, we call them bottoms, or bums, fanny is very rude indeed!) to start with.

A couple of episodes of "You are what you eat" on BBC America should explain why.

Thank goodness you are around scouring the news to bring us this stuff!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- I feel someone should make sure the truth of what is going on in the world is told. I'm just glad I have the opportunity to find news worthy articles like women wanting chicken butts, and men playing games in urinals, and drunk guys killing sharks with their butts. I'm in the middle of bringing the truth about Hong Kong's naked chef to the masses....

It's a tough job, but someone has to do it... OK, no one has to, and it's completely fun. You should see the stuff I find and DON'T write about!!

Oh, and just for you, I edited out most of the derogatory comments about the British. You give the Brits a good name, I'm not going to change that!!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Thing is, I've been transatlanticed, twenty years in the colonies will do that do a guy, niether fish nor fowl (though the absence of a chicken butt might suggest otherwise), niether Brit nor Yank, oh the humanity.

Anyway, I took a peek at an actual chicken and an actual chicken butt on the old internet thingy, and I'm a bit confused now.

Feathers?

Women want feathers on their butt?

The truth is hard to take sometimes...

And the "out-takes" hub is just waiting to be written...


fi fi profile image

fi fi 5 years ago from Niagara, Canada

Wow! Another entertaining and informative hub! Truth is so often stranger than fiction :)


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

sueroy, Where do you find this crazy news? I mean what will they think of next? I'm wondering what effect the rooster hormone might have on the man? I can't imagine anyone taking these hormones or pills or whatever they are. Your hub was absolutely hysterical, best laugh I've had today. Thanks.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Sue - it is often said if you live long enough you will hear everything and now I do believe that is true. The women in Britain are trying to enhance their butts?

That newsflash could cause wholesale emigration from the colonies by women with already abundant derrieres who feel unappreciated for their bounteous behinds.

Also - I would be remiss if I neglected the opening you have provided: Joke: Overheard at the beach. "Isn't that Fanny Brown over there?

'No, it's just a little sunburn!"


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- So sorry you are a man without a home. You can always come to Milltown; you will definitely be the resident Brit! (I don't know about the rest of the country, but in my town, Brits are way higher on the food chain that Californians... actually, I'm not sure Californians are allowed, they think the Tabloids are for real....)

you goose.. the women want the NAKED chicken butt! Of course, that's kind of small, or is it even existent? I've heard of people asking for a chicken thigh, or wing, or breast, but another piece of chicken butt? What ARE the women of Britain thinking?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Fifi- I'm glad you found it entertaining. I would take it as a compliment to my writing, but you really can't make this stuff up! OK, well, Chris, or Stan or Drbj could, but I'm just not that bright. :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pamela- I'm so glad you liked it, I love when people laugh!

It would be interesting to see what men taking Rooster pills would be like. I'm thinking they would probably have bigger peck....

never mind.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Drbj- I know I'm thinking of moving to Britain to feel a little better about myself... plus I could eat donuts without shame! I don't see the point in taking pills though, why concentrate the fat in one area when you can spread it all around?

LOL! Fanny Brown.... I love your jokes!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

I'd be afraid to come to Milltown. Sounds like the kind of place that would hold a revolutionary war type grudge. You know I'd move in and it would be all, Oh I like your accent, its cute, say something British, and then I'd be seen by Mary Sue down at the swimming hole and she'd see my feather covered butt and the whole war thing would start all over again...

Seriously! Naked!!

Of the two of us, I'm pretty sure I have seen more naked British Bottoms, thus, I am the expert. Most would be much improved by feathers. My recollection is of a bag of soggy golfballs trying to escape, and so untanned, it would take three weeks of direct sunshine for them to even get to white.

You do not want to go to the naked place. Chicken or human, it cannot end well...


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- roflmfao! (the second "f" is for feathered)

I'm fairly certain I do not have the skills to even begin to touch your comment. (nor do I want to even attempt such a thing)

I'm still laughing, I seriously can't stop. I keep picturing a bag of soggy, extremely pale golf balls. You are so much so the master of the naked butt visual!

I bow to your greatness.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Stan may charge you for rolling on his laughing floor, especially if you left feathers behind from your feathered behind!

C


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

I have found that I don't need pills to achieve this. Just eight to ten hours straight in my computure chair (along with my coffee and sunflower seeds)seems to make this happen naturally.

What a way to wrap up the day with a great laugh! Thanks!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- If Stan reads this, he'll be rolling on the floor laughing his chicken butt off too, so odds are he'll give me a free pass. :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Tip- you are so good to have sunflower seeds. My chicken-butt (only larger than an actual chicken butt) came from scarfing donuts. I now sit here with just a bottle of water, but my chicken butt (only larger... you get the picture) is not going away. It seems to like it here in front of the computer.

I wonder if I got up and exercised if it would get bored and leave?

Nahhhhhhhhhhh.


arb profile image

arb 5 years ago from oregon

Hi sueroy333! I've decided to go vegetarian after this hub! Chicken will never look the same. The only thing different between reality and fiction is that fiction has to make sense. Obviously, this must be real!


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Nice work here.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Arb- I don't blame you. Thank God I eat my chicken in strips, or I'd be right with you!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

crystolite- Thank you for taking the time to let me know you read my stuff and you liked it. An author can ask for nothing more!


Shanel03 4 years ago

Are there any pills that are safe to take? I have read that a lot of pills dont work like Brand new booty ect,..... I have read good reviews about glute boost... anyone have any info for me?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

My extensive research has shown a pill called "placebo" is safe to take. It doesn't do much, but it doesn't hurt either.

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