Daily Weird # 36 Plumber puts 17 toilets on his lawn....it's down the crapper from there.

Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!!

Look.. It's Cookie Monster Pooping on the Lawn!

Kittery, Maine.

The local lawmakers decided to tear down an elementary school (since no one was learning anything anyway ) and build a larger middle school. They believed, rightfully so, that this would up the quality of food fights. Children with good potato slinging skills from all over the state were brought in and the middle school immediately began to generate more traffic.

Everyone was happy, everyone that is, except Joe the Plumber. Ok, it wasn’t Joe, (love you Joe!) but I like to think this guy is just as awesome. Joe, or David Linscott as you may want to call him, has property on a corner lot near the newly expanded school.

Due to the larger middle school, traffic on his street also expanded, rose, was added too… increased. I would have had the correct word the first time if only my school had been added to or made largerer-est. Bigger schools make smarter students.

Mr. Linscott decided he was not happy losing his privacy to a bunch of school kids who weren’t getting smarter. He went to middle school, and he knew he didn't get any smarter. Linscott decided he was not going to take this sitting down. He went into his arse nal and fought back the only way he knew how. With toilets. Lots and lots of toilets. 17 to be exact. He put 17 (that’s 10+7 if you’re counting- my education wasn’t a total waste), toilets on his lawn to protest his lack of privacy.

He then proceeded to get a newspaper and use the bathroom seventeen times each morning, causing the community to lose their breakfast. Ok, he didn’t do that, but he should have. Had he done that, he not only would have demonstrated his complete lack of privacy, but he also would have proven himself to be as cool as Joe the Plumber.

He didn’t, and he isn’t. What he did instead was place the toilets along the perimeter of his lawn. That was brilliant. We all know that if you want to keep middle school kids off of your lawn, all you have to do is put a toilet or seventeen 17. That’s not an attraction at all . He’s also placed random stuffed animals in some of the crappers. I’m at a loss to know if this was to keep the kids from using the potties on the way to school (occupied !) or to give them just one more thing to play with as they wandered into his potty fun land?

“Look it’s Cookie Monster pooping on the lawn! Bad Cookie Monster!”
“Here, I found Buzz Lightyear. He’s fast on the crapper, and still has time to defeat the Cookie Monster! Go Buzz Lightyear!”

I want to play!!!

I would like to personally thank Mr. Linscott for making the walk to school fun, creative and entertaining for all the children.

Mr. Linscott, is waiting for the town to come up with the money for a privacy fence for his lawn. He's given them lots of incentive to hurry.


More by this Author


Comments 21 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

What a great idea! Across from me there used to be this great baseball diamond and field that I would run my dogs on. Handy as all I had to do was walk across the street. The school board decided to close 3 elementary schools in the city and build a super school on the property. We are still mad about this! In the mornings all we get is traffic on our small little street with all the parents dropping off their kids and the same at 3 in the afternoon. I really like the toilet idea it may keep the kids off my front lawn. ....food for thought :) Thanks Sue.

Up and awesome!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Now all Linscott needs is a roller coaster and then charge money,then all would be well:-)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Will- I don't know how you do it, but you're usually number one on my hubs! You're number one with making me laugh too! Thanks for that!

In answer to your question... NO. Maine seceded, they now send all their tax money along with notes of undying love and loyalty to Kim Jong Il.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan- yes. I think putting toilets around your property is a great idea. You may want to add a concession stand so you can make a little change while you're at it. ooh, maybe put up PAY TOILETS. (making the kids give you the dime may be a challenge, but you know, nothing worth doing is easy...)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mentalist- Here I was thinking concessions and pay toilets, I was thinking too small. Once again, you come to save the day! Susan- I hope you're reading this... ROLLER COASTER.. maybe even a Ferris Wheel... that'll keep the kids away!!

Thanks Mentalist!!!


Vickie Bovender profile image

Vickie Bovender 5 years ago from Southeastern US

Well, you can't say he has no imagination, huh? As for toilet decor, I noticed a few random toilets in a certain beach community planted with gorgeous blooming plants. I guess it kept the toilets from the landfill, but what an odd lawn decoration! Now Buzz Lightyear, that's another thing! :) Interesting Hub, Sue!


Eric Prado profile image

Eric Prado 5 years ago from Webster, Texas

Very interesting =) I vote up.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Vickie- We used to have a neighbor who planted flowers in three toilets in his front yard. My daughter used to say he "pottied his plants". It's redneck to be sure, but at least no one gets hurt.

Except for maybe the random stuffed animals... what was this guy thinking??? Seriously!

Thank you so much for stopping by and reading, and then taking the time to comment!!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Eric- Thank you for coming by, reading, letting me know you were here... and for voting! All things I love to see!


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

I grew up in a town that used toilets for backyard planters...."You might be a redneck if..."

Funny stuff, 333.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Stan- I was going to pot my plants in our porcelain throne, but we only have one toilet and my husband and kid called dibs first. Maybe I can use the kitchen sink? (I am ALL redneck...trailer (check), truck with gun rack (check), car on blocks in front yard (check) my daddy is also my cousin.... wait, no, I think that's hillbilly.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Hi, sue. David the plumber missed his calling. He definitely has a flair for unique landscape design. I visited the site cited under the Muppet and potty photo and saw that David had tastefully arranged all 17 toilets (some with plush animals therein) in a semicircle around his corner lot - the same way that sensible homeowners arrange round cement stones to keep cars from parking or kids from trampling.

But he is not being entirely unreasonable. He will remove the toilets if the city of Kittery, Maine pays for and erects fencing around his property. I can see the headlines now: "Citizens in Kittery Becoming Jittery."

Or "Remove the Plush before you Flush." Thanks for the laughs with this funny hub.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

SueRoy, I am so shocked! Kids still WALK to school??? Amazing!

Maybe the guy should add a bathtub or two as well. That would be cool. Add a manekin taking a bath and voila!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Drbj- Thank you for bringing the correct placement to my attention. I've edited this story to reflect the error. I also changed the ending to show I don't think he's a complete idiot. :)

I like "Remove the Plush before you Flush" if I get a vote!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin- of course kids don't walk to school. They get out of their parent's cars and walk over to check out Mr. Linscott's lawn. Walk to school... that's funny!

He is pretty close to being Joe the Plumber... and yes, a bathtub or shower may be just what he needs. You're just full of great ideas these days, Austin!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Could never happen in Lemon County, land of the dreaded CC&Rs, the strictest laws on the darned planet, and, well, for once, I'm OK with that...

I do not wish to see a single toilet bowl not in a bathroom. I presume these are old, used, stained...

And a long way from a suitable habitat for plush animals.

At least he wasn't a funeral home director, nothing brings down property values like a coffin or two.

C


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- I actually believe these were in fairly good shape... at least they were when he put them up.

I can't believe Lemon County would frown at a crapper or two on the lawn? I thought they were all about conserving water? Think of the water saved by not sending the flush of water through a pipe .. instead you just poop right onto the lawn and let the rain take care of the rest. Oh, or you can close the lid to help contain the smell until the poo naturally biodegrades. With 17 toilets by the time you get back around to the first one the poo should be just about gone.

Lemon County just doesn't think outside the box!

I do like the idea of coffins. It kind of ties in with the live dead cam idea Austin came up with. Can you imagine the emotional distress of a child seeing Shrek in a coffin. That really might have gotten him a wall sooner!! Good thinking!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Apart from this year, it does not rain in SoCal, so there would be festering piles of unmentionably odiferous doo, which might keep the kids away.

Well, some of them.

The bullies would have the best time inserting nerds head first into the mess...

The doo biodegrades. Nerd's heads not so much.

BTW we TALK about conserving water, while we waste it with gay abandon...

I think my live dead cam link is broken...

C


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- I almost used a picture of a guy with his head in the toilet!

Seventeen bullies, seventeen poor little guys, one fence built with parental supervision and community money!

I'm picturing people in Lemon County frolicking about their lawns with garden hoses and blue birds on their shoulders. And you won't let people in pickup trucks and tube tops come around... go figure!

Your cam is broken? My live dead cam is shorting out, it looks like the dead people are dancing under a black light.... we'd better call Austin!


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Sue,

Well, that would have uplifted the neighbourhood! It gives new meaning to the term *public toilets*. (Although they're called restrooms in the US aren't they?)

I like the touch with the stuffed animals..heheh...just in case the sight of the toilets wasn't ludicrous enough.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Jane- LOL- Oh yes, can you imagine if the kids decided to use the restroom BEFORE they got to school???

The stuffed animals killed me! I love the fact that they looked like they were climbing out of the toilets!! (rough party the night before???)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working