Daylight Saving Time leads to using crack and watching Jag


For God's sake, man, he was joking!

Recently we all “Sprung Forward” and woke up an hour earlier. All of us in the entire galaxy, at the same time, that is with the exception of the people of Arizona and Hawaii. (Ok, also Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands, but they don’t count since they don’t have a star.)

I wonder what that looked like from the moon? The whole planet springing forward, and those one guys staying right where they were. I wonder if their non-conformity caused oil wells to dry up, or Firefly to go off the air? (Geek reference, no worries if you don’t get it. As a matter of fact, you may even count yourself sane.)

This whole Daylight Saving time thing started when Benjamin Franklin wrote a column telling everyone they should change their clocks to have more daylight. Benjamin Franklin was a pretty smart guy. Of course… he was joking. Hello! Does no one know history? Benjamin Franklin was the biggest jokester of all time. He was the inventor of fake puke and dog poo for God’s sake. Ok, not the dog poo- they did that all by themselves. He also suggested that the people should be woken up with a cannon… (That, of course, was not a joke.) The majority of people finally realized that the Daylight Saving Time thing was meant to be whimsical, so it didn’t take. Thank God the cannon thing did, or I would be late to work all the time. (Thank you Ben!)

For God's sake man, why couldn't he have been joking???

Over one hundred years after Ben Franklin made his joke, William Willett, of his own accord (horrors!) suggested, in all seriousness, the idea that we put our clocks forward in the U.S. so we could use less energy. (Which works as long as we all get ready for work in the dark, which, of course, I do).

Everyone thought Mr. Willett was trying to pull a Ben Franklin. Since only Ben could get away with stuff like that, Mr. Willett became a laughing stock. A year after his death (he ran himself through the chest with a sharp doorknob while getting dressed for work in the dark) the lawmakers, realizing that idiocy is what they did best, adopted the measure.

I think it’s also interesting to note that Germany, and then Britain were the first to use Daylight Saving Time. It’s just like us Americans to copy the Europeans! Europe has corn, we want corn. Europe has chocolate, we want chocolate. Europe has cheese, we want underwear. We believe that if it comes from Europe, no matter how lame-brained, it must be fashionable.

A European girl named Veronica was on the Mayflower. Archie and Bettie and the gang had on red and blue, but Veronica was into goth and had on black and white. Before you could say “Jughead, did you eat all the chocolate? Where did you put the wrappers? Did you bring clean underwear? everyone else had bleached or died their clothing to be in with the trend.

It wasn’t the lack of technology that had camera’s photographing in black and white for decades… it was the lack of a new Veronica. Finally, in 1963 a Veronica, known as kids on acid, immerged wearing tie-die, and the rest is history.

Here's where the crack comes in.

I’m from Indiana. For years (ever) most of Indiana was on real time. Then, finally, they crawled back into the box and decided that they had been wrong not to follow the majority. Now we’re on fake time with everyone else. I guess since (just about) everyone else was doing it, it must be the right thing to do. Thank you, Indiana, for making us the “Mom, but my friend’s are all doing it” state.

Going with the majority actually makes all kinds of sense. I, personally, believe in parenting by the majority as well. We live in a crack neighborhood, though, so it’s hard to track down all the parents and get that majority vote. I finally told my kid, “Honey, if you aren’t sure whether or not to do something, look around. If just about everyone else is doing it.. it must be the right thing.” She’s now addicted to meth, a firm supporter of making pot legal, hands out free needles to heroine addicts, and watches re-runs of JAG.

I think it’s a little disturbing, but we’re working to see if we can find a majority of people who can help her change her mind about JAG. ~shudder~

I think we should do away with fake time, and just give everyone a year’s supply of glow sticks. I’d have to get majority approval, of course, but if I can get my kid to put down the crack pipe long enough to draw a cartoon showing how glow sticks can end global warming, I think we can get the votes!

The majority of my kids (one) says she’s not happy being portrayed as a crack addict or (GASP) a JAG supporter. This is a disclaimer. The proceeding article has only two sentences which are completely true. Neither of these sentences has anything to do with my daughter. The only things she is addicted to are chocolate and Phineas and Ferb.

More by this Author

Comments 29 comments

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I just think of daylight savings as a scientific experiment in time travel that's gone horribly wrong:-)

WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

The reason Arizona did not adopt daylight savings has been lost to history, but I, for one, remember that the big objection came from drive-in theater managers! They said it would kill their sales because it would not be dark enough to project their movies until nearly 9 o'clock.

I just hope none of our idiot legislators ever realize that we no longer have drive-in theaters.

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Orillia introduced Daylight Savings Time to North America, so you can blame it on us Canadians lol

Chelsea love the clock picture!

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

I was really worried, sue, till I got to the disclaimer about your daughter. Tell her not to worry. Phineas and Ferb addiction can be cured - in time. Chocolate! Never.

Loved the line about PR and the Virgin Islands not counting cause they don't have a star. You may receive hate mail for that one, m'dear.

Re Will's remark about drive-in theaters being a thing of the past. We do have one called Sawgrass in Ft. Lauderdale. It's probably the south's largest flea market now. It took literally years before they removed those speaker stands from the parking spots.

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mentalist- I think you may be right...we need Dr. Who!!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Will- Sadly, the drive-in owners in Indiana had no voice. We still have a couple drive-ins (we're a little behind the times.. thank God), but I always fall asleep before the second movie is over!

D@#! Daylight Saving Time!!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan- Your comment made me think of a song I once heard Robin Williams sing.."Blame Canada!" Too funny!

I liked the clock too... I let her know I wasn't alone in the liking. :O)

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Drbj- so sorry for scaring you like that. It was a creative liberty that I promised Chelsea to never exercise again. I blame the lack of alcohol intake while writing. :)

There does seem to be a plague of flea markets taking over what were once places of love and happiness. RIP Drive-Ins. :(

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

NO! Blame Canada, Blame Canada

It seems that everything's gone wrong,

since Canada came along

Blame Canada, Blame Canada

We need to form as full assault, it's Canada's fault

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan- ROFL!! Yes!! That sounds right! :)

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

The whole idea is ridiculous and annoying. Kids go to school in their pajamas and stay up forever.

Tammy L profile image

Tammy L 5 years ago from Jacksonville, Texas

Chelsea is not the one on crack (wink wink). Daylight savings time is a redneck thing...we wanted more fishin' hours.

ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California


It is wonderful to read your more serious work, which I did, in the dark.

What I would like to know is, what exactly has happened to all the daylight everyone saved? Where is it? Who has it?

Canada looks like a probable suspect...

For once this is not entirely England's fault, though we are responsible for Doctor Who (On first base I believe) and the TARDIS.

I looked at my green card (which is pink) and discovered that I am a Regal Alien in the US, and I don't have to abide by the time change.

I am currently having a Wednesday morning in my house,


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

DST is such a pain in the rump. WTF will the government do? Make it last longer, that's what! It starts earlier in the year and ends later. Although I do like the Fall Back and getting the extra hour returned.

So it doesn't go anywhere, they just put it up on a shelf until October. Wuff.

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Breakfastpop- So true. The schools here now have a pajama dress code!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Tammy- shhhh. :)

That's it, I'm going to go round up those rednecks and do some talkin' while holdin' my 45 caliber and leaning on an incinerator. I've seen those guys go fishin' in the dark plenty of times. I want my REAL time back!!!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- Actually, I believe Cuba has it currently. Our last president made a deal with Castro regarding extra time for some cubans (cigars). The current president is considering ending that deal. He wants more time to sneak in a quick smoke and a round of HORSE.

Be careful there in the dark, sharp doorknobs are a killer! And Dr. What???

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin- Chris is actually right. They take an hour away, but we really don't ever get it back. They don't "return" it, they just allow us to chuck the "fake time" for "real time" every fall... and yes, we get less real time now than we used to.

If it's Wednesday now at Chris's place, I think I know where at lease SOME of that time has gone. It actually makes sense, how else can he crank out all those hubs???

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Chelsea - loved the clock! You are hilarious. How could you not be with that mom of yours! Finally, I am not the only mom who loves the outrageous.

Sue - hilarious! I hate fake time. Seriously I think they just threw that in so we could be more confused about which day, what time, whose clock?

I do love Ben Franklin too! Wasn't he hilarious and quite the quirky individual!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho-thanks for the encouragement!

Ben Franklin is right up there with Mark Twain and Dave Barry. What an interesting personality!

I don't know a whole lot of people who like fake time. I think we got conned!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I especially do not want to fall back! Housewives can't afford to lose an hour! Gosh! Also, it is bad for your sleep!

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho- sleep? What's that?

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

That is what's up! I is an elusive dream from a faraway land....where there are sleep number beds.......

Maybe we find it after retirement! Only 20 or so more years! Haha!

GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA

sueroy - Betcha don't know why Ben Franklin got all hypered up over the idea of daylight savings nonsense, do you? Well, he suggested that it would be a good way to save on candles. See - I am still with the guy and his great thinking and advice. I save on candles every single day (having switched over to Edison's invention), and, because I don't celebrate birthdays any more, I save close to 100 more of the smelly things every single year - right on the exact same day each time, too (and right smack in the middle of daylight savings time).

Gus :-)))

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Gus- you're a saint! :O)

Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

Voted up and awesome!

Loved it.

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pixienot- Thanks mom. You do know I'm not letting your granddaughter watch JAG reruns right?? :)

Oh, and did you notice Chelsea's clock with a crack pipe?

dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

I hate daylight savings time but I liked JAG.

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

dahoglund- so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the 70's were good to you.. :)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article