Even More Funny Quotes
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!
If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much -- just an occasional sun visor.
The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly.
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
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