Facebook Stole My Girlfriend

25 Things To Hate About Facebook

Facebook = Dead Meat

I'm typically not one to get jealous, however, Facebook has stolen my girlfriend. Who is this Facebook and what right does he have to take her away? Our relationship now consists of a series of "pokes".

Even if I can pry my girlfriend away from Facebook for a romantic walk or dinner, there's Facebook again - calling her on her mobile phone. Facebook appears to be everywhere now. He always seems to be with my girlfriend.

I think she's afraid to linger too far away from Facebook. I think Facebook has quietly been working to replace me. The other day Facebook asked my girlfriend if she was losing weight. Facebook even complimented her on her new hairstyle.

Facebook has even managed to keep my girlfriend out of my bed most nights. I'm not sure what he is up to with her all night, but I now sleep alone. Sure, every now and then my girlfriend tries to sneak into bed about a half hour before I typically get up, but I know the real story - that she was with Facebook.

The thing is this Facebook guy seems too chicken to ever show up in person. He's either on the computer or on the phone. I think I catch glimpses of him every now and then, but I can't be sure. I'm out of town quite a bit. Maybe that's when he actually visits my girlfriend.

Vote

Is Facebook Your Friend?

  • Yes
  • No
See results without voting

I hope when I meet Facebook that he's hungry. I'm quite sure a two-for-one special on knuckle sandwiches is on the menu. I heard he's pretty nerdy and scrawny anyway. I'm fairly buff and I used to think that my buffness was what my girlfriend like about me. I guess not.....Facebook must have so much charm that it overrides buffness (I am a P90X graduate). Maybe it's the incessant compliments he gives her or the constant attention?

Anyway, Facebook, if you're listening, I want my girlfriend back. I've thought about finding another girlfriend, but most of the girls I talk to seem to already have a relationship with you. I don't know how you do it.

More by this Author

  • Is Top Gun Really a Gay Movie?
    21

    As a cool person, I find it unlikely that I may have missed the fact that Top Gun is really a gay movie; however, new evidence has been brought to my attention. And, upon reflection, I now wonder if Top Gun really is a...

  • How to Make Deep Fried Butterflies
    11

    Thankfully, she was able to get the recipe from her mom before she passed. I’m bestowing the family secret to you now, because something like deep fried butterflies should not be kept secret!

  • Men's Locker Room Etiquette
    383

    I spend a fair amount of time at the gym and in men’s locker rooms. I have witnessed many strange breaches of gym etiquette in these locker rooms. It has become obvious to me that most men know nothing about...


Comments 17 comments

Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

My girlfriends and I call it Crackbook. What's P90X?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I'm Mr. Book. Did I hear my name?

I can identify with this, being a member of it now I can see how it can take up a lot of a person's time. Well done!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

You're not alone, in fact no-one is alone with Mr Facebook around. I think someone needs to take him to court for creating a public disturbance of the numbing kind.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

kea: LOL! *applause* Nicely done.


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Funny...with me and my boyfriend it's HubPages instead of Facebook. LOL!!!


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@everyone - thanks for the comments!

@Randy - P90X is an "Extreme Workout Program". It's actually pretty awesome and is the real deal: http://www.p90x.com If you're up at 3 or 4am, they typically have infomercials on TV. I defintely recommend P90X! I've done the program, but now mainly do some of the core exercises, yoga, and stretches to augment my training.

@spryte - thanks for the applause! You're my first applause and, hopefully, not last!

@Anna - hmm...good point. I spend a lot of time on hubpages now! Still not as much as her and facebook though :)


Aya_Hajime profile image

Aya_Hajime 7 years ago

lol - another hub that put a big smile on my face. I suppose I will forgive you for your earlier Ford Focus comment :)


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

@Aya - no, I still don't forgive you for that Ford Focus comment! I'm still weeping about it :( Really, though, thanks for the comment! It's nice to know I put a smile on your face!


Aya_Hajime profile image

Aya_Hajime 7 years ago

You really are a "cheeky bugger" :) You should have added a "cheeky" to your profile name as well, but I guess it would just be redundant.


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

Yeah, most Kea are cheeky buggers, but I've been known to be non-cheeky on occasion :)


M. Rose profile image

M. Rose 7 years ago from Orange County, CA

1) I really hate Facebook. I'm glad somebody said it. (I'm still on the stupid thing though...)

2) I very much enjoy your wit and humor.


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago Author

Hi M. Rose! Thanks for the lovely comments. You rock!


entertianmentplus profile image

entertianmentplus 6 years ago from United States

I hear ya facebook can be hard on you.


kea profile image

kea 6 years ago Author

@entertianmentplus - thx for dropping by and leaving a comment!


agree 4 years ago

my ex girl friend ask me for an engagement ring, I say yes to that. But I don't want to marry an online groupie, she follows some artist on facebook. She is soon to be 29 y/o and a person that at that age still shows this kind of behavior is a "no no" for me, based on the fact that you can be either on Facebook or taking care of the thing that a family requires. I asked her to leave Facebook and she said "That is not negotiable", I run away very quickly.

That immaturity level nowadays is too much to handle. When you have really important things to do, facebook is not an option.


Mandy 4 years ago

Same thing here I feel you, we can't even have a good dinner conversation without facebook present!!!! Geez!!! Its so annoying...taking pics of your food and posting it up!!!! Expressing how good it is on facebook and how full you are when your done!!! And not once do her post say with Mandy!!!


tyreice 3 years ago

in guyana

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working