Five Stupid Lawsuits: You Don't Like It, Sue Me

Lawyer Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons
Lawyer Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons

 

Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a biiiig cash settlement.

-Lionel Hutz, "Bart Gets Hit by a Car", the Simpsons (1991)

When I was a kid, a nearby neighbor was a medical drug distributor. A friend and I were doing what kids do, walking around and taking shortcuts through backyards, looking for something to occupy our ever-inquisitive minds. In the aforementioned neighbor's trashcans, we noticed all these little pieces of something, individually wrapped in clear cellophane, with more colors than a rainbow. Some were blue and some were red. Plus white, purple, orange tidbits everywhere.

“Look at all that candy,” we said. We had hit the mother lode. The big rock candy dustbin. And so we each ate a blue one. It didn't taste too good, but maybe the red ones would taste better. They didn't. Nor did the white, or the purple, or the orange. Damn! What kind of candy was this? They tasted terrible!

Still, ever onward we ate. I cannot for the life of me tell you what we were thinking. Having already established that they tasted bad, why eat more?

 

 

Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving
Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving

Almost the Last Supper

You know where this is going. I don't really remember too much else. My brother's voice calling me home for dinner. The walk down the block, not feeling so good. Sitting down at the dinner table and my mother looking at me and saying, “Chris...are you alright?” What I was told later was that at that point, my eyes rolled back in my head and I fell out of the chair in a stupor, like a 6 year-old drug addict finally hitting rock bottom, my tragic downward spiral of drug addiction--from the first gateway drug (a red one) to the hard stuff (an orange one)--lasting a whole 15 minutes. I was rushed to the hospital, my stomach was pumped, and I lived thanks to being called home for dinner.

My parents didn't sue. They weren't the suing type. Their attitude was that I had done a pretty stupid thing and what the heck was I doing eating stuff out of a garbage can anyway? The neighbor felt absolutely horrible about it and I think he still got into some trouble—reprimanded by the police and the company he worked for—but not on account of my parents. If they had sued it would have ruined that family's life. That's the problem nowadays. Nobody gives a rat's ass about the other guy so long as they stuff their own pockets with money. Incidentally, the kid next door had almost exactly the same reaction and experience and his parents didn't sue either.

Frivolous lawsuits are growing menace to doctors, insurance companies, corporations, businesses, and writers as well. And frivolous lawsuits and out of control lawyers harm every American, raising the cost of insurance, medical care, products and further stretching our already over-taxed legal system. That is why frivolous lawsuits piss me off. There are literally hundreds to choose from, but here are my five favorite dumb lawsuits. Incredible as they may seem, they are actual suits filed in a court of law. Read 'em, get pissed off, and laugh at what fools we have become.

 

Jif peanut butter advertisement
Jif peanut butter advertisement

Nut Job

A fella by the name of Kenneth Parker ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter. To his dismay, he received one jar of chunky and one jar of creamy. What's a peanut butter loving guy supposed to do when confronted with such incompetence and impertinence? Why, sue the state of Nevada, of course. Why the state of Nevada? Because he was incarcerated in their penal system at the time and had ordered the peanut butter (I said chunky, damn it!) from the prison kitchen.

I've been trying to spread this one on my sandwich. What was he going to do with that peanut butter? Wouldn't the creamy be better for that? Maybe the chunky has a “French tickler” effect or he just likes it rough. No word on whether his suit was successful. Hopefully the case was thrown out in a “Jif”.

Budweiser girls
Budweiser girls

This Buds for You

When I choose a beer I don't choose it because of its taste, but because of its advertising. I know if I drink the right brand I'll be living the good life, full of exciting things, lots of attractive friends, and boodles of beautiful women. One man thought so and sued Anheuser Busch for false advertising. The guy couldn't have been that stupid, so he must have been figuring on some easy money, and don't forget, a lawyer agreed.

When those bikini-clad girls failed to materialize and oil wrestle right in front of his very eyes there was a little sound inside his head, a small, desperate snap - or maybe it was the ching of a cash register. Fortunately, the judge was of sound mind and threw the case out.

 

A little too late
A little too late

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Just about everyone has had a relationship go bad where you just had to get out of it. The earlier, the better. If, however, you come to this realization late in the relationship, say, after you are engaged, it's still better to put it out of its misery before the wedding. Isn't it? Not for one man, it wasn't. He broke off his seven-week engagement and she didn't like it. She didn't like it at all, so she sued him and she sued him good.

She won. $178,000 dollars. The jury awarded her $93,000 for pain and suffering: $25,000 for her psychiatrist, and $60,000 for loss of income from...you're gonna love this—her legal practice! She was herself a lawyer! She took the break-up hard. If the guy knew she took things that hard he might gone through with the wedding.

 

Sandra Dee, the original Gidget
Sandra Dee, the original Gidget

Ride the Wave, Dude

Picture this. You're on the beach and it's a bitchin' day, man, and the surf is choka and you're amped, man, and you know the big one's gonna come today and you're not gonna be a frube or clucked, no, you're gonna ride that sucker so all the Gidgets will see and just when you're ready to catch it and hang 10,  some jerk DROPS IN!  Yea. He steals your wave! Oh the humanity! What's a surfer dude to do?

Well this surfer dude sued the wave-stealer surfer dude for pain and suffering for “taking his wave.” True. Fortunately, no one could decide just how much pain and suffering their was in watching your wave—sent to you personally by the volcano Gods—being ridden by some other surfer, so the case was dismissed. And the other guy got all the Gidgets, too.

 

Barbara Striesand
Barbara Striesand

Suddenly He Liked Barbara Striesand

In Michigan, a 27 year-old man was involved in a rear-end collision. He only suffered minor injuries. Four years later he changed his mind and sued the owners of the truck that hit him. He now claimed that the accident caused his sexual relations with his wife to deteriorate and he was unable to maintain their sex life. The crash had changed his personality forever, he said, and in fact, the collision had turned him into a homosexual. He left his wife, moved in with his parents, began hanging out in gay bars, and became a fervent reader of gay literature. So, he got rear-ended and then he got rear-ended. He won his case and was awarded $200,000 dollars. The jury threw in $25,000 thousand for the wife.

 

Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Jefferson

And Thomas Jefferson Wept

When these kinds of cases clog up our legal system, when people bring these stupid lawsuits, when lawyers actually bring the cases to court and win, something is seriously messed up. And in the end, if you are sued and win, you have still spent a fortune, so you're darn near ruined one way or the other. I think when these people bring these frivilous lawsuits and lose, they should be punished and punished with impunity. The lawyers even more so. Maybe then people will think twice before using the courts to ransack sombody's bank account. 

Or maybe I feel that way because I'm not getting in on the action. I'm not riding the gravy train. The money is just growing on trees out there in the land of legal make-believe and all I gotta do is pick it off.

You can do it too. We both can do it. All we need is something to sue about, and there are no reasons too absurd or too hurtful. There's a pot of gold at the end of the justice system rainbow and I'm gonna be there. I'm only missing one thing: Anybody know a good shyster lawyer?

 

Wierd Al Yankovic "I'll Sue Ya'"

Two NY Teenagers Sue McDonald's

They said eating at McDonald's made them fat. No s**!
They said eating at McDonald's made them fat. No s**!

More by this Author


Comments 150 comments

VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

The breaking up is hard to do lawsuit implies the boyfriend was correct in ending the relationship- that was a very vindictive lady he would have lived with. Yikes.

About 20 years ago, in NY, a woman got on the bus, and when the driver started the bus, she purposely "fell", and created a big commotion of being hurt-she wasn't.  We all had to get off the bus; we could see it was a lawsuit she wanted to start. The poor driver looked so sad as he didn't  do anything and had a legal struggle ahead of him.

Entertaining hub!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Violet Sun: Thanks for the visit and the comment. It's sad, isn't it. People will do anything for money, regardless of who they hurt.


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Under the humour, there's a pathos - and you bring it out so well, Christoph. I wonder, are we losing our human-ness? Do we all need to inject a sense of humour and basic decency into our lives? The incidents are funny - the underlying trends are not, wouldn't you say?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shalini: I would agree 100%. It's going to have to stop somewhere.

Thanks for your comment and reading this. It's appreciated!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Great Hub Christoph, I always find it quite crazy when I hear some of the bizarre things that people will sue for that could happen to anyone. Perhaps if there were severe penalties for those bringing ridiculous lawsuit to court, and possibly for the lawyers who take these cases on, people would all think twice before sueing, and the world would be a saner place.

It reminds me of the case I quoted in one of my humorous hubs:

"Best Lawyer of the Year, Decade and Probably the Century.

Charlotte, North Carolina.

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small >fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.. and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".

NOW FOR THE BEST PART.

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the First Place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS! "


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: That's a great story! I love it that they stuck it to him in the end. I did not come across that story in my research so it was fun to read. Thanks for the comment!


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

nice story


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks, Lgali. I appreciate your comment.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Glad you enjoyed it Christoph :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I meant to ask, was that in the US?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I believe so as it stated as much at the end of the story, so it must originate in the US. Not quite sure how it could be determined for sure though :)


robie2 profile image

robie2 7 years ago from Central New Jersey

Nicely done, Christoph. It's sad but true we have become a nation of whiners and victims. We also have too many lawyers:-) They gotta eat too so they take on these nonsensical cases.

We've forgotten that the consitution promises us the right to PURSUE happiness-- not happiness itself-hmmmm maybe you were on the right track with those red and blue pills LOL


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: Yea, I don't know for sure but I'll bet the problem is much worse in the states than anywhere else.

Robie: Thank you for dropping in and leaving a comment. "Winers and victims" is right, and were training a whole new generation of them! All this teenage angst nowadays. You see it in their TV shows, hear it in their music, and on and on. Add that to the fact that everyone feels the world owes them everything they desire. I think the Attorney business should work harder to clean up their act, with fines and punishment for these frivilous suits.

Thanks again!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

We have indeed become a litigious society and it's disheartening. What message are we sending to our kids about personal responsibility? On the other hand, without that brilliant McDonald's customer, who knows how many more innocent people's laps might have been burned by inadequately labeled hot coffee?

Mostly I'm glad you lived through your OD, Christoph. They don't call pushers the "Candyman" for nothin (but you learned that the hard way, didn't ya?).


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Great Hub CR, Sorry I missed it when it first came out. It seems that when I watch TV that there are a m illion advertisements for lawsuits of some kind against whomever they can find any little reason to sue for. It's crazy. I agree when you say we are raising a whole new generation of whiners and victims. They see it happening and think that that is the way things should be handled.

BTW, glad you survived your OD too, what would the world be like with no Christoph Reilly? Not a good one for sure!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

MM: A couple of notes on the MacDonalds case, another person did the same to Starbucks and won. Then another guy tried the MacDonalds thing again, only he was drinking a milk shake. The cold in his lap made him wreck and Mac D's should have warned him about this danger of cold stuff on your crotch. He lost his case.

As for my OD, I could probably go back and find that guy today and sue him. Seems it led to a lifetime of drug use and substance abuse!

Gwendy: Aw, you're not late. I just published it last night at 1 AM. Those commercials clog the airwaves everywhere in this country. The lawyers have a lot to do with this scourge. And they wonder why we hate them?

Thanks for the comment. It's nice to (see) you!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Nice to see you too. Saw you posted so I thought I'd come by and ask what you are doing with B.T.'s wifes ass? Just curious.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Did you read BT's latest hub? That will explain everything, however, since you want to know, I am currently washing it with a bucket of soapy water and a brush, getting it all clean, ready for a roll in the hay.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Yes I did read his hub. Now I am jealous, you promised me a group shower that hasn't happened yet and now you are soaping up another mans wifes ass. Hmmp, I am not a happy camper CR.


sunforged profile image

sunforged 7 years ago from Sunforged.com

you could add, as of today - dont like who the people voted for President ? - sue him multiple times claiming he is not a natural born citizen - this case is being seen today in the Supreme Ct - 12/5/08 , earlier this year the same case was brought against McAin


Princessa profile image

Princessa 7 years ago from France

A funny hub although it is scary to think that the stories are true.


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 7 years ago from Oregon, USA

Hey Christoph that stealing my wave gave me a great idea. I am suing you for stealing my idea to write a hub about frivolous lawsuits. Or you can just fork over a whole bunch of cash directly and skip the lawyers. Your call. if I don't get a fedex of , oh Idunno, at least $12.48 from you forthwith you'll be hearing from my lawyer.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Didn't the legal standard used to be "What would a reasonable person do?" I think the problem is we collectively (present company excluded, always!!) have lost our ability to reason.

I've gotten more than my share of brain freeze -- from ice cream, and in my adult years, from frozen adult bevvies. Does that give me the right to sue Carvels or Breyers or the bartender?

Hot Dorkage. Funny, I was thinking of writing a similar hub myself. How many hubbers does it take to file a class action law suit against CR? I want my $12.48 and I want it NOW!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendy: Oh no you don't. I waited here for a week waiting for you all to arrive! What happened? Nothing, that's what! And after I remodeled the living room to be big Roman bath thingy with lots of showers and jacuzzi's! Ha! You can't hang that on me. I was here. Where were you! (I felt like a bride left at the alter, only worse!)

But you can make it up to me.

Sunforged: The sky is the limit, apparently! I think I'll sue the person bringing that lawsuit for causing me "undue confusion and dicombobulation!"

Princessa: Glad you enjoyed it. It is scary. Thanks for the comment!

Hot Dorkage: Before I respond to your false and impertinent charges...

you reminded me of a story I read when I was looking for the weirdest lawsuits. It was written by a writer (I can't remember her name, but she wrote a series of "Princess" books about a Kuwaiti princess. Maybe you know who she is) who was sued by a woman who claimed the "Princess" books were based on her manuscript and about her life. She was crazy and harassed the writer for years, calling middle of the night, threats, etc. In the end (it went on for years) the woman lost but it had cost the writer not only a fortune, but almost ruined her life. It was facinating, so your lawsuit is not so crazy, especially if you just want to punish me. But you'll need lots of money too. Did I mention that the crazy woman was rich? Now, what were we talking about...

Sue me, will 'ya? Bring it on! You're causing me undue grief and hardship right now!

Thanks for stopping by (it was most unpleasant) and leaving a comment (wild allegations from a diseased mind). Always nice to hear from you (really). You're book publishing thread gave me some ideas.

MM: I agree about our "lost ability to reason," but I also think that juries WANT to give the other person's money away, especially big companies. They all have anger. They need to go back to the constitution and underline the "reasonable" thing. Do that and do an amendment.

Et tu, MM? So now it's a class action suit? Once I got a solicitation to join in on the Publishers Clearing House lawsuit. I studied the fine print. It wasn't easy to find, but there it was: Each person in the class action would each get around 10 bucks. The lawyers would make millions. That's how it played out, too. MY pain and suffering just doubled. Y'all might want to back off. I am experiencing more and more psychological damage.

To answer your question, "How many Hubbers does it take to file a class action lawsuit" against yours truly?

Answer: Fifty. One to file the suit and 14 to write "How to file a class action lawsuit" hubs, 11 to write "What to do when you're sued in a class action lawsuit" hubs, 5 to write "What it "feels like to be in a class action lawsuit" hubs, and 20 to write "Hot Pakistani Class Action Lawsuit Hotties" hubs.


mdvaldosta profile image

mdvaldosta 7 years ago from Valdosta, GA

Great stories, I've heard my share of dumb lawsuits but these are totally new to me.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

mdvaldosta: Glad they were new to you. Thank you for taking the time to comment.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Just because I am ROFLMAO over here does not in any way diminish my seriousness about joining in on any class action suits. Nothing personal, Christoph, it's just that on HP, $12.48 is a lot of bling, ya know?

I do like your answer about the number of hubbers it takes to file! But there's one important "class" of hubber left off your list: 12 (like the apostles, dontcha know) to write variations on"The True Christian's Guide to Class Action Law Suits"


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

You're right! Ok...add 12: It takes 62.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 7 years ago from USA

You're in St Louis and you can't find a shysta Lawyer?  I tho't they were everywhere,  =))

Very funny, but seriously scarey too!!

PLUS the comments are as great as the hub!!

lots of comedians on hubs!!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Christoph- I saw a news item once that "A woman sued the department store since she slipped on the floor (due to some other customer who was negligent) and the court awarded damages to the plaintiff"

Such "civil wrongs" or torts are considered pretty seriously in US but in India they don't even make it to the level of filing a case forget about coming for a hearing. I guess here the lawyers encourage litigation since they get a percentage cut and the courts even award punitive damages to be a lesson for others(also these cases receive wide media publicity encouraging more people to take this route).

It encourages people to sue(money to be made) without thinking about the consequences on the victims (who may have contributed very little for that accident in the first place). 


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

mariesue: Yes, I know lots of shyster lawyers. I wanted to be a shyster lawyer when I grew up. It is definitely scary. Glad you could stop by and leave a comment. You're always appreciated!

CW: That's exactly right. They just want the money and don't care about anything else. Thank you for the comment!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Oh, you've hit on SUCH a peeve of mine - don't even get me started! Too late.

A woman suing a department store because she tripped over a child and broke her leg while shopping. She won. It was her own kid.

People suing fast food restaurants for making them fat? Puleezzzze grow up and take responsibility for yourself!

Oh, now you've done it, I'm hot under the collar now. I blame the judges - who in their right mind sets a legal precident by awarding these judgements? Huh? Who? Crazy people, that's who. Once one person has won, the rest get to legally follow.

My family would've crawled over broken glass before doing that to someone.

I'm sorry you OD'd when you were a cute little kid. Really glad you lived.

I'm gonna go calm down now. Deep breath. Wish I had some beer.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shirley: Yes, I think it was your hub which mentioned the "fast-food fat" lawsuit. It's a peeve of mine too. There were so many to choose from for this hub! Absurdity! It's a travesty. And these people don't care that medical care gets more expensive, products cost more, the court system costs more, or that businesses and lives are ruined. I'd love to see some serious actions against these people and the lawyers who represent them.

Thanks for stopping by and your heartfelt comment. I agree!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

CR, I am afarid that the group shower will have to wait until sunday or monday. Monday is my birthday and my husband is taking me to OKC for shopping and gambling. I will be back Sunday night but I don't know when. Keep the shower warm, and try to get ag, mm, Spryte, shades, and ajcor and Chichi, and B.t to join in. See you then, have a great weekend!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Another classic is when people sue the tobacco companies when they develop Cancer. It has been common knowledge for years that smoking causes Cancer, so it hardly seems fair to sue them unless you smoked so many decades ago that they were still claiming it was 'good for you'.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

GM: Happy Birthday!

Misty: I think they claim is that by the time they found out it was bad for you, they were addicted. But you're right. Thanks for writing!


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

This Hub made me smile. Perhaps I'm too close to frivolous suits myself (not me, but people I know, just to set the record straight). Anyway, it's about the drugs from the trashcan.

When I was 9, I got hit by a car while riding in the street on my bike. I remember being in the hospital, looking into a bright overhead light, but that's about it. I don't now remember anything about the accident itself, nor did I when it happened. Later, I went to court. The judge asked me what I had for breakfast that day of the court appearance. I told him. Mom made me eggs, toast, and bacon.

To make a long story short, I got hit, I survived, and the guilty party paid the hospital bills. End of story. That was the right thing. No multi-million dollar award for no good reason. So, let's bring back the 1950s way. Also, my mother hit me with her hair brush after I recuperated, the only time she ever hit me, for riding my bike in the street, which she had told me never to do.

I do think I'm a little cracked in the head, but that was probably because I dove into a shallow pool a number of years later and hit my head on the bottom. And that's another story.

I love how you put your Hubs together with great writing, visuals, and the superb organization that exceeds the reader's expectations.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sally: Thank you so much. I am always happy to know you have read something I have written, and that you like it. I think your head is just fine (and don't get me started on how my times I've cracked MY head open).

Your mom sounds like my mom. Nothing bothered her more than idiotic behaviour. I don't mean funny stuff, but risky, dangerous stuff. Of course back then, kids were allowed a certain level of freedom that I don't think is possible today.

Frivilous lawsuits have troubled me for a long time. My wife reminded me today of former aquaintance of ours--a very high-powered lawyer--whose client had gotten drunk and fell asleep on some railroad tracks. His legs were cut off by a train and he won millions.

Thanks again for the note. I love to hear from you.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hello! This just in from the life imitates art department: So I'm sitting out at the final Cal Bears (UC Berkeley for those who might not be Bears fans) game of the season. I look down into my souvenir cup of lemonade. And what should I find there but a BEE!???!!! Yes, a bee. In my $5 cup of lemonade. I want you all to know that I briefly calculated the potential damages -- UC Berkeley has some deep, deep pockets just from game concessions alone!

But I thought better of it. And like the devoted little hubber I am (or aspire to be) decided to just write about the experience here.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*waves to Christoph from deathbed*

Gawd...I hate flus/colds...whatever this bug is that has kicked my arse from here to purgatory.

This hub did indeed make me laugh and shake my head. In my very first hub on here, I wrote a story about how I hit a man with a car and the strange events of that whole thing. He could have sued me...it would have changed my life, but he didn't.

Since then, I've been struck in my car three times. The first was a little old lady in a parking lot that didn't see me while backing out of her spot. The second was a kid that was a little too eager to get a jumpstart on a green light, forgetting I was in front of him and the third a man getting home from a long night's work who put on the wrong turn signal and turned in front of me in a way I hadn't been expecting...

All three resulted in mere scratches...although in case #2...I did lose my french fries which had been delicately balanced on the dashboard. As pay back for not wrecking my young life, I take this into account. No injuries? Small dent, scratched paint? What's the issue? I simply tell them to please drive more carefully...and we part ways with a shake of the hands.

I can't go 5 - 6 years without a scratch or a dent...why should I expect my car to do the same thing?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

So sorry to hear you are ill Spryte, hope you are on the mend and back on hubpages very soon :)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Me too, Spryte! I've been missing you. In fact, I've been missing the gang quite a bit. Agvulpes is MIA, where the heck is Shadesbreath (on vacation?). Misty- good to see you are back. Hope your birthday was grand. And tomorrow is Gmom's. Sagittariuses rule, it seems. And oh yes, a big hidee ho to you, Christoph!! Thanks for publishing this hub. Greed and stupidity, stupidity and greed. Amurikuh, where did we go wrong???


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Hi Christoph -thanks for this great hub - you really do have the best ideas! - I think that when the law courts get clogged up with frivolous law suits the non-frivolous law suits seem to get tarred with the same brush which then makes it hard for those people with genuine reasons to complain legally - and the lawyers win again! Happy Birthday to you gmom of you are reading this and I hope you feel better soon Spryte. cheers...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

MM: A bee? In your lemonade??? The audacity! The incompetence! Did the concession stand have a sign warning you of the potential of a Killer Bee attack? Was the stadium screened in to prevent Killer Bees from diving into, Kamikaze style, your lemonade? The bee was clearly drunk. Who served alcohol to this underage bee? Oh, you have a case alright! You just let me, Mort the Tort, handle your case. I say $100,005.00 ($5.00 for damages and $99,005.00 for pain and suffering.

Thanks for this opportunity to serve you and my country!

As for "where did we go wrong", if I was smarter (or took a lot longer to try to figure it out) I might have a plausible answer. As it is, all I can say is WTF?

Spryte: "brings Spryte homemade chicken soup and tucks her in"

Awww. Poor dear! You have been sorely missed around here. Lot's of us have been scarce lately. I liked your story. That is certainly the gracious , and if I may say, American (as I perceive it) attitude that is so sorely lacking in today's world. Whatever happened to "Do unto others" and putting oneself in someone else's shoes.

I am going to go back and read your first hub later today.

Misty: Happy Birthday!

Ajcor: Howdy! Yes, there are some actual and justified reasons for lawsuits, and you are right when you say that now they are all percieved as the greedy, money-grubbing kind. There are always a couple of big winners in every suit--the lawyers! Oh it gets my blood boiling.

Has anyone ever noticed that it's lawyers who created the legal system and who further complicate it, making it so that only they can wade through the morass and language. They've created their own jobs and made themselves necessary to navigate it (and highly paid). Let's face it, everyone loves a sneaky lawyer - when they are on your side.

Gwendy: Happy birthday!


Jim Batuyong profile image

Jim Batuyong 7 years ago from Anaheim, CA

Really enjoyed your Hub Christoph. I tried to sue someone once. I tried to sue a mortgage broker who took too long to get me a bank loan for a house that I was having built. He kept promising two days, three more days, next week. Finally the builder gave a deadline and it was too late to get someone else to broker the loan. The deadline came and they sold my house, that I had built, to someone else. Two days later the broker called and said he had loan papers for me to sign. I guess he didn't believe the deadline. So three months later I was able to pick up another house in the same neighborhood for $50,000 more. So I got a lawyer and started the ugly process. The only thing I got out of it was spending another $1500 on a lawyer that said I had a great case but never even took it to court. Just took my money, wrote two letters and said that's all he could do. I guess next time I need to find a shady lawyer instead of a respected one. Hmmm...me thinks I found the topic for my next hub.


rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe 7 years ago from Standing right behind you!

Yet another priceless, well-written hub.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

What you need Jim isn't a 'shady lawyer' but a 'Shadesbreathy lawyer'. He would tie them in knots :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Jim Batuyong: Yup, you could have definitely used a more snake-like fellow. Thanks for coming by and the comment!

Rockin Joe: Thanks so much for the compliment. I appreciate it!

Misty: A "Shadesbreathy lawyer" would definitely take care of business.


rmr profile image

rmr 7 years ago from Livonia, MI

These lawsuits are absolutely incredible! I was in a car accident, once. When the police showed up, the other guy jumped out of his car, and sprinted off, jumping fences and whatnot. I later received notice that he was suing me for extensive injuries he sustained in tha crash! Fortunately, he didn't get a penny.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

RMR: That's incredible! I'm glad the crook didn't get anything (except hopefully arrested). Another one I came across was a guy who was robbing a house while the owners were on vacation. He went out into the garage. The house door shut behind him and he was locked in. He lived there for a week subsisting on dog food, then he sued the homeowners and won!

Thanks for stopping by and for the comment!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Greta hub CR I also think the "I'll sue" syndrome has become totally unreal even in our country. It seeems that the more freedoms in a society, the more litigious it becomes. But dont try to sue doctor or a surgeon in South Africa, they close ranks on you, even when they have obviously erred. I heard a similar tale to your one above except the robber slipped on a rug and fell down stairs, injuring himself. He was arrested, convicted, but sued because the slippery floor and carpet were dangerous and he apparently won the case from Jail!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Mort the Tort! ROFL! :D I nearly spewed my coffee like a fountain over that one.

I love this hub Christoph. First, how lucky you are after that garbage can pill buffet experience. An angel must have been ringing that dinner bell. ;)

I really enjoyed reading these lawsuits, and you're right, things have changed big time. I often wonder why it's so hard for some people to win a lawsuit when they really deserve it while others win for the most idiotic reasons. : /

I know/knew a couple who were in a car accident, they hit a tree, she developed neck pain, then she sued her husband for a fistful of money and won. Go figure.

Happy Birthday MM! :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Aw SHOOT! I mean...Happy Birthday Gwendy!!

That's it, I'm restricting my hub activites until after I have at least 2 cups of coffee. ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sixty: I thought this orgy of lawsuits was pretty much a US thing. Interesting that it happens in SA too. Thank you for the comment!

Pam: Hi, Pam. Maybe I did have an angel watching over me. (Haven't seen one around here lately, though. Guess I chased them off years ago.) I had no concept of near-death at the time. As Yogi Berra might have said: "Dead? I didn't even know I was sick!)

The couple you mention is very interesting. Actually, that could be clever. His insurance has to pay the judgement, of course, so they get a big chunk of money and his rates go up (or the insurance company possibly dumps him as a customer). Hmmmm. I'm getting an idea. I'll get back to you.

Thanks for the comment!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Awww you guys are just the sweetest people ever!!!! I love you all! Spryte, I hope you get better soon, we need you back here. I miss the group too. Where is Agvulpes and Shades? We need some hubjacking action, and soon. I am having terrible withdrawls and need something to ease my pain.

Christoph, How are you sweety? I hope you can get on here and everyone else and let's do something fun, like a group shower for instance. hey CR, is your shower ready? MM, do you still have the soap on a rope? AJ and Ag, you think you guys can make the drive in time? Shades, instead of battling your wife for shower time buy her some flowers, take her for a nice meal and get your spinal cord and beer over to CR's.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

LOL Christoph at the Yogi comment!

What you mentioned is exactly what happened, his insurance had to pay (and they paid big), then they dumped him, which was perfectly fine because his wife had plenty of money from the lawsuit to go find another insurance company to cover both of them again. ;) It's funny and bad all at the same time.

Gwendy, tell us about your special day. I love birthdays...it's the only day of the year you can celebrate yourself. :D


jim10 profile image

jim10 7 years ago from ma

This sue happy way of life is cluttering my vision with ridiculous signs and warnings on everything. Coffee cups warn me that they are hot. When it rains out grocery stores put up signs that the floor is wet when you walk in. Plastic bags have pictures of kids with plastic bags over their heads and say choking hazard. Duraflame logs say risk of fire. I believe most chainsaws say don't try to stop blade with your hand. Tesco milk containers warn that they contain milk. It is sad that there are people out there that need these warnings.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

*enters singing hopefully only slightly off-key*

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear G-Mom, you deserve everything you get today and all year too... and I hope you don't have to sue ... because I like you ... and know you're true blue ... ok, that'll do....

Time to head out and risk being in a car accident. Assuming I make it back safely, I will see you all tonight. Hubjacking, perhaps!???

P.S. Great McDonad's pic. For a brief minute I thought it said Eric Graudins:-)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendy: Howdy! I am fine, thanks for asking. I've been really busy and unable to get on Hubpages lately, at least for very long. Anyway, the shower is ready so y'all just let me know and I'll be ready! I hope to run into you later!

Pam: Yea, I figured that's what happened. It's a crappy thing to do, but pretty damn clever! Now, the rest of people with the same insurance company can pay for it with higher rates. (If it was just the insurance co., I probably wouldn't mind so much. I am not a fan of insurance co's.)

Jim: The warning labels can be absurd! I like it when items are clearly poison's, the warning label says "Do Not Drink." That's' good, because once I was going to drink some Drano 'cause I was thirsty. Good thing I read that label! Thanks for stopping by and your funny comment!

MM: Hope you didn't have an accident. Eric Graudins! That's funny! Read it and substitute "Eric Graudins" for "McDonald's food" And it still works! (No offense, Eric, it's all MM's fault!)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Hey guys, I am so sorry to inform you all that I just am not able to participate in the group shower tonight. I think the weekend caught up with me and I am exhausted. I am going to go to bed but maybe I will recuperated and we can try again tomorrow. I will tell you guys all about my day then. Sweet dreams all!!!!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Oh G-mom. You can't fool us. We know that "I'm going to bed" is a euphemism for "I'm going to bed with my husband for some serious birthday sheet wrestling." Yeah, you bet we want to hear all about it! Happy Birthday!!! We'll leave the shower on for ya.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

I wish Gwendy a very happy birthday. May God bless you with Health, Wealth and Happiness this year and years to come

http://www.cakecarousel.com/cakecarousel/images/pr...

Click below to hear my birthday song and just pretend Iam there in Oklahoma and singing for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUA-RuhAusE


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Happy Biiiirthday to Gwendymommm. Happy Biiiirthday to Gwendymommm. Happy Biiiirthday dear Gwendymommm. Happy Biiiiirthday to youuuuu!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday Dear Gwendy

Happy Birthday To You

May the good God bless you

May the good God bless you

Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday To You

Happy Birthday Dear Gwendy

Happy Birthday To You

(After singing the above song then we all are clapping our hands. Now Gwendy is blowing the candle and then cutting the cake of course Christoph gets the lion's share of the cake)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ok guys. Here I am ready to get my birthday groove on and I don't seem to find many of you guys on? Geez! Don't make me get out my pocket planner and set appointments to get on here and hang out with you guys. Why is everyone so busy? I wonder if it has to do with Christmas? Well I'll be checking in every so often. Hope you guys are all well, hope to see you soon!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hi Gwendy, I am around for a short while, but must go to bed soon as it is 03.20am here. Happy Birthday again :) :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ty Misty and to you too. Maybe we can get a few more to join in and have some fun. I need a little entertainment.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Cindy- Atleast two of us are around to give gwendy birthday greetings (If their were guys around they would give birthday bumps...Gwendy are you up for it?)...LOL


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Hey CW, Glad to see you and Misty up and ready to party!!! Yep, I'm up for it!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hasn't Gwendy got 'bumps' of her own already? :) (smiles innocently)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Where the heck has everyone gone? Ag, Spryte, Aj, MM, Shades, Pam and CR are all MIA. Dang them. They need to get their butts here! Kinda hard to party when Shades is supposed to bring the beer.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Misty, I think they might be considered lumps.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Cindy- I don't know whether you are aware since in India my brother used to have his friends hold his hands and feet's (and his back had to hit the ground the number of times he is the age that year). He would just say I will get back to you guys on your birthday. Girls luckily aren't subject to the same customs in India...hehe


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

wow, I am very glad I am not a male from India!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Yes it is fun as a child not when you are hitting late teens when one gets one too many...hehe

But surprisingly guys don't seem to mind it and have more fun doing that and also things like putting cake on the face or coke pouring on their heads as a shampoo (My mom would get so agitated with such parties)...LOL


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL, sounds like they were having a good time. I am at the age that I don't like my birthdays anymore, I have just refused to get any older!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Don't you know we women stop growing at 16 (and forever be sweet sixteen and act like one what do you say?)..hehe


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL CW, I do know what 'the bumps' really are, only here in the UK we girls used to get them too when we were young, especially at school. I was merely joking around in my usual warped way when I suggested Gwendy might already have 'bumps' of her own.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

CW, I can handle acting like sweet sixteen forever, now if I could get my body to cooperate I'd be doing good!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

When I was small my father used to innovate the bumps by throwing me in the air and catching me (I used to so love it and unfortunately by the time I was 7/8 I was heavier for him to do it anymore). But the reason girls didn't have that custom was we wear skirts and not modest enough when even boys are present in the party...hehe


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL CW, that never stopped the other kids at our school giving you the bumps whether you wanted them or not, no matter what you were wearing. Very embarrassing!!!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

I wish your body cooperates with that sweet sixteen heart of yours forever(sort of like mind over body)...hehe


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Cindy- I guess that makes even girls be less shy compared to boys even from a young age...hehe


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I think we were forced to just laugh it off, or die of embarrassment CW :)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Yup you told me earlier (if you can't beat them join them)..LOL


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Absolutely CW, and it works, trust me :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

So girls, what kind of trouble should we cause tonight? Anyone got any suggestions?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Well, not wanting to be boring, but I need to go to bed now. It is 04.03am here in Guernsey, yawn. Will have to catch up tomorrow night instead. Sorry!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ok, have a good night! Sweet dreams to you!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Cindy- I know for sure since it has worked so wonderfully on you.

Gwendy- You are the birthday girl you can suggest some party ideas unless it is too late for Cindy to go to bed now.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Ok I will also go to have some dinner and have a great time Gwendy (hopefully christoph turns up soon for you).

Good night Cindy and have good relaxing restful sleep (I have lavender sprayed on my pillow which is excellent for good sleep)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Night Night all, sweet dreams to you too whenever bedtime hits where you are :)

Yes Lavender works really well CW, I swear by the stuff.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Well CW, I guess it's too late for cindy. I am not really sure what to do now. I should have gotten on earlier but I was busy loading my new MP3 player with some of my favorite songs and baking chocolate chip cookies for my son.

Have a great dinner CW!

Thanks Cindy!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Try goldentoad's hub Gwendy http://hubpages.com/entertainment/She-thinks-Im-a-...

He is up for a laugh and still online :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Or possibly Rockinjoe's hub http://hubpages.com/entertainment/How-To-Get-a-Gre...

He too is still online and up for a giggle. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendy, Misty, Countrywomen: Hi all. Sorry I missed all the fun. You gals had quite a conversation. I still can't figure out what "bumps" are. Could someone please explain it to and naïve, old goat? Well, hope to run into you later. See ya's!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Christoph- Suppose some one is 16 years old then their would be a guy holding the person's two hands and another holding his two legs then lift both his legs/hands simultaneously and make his bottom hit ground 16 times then he would have 16 bumps.

Btw you are not a "old goat" but a MAJESTIC LION whom we all like a lot.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

CW: No, I understood your "bumps." But are those the same kind Misty was referring to? We do not have these "bumps" on our birthdays. We do however give spanks, one per year of age. Thanks for Majestic Lion. You are an Elegant Swan.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Only MOM's are allowed to do that (spanking). Or maybe even your wife if you are being too naughty...hehe

I wish I was an elegant swan floating all day in the water with not a care in the world (P.S: I love swimming a lot)..LOL


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL Christoph, I will give you a tiny clue about my kind of 'bumps', every women has two of them and men are usually obsessed with them :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: Oh...those bumps.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

well what great timimg we have CR, I was just checking in and there you go posting. How are you today?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Christoph isn't doing too well. He just got a spanking from his wife for being too naughty...LOL


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

When did that happen? Shame CR! LOL. Good to see you CW.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

He was getting way too curious about something("bumps") and then he said what he usually gets for looking out for them ("spanking")

Glad to see you too. Hope you had a great birthday and nice gifts.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I think he must have done a post and run.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

I guess he is still getting spanking. Naughty boy but never the less a cute naughty boy...hehe


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I guess everybody has been busy or ill and not able to be on very much. Or maybe I just have too much time on my hands lately. I should be using that time to do something constructive, but there is no fun in that.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Write a hub about some of the places you visited with some pictures. I love travel hubs and also you may get some more traffic (revenue). I do check in the office HP but now planning to cut down a little as sometimes I feel it may be a bit too addictive / distracting....LOL


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

CW, I might write a hub but probably not about traveling, because I always seem to forget my camera when I go. I don't know what I might write about, but maybe something will come up. See ya later and have a great day. I hope you don't cut down too much. I would miss your smiling face.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Thanks for that compliment. I too miss you all and whenever I feel like taking some fresh air I peep in to get the company of my hubber friends. Looking forward to that hub and have a great day.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hey! I missed it again! How are you Grendy? And CW, you keep talking about spankings. I think maybe CW has a secret! Naughty, naughty.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hello, hello! I am just catching up on a most intersting thread. Birthday bumps, lady bumps/lumps, CR as a majestic lion and CW as an elegant swan (I'm liking this as a potential thread for later: what animal is everyone!).

I was over learning about hand jobs. Now I'm heading out but definitely am in a partay mood so let me know where all y'all will be hanging later. Woo hoo! Hub crawling!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi, MM: How you be? I am late to the party, which is my habit of late. Hand jobs? What's a hand job, Mommy?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Christoph- I have no secrets or skeletons in the cupboard. My brother when he was really small used to do annoying things and get spankings from mom(which I am sure you must have got since you seem to be very naughty too). I was mostly well behaved elder sister to my little naughty bro (but I so much love his naughtiness). I was just trying to address your unsuppressable curiosity which might get you into trouble if not sooner than later...LOL


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

CW: Spankings? My mother chased me around with a bullwhip. No kidding! And I was the good kid!


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Hey CR/Pepe! How are you, my friend? You seem to be on a completely different schedule from everyone else. Come to think of it, no one seems to be in synch these days anymore whatsoever.

Hand jobs -- well let's see how a Mom would explain such a thing. When you have really nice, well cared-for hands and someone notices, they suggest you'd be good for a hand job. And so you show them what your beautiful hands can do. And if your hands perform better than anyone else's you get the honor of the best hand job. What I like (as a Mother) is that hand-jobs are not a sexist thing at all. Girls and boys can equally get them. The key, if you're interested in this line of work, is to practice so you'll be really, really good.

BTW, in high school, my best friend's unfortunate name was Anita Logan. Needless to say....


yxhuang profile image

yxhuang 7 years ago from California

I found this article extremely funny to me. The above lawsuits will hardly happen to Chinese people. Great job!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

MM: I am fine but Pepe is feeling low. He says you never let him give you massages anymore. Yes, I have not been in sync. Just several outside writing projects and...other things.

You reminded me, in my experience as an actor and commercial guy, I knew a few people (men included) who made small fortunes as hand models. Now that's a good hand job!

Thanks for stopping in, MM. Peace on earth and joy to everyone named 'Aneeda Log-in!'


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

So about spankings, I have one in mind that in today's world would have made for a supreme lawsuit...the day I got spanked. I only got one spanking in my whole growing up life (ones you get as an adult don't count right?), and I will go to my grave saying it was an unfounded injustice based on a verbal misunderstanding!

On that fated day, I walked to a small market with my dad. Once we were in the store, he said, "Pick out a piece of candy Pam." So I did, and then I popped it in my mouth. Halfway back home, he saw me chopping on the candy and asked what was in my mouth. I told him it was the candy he told me to pick out at the store. Hell broke loose, and he yelled, "You stole candy??" I said, "Um, no sir, you told me to pick one out, so I did, and now it's in my mouth."

That's the day I learned what stealing meant...my behind learned a big lesson about it too because I got one of those bare skin butt whoopings. But that wasn't nearly as bad as the walk back home knowing what was going to happen and feeling like he had accused me unfairly. I mean, it's not like he said, "Pick out a piece of candy and we'll pay for it." How was I supposed to know? ;) lol!

Yep, I shoulda sued him. ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

yxhuang: Glad you stopped by and enjoyed the article. I think this is mainly a thing here in the US, with other countries not even entertaining such nonsense.

MM: You know, you probably could've sued your Dad if it was today (and the store for the temptation of putting that stuff right were a child can see it.) I confessed to my Mom once that I had stolen a pack of gum from Mr. Jenkins' store--an old-fashioned drug store with a soda counter and everything--5 years prior to my confession. She made me go in, confess, and make restitution. Mr. Jenkins was really nice about it, but I bitched to my mom about inflation and interest. I mean, it was only a dime when I stole it and I had to give back a quarter! The injustice!


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Thanks to Countrywoman for leading me to this site! Great comments about ridiculous lawsuits, Christoph. I also come from a family that is not so inclined to sue at the drop of a hat.

Once my grandfather was in the hospital as a patient and a piece of ceiling tile fell on his head temporarily trapping him in the bathroom. Did he sue? Of course not. He kidded for years later that "it was a good thing that he had a hard head."

Other such examples in my family I am proud to say.

Remember the incident of the woman successfully suing and winning a huge award over hot coffee being spilled in her lap? Wonder if she now only wants COLD COFFEE?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Peggy W: Thanks for stopping by and the comment. Your granddad sounds like granddad's are supposed to be: a good example to his family and a sense of humor about life. In the "hot coffee" case, a guy did the same thing to Starbucks and won. Then a guy tried to do it to McDonalds again, only this time with a shake. It was so cold, it caused him to lose control of his car and crash. He lost.

Thanks!


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

Dont' we have better things to do!!!!! It does get ridiculous. I'm still thinking about the wave stealer. Talk about being in the wrong place and the wrong time when all he wanted was a little fun.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

The cigar story might be funny, but it's an urban myth, sorry!

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

LondonGirl: Dear Editor: You had me confused. I did not use the cigar story, and could not figure out what you were referring to. Finally, I found that you are referring to a comment left by mistyhorizon2003. In the future, please be more specific in your correction notes to me. I am but a humble writer and cannot keep pace with the keen mind of an Editor, especially one with such a big red pen. E.g., you might have began: "Mistyhorizon2003 refers to a lawsuit involving cigar in the comment section above....." and so forth.

Thank you for "dumbing down" for my benefit.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

Dear Mr. Reilly,

I shall endeavour to be less opaque in the future.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Chris, This is one of my all time pet peeves. Thanks for turning it into something to laugh about. Sometimes its just embarrasing to be a human.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Randy: It's one of my peeves too. You put it perfectly when you wrote: "it's just embarassing to be human." How true!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Too busy to read me?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Randy: No. Of course not. Did you just publish something? I'll go look, but there isn't a message in my email that you have published something. Is that what you're talking about?


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

ya, or fb.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

You forgot to give me the code to decipher what you just said.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

ya (yes i did publish something)

fb (facebook)

been feeling lepperish.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Randy: You're killing me. You've been feeling lepperish? Ha, ha! I'm surprised you haven't hit me with a baseball bat and told me to back off yet! Have I neglected you on fb too? You know, it's a two-way street. You didn't touch what I wrote to you last night. And it was important to me.

No worries. I can dish it out if you can take it. Are you sure you're ready for the leprosy cure! Brace yourself! Here I come, Sweets!


Shady Lady profile image

Shady Lady 7 years ago from here and there

I agree on the frivolous lawsuits, but I am sorry to have to say this. I am currently filing a lawsuit against you, as I type this. You are being sued for broken ribs caused by my laughing too hard at your hubs! My 1-800-LAWYERS lawyer assures me that I have a good case against you.

I found him from a tv ad. He said that his goal for this year was to win his clients a combined total of $50,000,000 this year. I realize his only goal is to line his own pockets, but seeing that I am new here, and I haven't started to make any money yet, I feel that this is a quicker alternative. Please await your papers and I will see you in court.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

What? huh? I got nothin!  Send it again regular, my f'n fb is busted or something!

ps Shady Lady is as funny as you, better watch her.


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

OK, I don't even know why I'm leaving a comment. I started scrolling through all the above, and forget what the hub was about. I do know that it wasn't about Misty's cigars. Or bumps.

So, Christoph: glad I'm here. It must have been a really good hub, to have elicited all this fuss. If I remember in a day or two I'll come back -- but I sure as hell ain't scrolling back through all this here comentatin'. Maybe I'll just leave ya a note in another hub. Bye!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shady Lady: You may be onto something there. I can help you "from the inside" for a small share of the bounty! I think my lawyers are related to your lawyers: 1-800-GET-EVEN. Maybe the judge and jury will go easy on me because I broke your ribs by making you laugh and not by using you as a punching bag. But how could I ever intentially break the ribs of anyone as beautiful as you. You enter a court room and heads turn. Now, about that lawsuit...

Randy: It was just my response last night to what you wrote last night, "going to take a bubble bath...", etc. I just fawned all over you is all, and when someone does that they expect some response...some signal that says it's "Ok to fawn over you" or "stop fawning all over me." Otherwise, the person (me, in this case) is just stranded in a row boat without a compass.

You think Shady Lady is as funny as me? Damn. She sure looks a hell of a lot better!

Theresa: Take a deep breath. Thats funny. Don't worry, you're not missing anything. See you somewhere else!


Shady Lady profile image

Shady Lady 7 years ago from here and there

Flattery will get you everywhere, Christoph! I think between your lawyers and mine, we can come to some sort of arrangement. Of course, I could just innocently bat my eyes at the judge, and after that, you might be toast.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

What flattery?  Who flattered?  Yes, I think you would win the eye-batting contest.  Well, I'll be the toast if you'll be the jam; sweet, tasty, spreads easil.....Oh wait!  I didn't mean that!


Shady Lady profile image

Shady Lady 7 years ago from here and there

Hmmm...not that easily, after all, what would be the fun in that?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Of course not. And it wouldn't be fun. And it would probably make me run away. But look! I'm not running. No, Ma'am.


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

Awesome hub. Love Weird Al by the way. Suing has gotten so ridiculous. My parents weren't the suing kind either. If I got hur in someone's yard, that was that. I had to deal with it and move on (I was never stupid enough to eat candy from a trash can -- which by the way may be the answer to some of your issues?). My parents weren't scared of being sued, either because just about nobody did that kind of stuff. Now though, I bite my nails every time a child come over to play, or a worker comes over to fix something, cause you just never know, even if you think you did. Great hub yet again, Christoph. Love it!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Freida.  There are all kinds of things that maybe the answers to "my issues,"  but you're right it was a different world back then, and litigation is one area where the difference is a polar opposite.  glad you enjoyed it and thanks so much for the compliments!


Wildbird 6 years ago

Its like that jerk who sued McDonalds and Burger King blamming them for his obesity and ended up having it thrown out Its like these three convicts who sued the state becuase their cake and cookies were soggy this lawsuit was also tossed out THEY SHOULD GIVE THOSE THREE CONVICTS 10 EXTRA YEARS FOR FILING THIS STUPID LAWSUIT


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Wildbird: I agree. There should be some punitive action against people who file these ridiculous lawsuits - especially prisoners! Thanks for the comment.


Shayna89 profile image

Shayna89 6 years ago from Ontario

Ha ha! That was very interesting...i enjoyed that! People just pull lawsuits out their butts at times. Its ridiculous. Thanks for making it a laugh! :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shayna89: Glad you found it funny and had a laugh! I appreciate your comment!


Shea 4 years ago

It amazes me that these law suits can happen yet I was actually injured in a restaurant parking lot causing a major infection in my leg and torn ligaments and costing me thousands and couldn't get a lawyer to take the case or the restaurant to pay my medical bills because I didn't file an incident report with the restaurant the night it happened and it is within the restaurant's rights to have an unlit, unmarked step down into their parking lot as long as the concrete isn't crumbling and causing a falling hazard. I didn't know I had to file an incident report, the employees should have known that and informed me and not a single employee came outside to even see if I was alright. Instead they all stood and watched through a double glass door. A customer inside waiting on his food came outside to help me. I was asking for nothing more than getting my medical bills paid and still couldn't get any legal help.

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