Food You Cannot Eat...In Movies...

The title of my first "Hub" is "How to Choose a Comedy," though most of that article is on the film "Saving Silverman," directed by Dennis Dugan. The idea for that article came from a recent conversation that I had with the friend who originally took me to see that picture. Like many movie-lovers, our conversations are comprised primarily of quotes from the films we love. A scene from "Saving Silverman," which featured Steve Zahn's character "Wayne" and Amanda Peet's character "Judith" came up in the discussion. In the scene Wayne is trying to force feed Judith a pancake, sausage, hash brown, pop tart puree. Judith, refusing the food, demands a "Big Montana" with curly fries from Arby's. It's because of my love of this film that made me want to try this sandwich.

I don't know about the rest of the country, but where I live...there is hardly an Arby's to be found. In the eight years that this film has been around, I've never seen one. My luck changed however after moving to a town in Massachusetts which has one at its local mall. I was ecstatic..until I came to two conclusions. 1. There was no "Big Montana" on the menu, and 2. Arby's is expensive! DO NOT go to Arby's expecting McDonald's prices. My "All American" sandwich, curly fries and drink was close to $10.00! At any rate, I decided that the sandwich was either discontinued or made up for the movie. Returning home and logging online I found that the "Big Montana" (which is now on the menu as the "Large Roast Beef Sandwich") DOES exist. Although a sandwich consisting of 8 ounces of Roast beef on a sesame seed bun, which weighs in at 720 calories with 360 calories of fat, 110 in cholesterol and 2,270 in the sodium category, this sandwich should probably be outlawed. At any rate, it got me thinking about food in motion pictures that truly does not exist.

1. "Enemy Mine": Like many great sci-fi films, a human is going to encounter an alien race and in many instances be forced to adapt to the alien's cuisine. This cuisine is very often times green. Green, for whatever reason, is alien. The food in "Enemy Mine" is never given a name and I promise you'll never find it, not even at Arby's. In the film, actor Dennis Quaid eats strange jello balls from his captor's Naesay, which is a much finer alternative to the phallic insect he was forced to eat in the previous scene.

Enemy Mine (20th Century Fox)

2. "Star Trek" Keeping with the theme of grotesque edibles is the infamous Klingon "Gagh." "Gagh" is a serpent worm, which is eaten by Klingons while the worm is still alive. Once killed, Klingons savour the blood and devour their kill. Some Klingons claim that they do not even like Gagh, but enjoy the fight they put up while trying to eat them.

Gagh (Star Trek - Paramount)

3. "Mom & Dad Save the World": Do you remember this movie? It stars Jon Lovitz (as Emperor Tod Spengo), Eric Idle, Jeffrey Jones (Principal Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day Off), supermodel Kathy Ireland, and Danny Cooksey from Nickelodeon's "Salute Your Shorts" ("which makes me wanna' fart"). Speaking of having the potential to make you fart (thanks Danny), do you recall the killer mushrooms in this film? Those too were eaten! I can only imagine what people saw after eating THOSE SHROOMS!

Killer Mushrooms (Mom & Dad Save the World - HBO)

4. "The Lion King": Of course I couldn't leave this one out! We're asked to believe that a full grown lion finds it satisfying to exist in the woods while only eating tiny bugs in a tree. I don't think so. Sure there are bugs out there that you can eat, but something tells me that the Disney artists were not TOO concerned with animating actual classified bugs in this film. 

The Lion King (Disney)

5. "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory": This is a film that includes some food that could be a "Hub" on its own. We're talking chocolate rivers, candy cane trees, floral edible tea cups, exploding candy for your enemies, everlasting gobstoppers, three-course dinner gum featuring tomato soup, roast beef with a baked potato, and blueberry pie, lickable wallpaper (which I always found many strangers have licked the same spot?) fizzy lifting drinks, giant golden chocolate eggs, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubble-ade, bubble cola, double cola, double bubble burpa cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Warner Bros.)


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