Funny Quotes: A collection of Not-Quite Motivational Quotes
So in my searches of the internet I have come across dozens of different sites containing motivational life quotes. Here is the ying to their yang. A collection of the darker side of quotes. Most of them however are by the author of Unknown. Whether Mr. Unknown wrote these and was afraid to post his name or whether it was just lost in time, perhaps we will never know. Enjoy
I believe in peace, through superior firepower -Unknown
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... they don't know I'm only using blanks. -Emo Phillips
Evil Will Always Triumph, because Good is Dumb. -Dark Helmet
Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.- Naked Gun 33 1/3
Sometimes when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back. -Friedrich Nietzsche
Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. -John Benfield
We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there -Dana Gloud
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock -Will Rogers
"Cancer cures smoking. -Unknown
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. -Unknown
You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough. -Dr. Evil
When I was growing up, all my friends wanted to have sex with anything that moved. Why limit yourself, I told them -Emo Phillips
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese -Unknown
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit! -Unknown
So many pedestrians... so little time. - Robin Williams
Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh -Unknown
Today's women put on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails, sixteen pounds of assorted make up, including living bras and various pads that would make a linebacker envious, she has implants and other surgeries and later she complains that she cant find a REAL man. -Unknown
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, try different position. -Unknown
My parents saw the president they loved get shot in the head. I saw my president get head. -Elon Gold
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. -Unknown
Teamwork: A chance to blame someone else. -Devil Dictionary
Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come. -Matt Goening
What color does a smurf turn when you strangle it? -Unknown
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? -Unknown
Constipated people don't give a shit! -Unknown
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. -Unknown
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that it must be altered every six months. -Oscar Wilde
I have the heart of a child - I keep it in a jar - Stephen King
Two Rules of Success :
1) Don't tell everything you know.
Jesus said, come forth and receive eternal life. I came in third and won a toaster. -Unknown
NASA spent 8 years and $12 billion developing a pen that could write in space. It needed to be able to work in zero gravity, at a range of temperatures, and be able to write on any surface. The Russians used a pencil. -Unknown
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress -Unknown
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