God, Please Put An End To Our Queen!
I bow my head in despair and shame. The parasite of the commonwealth, Queen Elizabeth, loves Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. This leech is costing us a pretty penny every time she visits. In a city of poverty, with the highest taxes of the land, and little in the way of job prospects other than low wage service jobs, our city spends hundreds of millions each year for a rich old lady with a crown to feel welcomed visiting us. Rich people always get so much for free. Our tax dollars are going towards the promotion status of monarchy and wealth. Tell me, when is Canada going to secede from the tyranny of the British throne?
I know what you're thinking. I've read the history books. The books say we've declared independence from Britain in 1867. I call this rubbish! If we truly were a free state from Britain, then why is the queen's ugly face on my money? And why am I shelling this same money away to merely spoil her welcome into my hometown? No, folks, Canada isn't free from the monarchy. A part of me is starting to understand the perspective of our neighbors to the south. I can't help but feel te next time the queen visits our shores, there's nothing better than a little gunboat diplomacy, if you get my drift? Surely, if America can declare war on the throne for tariffs on tea coming to their shores, then surely we can declare war for a blood sucking vampire coming to ours? It’s time Canada succeeds from Britain! No longer should we feel privileged to have the queen visit our lands. Send her to a pack of Canadian husky wolves, I say!
And why, why, why must my eyes continue to be polluted and spammed by Prince William and Kate Middleton? I can't walk outside for five minutes without seeing a poster, a calendar, a billboard, a tabloid, announcing their oh so fabulous wedding. I'm I supposed to care? Who exactly is buying this crap? Because whenever I see the magazine section with their faces plastered all over, the rack is always full. I suppose if you're royalty you've earned the birth right to have your face plastered everywhere, whether it sells or not. Mean while, our Prime Minister is a leading war hawk in Libya, but no, Kate's dress, earrings, and hairdo is the biggest news coming! Let's distract the masses as they stand in shock and awe of their fleshy idol.
Enough is enough already! It's time we take buckshot to the royal pop tart! Take this gunpowder, take this musket, and man the cannons! It's time we greet the queen with a royal divorce! Sink the queen's flagship as it enters our shore! Canada never, ever, ever shall be slaved! Off with her head! Off with her head!
-Donvan D. Westhaver
Update: Google And Hubpages, Is This Some Kind Of Sick Joke?
So here I am, making a wonderful, beautiful, sarcastic rant on how we should turn the queen into wolf food, and then you tease me with this disgusting piece of marketing and advertisement?! No offense, but that's just plain gross! Nasty Hubpages, bad Google, down, down, down! It may be against Google policy to promote advertisements, but from what I understand, "depromotion" is fair game. Do not click on this ad! I repeat, do not click on this ad! Every time you click on this ad, you kill a slug! Why would you kill innocent and lovely slugs over this ugliness?
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