Harper's Island ep 11
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This episode had a little bit of everything: murder, sacrifice, romance, blame, even life epiphanies! All nice and neatly wrapped up in 40 minutes. Sadly, not a single aspect of this show is original so none of it was really shocking.
First let's look at Romeo and Juliet AKA Charlie and Chloe. I get that love (and adrenaline) can give you the strength of a thousand men or whatever, but Charlie recovered rather quickly from almost bleeding to death. He went from looking putrid, gray and on the verge of death, to running around with perfectly coiffed hair and only occasionally wincing. Interesting. Then, he was scampering about the island with a shotgun as if he would be able to shoot it and withstand the kickback slamming into his bum shoulder. Later, he was able to use that same rifle to get a few swings in at Wakefield. It's pretty bogus that he survived a shotgun wound (and an amateur surgeon's maiden voyage around the operating room) just to be skewered and thrown from a bridge. No good.
Wakefield calmly walked into the church and stole Chloe without anyone noticing. I guess he musta greased up his boots to be silent like a ninja! Blood is a natural lubricant to eliminate noisy shoes, I'm sure. Also, why didn't he kill her on the spot? Did he expect this Shakespearean tragedy of an ending? She seriously could have gotten away if she had climbed the fence like Charlie told her to. Wakefield had a knife, not a gun--run fast! Besides, One-Shot Abby could have taken him out sniper style! Instead, Chloe chose to pull the whole if-he-can't-have-me-no-one-can. Too bad it usually works the other way around. She would have known that if she watched a few Lifetime movies in her day. The music during this scene was very OC-like, but not in a good way. Oh well, at least Charlie and Chloe came full circle from the time we were introduced to them during their Jaws-style night swimming scene in the first few episodes!
The real loser in this whole situation is Zack Morris. He lost his new bestie and his wannabe dream girl. At least he was inspired by their "true love" (their relationship translated to me as lack of chemistry). The eye of the beholder, right? I'm sure he'll carry on his life in honor of Charlie and Chloe's love. Vomit. It's sad because I was just getting into their bromance.
It's hilarious to me that the D-level characters, Nikki and Dreadlocks, were the only ones taking note of the obvious clues. Nikki questioned how Jimmy survived the explosion. I don't care about the deal made between Sheriff and Wakefield that still makes no sense. Am I to believe that he escaped through a tunnel under the exploding dock? I have to remind myself that this is fiction, and not the kind that is done well. Dreadlocks pointed out that there had to be 2 killers way before Demon Child and her whiny mother found the news articles in Sheriff Dad's attic. It's sad, but I'm afraid Dreadlocks is not going to survive the finale.
What was up with Shane trying to man up to Wakefield with that tiny knife? That's like some yellow-belt clown challenging Chuck Norris to a fight. It would have been different if Shane had a gun, maybe, but otherwise he was just actin' a fool. I'll give the dude props for saving The Bride, even though she didn't deserve it for hanging out in the bathroom waiting to be sliced to bits. I'm frustrated because I just took Shane off my "To Die List." No points for me for this episode. Boo that noise!
Wakefield wiping off his knife/samurai sword was straight from the Scream script. As if the boyfriend-as-a-suspect thing wasn't enough of a knockoff.
Speaking of the idiotic Jimmy situation, why on earth would Sheriff Dad tell Abby to run off with Jimmy if he thought he was Wakefield's business partner? It completely makes sense for Jimmy to be in on it, but I'm leaning toward those Jimmy files being planted in Sheriff's attic. Too much of it is illogical. I'm sticking to Seth Rogen being Wakefield's long-lost son. Or maybe Henry.
Since Wakefield isn't dead, whose body is in the casket? Does anyone care other than me?
The Blame Game
It's Sheriff Dad's fault for telling everyone that he killed Wakefield when he knew he hadn't.
It's The Bride's fault for getting married on that godforsaken island.
It's Abby's fault for coming back to the island.
It's Demon Child's fault for being annoying.
Henry and/or the guy with the Seth Rogen glasses
Jimmy and/or Seth Rogen
Shea-Then she'll leave Demon Child to The Bride and Henry to raise
There's No Escape
Paris Hilton Wannabe
Seth Rogen (or so they want us to think!)
Ginger (AKA Richard)
The Man Without a Face
2 Plane Police
Nikki (She served ZERO purpose)
Watch It On Netflix & Play The Drinking Game
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The Only Reason to Watch
Harper's Island: The Drinking Game (Only play if you're over 21!)
When any of these things occur drink the corresponding number of sips:
Cheap Scare: 1
Mysterious Notes: 1
Horror movie cliché: 2
Someone dies: 5
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