Horrible Horror Remakes
10 Worst Horror Movie Remakes
Horror movies have been terrifying people for over a century. The first horror movie ever made was about two minutes long, entitled Le Manoir Du Diabl aka The Devil's Castle, made by a french film maker named George Melies in 1896. Even though most of us haven't seen that movie, we all have our pick of a favorite horror movie. Since we were children in genre has scared the pants off us, even though most won't admit it, we've all have that movie that did at one time or another. But, right now we're going to focus on those movies that didn't really scare us, those movie that shouldn't even exist, since there has already been a better one made, those stupid remakes of classic movies we love. There are more remakes of movies then we even know, some I have to admit, are pretty good, but for every food remake made there are two bad remakes.
10. Friday The 13th (2009)
This remake stars Supernatural's Jared Padalecki. It's about a group of horny teenagers (as all the Jason movies are about) go on a camping trip, to only be interrupted by Jared's character, who looking for his sister. It turns out Jason kidnapped her (since you know Jason kidnaps young girls instead of stabbing them in the back with his giant machete). He also has a house and learned some cool ninja moves. Honestly, I liked Jason when walked methodically with his trusty giant machete, and even though the half naked girl is running through the woods he still manages to catch up to her and ultimately kills her. Some people like this movie, but most people did not.
9. The Fog
This one stars, yet another CW star, Smallville's Tom Welling. A quite seaside town is engulfed by mysterious Fog, guess who's in the fog? The Lepers! That's right, ghosts of people infected by the Leprosy disease, are taking out their revenge, because the town is putting a statue of the guy who killed them. Oh, and the ghosts steal Superman's girlfriend, then the movie's over. Well, that pretty much sums up the entire movie. Sucks, right? If you're a Smallville fan and want to see this movie because of Tom, take my word, DON'T! All-in-all I would have to say pretty much everyone hates this movie.
8. My bloody Valentine
Yet again, another CW star Jensen Ackles. He also stars in the cult television series Supernatural. I didn't like this movie, but it might have been because I watched it at home, with no 3-D glasses. A miner kills a bunch of people in a mine a long time ago, okay, he wakes up in the hospital after being comatose and kills everyone in there, then leaves and kills some kids in the mine attending a party, and is killed. Then Jensen's character decideds to dress up the mining psycho and kill people. Wow, what a horrible movie. The original wasn't very good, why do a remake that's worse?
7. Amityville Horror
Whoever said "let's do a remake of the movie based on the one of the most horrific crimes in American history, and let's make Ryan Reynolds the bad guy" must have been high. I don't know what's worse about this movie Ryan's acting or his beard? Were they even thinking, it's funny how they tried to make him look like the real Amityville killer, and did a pretty good job at, if that were the person he was portraying! It's kind of like hiring Luke Wilson to portray a serial rapist, just plan out funny, not scary.
6. Prom Night
I can't figure out which was worse this movie or setting in a movie theatre full of screaming girls in their prom dresses. Brittany Snow did a horrible job portraying a girl who had her entire family murdered by her sadistic teacher. No one in the cast stood out to me, and I didn't really care if any of them died. It seemed like a cheep cliche movie they rushed to hit box office by prom time.
Rob Zombie's Halloween fell a few notches short. This movie was too over-the-top but that's how Rob rolls. It's fine to do the evil scheme on your own movies, but dude you totally ruined a classic. Rob Zombie fans love this movie. But, me I had no problem taking in I Spit on Your Grave's rape scene, but the rape scene in this was just wrong. Plus after watching Michael's life, it took out a lot of his mystery that made the original so amazing. I should also mention what a bust Halloween 2 was, I don't want to use another spot on this list just for the sequel, but I have to say, it was way worse then the first in every possible way imaginable.
4. When A Stranger Calls
Well, where to begin with this one. I'm just going to say horrible, horrible, horrible. This movie stinks, not even in remake terms. If no one had ever seen the original or even heard the urban legand, this movie would still suck. That is how bad this is. The acting was so bad, I wanted the stranger to kill her so she would just shut up! Plus the lack of people in this movie made it horrible, during the whole movie it's just the babysitter, with some cops, a friend, and of course the children, but mostly the babysitter. Maybe more people would like this movie if she got naked or something. Gees.
3. House Of Wax
Oh no! Jared Padalecki is on this list again! Hmmm.. you always think when Paris Hilton dies it's gonna be really cool! Well, true it's only good part in this movie. Something about some kids get stuck in an old town full of wax sculptures, but the sculptures are dead people. Cool. Yeah, that's what I thought until I saw it. Most people don't know it's a remake because the original is so damn old, but it is, and it's not very good. If you want watch to watch a good Paris Hilton slaying, I suggest watching "Fallen Idols" it's and episode of Supernatural. In which Jared Padalecki decapitates Hilton with a shovel, pretty cool.
Last House On The Left
I'm sure you like this movie, if you haven't seen the original. This movie doesn't hold a candle in the wind to the original. Sure, the rape scene might be a little, I said little more gory then the originals. But the way the parents kill their daughter's killer (I know she doesn't die in the remake) is much more creative then the remakes ("I can make love to you with my hands tied behind my back"). Also it lacks the comic relif of the sheriff and deputy (if you've seen the original, you know what I'm talking about). Also the original was directed by Wes Craven, now come on, that right there should tell you it's better!
On one hand, I applaud them for not making this over with a lot of profanity and nudity and making it a sleazy film. Yet, if they were going to keep everything the same, why bother when you weren't going to improve on Tony Perkins, Janet Leigh and the original cast?
Did they honestly think Vince Vaughn was going to be as good or better than Perkins? Are you kidding? Ann Heche, with her short mannish-haircut, is going to be better than Leigh? I don't think so!
Yes, the colors were pretty in here but it's the black-and-white photography that helped make the 1960 version so creepy to begin with. It's perfect for the story, not a bunch of greens and pinks! Once again, I guess the filmmakers were banking on an audience that never saw the original.
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