Just Humor Me...
For the Easily Amused
The older my son gets, the younger I become when I had him. And now I say it was rough being a teenage dad.
I tell the truth about my wife's age and then I say I'm into older woman.
I'm not very superstitious, but I do believe that I have to watch the game live because I can influence the outcome. And sometimes it requires the aid of a glow in the dark rosary.
Procrastination has saved me from having to do a lot of work that became unnecessary. I swear by it.
There is no such thing as lazy, there is only misdirected energy. Lately my energy has been directed at watching sports and eating junk food.
One of the few things that I learned in college is that when it comes to drinking, men drink, boys count, and women can become really slutty.
My best friend in grammar school told me the shortest poem i ever heard. It's about baseball. "Rain. No game."
I'm a hypocrite. I hate liars but I love my wife and she lies to me all the time about when we have to be somewhere becaue I'm always late.
When I was a teacher many of my students were Hispanic so when I asked them to write a paper I made them promise not to do an ese.
I told my wife I couldn't do the laundry because the washing machine instructs me to separate the whites and the colors and I'm not a racist.
When I was little one of my friends told me about sex, so I explained to him that my parents didn't do that and in order to have me they must have taken, "The Pill".
When I was in 5th grade I was a townwide spelling bee finalist, but I got eliminated on the word "biscuit" because I misunderstood and spelled it "B-I-S-Q-U-I-C-K".
I have this theory that having too much money can kill you. You could crash while trying to fly your own plane or hit a tree while skiing in Aspen. So if I ever win the lottery I'm staying home.
You ever notice that the word "therapist" also spells "the rapist". And one would probably need to see a "therapist" if they ever encountered "the rapist".
This is how I respond to the following questions:
Q: What's today's date?
A: Dinner and a movie.
Q: What time do you have?
A: I'm having a good time.
Q: What's your sign?
Q: What's your race?
A: The 50 meter hurdles.
You ever notice that "Love" is a four letter word? But it is also just a light switch away.
I'm not fat. I just have a lot of relaxed muscle.
I figure I owe it to this world to have as many children as possible or least die trying.
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