How Much of a Redneck are You?
After much consideration and study, as well as polling my 5th grade students, I have developed a Redneck Continuum, which puts levels of redneckness (to coin a word) in position related to 'normal'. The following number line will be used to position each level of redneck.
'Normal' will appear at the 0 point. To the left are the five levels of Redneck.
At -2 is 'Hick'. A hick is a bit Redneck, but not much. Most of his behavior is close to normal. He might be seen scratching himself in public or sunbathing in the front yard with his beerbelly showing.
At -4 is Good Ol' Boy. He is somewhat redneck, but still not enough to offend the average American. His behavior would include growing a mullet and swimming in someone else's pool without permission while drinking his favorite brew.
At -6 we find Hillbilly. He is halfway to full redneck status. His behavior would include leaving his toenail clippings on the coffee table and saving rusty cars in his front yard
At -8 is Mountain Man. He is mostly redneck. His behavior might include rifle practice in the house and marrying a cousin.
At -10 we find Redneck. He is all redneck, with no hope of recovery. His behavior includes going to family reunions to meet women and fishing from the back of a moving pickup truck.
Feel free to use this scale and these descriptions to determine your own level of redneckness.
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