How To Detect a Zombie Outbreak

Zombies - Moving, Slowly, Steadily, by the Light Of The Moon - They Never Sleep - They're Coming...not very fast, but they're coming!


Zombies, Watch Out!


How Will You Know?

In case of zombie attack, the zombies may spread with a surprising speed. Since they look like humans and are a sort of "infected human," anyway, it might be difficult to tell a zombie from a non-infected human being.

Dogs can sense zombies, so definitely GET A DOG and have a dog around you at all times!

Basically, if a zombie invasion is starting, you're probably going to find out about it LATE, have little time to react and then - BOOM! - the zombies will be upon you...

There will likely be NO OFFICIAL WARNING before Zombies start to press upon you and surrounding urban areas, but if you're really sharp, you might pay attention to the following things and be on alert for zombies (besides preparing ahead of time, sort of like my keeping a "hospital emergency bag" packed at all times even though I don't go to the hospital EVERY day)...

  • You might sense confusion in the media and your local TV Station might suddenly display an unusually disorganized "face" to the world
  • Local TV anchors might suddenly change with no warning and no explanations as to why some new announcer (and probably very inexperienced) is on TV
  • Emergency broadcast messages by Local TV stations - messages that cut off in the middle and are disorganized and strange ie: "This is an emergency warning - Everyone in the local area and for a 20 mile radius around ("your town") TAKE COVER NOW - there are Z--"
  • Landline Telephone glitches and disruption of services - make sure your cell phone is charged - carry a charged, spare battery for it at all times (2 batteries should be good for 5-10 days - STOP browsing the net so much and using the vid feature and your batteries will last longer). Switch your cell phone OFF most of the time to conserve the batteries and your cell will be functional for longer...
  • You suddenly stop hearing from many of your high profile friends. Got a friend who is a cop? Perhaps police-person-friend got caught in the first wave of the zombie outbreak - keep track of your friends. Heck, keep track of your enemies, too!
  • You suddenly stop hearing from your regular profile friends and haven't even done anything unusual or wrong to them in the last little while... Again - keep track of your friends (and enemies). If more than 3 friends are unavailable by phone or cell text (especially if they're not prone to hanging out all together) - start worrying about how to detect whether or not zombies are in your town!
  • Your pets are freaking out! Well, the weather could be changing, too - but if your animals are jittery, hissing, moaning, darting around - you should start immediately checking for other signs of zombie takeover - call your cop friend and see if he/she is still human!
  • If your pets are definitely freaking out and you don't notice signs that all the hub-bub is about the weather, don't go into any room in your house - EVER - without your dog with you! I don't care if normally Taffy isn't allowed in the kitchen - Taffy is allowed now - Taffy is about to SAVE your unprepared, human arse, no doubt! Give Taffy a little piece of beef jerky dammit... Keep your pets on your good side... you may need them if this Zombie Invasion is for real!
  • The TV and phone lines are fine but when you turn on your local news, there's a hideous, flesh-falling-off-the-face announcer, mumbling, 'Arrrrgh hmmmmfffffff eerrrrrgfffff aaahhhrrrrggghhh' in place of the good looking weather gal's report.

Zombie Outbreak Simulator

I'll Try This Again - On a More Serious Note - Signs of an Impending Zombie Outbreak

Disappearing People:

  • People suddenly start disappearing from your community... be especially alerted if those disappearing are normally very responsible types who never do anything without planning or take trips without announcing such intentions.

Graveyard Disturbances:

  • Local media starts reporting that there are some serious vandal issues and goings on at local cemetery locations - headstones overturned, graves tampered with, etc.

Hospital Visits at an Alarming Rise in Rates:

  • People are suddenly sick in great numbers, requiring trips to the hospital, and you hear talk of amnesiac sicknesses, insomniac sicknesses, strange and unexplained illness, paranormal activities, a lot of unidentified people ending up in hospital wards and also - rapid deaths after short term hospital stays... disappearing bodies and unestimable body count are warning signs, too...

Sudden Announcements of Undisclosed Diseases of Epidemic Proportions:

  • Authorities cannot actually name the diseases or pinpoint what diseases are taking people down in mass numbers but the rumor mill spreads around words like "contagion" and "contagious."

Government Sources Burst Upon the Media Scene, Saying "Don't Panic":

  • Ah, NUTS - just PANIC! Once the government sources say to go home, stay home, lock all your doors and stay calm... well, you can TRY TO stay calm but something BAD IS GOING ON! (Oh here Taffy, Taffy, Taffy... nice puppy!)

Media Sources Start To Panic:

  • Start stocking up on food, water, first aid supplies - and WEAPONS - because at this point, you'll probably hear conflicting stories in the media - some with government expert opinion (saying, "stay calm, stay home, wait for an announcement and further instructions") and others with a bit of hysteria attached, saying "stock up on food, water, first aid items and weapons." Pay attention to the latter media messages!

Local Law Enforcement and Emergency Services Show a Sudden Flurry of Action:

  • At this point, you're probably not being told much but will start seeing all kinds of activity from the police, other law enforcement groups, emergency services, etc... Authorities might show signs of setting up a command centre or control centre of some sort... by this point, it's best to keep on stocking up on food, water, first aid supplies and WEAPONS!

A State of Emergency is Declared:

  • No shyt, Batman!!!!! *rolling my eyes* -- Beware that once a State of Emergency is declared, government will not operate in the same way anymore and neither will law enforcement institutions. Things will likely be handed off to military personnel to control and your rights as a citizen will change - likely you will not have your basic human rights anymore, so are you stocked up in food, water, first aid supplies and weapons? If things have progressed this far, it's a good thing you gathered up all that stuff so the military has quick access to it all! Quarantines, if they haven't already begun, will be starting around now.

Military Control:

  • Military control is put into full effect. Guidelines and action toward quarantine are probably well under way by now. If you are being herded into quarantine areas and made to leave your home, it will be might well appreciated by the military - that you gathered up some extra materials for them while you go to lockdown and they stay to fight the zombies.

Zombies In The Street:

  • ...and I don't mean like Mick and David, Dancin' in The Street... but shuffling grotesquely, slowly, menacingly...

Yep... yer all hooped now!

By the way, I'm sorry I couldn't maintain the note of seriousness beyond the fifth or sixth point but we're talking ZOMBIES here, okay?

Let's call the humour a nervous side-effect of being skeered peepless and call it even, okay?

Survival Tips

Taffy The Zombie Detecting Boxer

Let's Hope Taffy Looks Like This!
Let's Hope Taffy Looks Like This!

The GRAVITY Of This Possible Situation

There truly ARE some people out in the world who are NOT joking about Zombies. I should have read much, MUCH more material by these people before I started writing this hub because there are some serious points to consider here but I have lost most of my seriousness in graphic mental pictures of scenes from various Zombie movies...

Furthermore, I am (SERIOUSLY!) still poring over a real life research project from some Canadian researchers called "WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE INFECTION" and this material is freaky!

Here is the abstract:

Zombies are a popular figure in pop culture/entertainment and they are usually portrayed as being brought about through an outbreak or epidemic. Consequently, we model a zombie attack, using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies. We introduce a basic model for zombie infection, determine equilibria and their stability, and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions. We then refine the model to introduce a latent period of zombification, whereby humans are infected, but not infectious, before becoming undead. We then modify the model to include the effects of possible quarantine or a cure. Finally, we examine the impact of regular, impulsive reductions in the number of zombies and derive conditions under which eradication can occur. We show that only quick, aggressive attacks can stave off the doomsday scenario: the collapse of society as zombies overtake us all.

The last few sentences made me stop laughing at the words "Zombie Attack" for several minutes...and so did the words, "[...] latent period of zombification [...]"

LATENT PERIOD OF ZOMBIFICATION??? OMG what does THAT mean? That's gotta be something bad, for sure!

Furthermore - there are different groups of believers in Zombies who argue vehemently against each other - the main topic of contention: Viruses.

Some believe and state very adamantly that Zombies are real - more than a possibility - and they are brought about by viruses infecting people... Viruses that render the outer brain useless while allowing the brain stem to live...

Other groups who argue against this idea say that Zombies are obviously created from contamination by toxic chemicals or radiation...

AND THEN...there are those who say Zombies are made by medical experiments gone bad - ones where researchers are working with viruses such as the toxoplasmosa virus - which, by the way, many people are already carrying - as well as cats, rats, mice, etc. (Seriously! toxoplasmosa is extremely common... I probably carry it 'cos I've got a cat - and I used to own rats and mice, too...not all at the same time, mind you)

...what's that?

Wait... what the hell is that noise I'm hearing?
Shoot! I gotta go... I left Taffy outside - gotta go bring Taffy back inside...

There was no Zombie Invasion warning in my area yet - WTF?

Well, I'd better just ge.........

TAZ the Zombie Fighting Canary! Beak in Zombie-Peck Mode - Check! Taz is ready to defend! (T=Tactical A=Assault (on) Z=Zombies). Go Taz!

Don't be fooled by their small size. A canary might be your best friend if Taffy crashes and burns!
Don't be fooled by their small size. A canary might be your best friend if Taffy crashes and burns! | Source

Put THIS info in your Bug Out Bag!

Although Mr. Bobbitt and I shared some comments about tongue-in-cheek features of this article, when I went to browse Mr. Bobbitt's articles, I found out that he, too, is a planner of sorts! His article on trip preparation/RV-ing is excellent - for the here and now.

See Article:

TRIP Preparation: You and your RV - Prepare For The Worst and Enjoy The Best

Of course this information would have to be slightly modified to fit with zombie invasion scenarios (like the part about Wal-Mart parking lot as a pit stop - might not be a great idea during a zombie invasion) but almost all of it would be pertinent to know and follow if you find yourself in situations where Zombies are about to settle upon your area!

Please see Mr. Bobbitt's profile for a whole ton of RV information articles, cool recipes and some gadget information:
Don Bobbitt

Actually, I'm curious to know if Mr. Bobbitt's "handle" is some kind of survivalist code symbol for O.ut Bitt... I haven't figured out the B-I-T-T yet but if it's a survival code, I'll keep working it out 'til I figure out what BITT stands for!


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Comments 41 comments

alastar packer 5 years ago

Thanks mythbuster for the free tips to prepare and beware of Zombie outbreaks-very fine hub on it. Do you think a training in the martial arts would be of any defense whatsoever and you are most correct in that animals will often be the canary in the mine for such things.

JY3502 profile image

JY3502 5 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

Ahh, come on now Mythbuster! Get real. Do you actually believe Taffy is gonna hang around while some Zombie chews your butt to pieces? LOL! Good Piece there Myth!

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I dutifully prepare by breaking out my zombie repellant spray at every domestic disturbance reported in the news and every broken red light.;)

mikielikie profile image

mikielikie 5 years ago from Texas

What a cool hub. My wife and daughter and I played zombies in a low budget movie about a month ago. It was fun. You always have a great mind that spills out on to your pages.

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

alastar packer, yes I think martial arts training will be helpful - heck anything that will help with defending oneself will definitely be useful! I never considered canaries... good point there! Everyone needs to get dogs and canaries!

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

JY3502, Taffy is probably not going to stick around while Zombies chew Myth's butt - you're right there. I think I would have to pay close attention to Taffy PRIOR to the zombies showing up...instead of saying, "Oh for gosh sakes, Taffy - GO LAY DOWN and stop acting up or I'm going to put your downstairs for a while!"

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Ah, Mentalist Acer's got the right stuff goin' on! Zombie Repellant Spray! I forgot to list that on the hub lol

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

mikielikie, stay away from Mentalist Acer, eh? M-Acer (macer? awesome) is armed and ready to spray you and your family down - just in case!

That would be soooooo cool to be in a zombie movie. I hoe you write a hub about that! I'm goin' over to check your stuff in case you HAVE written about it.

wolfboy profile image

wolfboy 5 years ago from lumsden,canada,sk

taffy the zombie detecting boxer!lol!

mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, this was brilliantly funny Mythbuster. Loved it :)

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hey mistyhorizon2003 - long time no see! Glad you stopped by to enjoy the Zombie freak out hub! lol

mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Always great to find another one of your hubs mythbuster. Just set myself up with the 'Daily Digest' email from Hubpages. It makes it much easier to check out the newly published Hubs without missing any important ones such as this one :)

wolfboy profile image

wolfboy 5 years ago from lumsden,canada,sk

mythbuster you did not comment about what i said!and what do you mean when you say ge...

wolfboy profile image

wolfboy 5 years ago from lumsden,canada,sk

TAZ the.......,........zombie fighting canary!LOL!

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hey wolfboy, glad you liked the canary pic. alastar packer's comment prompted me to add that lol

wolfboy profile image

wolfboy 5 years ago from lumsden,canada,sk

but this is sireis crap!

Highvoltagewriter profile image

Highvoltagewriter 5 years ago from Savannah GA.

Hay myth I have not read any of your stuff for some time so I thought I would pop in and i am glad I did for this hub was soooo funny! Not only funny but on so Beautiful! (Well zombie are beautiful when their heads exsplode)! Hay wolfboy, did you mean serious crap?? Just checking...

wolfboy profile image

wolfboy 5 years ago from lumsden,canada,sk


mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Highvoltagewriter - I'm glad you enjoyed this hub. I'll get over to see how your stories are progressing. It's been a while since I've visited your pages, too.

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Zombies have been a concern of mine for some time now. I was just thinking the other day, "Oh, if only someone would write a hub on how to tell if Zombies attacked..." and then you did.

Interesting and informative stuff. I feel so much more prepared!

Thank you!!

Phillbert profile image

Phillbert 5 years ago from The Ozarks

Very cool and well written!

Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 5 years ago from Ruskin Florida

Love It! Love It! Love It! Tears in my Eyes! I am glad I tripped over your stuff, and I will sign up as a follower, and dip into your writings when i need a little "Pick Me Up" Thanks for the Hub.

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 5 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hello Mr. Bobbitt. It's nice to know you're taking my hub so seriously :) Thanks for the kind words... but be well assured - you won't need a tissue for most of my other hubs. Many are rather serial errr serious.


Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 5 years ago from Ruskin Florida

I look forward to more. Wait! What is that? A Tongue in your cheek?

epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...thanks for checking out the old stuff my friend - every writer loves and appreciates that - and needless to say because the epi-man loves walking on the dark side himself his eyes perked up when he saw this title.

My favorite zombie film still has to be the original Dawn of the Dead by George Romero - my least favorite zombie film is my love life - lol - and I love your epic presentation here so without further adieu I will wake up all of the deadheads on Facebook with a direct link back here and a posting there and let them know that a zombie attack is coming - say, isn't that the Republican party? lol

lake erie time ontario canada 2:39pm

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 4 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hey epigramman, sorry for the late reply... been working on the checklist for the Zombie Survival Guide and, as you can guess, preparing for zombie invasion can turn into a full time job! :) I love the old Dawn of the Dead by George Romero and watched it a couple of weeks ago... then went ahead and watched the re-make right away. Wow, the re-make is actually done with a "final girl" component... this was interesting for me to realize. Maybe you've noticed this, too.

Thx again for reading and commenting!

That Grrl profile image

That Grrl 4 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

Voted up and pretty awesome post. Passing the link along.

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 4 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Thanks for voting up, That Grrl. I am glad you liked this hub. Are you prepping for the zombie invasion yet? :)

Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 4 years ago from Ruskin Florida

Excellent, I will have to look out for that Latent Period of Zombification! LOL!

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Great information my friend! I now feel as prepared as I'll ever be should it happen. Great fun!

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 4 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hello billybuc - I'm so glad you feel prepared for a Zombie outbreak! One can never be too careful, you know? :)

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

I can see why this hub is your featured hub on your profile. I loved this hub....although the latest movie zombies move much faster than the older I loved the videos you attached....especially the simulator my checklist....I am ready. Voted up and across the board....hey why are my dogs barking.....

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 4 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hi again Cogerson... I'm so glad you took the time to read this hub. After the rest of the world succumbs to the Zombie invasion, you and I can sit around together ('cos we're prepared for it, right?) and discuss Mothman, Indrid Cold, go over bug out bag contents and chill lol

jdw7979 profile image

jdw7979 3 years ago from Middle America

Nice!! I dig your style.. Great hub!!

AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This hub is so funny! Thank you very much for the useful details about detecting a zombie outbreak and increasing the chances of survival. I may need these instructions one day!

CraftytotheCore profile image

CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

Enjoyed reading this very much! LOL

I remember a couple of years ago the CDC put out a warning about a zombie attack. It was a hoax, but I remember it going viral on FB.

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 3 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hi CraftytotheCore - glad you enjoyed the hub. Actually, CDC actually did write a theoretical paper about "IF" there ever was a zombie attack (treat it like any pandemic, stay calm, hunker down with survival supplies, etc). And so did Canadian researchers - weird huh? Yeah... so start training your birds and dogs, eh?

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 3 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

AliciaC, I am glad you found some details useful - use ONLY in cases of survival, and never do this at home alone, kids - unless you've got nothing else to go on at all lol... GOOD LUCK :)

alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 3 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

That's not Wayne Bobbitt, is it? He just about survived the attack on his Christmas baubles, so he wouldn't be much use as a survival consultant.

Anyway, I thought everybody *Down Under was a Zombie since half the Aussie entertainment industry is 'Topsides'. (It helps to be a Zombie to get through the daily commute, though, but Rolfie seems to have gone a bit too far. Still ,as the Press-gang says 'Guilty until proved guilty'. What did I say? Sorry, make that 'Innocent etc'. Your mate Rupe ain't in charge of the judiciary - yet).

[*With apologies to Dame Edna]

TheKatsMeow profile image

TheKatsMeow 3 years ago from Canada

Thanks for creating such a fun read :) I love reading about Zombies and really enjoyed your Hub. Thumbed up and shared it :)

mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 3 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide Author

Hi TheKatsMeow - glad you enjoyed the zombie hub. It was fun to write.

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