How To Detect a Zombie Outbreak
Zombies - Moving, Slowly, Steadily, by the Light Of The Moon - They Never Sleep - They're Coming...not very fast, but they're coming!
Zombies, Watch Out!
How Will You Know?
In case of zombie attack, the zombies may spread with a surprising speed. Since they look like humans and are a sort of "infected human," anyway, it might be difficult to tell a zombie from a non-infected human being.
Dogs can sense zombies, so definitely GET A DOG and have a dog around you at all times!
Basically, if a zombie invasion is starting, you're probably going to find out about it LATE, have little time to react and then - BOOM! - the zombies will be upon you...
There will likely be NO OFFICIAL WARNING before Zombies start to press upon you and surrounding urban areas, but if you're really sharp, you might pay attention to the following things and be on alert for zombies (besides preparing ahead of time, sort of like my keeping a "hospital emergency bag" packed at all times even though I don't go to the hospital EVERY day)...
- You might sense confusion in the media and your local TV Station might suddenly display an unusually disorganized "face" to the world
- Local TV anchors might suddenly change with no warning and no explanations as to why some new announcer (and probably very inexperienced) is on TV
- Emergency broadcast messages by Local TV stations - messages that cut off in the middle and are disorganized and strange ie: "This is an emergency warning - Everyone in the local area and for a 20 mile radius around ("your town") TAKE COVER NOW - there are Z--"
- Landline Telephone glitches and disruption of services - make sure your cell phone is charged - carry a charged, spare battery for it at all times (2 batteries should be good for 5-10 days - STOP browsing the net so much and using the vid feature and your batteries will last longer). Switch your cell phone OFF most of the time to conserve the batteries and your cell will be functional for longer...
- You suddenly stop hearing from many of your high profile friends. Got a friend who is a cop? Perhaps police-person-friend got caught in the first wave of the zombie outbreak - keep track of your friends. Heck, keep track of your enemies, too!
- You suddenly stop hearing from your regular profile friends and haven't even done anything unusual or wrong to them in the last little while... Again - keep track of your friends (and enemies). If more than 3 friends are unavailable by phone or cell text (especially if they're not prone to hanging out all together) - start worrying about how to detect whether or not zombies are in your town!
- Your pets are freaking out! Well, the weather could be changing, too - but if your animals are jittery, hissing, moaning, darting around - you should start immediately checking for other signs of zombie takeover - call your cop friend and see if he/she is still human!
- If your pets are definitely freaking out and you don't notice signs that all the hub-bub is about the weather, don't go into any room in your house - EVER - without your dog with you! I don't care if normally Taffy isn't allowed in the kitchen - Taffy is allowed now - Taffy is about to SAVE your unprepared, human arse, no doubt! Give Taffy a little piece of beef jerky dammit... Keep your pets on your good side... you may need them if this Zombie Invasion is for real!
- The TV and phone lines are fine but when you turn on your local news, there's a hideous, flesh-falling-off-the-face announcer, mumbling, 'Arrrrgh hmmmmfffffff eerrrrrgfffff aaahhhrrrrggghhh' in place of the good looking weather gal's report.
Zombie Outbreak Simulator
I'll Try This Again - On a More Serious Note - Signs of an Impending Zombie Outbreak
- People suddenly start disappearing from your community... be especially alerted if those disappearing are normally very responsible types who never do anything without planning or take trips without announcing such intentions.
- Local media starts reporting that there are some serious vandal issues and goings on at local cemetery locations - headstones overturned, graves tampered with, etc.
Hospital Visits at an Alarming Rise in Rates:
- People are suddenly sick in great numbers, requiring trips to the hospital, and you hear talk of amnesiac sicknesses, insomniac sicknesses, strange and unexplained illness, paranormal activities, a lot of unidentified people ending up in hospital wards and also - rapid deaths after short term hospital stays... disappearing bodies and unestimable body count are warning signs, too...
Sudden Announcements of Undisclosed Diseases of Epidemic Proportions:
- Authorities cannot actually name the diseases or pinpoint what diseases are taking people down in mass numbers but the rumor mill spreads around words like "contagion" and "contagious."
Government Sources Burst Upon the Media Scene, Saying "Don't Panic":
- Ah, NUTS - just PANIC! Once the government sources say to go home, stay home, lock all your doors and stay calm... well, you can TRY TO stay calm but something BAD IS GOING ON! (Oh here Taffy, Taffy, Taffy... nice puppy!)
Media Sources Start To Panic:
- Start stocking up on food, water, first aid supplies - and WEAPONS - because at this point, you'll probably hear conflicting stories in the media - some with government expert opinion (saying, "stay calm, stay home, wait for an announcement and further instructions") and others with a bit of hysteria attached, saying "stock up on food, water, first aid items and weapons." Pay attention to the latter media messages!
Local Law Enforcement and Emergency Services Show a Sudden Flurry of Action:
- At this point, you're probably not being told much but will start seeing all kinds of activity from the police, other law enforcement groups, emergency services, etc... Authorities might show signs of setting up a command centre or control centre of some sort... by this point, it's best to keep on stocking up on food, water, first aid supplies and WEAPONS!
A State of Emergency is Declared:
- No shyt, Batman!!!!! *rolling my eyes* -- Beware that once a State of Emergency is declared, government will not operate in the same way anymore and neither will law enforcement institutions. Things will likely be handed off to military personnel to control and your rights as a citizen will change - likely you will not have your basic human rights anymore, so are you stocked up in food, water, first aid supplies and weapons? If things have progressed this far, it's a good thing you gathered up all that stuff so the military has quick access to it all! Quarantines, if they haven't already begun, will be starting around now.
- Military control is put into full effect. Guidelines and action toward quarantine are probably well under way by now. If you are being herded into quarantine areas and made to leave your home, it will be might well appreciated by the military - that you gathered up some extra materials for them while you go to lockdown and they stay to fight the zombies.
Zombies In The Street:
- ...and I don't mean like Mick and David, Dancin' in The Street... but shuffling grotesquely, slowly, menacingly...
Yep... yer all hooped now!
By the way, I'm sorry I couldn't maintain the note of seriousness beyond the fifth or sixth point but we're talking ZOMBIES here, okay?
Let's call the humour a nervous side-effect of being skeered peepless and call it even, okay?
Taffy The Zombie Detecting Boxer
The GRAVITY Of This Possible Situation
There truly ARE some people out in the world who are NOT joking about Zombies. I should have read much, MUCH more material by these people before I started writing this hub because there are some serious points to consider here but I have lost most of my seriousness in graphic mental pictures of scenes from various Zombie movies...
Furthermore, I am (SERIOUSLY!) still poring over a real life research project from some Canadian researchers called "WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE INFECTION" and this material is freaky!
Here is the abstract:
Zombies are a popular figure in pop culture/entertainment and they are usually portrayed as being brought about through an outbreak or epidemic. Consequently, we model a zombie attack, using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies. We introduce a basic model for zombie infection, determine equilibria and their stability, and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions. We then refine the model to introduce a latent period of zombification, whereby humans are infected, but not infectious, before becoming undead. We then modify the model to include the effects of possible quarantine or a cure. Finally, we examine the impact of regular, impulsive reductions in the number of zombies and derive conditions under which eradication can occur. We show that only quick, aggressive attacks can stave off the doomsday scenario: the collapse of society as zombies overtake us all.
The last few sentences made me stop laughing at the words "Zombie Attack" for several minutes...and so did the words, "[...] latent period of zombification [...]"
LATENT PERIOD OF ZOMBIFICATION??? OMG what does THAT mean? That's gotta be something bad, for sure!
Furthermore - there are different groups of believers in Zombies who argue vehemently against each other - the main topic of contention: Viruses.
Some believe and state very adamantly that Zombies are real - more than a possibility - and they are brought about by viruses infecting people... Viruses that render the outer brain useless while allowing the brain stem to live...
Other groups who argue against this idea say that Zombies are obviously created from contamination by toxic chemicals or radiation...
AND THEN...there are those who say Zombies are made by medical experiments gone bad - ones where researchers are working with viruses such as the toxoplasmosa virus - which, by the way, many people are already carrying - as well as cats, rats, mice, etc. (Seriously! toxoplasmosa is extremely common... I probably carry it 'cos I've got a cat - and I used to own rats and mice, too...not all at the same time, mind you)
Wait... what the hell is that noise I'm hearing?
Shoot! I gotta go... I left Taffy outside - gotta go bring Taffy back inside...
There was no Zombie Invasion warning in my area yet - WTF?
Well, I'd better just ge.........
TAZ the Zombie Fighting Canary! Beak in Zombie-Peck Mode - Check! Taz is ready to defend! (T=Tactical A=Assault (on) Z=Zombies). Go Taz!
Put THIS info in your Bug Out Bag!
Although Mr. Bobbitt and I shared some comments about tongue-in-cheek features of this article, when I went to browse Mr. Bobbitt's articles, I found out that he, too, is a planner of sorts! His article on trip preparation/RV-ing is excellent - for the here and now.
Of course this information would have to be slightly modified to fit with zombie invasion scenarios (like the part about Wal-Mart parking lot as a pit stop - might not be a great idea during a zombie invasion) but almost all of it would be pertinent to know and follow if you find yourself in situations where Zombies are about to settle upon your area!
Please see Mr. Bobbitt's profile for a whole ton of RV information articles, cool recipes and some gadget information:
Actually, I'm curious to know if Mr. Bobbitt's "handle" is some kind of survivalist code symbol for B.ug O.ut B.ag Bitt... I haven't figured out the B-I-T-T yet but if it's a survival code, I'll keep working it out 'til I figure out what BITT stands for!
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