How to be a successful Evil Overlord

Could YOU be an Evil Overlord?

Are you a highly intelligent person who is OBVIOUSLY superior to everyone else? Do you harbor a secret hatred for most/all life forms other then yourself and those who can competently serve you (but have yet to find anyone that is actually competent)? Are you able to disguise your belief in your total superiority to achieve your nefarious goals? If so they YOU may be a perfect candidate for the position of Evil Overlord.

Before you begin planning for Total World Domination

If you believe you have what it takes to become an Evil Overlord there are a few steps you must take before you make and implement your diabolical plans for world domination. 

You need to identify your family issues, why do you hate your mother or father? Your mommy or daddy issues are a weakness and must be overcome first. Lingering feelings of anger or hurt may cause you to hesitate during a critical moment and will be exploited by meddlesome hero wannabe's.

Come to terms with you emotional baggage and you will turn a weakness into a strength. Overcome any self esteem issues so that you do not 'need' anyone to recognize your superiority or fear you.

Identify all of your weaknesses and for those that cannot be overcome keep them a closely guarded secret and share with NO ONE! Your most trusted second in command will either be as evil as you and seek to supplant you or they will have a sudden change of heart and betray you. A decoy secret weakness that you allow to be 'discovered' may prove useful. 

Your Evil Plan, the devil is in the details

When devising your evil plan there are no details beneath you, if a 5 year old can find a flaw in your plan a half backed hero will too. Yes, if you want something done right you must do it yourself, do not wait until your evil plan is just about to be foiled to figure this out!

Be clear about your goals. Are you out to rule the world or destroy it? Failing to be clear with yourself on goals will lead to failure, know what you want and why. Consider your options once you are clear on your goal, will tempering your diabolical strategy with occasional virtue mask you true evil intent aid you in achieving your goal? While people should fear you do you really want them to know that?

You may need to employ minions, henchmen and advisors, they will be incompetent and will eventually fail you. Be clear on your instructions for them and try not to overreact for minor failings. Offering a good health plan or support for their families should they die in service to you will keep your minions loyal to you. Your minions and henchmen need to have a clear and concise handbook to study when they begin serving you, they should be trained to identify mysterious disappearances, noises and suspicious characters as probable intruders and raise the alarm before going after said intruders. 

If your plan hinges on you obtaining some secret weapon, magic amulet or other artifact do not allow it to be known what this object is, rather arrange for a decoy object to be sought by your minions. When you obtain your object of power do not keep it in your secret lair, find a less obvious and secure to stash it until its needed, a bank safe deposit box makes a good secure place to hide a object of power. Hide your decoy object of power in your secret lair, it will buy you time when the hero gets the upper hand and goes after your object of power, be sure to booby trap it, its unlikely but may just kill off annoying heros.

Your evil fortress needs to be well built with no secret entrances. Not to say that it can't appear to have a secret entrance, but you must know of all ways in and out. Know the exact layout of every inch of your secret lair. Work stations should not face away from entrances to that room. Have lots of prison cells, you do not want two crafty hero's planning their escape from the same cell. Have a different key for each cell, one key for all cells is just stupid! If one prisoner escapes at least the other prisoners cannot easily also be freed. If you knowingly capture a hero kill them, do not imprison them unless you need them to escape in order to follow them to a real threat against your evil plan. 


Know Your Enemies.

Understand that enemies will come from unexpected places. Your family will betray you so be prepared to kill or sacrifice them. If you do not kill them straight away do not let them know you are prepared to kill or sacrifice them. Do not imprison siblings, make them allies or kill them. An imprisoned sibling will be rescued and join forces with your enemies, the hero's. Just because your sibling is willing to be an ally does not mean they will not betray you later so keep a close eye on them and kill them at the first sign of independent thought. Trusting your siblings is more dangerous them trusting a minion, you may spare a minion when they fail you but a sibling must be killed for failure.

The son or daughter of some peasant you murder is likely to grow up to become a hero and your enemy. If you cannot avoid killing some peasant be sure you do not leave anyone behind who might try to get revenge in a few years. If you are unable to kill the infant child of an adversary take them with you and research why your attempt to kill the infant did not work, find a way to ensure they do die if not at your hands then at the hands of your most morally depraved minion. If you leave the infant, they will be protected until they come of age and you will have already lost.

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Comments 19 comments

Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Sounds like a new game on facebook like farmville. (heaven help us). I'm certainly not a candidate for Evil Overlord - superior perhaps, just not OVERLY so. Fun stuff K.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

YOU are an evil genius, kirstenblog, and I enjoyed your instructions thoroughly. Health care plans and handbooks, essential.

One question, though, can there be two?


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

lorlie6, 2 evil overlords? Hmmm sounds like a conflict of interest to me! A co-evil overlord might come in handy BUT should be done away with when their usefulness is over and chances are if they are truly evil they will be thinking the same about YOU!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Okay, then, I'll see you on the other side...


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

Sadly I do not think myself evil enough to make a successful overlord, I could not do all the killing required, not hands on anyway. Maybe if I had the skill I could create a virus to wipe out humanity or something but I would need to have more distance from my victims and this is my weakness. I could possibly do the job of an evil overlord advisor tho ;)


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago

Do you know of any evil overlord apprentice program? I don't feel confident enough yet to launch my own program!


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

This is a great hub, very fun to read. Was it also for fun or did I simply misunderstood?

Very nice Kirsten.


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

@mega1, evil overlord apprentice program! :D thats killin me, so funny :). I sadly do not know of any evil overlords seeking an apprentice at this time :(. Perhaps you would be interested in a role as an evil overlord accountant? Or trusted advisor? I consider myself to be perfect as an advisor so perhaps you would too?

@hypnodude, I was hoping to write one that folks could come and read when they need a good laugh. It got started when taking some friends to the airport and he starting giving a list of what not to do if you are an evil overlord and I thought I gotta write a hub on this one!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I rent from that guy!


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

HaHaHa Micky Dee very funny :P :D


Jim Bryan profile image

Jim Bryan 6 years ago from Austin, TX

kirstenblog, as a practicing Evil Overlord, let me say that your interest as an adviser has been noted. It's a great stepping stone--everyone should have a mentor.

Insofar as their being two (or more) Evil Overlords, I think you bear a common misunderstanding, though it should have been cleared up in your section under having clear goals. A world is a mighty big thing to run (and there are a lot of hassles associated with such), and if you destroy it, there is nothing to lord over. We tend to frown on that sort of thing. But back to running it:

As it is huge, we need an infrastructure in place to operate things. Most Overlords have a desire for "total domination," but not an immediate need. We only really want to crush our enemies, have enough people enslaved to our will that we can focus on outside interests, and, of course, be adored/feared by everyone we meet. We don't mind "sharing," at least until we build our organization large enough to destroy the overlord in the next underground lair. Better to let them live in most cases though, gives heroes someone to waste resources on and each time they take one of us out, we can learn from the action and become better prepared. It's easier to learn from the mistakes of others than sit out a prison term.

And a not on accountants and other minions: Always provide them with a remote killswitch. Assure them that the suicide device can only be initiated by they themselves, however; at least until it is inside them. The killswitch can work as a failsafe, motivation tool, and even save you a lot of time and money later if they are captured. I hate spending money on rescue attempts, they are so boring. Before I started employing the devices I cannot tell you the number of times some bumbling oaf (who possessed info I simply could NOT let my enemies have) got nicked. I had to secure the person to retain my secrecy...BORING! Assassinating them was a little better, but if the assassin got caught...again, let me reiterate that remotely activated suicide devices are best. I prefer cortex-shrapnel bombs, myself, gives the chance of taking out an enemy and not just losing resources.

Anyway, great Hub.


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

Ok then, I was just scared that my poor English made me think it was a funny piece while it was intended a serious one. :):)


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

@Jim Bryan your tip about a remote suicide device is excellent! A very clean way to clear up any problem, nice and hands off as well. This is all good info for a evil overlord advisor too! :D

@hypnodude, yup it was to make folks laugh. Your english is pretty good for someone who is not a native speaker. Reading your hubs you must put a lot of time into crafting easy to read sentences and paragraphs etc. I would like to applaud your skill, it is evident that you work hard on your hubs as some native english speaking people do not write as well as you! :D


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

LOL kirsten, I like this one, very nice take, haha, you made my day too, because I am laughing now, I will carry out the plan later, I dont know If I can be one, overlord haha, and be successful,

merry xmas to you kirsten and for the chance of knowing you here, I hope everyday will be better for you too,

Maita


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

Maita, well that is one of my evil plans working then :D

Made ya laugh hehe ;)

Merry xmas to you too hun :)


wrenfrost56 profile image

wrenfrost56 6 years ago from U.K.

I love this hub, I laughed so much I cried. This is a hub I wished I had written. Thanks for the great advice. LOL! :)


kirstenblog profile image

kirstenblog 6 years ago from London UK Author

wrenfrost - I am glad to have made you laugh! That is step one of my evil mission here on HP completed then! Mwahahaha! :P


Springboard profile image

Springboard 6 years ago from Wisconsin

lol. Hey, and with unemployment at 10%???...


Rafini profile image

Rafini 6 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

Ok, I took notes. hehehe

Watch out World!!! hehehehehehe

thanks for the advice :) lol

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