How to find the funniest t-shirts
Your dilemma: You want the newest & funniest t-shirts, but fresh designs are being pumped out daily all over the internet. You can't keep up. Your dollars demand to be traded for cottoned greatness, but you don't have the time or inclination to find and sign up to every single tee shop's newsletter, feed, twitter, etc.
Solution: T-shirt review websites. These poly-cotton patriots set up websites solely to keep you informed on the newest t-shirt designs and promotional deals these shops run.
Problem: The vast majority of t-shirt reviewers suck. To be a good reviewer you have to 1) follow the latest news and 2) inform your readers about said news. Most reviewers start out hard and heavy but slowly stop posting. Eventually they'll post two new designs every four years and maybe throw in an expired coupon or two.
Now that we've filtered through 99% of the posers, we're still left with a few great reviewers. We're like judges at a Miss Universe pageant. We can demand the best. The best Jerry. In steps my favorite t-shirt reviewer, Tshirt Groove. What sets Tshirt Groove apart? Consistency of course. But also, drum-roll please...a personality. While I can devour technical manuals on calibrating the latest quackenbush peck feeding drill, when it comes to t-shirts I'm a sugared child with A.D.D. I demand quick and funny.
Here are some random T-Groove excerpts from just the last week or so:
"I’m going to be very transparent in this post. I don’t have a frickin’ clue about Pokemon. That looks like a leaf in green there..."
"...Dwarfs is the correct spelling in this world, but dwarves is preferred in bizarro world. I could be wrong, and it would probably take me all of eight seconds to look that up, but I just can’t."
[referring to a tee] "This is a cute way to frame your neurosis..."
"...You try to make it easy like Lionel Ritchie, but that fucking box is staring at you like Hannibal Lecter..."
Do you even need to see the shirts to be entertained by that? No. But the entertainment value increases by at least 25% when you do. Booker Addison is the proprietor of the Groove. And Booker Addison must be a pseudonym because nobody in the real world has a name that cool.
And if I haven't convinced you yet to subscribe to Booker's feed, drive this one off the lot: From time to time Booker scores special deals from some of the top shops, xx% off, $'s off, buy one get ones, etc. And yes, some of those are giveaways for FREE t-shirts. "Oh come on" you say, "nobody actually gives away free shirts. There's always a catch." Bollocks to that. How do I know? Because I scored a golden ticket. A free Busted tee. No previous purchase, no jumping through hoops, no credit card, no shipping costs, no kissing up to Mr. Busted. As free as a pigeon on tax day. So after you subscribe to the Tshirt Groove feed go sign up for the tee deals newsletter as well.
UPDATE TO ABOVE POST
On Dec 7, 2011 I awoke at the crack of 2:30 PM to something very unusual. My inbox was full. One of the first emails:
We received urgent correspondence from Spreadshirt Inc. requesting a very large emergency shipment of Fine Jersey t-shirts. We have never seen an order this large. We held an emergency meeting and concluded that if we divert all operations, expand infrastructure, and train an army of new staff, we can fulfill it.
This is one of the most exciting things to happen in our industry and we will meet this incredible challenge head-on. We have already decided to name the first new factory Teetower in celebration of today's achievement. Thank you very much and congratulations. When things settle we would like to discuss with you how this all happened.
Most sincerely, Dov Charney, CEO American Apparel"*
Our entire network went down today due to an enormous flood of internet traffic to your shop, teetower. A very influential third party had linked to your site and sent a deluge of sales.
We weren't geared up for this kind of volume, but we can do the work. We're in contact with local legislators, head hunters, and aircraft manufacturers. We couldn't be more impressed by this design's performance and we look forward to servicing all orders. This will be a Happy Holiday indeed!
Yours truly, Philip Rooke CEO, Spreadshirt"*
*These emails are entirely fictional (just in case)
There was an avalanche of emails, mostly from excited customers, but also from media, celebrities, designers, retail buyers, advertising agencies, charities, art agents. The last email I read was from an investment banker wanting to take my design public with an IPO.
I went to bed an unknown and woke up a superstar. I knew this could be the work of only one man, Booker Addison. Sure enough, the source of the gusher was this monkeylicious tee post. It struck a chord, as he highlights two topics very dear to me, t-shirts, and my t-shirts. Listen to this poetry referencing my propeller chimp Clyde:
Exclusivity: "...the perfect gift for that impossible to buy for person on your list, who seems to have everything. They do not have this shirt. But they should."
Quality: "...is printed up on American Apparel shirt stock, which is the best stuff you’re gonna find."
Monkivity: "First of all, it features a chimp and that’s awesome. Next, that chimp is wearing one of those beanie hats with the propellers, which makes the chimp doubly awesome."
Call to action: "Get one or 10 of these and pass them out to everyone on your list."
Sex!: "...guaranteed to get much romantic attention just having this garment in their possession."
Salesmanship like this brings a tear to my eye. It scratches a deep and persistent itch, my vanity. Like the humble genius Donald Trump, I would never toot my own magnificent horn. But via books, buildings, pageants, products, and unvisited hubpage posts, I will showcase any and all praise that comes my way.
As you remember from above, Booker Addison is the brainchild and founder of TshirtGroove. Since that post, Booker is still going strong, consistently posting new shirts from top sites. On top of the easy navigation, concise wit, and exclusive e-newsletter deals, there is also a great featured tshirts page which is perfect for the shopper on the go who wants to find the hottest bestsellers or latest holiday-themed shirts quickly.
Don't know what your gangly and awkward 17 year old nephew could possibly want? Click on featured shirts. Booyah. Currently you have dinosaurs, ninjas, zombies, Hangover movie tees, Anchorman movie tees, hot sellers, and more to choose from. Zombies... click. Booyah again, over 25 designs to choose from all on one page. And they're Booker-approved so they're not lame.
Well I'm exhausted and I still need to get these drawings framed. But all kidding aside, I thank Booker for the nice t-shirt review. I think it's the first review of teetower anywhere! Thanks for reading.
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