I Am An A-hole

Mike's Common Sense

I am evil. I know I am evil, but I can’t help it. In fact I take a fiendish glee in being evil.

I wasn't always evil; it just came upon me about six years ago. That’s when I moved from the frozen tundra of Rochester, NY, and relocated in Miami, FL.

I remember my last day working at the airport up in Rochester, it was 5 degrees, and colder than a witch’s left bosom. In fact, the last two months I worked there, were the coldest I could remember. I really didn’t want to leave my family, and friends, but, I was forced to travel to new horizons, in order to keep my job of twenty years.

Three days later, from the back of my friend Tom’s boat, which was harbored in the Florida Keys, I discovered my evilness. It was a beautiful evening, about 70 degrees, with a gorgeous sunset off to the west. I was nursing my sixth or seventh cold brew, when I got a call from my step son on my cell phone. He told me that it was a minus 4 degrees, and snowing like a bastard up in Rochester.

That’s when I turned evil. I couldn’t help but to tell him how warm, and beautiful it was in my neck of the woods. Just to hear him tell me to go f#&k off made me feel really good. I realized that I took extreme pleasure, in pissing him off about how nice it was to live in paradise. In fact I took pleasure in pissing off everybody from up north about it.

Sometimes I would just causally mention, how it was 82, and sunny; after they told me they just got 15 inches of snow, other times I would complain that we were going through a cold spell, and that we would hit a low of 55, with only a high temperature of 72, just to hear the responses I would get from them.

There is something about living in paradise that brings out the a-hole in a guy.

If you life up north, and want to bring out your inner a-holeness, I have a guest room, give me a call.

Did I mention that we are going through a cold spell? It is supposed to get down to 60 degrees tonight. I better put on my flannel pj's tonight! Brrrr




Comments 21 comments

goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I'm evil too, but I'm getting laughed at tonite as the rain pounds away and I'm on remodel construction job and I got a hole in the roof that is flooding a room quite nicely, nothing we can do but mop it up.


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Well I am so glad for you and nice that YOU enjoy the heat...cuz this lady likes it cooler...cuddlying weather I call it...Had enough heat earlier in my life...LOL G-Ma :O) Hugs & Peace

sorry goldentoad about your leak :O(


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

maybe we can start an evil club of sorts. Or maybe an a-hole club. whatever, thanks goldentoad, and G-ma for checking me out. peace


dineane profile image

dineane 7 years ago from North Carolina

but the news today was that FL really IS cold! Oragnes freezeing and stuff, right? Manatees crowding in the warm water near the electric company or some such.

I've been feeling particularly cold in NC this winter. And I never try to rub it in when it's warm, but my MN colleagues give me a hard time - they won't admit that below freezing is just COLD!


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

Both sis and I were raised in NY and dealt with freezing winters, now I live in Oregon where the weather is temparate but it never occured to me to be evilish about it. hehe. Howeeever, sis who moved to Florida last August, sent me an email last week chuckling because there was a snowstorm in NY again, and she was enjoing good weather.  Maybe the Florida air brings out the evil in us? :) 


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Or maybe it's the sun? Here comes the sun...Evil under the sun kind of thing? :D


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

hi dineane yes it been cold, but don't worry it will be 75 on Sat. hehe


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

hey there muley,,nothing like an evil man to warm my heart LOL

My girlfriend lives in FL, and tells me it's 'cold' there.  So, I say how cold is it?  She says, 65, I have to wear a sweater.  Hello!  well, you poor baby you!  I live in Jersey, and though it's not as bad as NY, especially the Buffalo area, it gets pretty darn cold.  My only response to her is grrrrrrrrrr  :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

But here in Sunny south Africa Ha!


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Trish, if all it takes is evilness to turn you on, at least I have that base covered. lol


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi sixtyorso! nice to meet you. How are things in S. Africa?


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

Grins....sometimes we just can't help it...it just feels good! :)


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

It's not just the temperature, is it? It's the whole lifestyle. Sipping brews on the back of a boat in the middle of the winter. Unless you've experienced the opposite (minus temps, blizzards, "snow days") you don't really appreciate it.

Moving to CA has changed my whole relationship to the concept of "weather." Wouldn't go so far as to say I've become "evil" but it's definitely eroded my New Yorker edge -- and that's not a good thing!

I guess the only thing I can say is if you stick around in FLA long enough you'll live through a hurricane. That might make you homesick for your shovel... or not!

Great concept for a hub and great read. Sorry, Muley. But I think you're aok:-). MM


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Tom! I hate to admit it but you are right, it feels fiendishly good!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I want to be evil. I really do. Thanks for the pointers!


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Mightymom! I haved lived through two hurricanes and a couple of close near misses. Its better than 4-5 months of NY winter. Thanks for the nice compliment.


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Christoph, nice to meet you. Sorry but evilness can't be learned, it has to come naturally, try ornery instead.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Christoph, even if you moved to the most perfect tropical paradise, I simply cannot imagine you lording it over other people's heads.

Muley -- glad you made it through the close near misses and hurricanes. If you really want to give Christoph ornery lessons, can I watch:-)? This should be good entertainment! MM


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Mightymom, As my kids and wife will gladly tell you, I am a master prick, I will be glad to show Christoph the ropes. I won't charge you much for watching.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Oh! a way for me to become a 'sugar mama'. If you'd be so kind, I'd like to become the ticket taker for teaching others how to be an a-hole. This way I could earn a percentage of the fee and be on my way to riches, no? :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Hi Muley we have a new president and a new cabinet after a democratic vote. Interesing in the the light of South africa - Ouch hub!

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