I Can't Abide...55!!

Mike's Common Sense

I came into this world at exactly 4:00am on the eighth of September, 1955. Some quick math tells me that I am going to be double nickles this year. Noooooo. I am very happy to be alive, but I can't find one good thing about turning 55. Where has all the time gone? It seems like just yesterday that I shed a tear at turning 20. I still feel the same as I did back then, but one quick look in the full length mirror (a quick look is all I can handle), tells me all I need to know.

Here is my Top Ten List of why it sucks to be 55.

10) I'm too young to retire, but too old to pick up hotties.

9) My physique used to resemble a "V". It still does, but now it is inverted.

8) I am starting to get ads in the mail for burial plots.

7) Cougars are not interested in me.

6) Social Security will be gone by the time I reach 62.

5) I am paying attention to Viagra ads.

4) Even my wife needs to be bribed to go to bed with me.

3) I see people my age and think "he's an old fuck".

2) I'm thinking of dumping my Ford Escape for a Ferrari.

And the number one reason it sucks to be 55, the only time I make women wet, is when I make them laugh, or sneeze.

More by this Author

  • Kreskin's ESP Kit and Beyond

    This is a true story of my spiritual growth. Back in the mid-sixties a guy named Kreskin, was very popular. He would go on all the popular talk shows, and do feats of ESP. My dad said he was a quack, but I was much...

Comments 9 comments

SJM 6 years ago

True all true!

VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

LOL! Its interesting, I had a dream this morning that I was telling someone, I am in my 50's but I feel I am 35! Its weird how time passes, yet on the inside we never age. I remember asking my Mother when she was in her late 70's what it was like to be older, and she told me, the body ages but the spirit does not, and she felt as young woman in an aged body.

Happy Birthday! We baby boomers are not old, or so I like to think. :)

muley84 profile image

muley84 6 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Marie! I agree, thanks for the b-day wishes.

afmuehleisen 6 years ago

poor baby it beats d.i.t.g.(dead and in the ground)

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago

Hi muley!

Let me tell ya, you think 55 is bad? Wait till you hit 60, then you can whine :) I will turn 62 in one month, and it no longer scares me.

As far as #7 on your list, you're wrong. I find the older I get, the younger I like them. And no! I am not talking about 35 and under. I'm in an ongoing relationship with a man 22 years my junior and have been for the past 20 years.

Think about it. A cougar knows what she wants, how to get it and how to keep it going. There are no mind games, mood swings, unrealistic expectations or demands. She is not thinking, gee, how do I get this guy to marry me, support me and on top of that, be my everything. The man in this scenario doesn't have to worry about unwanted pregnancies, a trip to the altar, feeling trapped nor building her ego. A cougar is confident in herself, and that's the appeal to a younger man, in my opinion.

I hope you had a wonderful birthday in spite of the number :)

muley84 profile image

muley84 6 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Hi Trish! Humm 60 year old cougars..I never thought of them. To them, even I would be sweet meat. Thanks for the tip.

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago

LOL, yes you would! But I doubt your wife would appreciate that :)

muley84 profile image

muley84 6 years ago from Miami,FL Author

Trish, lets keep get between the two of us. lol

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago

Keep what between the two of us? LOL

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article