Crap! I Smell Like An Onion!
Okay girls, don't be so prissy! We all sweat. Yes we do. So we roll on, spray on, slather on, and frolic around in deodorants, antiperspirants, perfume, cologne, body spray... Even vanilla extract while we're cooking. (Well it has happened).
And yet, we sweat. No matter how hard we try, good ol' Mother Nature comes along, sometimes with really bad timing, to remind us of our animal aspects.
No we don't have musk glands! But we have, each of us, our unique body chemistry that produces unique body smells. And I'm sorry to say, not even Channel # 5 can mask what we really are 100% of the time!
Oh the nose... that delicate honker protruding off the front of our faces! With two holes, not one, to render us shamed, tightly gripping our arms closer to our bodies than they have been since we were in the womb! It twitches at first, as we think, "Is someone cooking? Here at the P.T.A. meeting"?
Or we recoil from what we believe to be our friend's breath, until she asks, "Did you have onions in your salad"?
Oh know! Realization sets in! The sknuck in the group is me!!
I shaved my hairy pits! I fumagated the area! What IS the deal?
So thoughts like "If I leave early and the smell leaves with me, everyone will know I stink"! Then going to the restroom to "freshen up" becomes iffy. Because even that short break could point to you as the rotten apple. What to do, what to do?
Well first, go ahead and plan your letter to the company who produces your antiperspirant! That's a given. Get ready to give them a piece of your mind! Plan on promising you will NEVER buy their product again, and stear all your friends away from them too!
No.... wait! You can't bring this up to your friends. How could you possibly say, "Well... I noticed how bad I stank the other evening...." That would never do!
Oh gosh, I may be forever known as "Onion Pit"!
Good greif! Here comes ol' busy body So-n-So. She's like the local private eye on everyone's tail, and looking for juicy gossip! Slip on the sweater. A different kind of layer of protection.
Man! It's hot in here! Is my make-up melting? I feel sweat running down my sides. Great!
Okay, this little meeting is starting to break up. Be the next to the last one out the door. Remain calm and graceful. Smile, and don't wipe the beads of sweat from your forehead. Stay calm. Wave bye-bye.
Crap, I need another shower!