I Think I Got The Swine Flu

This Little Piggy... Gave Me The Flu

And all the little piggies go weeeeiiiiweeeiiiitttt weeiiiiieeee.

So as we all know the most discussed topic of the day is Swine Flu.

The hype is everywhere, on every tongue of every breathing human I have encountered so far today....plus every hour my favorite radio station keeps on bringing up more news on the swine flu, and with each and every new detail, I have managed to talk myself into thinking I have it.

I have that problem though. People start talking about an aliment they have, or a disease, and immediately I can relate- therefore I too must have the disease.

In my life so far I have managed to talk myself into these sicknesses...

1. Bird Flu

2. Mad Cow Disease

3. Malaria

4. That crazy flesh eating disease which popped up a decade or so ago.

5. The other day I also watched a crazy scary documentary on poisoned Tylenol pills that occurred back in the 1982. I convinced myself my Tylenol was tainted as well, even though it's been nearly 30 years since the whole tainting of pills went down. I was too scared and I threw them all out.

 And the latest disease for me to convince myself that I have is of course Swine Flu.

In my time I have heard of quite a few different diseases but lately a lot of those diseases have stemmed up from animals.

I'd probably be the most offended though if I werre to catch Swine Flu. I'm a vegetarian, you'd think after 10 years of being meat free, the swines would leave me alone, and infect all you scuzzy meat eater spring breaker kids.

I just hope I don't have it because it would be the worst one to have out of all of em; considering it has such an embarrassing name. Could you imagine calling in sick for this one?

'Hello Bossy wossy...I'm calling in to stay home from work today due to the swine flu'.

That's like some dirty secret you don't even want getting out. Like a friggin flower in the attic. You better hush, hush little piggy! 

Anyhow, tons and tons of copy and pasted plagiarized articles have surfaced on the net regarding ways to protect yourself from this pig flu. Obvious stupid precautions that any simple minded moron already knew. Wash your hands, stay away from the sick folk, don't pick your snout... take a bath, don't play with pigs. You know the same typical bullshit any person looking to worry you would say while trying to make a few cents on a blog.

But nothing covers what to do if you think you have it!

I mean obviously you should hurry down to the ER and tell them you have the flu de la piggies, but if you ain't got no health insurance... wait... didn't I cover this issue in an older post? Ugh.

Anyway, just make sure you give anyone who coughs near you a deadly dirty look. That seems to be the trend today. Anyone who coughs is being called a swine! I coughed today, and as soon as someone called me a swine I was totally convinced I had it.

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Comments 33 comments

Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Congrats, Ms. Views, on being the first to succomb to the hype, if not the actual disease! You raise an excellent point about vegetarians. I wonder, too, if male chauvenist pigs are MORE susceptible than most....

I'm sure we'll be reading a lot more about this pandemic (now there's a loaded word if ever I saw one).

Meanwhile, here's another one you missed in your list of psychosomatic illnesses: West Nile Virus. You don't even have to travel to Egypt to get it. It's passed by mosquitoes.

So let's think this through. If a WNV-infected mosquito bites a pig, do you get West Swine Nile FluVirus? If it bites a cow do you get Mad West Nile Virus Cow Disease? If it bites a bird, do you get Avian West Nile Virus Flu?

Much to contemplate while staying behind closed doors wearing our tight fitting face masks! MM

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

lol... oh MightyMom... West Nile... that was the one I had last summer I reckon! I forgot to add it! I have had so many 'close calls' I lost count. lol. ;)

Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

You must be like a cat with 9 lives! I'm glad you've survived these near-fatal experiences and lived to hub about them!

Not to outdo you in the weird ailments dept, but as a child I had Fifth Disease. Seriously. It's a real thing. Parvovirus B19. I got red spots all over my body. That summer, when I tanned, the areas that had been red spots stayed white. I looked sort of like a giraffe!

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

Ouch... did it hurt, or was it just the appearance that looked painful? You needa hub all about it, I want to learn more of it. I dont think I could talk myself into having that one though, even though Id try hard to do so.

christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz 7 years ago from colorado springs

I don't know if your hub was meant to be funny but I laughed some. You remind me of my son. He has a phobia of illnesses. He goes through hand sanitizer like crazy when he comes home from school. He's ten. He complains about how dirty the kids are at his school and how so many of them eat their buggers. That's his pet peeve. Maybe we should all start walking around in hazzard suits:) My son would be the first to buy one with his allowance.

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

Oh yes, it was meant 2 give a chuckle. I know I dont have it... ((shivers))...err... at least I HOPE I don't

Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Mellas, another gem! I laughed so hard at this one! You've got it going on for sure. :) Thank you for the chuckles!

So about the swine flu...my 17 year old has spent 2 whole days tracking the progression of where this is spreading, and he is totally freaked out. He came out of his room yesterday only long enough to ask for post-it notes to keep track of the progression on his globe, and he swears he's not leaving his room till the swine is gone! lol! He thinks he's going to be the only survivor, so he's stockpiling food in his room too. I opened up one of his drawers to put some shirts in, and it was full of snack crackers and cereal. LOL :D

Now, regarding hearing about illnesses and then thinking you have them (too funny by the way!)... House is my favorite show to watch on TV, yet every time I watch, I end up thinking...hey, I have a little bit of tingling in my arm, I'm pretty sure my nose was kind of runny yesterday, and I sure as hell have that "out of it" thing that's probably a seizure or something but I'm too out of it to know. Help! I have a disease that I can't pronounce and no human being will ever be able to diagnose me but Dr. House!

Lastly, I loved your hub. :D

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Mella. I don't think you will get the swine flu. It's known not to infect funny people. Don't ask me how it knows, but the swine flu knows.

Now, the little piggy flu is another story.....

Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

CR -- Do you mean funny as in humorous, or funny as in odd or peculiar? Then again, most people on HP qualify as both, so I guess one way or the other our little community is immune to swine flu! Pam, you can tell your 17-year-old he will not be the last human standing. He will be in some strange company, tho. Jackalopes, racoons, pirates, toads, lots and lots and lots of cats...

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town

Well, at least it didn't originate in Asia this time!

G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

Well I have something tooo...brrr...and I think I caught here...

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

It was those dang spring breakers, they always acting like pigs when they go to cancun... I know they are responsible, and theyre blaming babe. sigh. lol

Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

Next up.... The big bad Wolf Flu. (those ranchers in Wyoming have been warning about it for years)

crackajap profile image

crackajap 7 years ago from 210

Now every kid with diarrhea has the swine flu.. ridiculous. My parents are CONVINCED my kids have it, I can't stand the hysteria.

Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

Beware, hysteria flu is sweeping the nation, but because the swine flu sounds so cool it has been swept under the rug.

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

oh no... did you say diarrhea? What about adults who have the shits? Oh dear lord... not me... not me. lol.

jeff 7 years ago

I work at a resteraunt with alot of people from Mexico, in mid March one of the guys went to Mexico to vist his father that was very sick.After he returned I got very sick at the end of march, when i say sick, i mean I felt like death warmed over, 103 temp for 3 days straight, couldnt barley walk to the bathroom without wife supporting me, body aches, chills, the whole 9 yards, at the time this swine flu hadnt been talked about so i thought nothing of it, but if it had occured now, I would deffinatley get checked out, cause Ive never been that sick from the flu in my life. from wht there saying in the news people have been getting sick in mexico since febuary, so im guessing that some in the US have had it already and just assumed it was the normal flu.

Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

Dear God, Woman!  You're spreading it! (lol)

Megavitamin profile image

Megavitamin 7 years ago

I convinced myself I had SARS during that whole freakout storm. It turned out to be bronchitis brought on by an overactive imagination. Good luck with the swine :0)

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

lol... I thought I had that too.

Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines


I think you'd die of extreme hypochondria even before the swine flu virus knocks on your door! :D

LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

do you have housemaid's knee, though?

crinkle profile image

crinkle 7 years ago from Philippines

waah. really funny :)

i wanted to add the dangers of virtually any object we know on earth that could be radioactive but i don't have the time... well at least japan's selling prettier masks now. with hello kitty and stuff.

abinavis profile image

abinavis 7 years ago from Bat Island

I am not too scary about this epidemic disease and now spreading to around the world. In order to prevent from this flu, we have to keep our health and caring from the food especially made from pig. Use a masker is also to protect from the virus during breathing. Hope this swine flu can be eliminated and found the antivirus soon.

profile image

stonesteel 7 years ago

From The Book Poems of a Prophet

Breath of death

Through the southern border they bring death

They smuggle it in upon their breath

Not by bomb or on airoplane

It will come by biological strain

Undetected and through the night

Ten times ten thousand will die without a fight

Twice as many as the black plague

Burning the bodies along with the flag

Northcom will in act marital law

Our Constitution will then withdraw

Their elected Messiah can’t decide

Along with the thousands he too will die

In the year of twenty an ten

That’s when this will all end

From the book Poems of A Prophet WWW.Xlibris.com This guy has Predicted everything from Barack Obama's Presadency 4 years before he was even Going to run. Also Huricane Katrina,Gulf War,The world Recession and yes even this the swine flu

MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

Okay... thats just scary man!!! I thought it was 2012!!! Now we lose 2 years? Gez...

danmayerisgod profile image

danmayerisgod 7 years ago from Scotia, NY

Hypochondriac is the word, I think. I know, I've done the same thing. I once convinced myself I was experiencing the early signs of meningitis. I even started saying my goodbyes to people.

Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Your hub is so funny Mella. When I was in nursing school learning about all the known and seldom known diseases, the vagueness of symptoms had most of us thinking that we could have had multiple diseases. LOL

Loved Mighty Moms comments about the combining of diseases. Too funny!

May as well all keep our sense of humor!

splum profile image

splum 7 years ago from USA

All of these diseases are caused by bad lifestyle.


I like the ad!!!

When Pigs Fly!: Training Success with Impossible Dogs

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Cape Town

when it's your time it's your time, whether it's piggy wiggy flu, tweetie bird flu, monkeynut flu, doggie doo flu or whatever, nothing you can do to stop it

marcofratelli profile image

marcofratelli 7 years ago from Australia

If you think you have the swine flu, please refrain from Hubbing in case you spread it to other Hubbers. Thank you! :) lol

Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Oink! Oink! MellasViews - that's me laughing with a touch of swine flu - did you spread it? It sure is catching :D

Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

I used to know a (male) hypochondriac who managed to catch period pains, and morning sickness from his female colleagues (well the symptoms at least!). Don't fret yourself about the swine flu. It's aparently no worse than the average flu strain unless you're very old, very young, or already poorly. And I'm with you, we veggies shouldn't have to worry about all these animal diseases!

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