2012 and Beyond
I am not throwing my name into mix.
Yes America, it is not my intention to throw my name onto the ballot for the Whitehouse. The two party system has worked so well for the country and an independent candidate has little chance of being elected. Yet the chance to make appearances on national news broadcasts and perhaps a book deal should not be taken lightly.
What I am here to say is that if I were to be nominated, I would proudly run. Being the civic minded person that I am, it would be an easy choice for me. I have watched enough of these political advertisements on television to know that I am qualified for the position. All I need to do is explain why my opponent should not be elected and I would soon find myself living on Pennsylvania Avenue.
I already have plans for the whole event. It will all begin with an inauguration celebration, complete with sexy celebrities and a performance by a way cool rock band. Reminder to self, tell Steven Tyler to keep the day open on his calendar.
I will need to pick a qualified Vice President
This is a very important part of the election process and should not be taken lightly. Not only will the VP be responsible for assuming the role of President if I should become unable to serve, but they can also help me secure votes. They will need to be someone capable of swinging a large segment of the population my way, perhaps a hispanic woman could fill the bill.
This is a strategy that could help me in more ways than one. You see, I am a rather plain looking man, if I had a woman standing beside me during a speech more people would pay attention. The attention of the American people is very important in politics. Even if you make no sense people will remember your name, which is sure to turn into a few votes.
Promises, Promises, Promises
This happens to be the best part of running for office. You get to make people happy promising them all sorts of things you can not deliver. The more promises you make, the happier your supporters will be. I can already hear their cheers as I write this hub.
"I will reduce unemployment to one percent", can you hear the cheers yet? "There will be no taxes under my administration, the government will pay you!" This will be an easy sell, after all it is the citizens who make America what it is. "It is only natural that you be compensated for your dedication" I will say. What I say beyond this matters little because the deafening roar of applause will drown out my words.
Another strategy I will be sure to employ is the promise to dismantle the big corporations. I will introduce policies that will bring them to their knees. Then once the corporations are defeated I will begin to implement my plans to lower the unemployment rate. Perhaps government run corporations would be the way to go, I will need to think about this further.
Meanwhile, when the video cameras are not rolling I will promise handsome tax breaks to the large corporations. A sort of political "good cop, bad cop" routine. I will promise the corporations whatever they want so that they will continue with their campaign contributions, then promise the voters that I will protect them from the evil corporations. It is a failsafe approach to follow. Once elected I will implement the "money talks" plan in order to protect my fellow Americans from greed.
America, You Need Me!
That is right, America. I am here to serve you and will make all my decisions based upon how much I can benefit. Sorry, I meant "benefit you". Either way I think it is the same thing. Anyways, it looks as though money will keep me off the ballot for 2012, but do not fear. When you head to the polls in November remember to write-in CJWood71 for President! Together we can put "me" in the White House! God Bless.
Looking Towards 2016
America, I believe it is time. As you can see, things did not go particularly well in 2012.I felt I had a good platform, but I failed to get my supporters to the polls. However, I have regrouped and feel ready to make my bid for the Whitehouse in 2016. I have studied my competition and can say with certainty that I am able to be insulted by Donald Trump as well as the next candidate.
More by this Author
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Identity Politics have failed and only serve to divide people.