I'm a Duct Tape Girl
That was then.....
I grew up in Indiana. You might call me a Hoosier. You might, but you’d be wrong. I’m not a Hoosier. I’m a duct tape girl.
Other states have their “special” things, like Florida has oranges, Idaho has potatoes and California has crazy billionaire people; but Indiana beats them all. We have duct tape.
How many uses are there for duct tape? You might be surprised. There are the common uses; duct taping your date to the seat so he won’t leave, folding duct tape over and putting a circle of it on your shoes so you make cool sticky noises when you walk, and the ever popular “I just duct taped your butt.. take that pigeon!”
I grew up with duct tape everywhere I turned. When wintertime came, we put up plastic and duct taped the windows. I even duct taped my brother inside the plastic on the window one year. Mom and dad didn’t notice that he wasn’t around for several days. That was the best winter ever!
A lot of people make jokes about duct taping recliners, but it’s no joke here in Indiana. We put duct tape on our recliners when they’re new, none of this waiting until they have holes. There is nothing so relaxing as grabbing a glass of ice tea and flopping onto a newly duct taped recliner. You don’t have to worry about staining anything… duct tape wipes down! There’s also the added benefit of getting sweaty during the summer, sitting on the chair with shorts on, and making lots of bathroom noises. Ahh, nothing compares to the duct tape chair…. Except, of course, the aforementioned pigeon.
We also used duct tape as a racing device. We would glue our little army men to the inside of the roll and have races. There were a few casualties, like when snots, the dog, got a hold of the roll and wiped his nose. We tried to train him to use toilet paper, but like everyone in Indiana, he saw no need to use anything else if he could make do with duct tape.
This is now....
Recently, I saw the most amazing site- the hardware store had duct tape in colors other than grey. They even had camouflage! I almost fell over! I probably would have, actually, if not for the fact I had been making those squishy noises with duct tape on the bottom of my shoes. It turns out that if you have enough duct tape on the heels of your shoes you just rock back and forth. People can't even push you over. I know. I dared everyone around me to try. A couple of old ladies took me up on it. They weren't very strong, though, so maybe it didn't count.
I bought every roll of that camouflage. I was jumping up and down in line, I could not wait to get home and try it! The moment I arrived home I got to work. A few hours later I stood back and surveyed my artistry. As it turns out, you can still see your house even when it’s covered in camouflage duct tape.
It was a little disappointing at first, but then I remembered that duct tape doesn’t fade and is easy to wash. Now I don’t have to worry about painting my house, and as far as the roof goes… well it’s duct tape for Snot's sake, it would take a hurricane and a steak knife to break through that stuff!
As I sit here on the porch of my camouflage-duct taped trailer, looking out at my camouflage-duct taped car, I find myself reflecting on my life. Hours of duct taping can make a person introspective.
Being a duct tape girl has brought me great joy. Other people may not understand (usually the people who are hooked on packing tape ), but I don’t care. I just sit here on my duct taped rocker (making toot noises ), with my duct taped glass (it keeps the tea cool ) and pet my duct taped dog (he likes it, I swear ), watch the duct taped pigeon (cheap entertainment !), and reflect upon how lucky I am to live in the duct tape State of Indiana!
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