Image Conscious - Do We Have TIME for This?


 Image Consciousness - What did he/she look like?

You know how everyone’s so “image conscious” “in this country” ? How, say, you’re the victim of a mugger, first thing the cops ask, is “what did he look like?” What? What did he look like? He just stole my purse, my laptop and my dignity, but you just wanna know what he looked like?

“Oh, he was very handsome in a kind of ladino kind of way with a tiny little mustache and huge, liquid, brown eyes! Dark wavy hair, masculine chin, a bit of a shadow beard, you know? He had a tiny diamond stud in his nose and I believe he was drooling just a little. Reminded me of Antonio Banderas, that one! Had a little accent when he said “give me your stoopeed bag, lady”!

Or what if you're the victim of a lovely little  “home invasion” (the latest rage in punk crimes, it seems) and two bandits hold you and your family hostage while they load their van up with all your valuables? What do the cops want to know when they arrive? Do they ask if you got a license plate number or which way the van went? Or anything like that?

Nooooo, they want to know, first thing, what did those bandits look like?

“Well, the first one, who came to the door first, was very nice looking, short, and she was wearing a pleated . . .”

“we’ll get to that later - don’t need to know right now what she was wearing, ma’m. You say the FIRST one was a WOMAN? Just tell us, what did she look like!”

“ She was, you know, blonde, kind of dirty blonde, actually, 'course with the HAT on, her hair could have been sort of starwberry blonde, I don’t know, and she was chunky. You know? She was kind of beefy, for a girl. She had a long handled handbag, I remember that, cuz when she reached in it for her gun she had to kinda pull it up?  And she looked like. . .”


“She looked kinda like a fat Nicole Kidman, if you can imagine that!”

We can’t help ourselves. What is the first thing we want to know ever - when someone says, like,  they met, say, oh, anyone, like, the mailman - at the mailbox. “What did he LOOK like?”

Or say you’re telling your friend about the man down the street who always honks his horn at you, “What does he LOOK like?” and maybe you ask “Why?” and she’ll say, “No reason, just wondering.”

A man walks into a bar (old schtick) "Saaaaaay, what did he LOOK LIKE!"

We want to know what EVERY LITTLE THING LOOKS LIKE! Say, you lose your keys

“What did they LOOK like?”

“My KEYS? For crimenees’ sake. They looked like KEYS on a ring, with a little snowman hanging on the chain, you know?”

Or you lost your boyfriend, “Oh yeah? What did he LOOK like?”

“Why you wanna know?”

“Oh . . . No reason. Just wondering.”


“No. Really, in case I see that sad f*#$k I can stay clear away.”

“Would you really? Stay clear away!”

“Sure, if he was stoopid enough to leave YOU,  he’d be way too dumb for me!”

“Ahhhhhh. . . That’s sweet!”

OR, like, if you are a woman, you know, when you don’t wear a bra one day, and there’s any man around from say age like 4 to 400, if they never seen you before they wouldn’t be able to tell ANYONE what you really look like. You could have green hair and paint one of your teeth purple, they wouldn’t notice that. They’d know all about what “size you are”, you know? Ever hear those boys talking?  ‘Yeah?” he says, “What SIZE was she?”

Now here is the thing, keep it to yourself. NEVER tell anyone, except the cops, what somebody looks like~! Keepin’ it a little secret “is key“. See.  That way, they’ll keep on wonderin’ and you’ll have them all in your POWER! Because - looks, good looks, and even BAD looks is POWER, sister.

Because - “in this country” and everywhere else in the world as well as far as I know, we got this power attachment to LOOKS!

We’re probably the only species thinks that way. Think of it - does a dog look for another dog based on how the dog LOOKED? No! They base it on what the smell was like! “That dog there had lamb for breakfast. I’m gonna follow that dog ‘round alllll day!” Or, “ That’s a girl dog.”

Or say, you're a CHEETAH!  Do you tell your girlfriends about how that cheetah looked? NO! You SHOW them how FAST he was!  Plus there's that certain male cheetah smell!  AAAAHHHH!

But do we have time for this?  I mean, DO WE?

Comments 16 comments

SummerSteward profile image

SummerSteward 6 years ago from Duluth MN

haha.. I liked this!

This happened to me the other day, someone asked not just "what does she looklike", but "what does her butt look like?" haha, so I googled the nastiest booty ever and texted it to him! haha

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mega1 7 years ago Author

thanks daytripeer - glad you liked it!

daytripeer 7 years ago

This is a very creative hub; I liked it a lot.

Denno66 7 years ago

The coffee wore off; I told ya so! Nya Nya! ;P

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mega1 7 years ago Author

Reallly? I will check it out immediately! Thanks wsp!

denno - I have now completely lost track of whatever the hell we were talking about!

wsp2469 profile image

wsp2469 7 years ago from Alta Loma, Ca

hey you!

I just did another hub on Neil Young and dedicated it to you! I couldn't e-mail you because you don't have that option on your profile>

Denno66 7 years ago

Uh, I hadn't noticed. :P

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mega1 7 years ago Author

fine thats how its done then. and I like Peets coffee best but can't afford it so I'm drinkin costco coffee. I grind the beans fresh though and make it in a french press so its fabulous tasting! and then I get online and type my brains out!

Denno66 7 years ago

Um, I don't know what coffee you drink, but I'd really like the name of it. ;p Actually, I do that myself when I have some free time. So, that's how I do it, sure. :-)

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mega1 7 years ago Author

not a trick question - how do I know after I post a comment on your hub that you have replied to the comment on that hub with a comment of your own on that hub page? Ok? How? How? How? I don't know if I'm supposed to go back and look at each hub I commented on to see if the author made a comment (re-commented) on my comment! See? How?

Denno66 7 years ago

You pose an interesting point. Wait, is this a trick question?

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mega1 7 years ago Author

and also - how do you know when the hubber comments on your comment? to go back and answer, that is? should that be called a re-comment or a comment-response? and how do you do it?

Denno66 7 years ago

I'm sure that the people who viewed my Impressions hub did the same thing! :P

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mega1 7 years ago Author

Is funny that 72 people viewed this hub and only 2 comments! 1 of whom is not a hubber - so . . . what does that tell me? they just dropped by to see what I really look like? ahahaha

Denno66 7 years ago

Hmmm, but what did they REALLY look like? This was funny in a very funny kind of way; I enjoyed this. :-)

Judy 7 years ago

Had to laugh!

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