Impress Others with Winning Wedgie Techniques

Be socially couth in all situations with great wedgie techniques!

Consider wedgie techniques. We’ve all experienced the “butt crack” problem - you know, when your undies become bunched up in the cleft of your buttocks, causing an uncomfortable wedgie. Actually, I suppose not everyone has enjoyed this phenomenon – like my husband, for example. You see, in order for drawers to get trapped in your butt crack, you must first have a butt crack. Poor Johnny has such a flat butt that there is virtually no crack there - no hiney cleavage to speak of - so it’s not a problem for him or for other people (most often males) who resemble a frog in a pair of pants and the ones who take their noassatol tablets daily. Such individuals have little need for wedgie techniques.

Another group not affected by wedgies is the thong-wearing crowd. They seem to be genetically oblivious to wedgies, and in fact, they invite them and evidently embrace them, so they have no need of wedgie techniques. How anyone could endure this butt floss is beyond me, but each to his (or her) own!

For us “normal” folks, however, the problem is rampant, and this issue is not addressed by Miss Manners' writings. I know because I'm Southern, and we had to study Miss Manners extensively. Most of us seem to frequently have “Injun drawers” that sneak up on us. Perhaps you’ve been asked if you were going to the movies – you know, because you had “your seat all picked out.” This should tell you that you’re not “de-cracking” properly and others are witnessing your attempts, which is a faux pas in most social circles. Below are some strategies to help you de-crack with discreet wedgie techniques.

The thigh sneak

For this, you simply slide your hand slowly and nonchalantly up your thigh until you feel the edge of your drawers. Once this is accomplished, give the offending undies a slight tug – just enough to get them into a more comfortable position.

The fake scratch

For this wedgie technique, act as if you were scratching your lower back. Insert your hand into your underwear and push out with your fingers. Unless the garment is deeply imbedded in the crevice, the fake scratch is usually sufficient in returning your panties, briefs, or boxers into their normal position.

The quick snatch

The quick snatch involves grabbing your drawers and quickly pulling them out of your crack. When done in public, you must first avert the attention of onlookers before attempting this maneuver. You can point in any direction and say something like, “Hey – what kind of bird is that?” If you’re in a group of men, something like, “Damn! That girl isn’t wearing a top!” is extremely effective. Quickness is imperative here, as the attention of the onlookers will be diverted for only a second or two. Because of this, it’s best to practice the quick snatch at home in front of a mirror until you’ve completely mastered the skill.

The redneck grab

This is an unabashed, bold wedgie technique that is often used by rednecks, potheads, and drunks. The move is not intended to be subtle or secretive, and instead, is quite overt. It’s the I-don’t-give-a-damn-if-you-see-me-pull-my-drawers-out-of-my-butt-crack strategy, but it can be socially softened somewhat by pretending to be drunk or stoned, even if you are neither.

The high step

This is one of the most widely used wedgie techniques of all, but you must have a stair, a curb, or some other elevated surface on which to step in order for the move to be effective. To use this strategy, simply exaggerate the motion of stepping up onto the higher surface. For example, if it’s the left side of your drawers that’s trapped, step widely and extra high onto the stair or curb with your left leg. This action has about a 60% chance of success.

The sham stretch

This is an excellent strategy to use when both butt cheeks are affected. Begin with a small stretch, then place both hands on the small of your back, while uttering, “Oh, my aching back.” While your companions are wondering why your back is hurting from sitting on the couch and eating Cheetohs, you can subtly slide both hands down and free your underwear from its smelly prison.

The frontline

Some people don't realize that underwear can also be set free from a frontal attack. If you pull hard enough from the front, the drawers will be forced out of your crack. Of course, the problem here is that people might assume you're committing another private act in public that's an even bigger faux pas than retrieving your drawers, so you run the risk of being labeled a pervert or sexual miscreant instead of being just a run-of-the-mill rube. The choice is up to you.

The avoidance

This strategy is simple and is 100% effective – don’t wear any underwear! It might take some getting used to at first, but once you’ve mastered it, you’ll never again have to deal with those pesky “Injun drawers.” As an added bonus, you won’t be bothered with panty lines when wearing tight jeans, slacks, or skirts, either. It’s a win-win situation!

Which wedgie techniques are right for you?

Depending on your unique style and each individual situation, you'll need to master at least a couple of different wedgie techniques. As mentioned above, practicing in the privacy of your own home is paramount to success. Also, some strategies work better in certain situations than others will. It's best to have an arsenal of effective wedgie techniques at your beck and call.

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Comments 108 comments

Poppys Daddy profile image

Poppys Daddy 6 years ago from UK

Going commando as we Brits call it is the only way to go to avoid the wedgie & underwear wrestling.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Wonderful! Hiney cleavage! I've learned a new phrase. That's why I love HP.

How come you haven't entered this into Stan's contest? It's definitely worth a vote! I just did.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

Holle, funny stuff! had to vote every up button there was. I gave up on panty problems and went to the good old boxer briefs to avoid crack ups and nut escapes, 50


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I'm with 50 on this one. Boxers it is and keeps those long stretchy types of long hanging sacs from escaping, this all comes with age by the way:0) Like swinging in the wind is out if ya know what I mean. We all go a little squirrel hiding our nuts. Also prevents crack ups and wedgies. I did a Micky Dee chicken walk all over your buttons. LOL


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

hi hi..I laughed so hard..lol..

Thank you, habee..:-)


WildIris 6 years ago

Oh,habee too funny. Going commando is a solution to the wedgie problem, but then you get plumber butt. Kinda cute.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Habee, Very funny.


Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider 6 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

This use to be something your would see with plumbers. But it is now a fashion statement with the teens and twenty years old. Very funny hub.


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

You certainly know how to draw us in with an intriguing title. I have to admit I am usually discreet in dealing with this issue, although often I would prefer not to feel any constraint.

this was very entertaining. Voted up and extremely useful!

Mike


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

This is great Habee! Very funny. I'll put it on the contest list and see what the judges think...

Rated up and funny!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

LOL! You have obviously a lot of fun coining articles with Fletcher’s proposed titles for hubs. I can feel the fire of your enthusiasm coming my way too. Great, Habee. You deserve the 1st price, and if you don’t get it, I’ll organize a protest action.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Oh, what a laugh. Thank you. You certainly know how to write about things. Is that you in the photo?


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

Too funny- this was entertaining! Kaie


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

I hear ya, PD!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Austin, it's supposed to be in Stan's contest!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Hi, 50. Always good to "see" you!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Saddle, your comment has me cracking up!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks, Melinda. I'm glad you got some chucks!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Iris, I guess it's a trade-off, huh?


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks a bunch, Pam!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, ha ha that was so funny! lol I remember my friend a couple of years ago telling me that thongs were so comfortable! yeah right! I think I took the world record for trying them on, yelling, taking them off and throwing them in the bin! maybe 2.4 seconds?!! ha ha thanks for the laugh, cheers nell


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Right, Sandy. How did that happen??


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Mike, I'm so glad you liked it!


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

habee, this is so fun to read. Thanks for giving me some giggles.


leni sands profile image

leni sands 6 years ago from UK

Hilarious! Tried a pair of thongs once and talk about irritating???? These days my jeans tend to reveal more than I'd want them to and my better half is always saying something rude about my 'builders bum' - very flattering I'm sure. Thanks for a brilliant giggle. Habee.

What's this about a contest? What have I missed now?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

If you are removing a wedgie from between your cheeks.

It would be smart to use Holle's brilliant techniques.


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

Only habee!Lol!!! Lady,you "crack" me up!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Ah, habee-you've managed to stun me with your knowledge on the subject! Fabulous job!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks, Stan. Your contest is mucho funno!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Wow, Martie - you are a true blue fan!!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

HH, that's not me - I'd make three of that skinny mini! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Many thanks, Kaie!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Nell, I doubt I could last even 2.4 seconds!!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Phyllis, glad it made you laugh!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Leni, it's Stan Fletcher's own contest.


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Drbj, clever little verse!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Jackie, it's all about the crack! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Laurel, kinda scary, huh? lol


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

..It "cracks" me up!


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

Habee, You are too funny and clever! WAIT! Don't laugh! But I thought this was actually going to be about a technique to share a portion of a hub! You know like a little wedge...? I guess I am a little slow today! lol

Thank you for sharing! Peace & Blessings!


Attention Getter profile image

Attention Getter 6 years ago

Good one - I use the quick snatch; although, I think I sometimes combine it with the redneck one if I get caught during the quick snatch...


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

ahh.. the immortal problem of the wedgie.. I just grab and smirk.


thebellrecordsche profile image

thebellrecordsche 6 years ago

haha it's too funny, The fake scratch!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Lol, Dallas!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

No worries, Deb - I'm slow most days! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Ha! Love it, AG!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

That sounds like you, Chris! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Bell, glad you enjoyed it!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

So you didn't like my comment?


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

What comment, De Greek? Where??


anglnwu profile image

anglnwu 6 years ago

This had me laughing of course. Love all your suggestions--have tried some myself. It's hard to be discreet when you can't stand another second of that wedgie torture. Wish someone can design undies with no-stick to butt--like teflon coated or something. Love it.


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Now there's a great idea, Anglnwu! Teflon drawers!!


2besure profile image

2besure 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Hilarious! I really needed a laugh. I am guilty of the fast snaTch, I must say!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Hello?

As one of the three judges of this here competition may I just say that I consider this Hub to be a likely candidate for first prize? A candidate, mind you, not a cert.

May I also casually mention that we have formed a new charity, coincidentally called “The Three Judges Charity” and any contribution you may care to make to it shall be given the consideration it deserves?

Furthermore, I wish to give the lie to inaccurately spurious and dastardly rumours spread by a person who shall remain nameless (let’s call him Stan for argument’s sake) that we shall be happy with bribes of only chocolates and flowers? Naturally we live for literature and are doing this for the good of humanity, but any poor chump who thinks that he or she will have a chance in hell of winning this competition with a bunch of flowers, has another thing coming. ;-)


OrlandoC profile image

OrlandoC 6 years ago from Glen Ridge

The High Step is definitely my weapon of choice.


GreenThumbLady profile image

GreenThumbLady 6 years ago from The Beautiful Earth

Oh my gosh, I just laughed so hard it hurts. I never have this problem but I think I may be like your husband...a frog? lol This was just a fabulous hub. You made my night! thanks!


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 6 years ago from Oakley, CA

ROFLMAOPMP!! This was so funny, by the time I got to the Redneck Grab, I could hardly see to read further!

**Wiping tears of laughter from eyes**

Annoying problem, indeed, and you've handled the topic with your own fine style of "out in your face" wit.

Another technique that sometimes works might be called "The Hokey Pokey Shakedown," in which you stick (whichever) leg out to the side, and give it a good stretching-shake down and away. You might be mistaken for someone with palsy, but that's much less socially frowned upon.

As a Southern Belle, you might make use of the ubiquitous fan, in summer, anyway, a combination of closing the fan and the fake backscratch...where the fan extends your reach to give the offending garment a proper shove...after which you can re-open your fan with an exaggerated flourish saying, "I do declare, this weather is positively beastly!"

;-) Thanks for the best laugh I've had all week. Voted up, rated funny, and tweeted!


I am DB Cooper profile image

I am DB Cooper 6 years ago from Whereabouts unknown at this time

What a bizarre and awesome hub topic. I'll have to try some of these "techniques" when I hit the town tonight.


Jeremey profile image

Jeremey 6 years ago from Arizona

I may have to try these techniques, I usually try to make a show of it and end up falling down!!!!


TheListLady profile image

TheListLady 6 years ago from New York City

This is hilarious - but oh so true. In order to be couth - I do appreciate it when people make the effort to dislodge a wedgie. No digging please.

I think it is an art form here in NYC because the 'quick snatch' won't work, for example - there are like 10 billion of us and there is no thinking, for a moment, that there is no one around (or a camera) to see what you are doing.

The avoidance works for me - as well as treasuring the old worn out drawers because they are not able to wedge successfully - they no longer have the mighty strength and elasticity.

Well, now that that you have given delightful names for these techniques maybe the one I have been forced to use with new underwear/drawers - can be called the 't-shirt tug' - this is when it looks like you are grabbing the edge of your t-shirt and pulling it down - but actually you are carefully grasping the edges of your underwear at the same time and then you gently pull all down - thereby dislodging the wedge. Repeat a block or two later but not again and again in the same location - because then it becomes obvious what you are doing.

I'll probably fall asleep tonight thinking of wedgies. Argh!

Thanks for a fun hub. Yay! And rated up! Hahahahahah!


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 6 years ago from Southern California

Habee this is sooooo funny. Oh your poor hubby! Anyway I must learn to employ some of your more subtle methods. I had missed the redneck one until I read the comments. This is as usual one for the road. Speaking of, do you do stand up comedy? If not you should.


sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 6 years ago

It seems to me it's become stylish to look like the photo you began with. Really, I see so many girls with the thong and the low-riders, it must be fashionable. In their crowds, anyway.


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Habee,

Thanks for the laugh

(Which is actually code for, "Thanks for the helpful tips.")

Oh, and congratulations on the restraint shown in only posting one photo. This could have been gruesome!

Chris


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

another great hub from you, my friend. It's been so long I never met you. Good work. Prasetio:)


clearblue99 profile image

clearblue99 6 years ago from Clear Blue Sky

awesome hub!


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

LMAO, what a great look at wedgies. I'm surprised I haven't seen a series of tattoos like this..... I love this and will def be sharing and pulling this up at my next party.

You,ve listed all the reasons I don,t wear under britches ...


the 5 minute membership site 6 years ago

this is too funny!


schoolmarm profile image

schoolmarm 6 years ago from Florida

This is hysterical! Thank you so much I really enjoy a good laugh and now I have some new techniques to try!


mimind profile image

mimind 6 years ago from THE UNITED STATES

I was skimming to see what my buddy hubbers have been writing this page title got my attention amusing though I never was into the wedgie craze even at school.


msannec profile image

msannec 6 years ago from Mississippi (The Delta)

ROTFLMBO! Love it!


jtrader profile image

jtrader 6 years ago

Studies have proven that the quick snatch is the most effective technique for men between the ages of 20 and 45. (Grave face)


@MagicBoy profile image

@MagicBoy 6 years ago from Qatar

Hi there, a totally witty hub which kept me laughing all the way through..extremely helpful tips to save our butts..lol..Thanks for sharing..I got to start practicing now..Catch ya..


"Quill" 6 years ago

Smiles... or the alternative is to toss them all out and go without... hate all male underwear... natural is OK...

Hugs


burning bush profile image

burning bush 6 years ago

The extent to which you reached into the length and depth of your research demonstrates a stand-out desire to deliver a hands-on presentation. You are really a person who is in touch with the subject. Most informative. :o)


ethel smith profile image

ethel smith 6 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

Lve this. I call such knickers "hungry a*se " ones :)


poetryman6969 profile image

poetryman6969 6 years ago

I definitely prefer this refined way of dealing with awkward social situations. Much better than that guy who thought everything was dirty so he went around kicking doors open so he would not have to touch them with his hands.


celinewayne profile image

celinewayne 6 years ago

habee... it's sooo funny *LOL mode*

thanks for this useful funny tips =D


Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

Wedgies are a perfectly appropriate response to many otherwise awkward social situations. Thank you, Habee


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

2be, the fast snatch is a good choice! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

De Greek, did you get my email?


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Good choice, Orlando!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Many, many thanks, Greenthumb!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Lizzy, I LOVE the fan idea! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

DB, just be discreet!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Jeremey, too funny!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

List lady, you need to develop a special NYC method! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Freta, how ya been, girlfriend??


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Right, Sheila. Unfortunately, HP didn't like that pic! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Chris, you're a funny guy!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Good to see you, Prasetio!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Thanks, Clearblue!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Good, Katie - you've solved the dilemma!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

5minute, glad you got some chucks!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Schoolmarm, enjoy the techniques! lol


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Mimind, thanks for visiting!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Anne, I'm glad. Thanks!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

LOL, Jtrader!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Magic, practice makes perfect!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Hugs back, Quill!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Burning bush, kinda scary, huh??


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Never heard that, Eth. Thanks!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Yeah, Poetry - I know the type. Ugh!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Celine, you are WAY welcome!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

Jess, great to see you!


alextsui profile image

alextsui 6 years ago from Malaysia

Really funny hub. Seems like you really did a ton of research there.

I was wondering what kind of medication is a noassatol tablet and then I suddenly got it- "no ass at all". Ha ha!


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia Author

"A ton of research..." Funny, Alex!


Bronson_Hub profile image

Bronson_Hub 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

This completes me. All is well. Thank you.


habee profile image

habee 5 years ago from Georgia Author

LOL, Bronson! Thanks for visiting!

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