First Insurance Joke
Jeff’s farm was destroyed by a tornado. His wife Amy called there insurance agent and said, "The farm was insured for $200,000 and we want the money."
"I’m sorry Amy, but it doesn't work that way. We will determine the value of your farm and get you a new one that is worth about the same." the agent said.
Amy paused and replied, "Well, in that case, I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."
Insurance Joke Two
A widow went to the hospital because she was very sick. After some testing a doctor told her, "There is no easy way to say this. You will only live another four months."
The woman lowered her head and didn’t speak for a moment. She then asked "what am I going do?"
The doctor said, "Marry an insurance sales man."
"Will that help me live longer?" she replied
“No, but it will seem longer."
Insurance Joke 3
An insurance salesman, accountant and a secretary are traveling in through a rural area. Tired, they drive up to a small country inn. The owner tells them he only has a room with two beds so somebody will have to sleep in the barn for the night. The secretary loses a game of rock paper scissors and heads out to the barn while the others go to sleep. In less than an hour they are woken up by a knock. It's the secretary, who complains, "There is a pig in the barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep near an unclean beast.”
The accountant gets frustrated and heads out to the barn The other two go to bed but soon are woken up by another knock. It's the accountant who says, "There is a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred beast." The insurance salesman just wants to get some sleep he walks over to the barn in a huff. Some time goes by and the accountant and secretary fall fast asleep but they are woken up by a much louder pounding. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: The pig and the cow!
Fourth Insurance Joke
An insurance rep, a sales assistant and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an old oil lamp.
The rep rubs off some of the grime and a genie comes out in a cloud of smoke. The Genie says, "I only grant 3 wishes, so I will grant one for each of you."
"Dips on the first one!” says the sales assistant. "I relax on a beach in maui, with an endless supply of Sailor Jerry, without a care in the world." All of the sudden there is a poof and a cloud of smoke and the assistant is gone.
The sales rep is amazed and steps up to go next. "I want to be transported to bora bora with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Instantly the sale rep is gone.
The genie then turns to the manager and says "You’re next.”
The manager thinks for a moment and then says, "I want both of them back in the office by noon."
What’s the moral of story? Always let your boss have the first say.
Insurance Joke 5
A wealthy old man by the name of Chet Bond was dying of a rare ailment. On his hospital bed he asked his wife to bring his reverent, insurance rep and physician the next day. He told them:
"I have trusted all of you for many years and I’m going to give each of you $90,000 in an box to put in casket so I can always have it with me."
Mr. Bond soon passed away and at his wake the three men each placed their boxes in his casket.
While leaving the funeral the three were riding in a limo and the doctor confessed "I only left $60,000 in my box. I used the money to buy a new invention that will help me diagnose his rare disease and treat others. He would have wanted me to do it."
The reverend then sighed and said: "I only left $30,000 in my box. We needed that money to help more homeless, and Mr. Bond would have wanted me to do it."
Angrily, the insurance agent then scolded the other two: "You two should be ashamed of yourselves for stealing from a dead guy. I cut Mr. Bond a check for the full $90,000!"
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Insurance Joke 6
What is so great about turning 100? Insurance agents don’t call anymore.
The town lush drunkenly stumbles into a banquet hall when an insurance convention is taking place ready to pick a fight. He shouts, "All insurance agents are theifs, and if you, hiccup, got a problem with it ya ought to do something about it." Instantly, a large man walks up to the lush points a finger at him and says, "You take that back!" The lush looks him in the eye and says, "Why, are you, hiccup, some kind of agent?" "Absolutely not” the man replies, "I'm a thief."
Insurance Joke 7
A brilliant man goes to the hospital one day. "Doctor, I think I'm too smart. I can’t communicate with other people because nobody else sees things the way I do and it's ruining my social life. Is there anything you can do?” The doctor performs many test on the man, and finds that he is too smart for his own good. The doctor tells the man “Your IQ is 250, which is much greater than an average person. Luckily I can help you. I have a machine that will reduce your IQ to 160. You will still be very smart but you should be able to lead a normal life as well." The man asks to receive the treatment immediately so the doctor straps him into the machine. Right after the doctor turns on the machine he gets a call from his ex wife and they have a heated argument for several minutes. All of the sudden the doctor remembers his patient and hurriedly turns off the machine, but is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75. The doctor asks, "Are you ok?" The formerly brilliant man doesn’t respond The doctor shakes him, yelling "Say Something." The main replies "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"