Internet Corn

Searching for Internet Corn

Rumor and research by accredited online monitoring agencies suggest that extremely high numbers of web searches request information pertaining to internet corn. Sentient humans around the world leverage high-powered search engines to identify innumerable aspects of this topic. Google and Yahoo expend gigawatts of electricity serving up corn-related results.

Want to know more? Read on to learn just a few of the secrets of this fascinating topic. Corn touches literally all parts of our lives and extends into virtually all corners of the Internet. Farmers depend on it. schools teach about it, and everyone seems to partake of it relatively regularly. It makes great Frito's, sure, but there's so much more than to corn that salty snacks. The Internet offers a veritable plethora of corn-based opportunities.

What is the future of Corn?

United States residents can no longer play online poker for money, but betting on the future of corn can be achieved via online investment web sites. "Corn Futures" represent highly technical roulette wheels that spin continuously and stop once a month on the 'expiration date.' Should savvy corn followers posses a modicum of inside knowledge pertaining to rainfall levels in Iowa, perhaps purchasing a December option on the price of a few million bushels would be a nice way to pay off the vacation home. On the other hand, China might flood the market with cut-rate corn: prices could fluctuate wildly.

Any investment represents risk. Sub-prime mortgages rarely involved any type of corn, but many erstwhile millionaires bet the farm that no one would default on their house payment. Roll the dice with great care when betting on the price of yellow vegetables growing in farm fields.

Internet Corn?
Internet Corn? | Source

Pop goes the Corn

Consider this scenario. Corn gets hot. Moisture inside the tiny kernels changes from a liquid to a gaseous state. Expansion occurs at a rapid rate. Corn kernels weren't designed as pressure vessels: explosion is imminent. Nothing in the DNA of a corn seed can hold back the unavoidable result. Another bag of fluffy popcorn is ready for movie-watching.

It's all fun and games until there's nothing but unpopped kernels in the bottom of the bowl. Corn eaters may not know that their tasty treat contains more protein than most breakfast cereals. It's not simply a salt delivery contrivance: iron, zinc, B-vitamins, and usually copious amounts artificial butter-flavored oil-based products are included at no extra charge.

Corn makes the world go 'round

Early man realized that corn squeezin's were flammable, but it took the US government to institutionalize the application of ethanol to internal combustion engines. Many mainstream gas stations now provide a product cleverly referred to as E85. This gasoline/ethanol blend burns slightly cleaner than traditional petroleum-based gasoline products.

Massive government subsidies make this kind of corn attractive to farmers, research chemists, and eco-conscious automobile drivers. Tax credits of up to 51 cents per gallon incite everyone in the food chain to produce and consume the stuff. Look for the E85 logo on your vehicle before you squeeze off a few gallons into your fuel tank. Consult your owners manual for instructions.

Hide your food corn in a salad...
Hide your food corn in a salad... | Source

Food Corn

Assuming that sufficient corn remains after the E85 distillers have had their way with the harvest, delicious and nutritious food products often result. No fast-food chain focused on corn consumption has risen to national prominence. Instead of consuming obvious corn, we prefer our corn to be nestled subtly into virtually everything we eat. Corn syrup sweetens soft drinks, candy bars, cereal. ketchup, Pop Tarts, cough syrup, crackers, yogurt, applesauce, ice cream, jelly, salad dressing, BBQ sauce, and even microwavable soup. Many well-informed eaters prefer foods sweetened by cane sugar, but the Corn Refiners Association demurs.

Should you stay away from corn?

The world's most perfect food, Frito's, presents virtually insurmountable problems to eaters who would quest to kick the corn habit. Enjoying a holiday picnic without some flavor of this ubiquitous snack represents a virtual impossibility. Support groups may exist: wheat producers certainly endorse the adoption of Triscuits or pretzels or even Pringle's Multi-grain preformed snacking devices, but eventually we all make our way back to corn.

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Comments 14 comments

Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 5 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

Love corn on the cob and cream corn. We put up about 5 to 10 bags each year that comes to about 60 dozen ears and lots of shucks and silking but well worth the work.

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

What's a movie, nicomp, without copious amounts of that 'salt delivery contrivance' as you so aptly put it. Bravo.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Fiddleman : Do you get it from the Internet?

@drbj : Thanks!

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Interesting article nicomp and cleverly written. Internet corn. A question. Can one get organic corn or is that an extinct species- the built into the dna pesticides hurt the tummy in big agri strains. Thanks.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Alastar Packer : One would not enjoy organic corn, I suspect. 'original' strains of corn produced ears roughly the size of a pinky finger. Clever farmers nurtured mutant breeds to give us what we view as today's organic.

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

As long as it is pesticide and GMO free thats good enough for me. Grew up growing corn and the first boy scout merit badge was corn farming. Clever farmers are fine, the former ain't. Thanks nicomp and theres a huge field of corn grown near me every two years and all of it goes for ethanol.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Alastar Packer : The corn you grew as a boy was not GMO free, it had been cross-bred for many generations by clever farmers. Features were bred in and features were bred out. The primary concern of your boyhood farm was the marketability of the end product, obviously.

The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX

I took a damned financial bath investing in the corn futures market back in the mid-80's. I still love Carolina sweet cron so I'm okay.

Great Hub.

The Frog

Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

nicomp, lets be friends. The corn we grew was for home and a couple of neighbors consumption, nor did it have spiderweb DNA or pesticides built into the corn its self. Not opinions, facts. I really like your hubs and there's no reason to argue over anything concerning corn.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Alastar Packer : I agree! Thanks. profile image 5 years ago

@Nicomp, I disagree with how corny this is! I've always been indifferent to corn except when I'm eating it. profile image 5 years ago

or reading about it...

nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Voted thumbs-up by me.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Stoopid NOINDEX attribute. The world will never get to see my masterwork.

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