John's Horror Banana-nanza Episode Twenty-Six: Cemetery Man

Hope you got cash on you...
Hope you got cash on you...

It's not often that the Italians come up with a clever, funny, imaginative horror movie. Suspiria was the best straightforward slasher/horror movie they produced, but by far, maybe one of the most underrated horror movies of all time, "Cemetery Man" is the best film I've seen in the genre out of Italy.

It stars Rupert Everett as the lead character, Francesco Dellamorte, who works for a town called Buffalora. His job is to keep the dead people who rise from their graves in the cemetery. He's not sure exactly why, or why they come back, but it doesn't really bother him. He's got other concerns, like his constant philosophical musings on life. His best sentence in the film is, "The living dead and the dying living. Cut from the same cloth."

His cohort in this is Gnaghi, a fat, bumbling, Three Stooges type who answers in one word grunts and lives in the basement watching old war footage all day long. That may sound weird, but Dellamorte spends his time reading phone books.

Anna Falchi shows up at her husband's funeral, and later as a hooker, and also as the mayor's assistant. The whole time Dellamorte is in love with her, but isn't sure if she's real, or imaginary, dead or alive.

The Grim Reaper also makes an appearance, telling Dellamorte to stop killing the dead, and kill the living before they become dead. Makes sense, in a mortifyingly simple way.

In the end, Dellamorte and Gnaghi decide it's time to escape the town. How that goes is up to you to find out, because I seriously don't want to ruin this movie for you.

It's funny, touching, thought provoking, disgusting and clever, all rolled into one. If you can find this movie, absolutely watch it. It's well worth every minute.

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