Jillian The Bachelorette ep. 7

 

Hometown dates are always a good time. Whether it's a crazy grandmother, an overprotective big brother, or a dead dove, there's just something innately entertaining about meeting these losers' families. There was no need to bring back every rejected (or rejecter) bachelor during this episode. They're overdoing it in a big way, and it's making me extremely apathetic. In the end, she could be standing alone or get married to some random guy from her hometown on the finale and I don't care. My eyes cannot physically a roll anymore!

On a positive note, Reid was adorable in his hometown. I didn't really understand why he said he hasn't been there in forever. Is two months an eternity to Philadelphians? Whatever. His dad is like 100 feet tall! I loved his crazy little accent and his precious love advice. However, I'm concerned about Reid's constant need for approval. His brothers pointed out that that is the root of his commitment issues. He would drive Jillian nuts by incessantly poking for affirmation-unless she's a lot more patient than I'm giving her credit for. They should have scheduled his hometown date for his birthday. What's 2 days? He was so uncomfortable with her trying to make out with him in front of his parents. Tone it down, ya pervert! His Mom-Mom was in the room, for crying out loud.

I was curious about Michael's parents, and now I feel sorry for them. They must be a tired pair of people. There's not just one Michael, but two! At least his brother, Steve, seemed a little calmer. Jillian would have had to been blind to confuse those two. Out of nowhere, Michael started describing what Jillian looks like in pajamas to his parents. Awkward. His parents didn't do a good job of hiding their shock that Michael brought home a "normal" girl. It was nice that his sister flew all the way back from Australia just to meet the girl who would dump her brother in a few days. That's always pleasant. I was very impressed by Michael's parents' dance moves. I guess that's where he gets it from.

I think there was a bit of deception about Kiptyn's family. They have Orange County written all over them-not San Diego. What's up with Kiptyn's parents' naming skills? Did they scroll down the country club directory and pick the most pretentious monikers? Jillian is scared of rich people, and I can't say I blame her in this case. I wouldn't like it if I was forced to perform in a test taste like some kind of circus monkey. I don't think that Jillian would fit in very well with this uppity clan. Kiptyn's mom frightened me through the screen. Mommy Dearest said she likes that Jillian would allow the family to have some "say" in her life. If Kiptyn wins, I hope Jillian is ready to live in California under her mother-in-law's thumb. She was watching Jillian and "Kip" in the hot tub, for pete's sake! It's telling that Kiptyn isn't ready to get married. He probably doesn't have room in his life for another female dictator!

Jesse seems like the most normal guy in this bunch. He isn't neurotic, hyperactive, uppity, or a compulsive liar. The only problem with him is that he's fool enough to be giggly over Jillian. I think his lunatic brother is the reason he hasn't brought a girl home in 4 years. I'm sure Jesse got a big, fat "I told you so" from him after he got eliminated. Oh well. Jillian looked terrible during the whole date anyway. Her hair and face were a mess, and she was talking with her mouth full at the table. Good work, classy lady. I would have never taken Jesse for a drummer. That's pretty badass. Even though he won't be on the show anymore, at least he got a nice (and free) commercial for his winery!

Jillian might be one of the more "down to earth" bachelorettes, but man is she clueless. She thinks Wes understands her better than anyone else. He could not care less about what is going on in her head. She needs to get her jerk radar repaired, STAT! They put Jillian's voice over 90% of the band's performance. It should have been 100%. No one wants to hear that garbage, nor do we want him to get the exposure he's looking for. I'm convinced that Wes wrote "Jillian's song" at least two years ago before he'd ever even seen her on TV.

Jake flew from Dallas to Austin, like he didn't have the 3 hours to make the drive. Why pass up yet another opportunity to point out that Jake is a pilot? (If he becomes the next bachelor, I can just hear Chris Harrison saying "Who will get a rose, and whose dream of flying high with the bachelor will end tonight?") Gag me. Don't even get me started on the Mr. Perfect promos that are running through my head!

This scenario had some of the worst scripting ever. Why would Jake pretend to call Tanner for advice? You know there's no one on the other line. While I don't think it was unreasonable for her to assume that Jake came back to discuss the reason their relationship failed, she needs to get over herself a bit. It makes me wonder if she was given the heads up that one of the rejected bachelors was going to return, but wasn't told who. That way, Jake's arrival would be like the shiny object to distract her while Ed conducted a sneak attack. She really didn't seem that surprised to see either of them, honestly.

Jake really struggled telling her that Wes is a dirtbag. I find it very suspicious that he even knew the girl's name. That wasn't a general accusation like Tanner had made. If it is true, Wes is an idiot for telling the boy scout about his deceit, like Jake was going to be able to hold it in. Jake could be the mastermind (doubtful) in setting Wes up by twisting Wes's response around. I simply don't get Jake's overwhelming desire to protect her. Part of me wishes that they would show her the playbacks of Wes's voiceovers admitting that he's just there for the music, not the girl. On the other hand, in a "real" relationship you don't know what that person's true intentions are and there is no recording of what is said behind your back.

I must say that this is the dumbest, most contrived situation ever. I mean, comically bad. I think she should have told both of them to pack their bags right then and there. Was Jake reenacting Jason's crying-over-the-balcony scene from last season? What a loser. He needs to go write poetry in a corner or something.

Wes claims he's not a good liar. I wouldn't trust that throat-clearing! I know families are supposed to be supportive, but his sister saying that guys are always going to be jealous of Wes was purely absurd.

I guess the LA mansion was sold, since she is now staying at the Beverly Wilshire? Far too much went on in this episode. I'm almost too tired to write about the extremely scripted return of Ed. I'll just say that he's adorable as ever. At least he came back this early, and not in the last episode. So she hasn't met his family. Will they just skip that part of their courtship? I foresee a phone call in the future between Ed's family and Jillian. There are monkeys sitting at a typewriter somewhere writing that scene as we speak.

It seemed like Kiptyn didn't recognize Ed at all. Maybe he should lay off the booze. I don't think that Jesse was correct in assuming that Ed took his spot. I think he should blame his kill-joy brother. No one wants to spend Christmas with that Negative Nancy.

Michael, on the other hand, was the crier this week. All he ever said about Jillian was how beautiful she is. That's possibly because she doesn't really have a personality-when she's sober. He's a cute, misdirected boy.

They're going to Spain? I thought they were going to meet her parents.

My Picks for the Finale

Ed

Reid

Pack Your Bags

Wes

Roses

Reid

Kiptyn

Ed

Wes

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