Jillian The Bachelorette ep 9

 

I thought things would get better after Wes got the boot, but this episode came with its own set of issues: a ball-hoisting harness, a helicopter-flying minister, a question of could he or couldn't he, and of course the tiniest shorts a man has ever worn on network television. It all started with the grand tradition of the bachelorette posing in various settings while "contemplating her future." Jillian drawing a heart in the sand and writing "J + ?" was the cheesiest thing ever! I guess they have to fill the two hours somehow--and we all know stimulating conversation is not the soup de jour of this show.

Jillian and Kiptyn went to a ropes course for their date to see if she would be able to lean on him during the tough times in life. Apparently her everyday obstacles include standing atop an 8-feet tall totem pole and thrusting herself towards a trapeze, so it makes sense she'd test her potential mate that way. I will say that the harness did a lot of hoisting of Kiptyn's nether region, and I can see why she graced him with a rose at the end.

Kiptyn is a nice, athletic dude but his conversation skills are seriously lacking-can he go one sentence without saying "for sure"? I understand her attraction to him, but she gives him a lot more credit than he deserves. Reid said a ton more emotional crap than Kiptyn, but she pushed Reid right out the door. Instead of listening to Kiptyn, she gets caught in his Venus flytrap eye lashes and 18-pack abs and allows him babble on about nothing. He admitted he's impatient with bumps in the road and isn't throwing around the L-word, which should be two huge disqualifiers in her eyes. Don't get me wrong, I dig Kiptyn's kool-aid but I don't think they will end up together. All I can hope for is that he takes his shirt off a lot in the finale--that's always pleasant.

Jillian wasn't comfortable staying overnight with these guys a few days ago, but now it's time to get down to it? Interesting.

Jillian spent her entire date with Reid trying to get him to shout "I LOVE YOU" to the heavens, which simply isn't his style. She complained that he doesn't communicate how he feels, but I think he said a lot more than anyone else (prior to Ed throwing the I-love-you-hail-mary). Reid constantly compliments her and tells her (and shows her) how excited he is to be around her. He was completely content hanging out in a random empty field with just a beach ball and Jillian--in HAWAII. Give the guy a point or two for that one! I would have ditched her for the closest luau, if she told me we were just going to frolic amongst the clovers for a few hours on a beautiful tropical island. Reid didn't need a helicopter ride or any of the artificial romance, but that wasn't enough for her. Contractually, she couldn't have married him in the helicopter anyway, and that was her loss. It was hard for him to express himself, but she seemed to have forgotten that she's not the only one at risk to end up heartbroken.

I hate people who change their name to sound more professional-ED! He never has seemed like an "Ed" to me, but he's not a "Richie" either. Anywho, what was up with the water scene...were they making a Sade video? Of course "Ed" brought his parents to the island-or at least he gets all the credit for the producers' actions. His outfits were terrible this entire episode and I'm not only referring to the tiny shorts (see below). He also rocked a hideous faux-Hawaiian shirt and whatever that get-up was during the rose ceremony. I think Ed and I are breaking up. He told Jillian, "I'm falling in love with you" and then claimed that he said he's absolutely in love with her. The dude has lost his mind. Sidebar: Did he lose weight while he was gone? His face looks so much slimmer.

The Shorts

 

What the crunkmaster were those tween-sized shorts Ed was trying to pull off? Is he on a 1970's basketball team? I couldn't focus on anything, and had to look away during their conversation with his parents. Someone needs to raid his dresser and return those shorts to the 2-year old girl he stole them from.

The Sexy Time Incident of 2009

They totally played up how much Jillian wanted to spend some sexy time with Ed, just so it would be more "shocking" when it didn't work out as planned. She kept going on and on about how sexy he is, and then they broke out the massage oils. Also, they didn't show any of the making out stuff with any of the other guys. The oddest part of the night was when she used their sunburns as an excuse that their romantical time didn't go well-maybe that massage oil was really aloe? If nothing else, I'm sure those tiny shorts can't be good for circulation... I wouldn't be surprised if the show edited everything to make him look limpy, when they were simply exhausted from all the soap opera-style making out.

The Rose Ceremony

I love that the guys left her "private" video messages from the heart-that millions of people got to watch. It was another opportunity for Jillian to ignore what Kiptyn was actually saying, and get lost in his boyish good looks. Kiptyn said that he "can see himself falling in love with her", or "spending his life with a girl like her." Not really specific, for sure. It was pointless for Jillian to pull Ed aside to discuss her concerns since their main problem is physical chemistry. That's not going to be resolved by a 30-second conversation, unless you were naked maybe. He secured his position by telling her that he loves her and is ready to propose. The rest was for dramatic effect.

Kiptyn has always been a frontrunner, which makes me wonder if they have great conversations off-screen. Or maybe he reminds her of the dude she couldn't get in high school, so he's like wish-fulfillment for her. Either way, she's a damn fool for sending Reid home. He's cute, funny, they have a good time, can have a regular conversation, and doesn't shop at the Baby Gap. What more could she ask for?

My Final Pick

 

Ed-short shorts and all! (That's if Reid doesn't come back...)

I still love you, even if Jillian doesn't!

Final Two

Kiptyn

Ed

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