Jillian the Bachelorette ep 2
This show cracks me up with the way it treats the guys on The Bachelorette vs. the women on The Bachelor. Can you even imagine what those princesses would do if they had to sleep in the pool house? The guys really couldn't care less; they're on vacations from their jobs and hanging by a pool with an endless supply of booze. Yeah, rough life having to suffer through that and a gym-style shower. Besides, how do their living conditions prove anything? Oh, this guy loves to live in a frat house, so he must be her dream dude. Umm, that makes sense?
Is Jillian going to mention that she doesn't think she's the hottest thing ever in every episode? Own the sexy, sistah, or it shall own you. Why on earth did she compare herself to 5'5 skinny blonde models? If that's their standard for beauty, I'm concerned for Canadians.
There would be no way that everyone could go on a date this week. They still have 20 sweaty over-eager fools running around, that's a lot of awkward conversations about "connections". I don't have the patience to watch that, and I'm sure Jillian wouldn't be down with it.
When wearing clothing, there are two parts of the male body that need to be covered up: the armpit and the upper thigh (AKA man-thigh). They're just gross. In this episode, too many of these scrubs showed off one or the other. Tanner P wears tank tops. Disgusting. Michael was rocking a shirt with the sleeves cut off. Vomit. But the worst offender was Juan. I was blinded by his man-thigh glistening in the sun on the basketball court. That's just not good for my gag reflex.
Speaking of creepsters, Michael described Jillian as "like whooooa". I'm fairly certain that he is not a heterosexual. He tried to sneak up to her bedroom like a Casanova, but he was probably just trying to check out her closet. The frightening thing is that she thinks he's manly.
Chris Harrison looks crazy when he's dressed in a nice casual hoody/polo looking shirt. That's all I have to say about that.
Driving around LA on a scavenger hunt is what my nightmares are made of. That's like taking a barefoot walk in New Orleans the day after Mardi Gras. No thanks. Is this The Amazing Race or The Bachelorette? Can navigational skills be that important to her?
How many times did Tanner and Michael say "dude" in the car? Their little bromance is quite annoying, but not as bad as them screaming like a couple of frat boys on spring break. True romantics, those two.
Brad is a d-bag. He guarded the rose during the pool party and acted like a lunatic loser during the hunt. I was going to lose it if he said he was "the brains of the operation" one more time. Obviously, he wasn't the looks.
Meanwhile, Jillian's wandering around the city in her bathing suit and straw fedora. Classy. She's just asking for a UTI.
Is having dinner in a bank vault considered romantic? I feel like that would make me claustrophobic. I don't particularly like Wes, but I'm glad she picked him over Brad. Icky. I didn't like that necklace with that dress, there was too much jewel action on top. A bit like She-Ra, really.
Sometimes Ed is a cutie-and-a-half and other times he looks like a mental patient.
Jillian has a knack for asking her dates serious questions right as they load food into their mouths. She did it to both Wes and Jake. Might be a good idea to work on that timing. Wes said, "Jillian, I'm probably one of the most easiest guys you'll ever meet." That's probably what concerns her (content and grammar). Skank alert! He does not seem like the brightest bulb, except his business plan, of course. Singing on national TV never hurt anyone, right William Hung?
A little prediction, somebody from Texas is gonna win this season--she is way into this cowboy stuff. Jake has some crazy abs, like they have a weird pattern. He is really good looking, but he's kind of a geeker. She's always wanted to dance on a bar? Do they not have spring break in the Great White North? She was surprised that Jake from DALLAS knew how to 2-step. Tighten up, Jillian. Be surprised if Mike from NYC knows how to boot scoot, but not them Texas boys!
Did Jake call her Jilly? He was trying to entice her with the pilot's lifestyle-free flights. He failed to mention that pilots are like modern-day sailors, with ladiez in every city. I can't believe he said, "You're gonna make me cry" when he got the rose. What a fruitball. He seems like a sweet little geek, and he's definitely a frontrunner, but why are these men so girly?
Tanner P needs to watch his mouth cracking on badminton!
Simon doesn't play basketball. He's British! Get him on a soccer field and watch him school these clowns. Even though I don't understand Simon, and I'm not into British accents, I like him.
Dave was hoping when Jillian said some of her friends were there to play basketball, she meant that a bunch of hot sorority-type ladies were coming around the corner. Instead, he got the Harlem Globetrotters who were just as adorable as can be. They embarrassed the crap out of those white boy clowns. I can't believe that of all the people, Juan was the one to help her down from the rim. A few minutes before, he was dropping her on the ground. The rest of the guys need to get their acts together.
The Pacific Ocean is so cold, that was nuts of Mike to put on the Speedo. Now we all know he's secure, at least. Whatever works, right?
Why does Dave hate Juan so much? Who cares if he poured his shot out? He's not pledging your frat, Dave. However, Juan's little speech about Jillian's eyes was so cheesy and not romantic. He seems like a punk, but Dave just gets way too worked up over him. Tie him to a tree? Have another shot of tequila, Dave, that will help your anger issues...right.
I like Jesse-he looks like Chris O'Donnell. He seems pretty laid back, and might be the most normal person in the house. Except for the fact that he gave up a serious trip to Italy to go on this show. That's a little shady.
How has Kiptyn never had his heart broken? Red flag! Maybe he's friends with all the girls he's dated or maybe he's a heartless robot. Not that Jillian cares; she just wants to make out with him. Ya think his abs might have something to do with that?
Does Wes have gray facial hair?
Tanner P needs to lay off the feet. It's so creepy. I'm glad she knows he's a freak, but why did she give him a rose?
I feel like I could like Robby-the-Bartender if he could get more than half a sentence in. I have a weak spot for those in the service industry (I like to be waited on). He should have shown his manly side by knocking Wes upside the head when he stepped in on his one-on-one time. It would be different if it were one of the other guys who had had a date with her, but that just goes to show what a jackhole Wes is. He needs his camera time.
I hate the voting crap. Talk about pointless. It doesn't matter who they vote for, 4 guys are still going home and it's up to Jillian. I still would have written down Wes if that's what I felt. She should sort out who she doesn't like and not just send home guys that she hasn't had a chance to talk to.
Juan always seems like he's a schmoozer on a job interview. He really burns my butt. He's always whining his case. "meeeh, I don't want to go, Jillian. Please don't send me home, whaaaay!" I wonder if she would have kept him if he hadn't been singled out by the other guys.
Brian wanted to show all of his "layers" by getting naked. Interesting logic. She wouldn't even give him a kiss on the cheek after that. Note to the remaining guys: don't get naked, you just look dumb.
At least she had enough sense to send Mathue and Julien home. We won't miss ya! Brian is hung like a light switch...yipes! I liked Simon, he's tall. He was cute during the tag-trying to speak with an American accent. It's a shame he went home. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be over it by the next episode. Mathue was the crier this week. Good work, loser.
If she doesn't start sending more guys home, the finale for this thing won't be until October!
Need to go home:
Wes (but I know he won't)
Tanner the foot lover
Tanner the serial killer
More by this Author
The movies about cooking that brought in the dough at the box office.
An analysis of the role of sexuality in the film, Gilda, starring Rita Hayworth.
Several artists have covered David Bowie's song, Heroes, with mixed success. Here are five versions of the classic song.