Joe Biden Speaks: Washington Shaken

Meanwhile back at the White House...

News Release: Politician Tells Truth! Panic grips Washington D.C. Media outlets confused! Damage control is furiously underway. In an unrelated news release, the White House announced today that the Veep has been dispatched on urgent business to a far-away remote location with no media outlets or modes of communication. My sources add, "...not heard from until a-f-t-e-r November of 2012."

So what happened?!!

In a recent radio interview The Veep has reportedly stated that it is no longer relevant to blame the previous administration for the state of the economy, hinting that at some point the current administration must take responsibility. After three years of laying the blame at the feet of the previous administration, the magnitude of that statement is earth-shaking. Admittedly, it's not the kind of admission you would expect to hear going into the 2012 election. This makes the second time in as little as thirty days that Washington has been shaken since the magnitude 5.9 quake registered on the Richter Scale in late August. Tremors are believed to be primarily associated with news outlets and politicians shaking in their shoes from the repercussions. Rumor has it, Hollywood executives are busy filming the new disaster epic, Earth-quake II, The Sequel.

Bravo Joe! A politician that will stand up and take responsibility? Am I still on the same planet? Did I wake up this morning in some sort of weird parallel dimension? Surely he had to know what he was saying? Joe, what were you thinking?!! Analysts debate; was this a gaffe or did the VP suspect his admission would cause waves inside his own inner circle? Now if he and the rest of the Beltway Truth-evaders would continue this trend, maybe the politicians can accomplish something that resembles real government. His Boss could learn something from this guy! My minuscule respect for the President is going to seriously tank if he even so much as hints at rebuffing The Veep for his candor. The rest of the system on both sides could learn something from Joe. Then maybe they could represent the electorate instead of posturing for re-election!

Imagine...politicians that tell the truth?!! I suddenly realized how Will Rogers got his inspiration for humor by reading about...politics. This stuff is just too funny to make up. So here I go....

Speculation runs amok. There has been a tear reported in the fabric of the universe resulting in strange anomalies, isolated incidents, and other unexplained aberrations'. Scientists are working to restore the 'normal' workings of the world as we know it. Officials tell us to please disregard any strange occurrences and resume normal activities. "Do not attempt to think on your own. Please tune in to your normal news outlets to learn what we are supposed to think. This has been a Public Service Announcement. We now return you to your normally scheduled broadcast day."

Headlines pour in from all over the world. We read...

Newsflash: Heavy snowfall in Hades today, temperatures plummeting. Ice on the lake of fire! Devil baffled!!! Global warming is blamed. Meanwhile on earth; Politician tells truth! (Headlines today from the Netherworld News)

Meanwhile back at the White House; The 'Joe-handlers' are called on the carpet; Inside sources say it went something like this;

"I thought it was your turn to watch Joe...".

"Me??? I thought it was yours!"

The O-staffers; suspiciously looking like Larry, Moe, and Curly are bickering; "I told you we should have brought in a ventriloquist to be the spokes-dummy for him!"

The other staffer pokes first staffer in the eye..."You're the dummy, dummy!"

"Yeow! Oh, wise guy, are you?!!" ...whacks the first staffer in the head with the ventriloquist dummy.

Third staffer smacks both associates simultaneously...hard."So ya' think that's funny? Do you?"

"Ouch," they reply!

"Stop it boys! We're getting no where! So what do we do now?"

"Ooh, ooh! Let's bring on the men-in-Black. We're gonna' have to neuralize half the country."

Excuse me while the staff meeting disintegrates into a slug-fest. We close the doors as we quietly step out of the room. Pandemonium and paranoia run rampant as the melee escalates.

So Joe tells the truth and all the self-lobotomized fanatics go into an uproar? Note to disturbed party hacks: Do Not Panic. Joe will be 'parroting' the official approved party line after his inevitable trip to the woodshed. Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall? "Bad Politician! Bad Joe! No more telling the truth! Now repeat after me..."

Washington cannot tell a lie, or is it...Washington cannot tell the truth?!! Or maybe they can't tell the difference? Somebody must a' chopped down a cherry tree again!

The unofficial word is that this was a secret government experiment to restore public confidence in elected officials. Please do not be disturbed; this is what elected leaders are supposed to do. "This was a test. We repeat, this was only a test...we now return you back to your normally dysfunctional government."

Say it ain't so, Joe!

Should Joe be muzzled? Does we really want him to speak his mind?

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Comments 14 comments

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

It's nice to hear from him every now and then, huh? I always forget Joe Biden's name, which is quite sad if you think about it. Funny hub, by the way. Voted up!

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

@Jeannieinabottle: Thanks for the comments! Maybe it be a litle easier to remember the VP's name...and thanks to Joe for giving the electorate a little hope for the 2012 Election!

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

You are an excellent and imaginative humorist. I so enjoyed this piece. It reminded me, at one point, of an episode of "Outer Limits."

Do not adjust your TV set!!

You have several great lines in here.

"Imagine...politicians that tell the truth?!!"


"There has been a tear reported in the fabric of the universe"

Ha! I love it. Splendid work.

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

To James A. Watkins; I can't tell you how flattered I am that you enjoyed this. I'm still re-reading your Hubs; in particular the one on The Great Awakening and I especially appreciated the Hub on 18th Century France. The philisophical background of that era seems especially pertinent in todays' volatile political climate amid the rampant cultural and historical reinterpretation.

GClark profile image

GClark 5 years ago from United States

Voted Up! Really enjoyed this. You might think about another political piece with a politician talking and his remarks are translated into what he really is saying. By the way, wasn't it Biden who said "Job" is a 4 letter word? Maybe he was trying to compete with Obama having visited most of the 57 states in the U.S. With your sense of humor, you have lots of real life material to draw from. It's almost an embarrassment of riches. Keep up the good work. GC

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

Thanks to GClark for reading this. I loved your comments. This little Hub has had to sit quietly in the corner for so long so a big thanks for reading and commenting. That was a great idea for another Hub, maybe a machine or an algortihm that translates what politicians are saying and what they really mean! Hey, do they make an app for that?!!

You are so right about the abundance of gaffes made the current administration. And it appears to be no shortage of material as long as we have politics to draw from!

Thanks again!

GClark profile image

GClark 5 years ago from United States

Another quick suggestion for real life humor - what about a Hub dedicated to "The Peter Principle" - real life examples where people have been promoted to their level of incompetence? Just a thought. GC

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

If incompetence is what promotes people to positions of prominence, that would seem to elucidate the current political climate. Yes, that would provide an abundance of subject material to elaborate on, fraught with humor!

Surprisingly, I actually read The Peter Principle many moons ago but had forgotten most of it since. Fortunately for people like me, that's what they make Google for!

Curiously so, I have turned my attention to political matters more so as of late, mostly by commentating on articles on Yahoo. How presentient of you to suggest this as a topic? I may have to consider such an attempt! I confess a certain bit of trepidation however in my abilities to tackle this subject without adding to the confusion but I suppose I can't damge the process any more than the current participants.

sam-eg profile image

sam-eg 5 years ago from Happy Land

Talented and humorist what else!!, actually I’m still smiling while I’m writing this comment, well done

sam-eg profile image

sam-eg 5 years ago from Happy Land

Talented and humorist what else!!, actually I’m still smiling while I’m writing this comment, well done

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Attempts at political humor can be so subjective...I tried to keep it light-hearted.

I certainly appreciate your comments although now my ego is grossly swollen out of proportion and the swelling may not go down for days. Usually I have to pay people to say nice things about my material so I'm hoping you won't demand money later for pretending it was actually funny! Seriously, thank you sam-eg!

Namari 2 years ago

I'm quite pleased with the inftrmaoion in this one. TY!

jimagain profile image

jimagain 2 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Author

Thank you! and a big thanks to Joe, who so effortlessly lends himself to good material.

Silva 2 years ago

Bill Buckley - Rachel, I just fell in love with you again. That is one of the most beautiful thgins I have ever read. You are amazing, deep, wonderful, perplexing, and much more all good.February 24, 2012 5:34 pm

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