Jokes-Let's break the ice

Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Let's find some common ground....

First, I want to thank you for reading my hubs. I appreciate your comments on diverse topics that has been written. Some have been negative, but a lot has been positive. To you all, thanks. One thing I can say, every comment has been civil and without no profanity.

I want to encourage you, if I write something that rubs you the wrong way, don't stop reading my hubs. Check out the rest. Maybe, you'll find something that you'll like. Who knows? It may brighten your life and make your day. There are, at least, more than 40 hubs and surely, there has to be one you would like.

They say laughter is good medicine. A good joke will break the ice and calm any tense atmosphere. Enclosed are a few jokes that I hope you'll like. They are clean and, hopefully, will bring a smile to your face.

The Drunk

It was Halloween and there was a nightclub that had a costume contest and party. Next to the building stood a church. The service at the church was animated with a Pentecostal flavor. A drunk man dressed in a devil's suit, staggered out of the nightclub and into the church. Everybody, including the preacher, ran out in stark fear except for one dear lady who was too paralyzed to move.

Staggering, the drunk walked over to the lady and just stood there, looking at her. Shaking with fear, she said-"Please, Mr. Devil, don't hurt me. I have been faithful to you for 30 years!"

The preacher's last wish!

One day, there was a preacher,who had a big church. This preacher winded up sick in bed and summoned for a tax collector and a lawyer. As they approached the preacher's house, they looked at each other and wondered why they were summoned. In 20 years, the preacher, hardly spoke to them.

The preacher motioned, from his sickbed, for the two to enter his room. "You are, probably, wondering, why I summoned you to my bedside;" replied the preacher. The preacher, then directed the tax collector to stand at his right side and the lawyer to his left. Then, the preacher concluded with this statement- "My Lord Jesus, when he died at the cross, died with two thieves at his side. I want to do the same when I die!"

More pictures of laughter!

Source

Silent treatment!

There was a couple who got into an heated argument. The husband said-"Don't talk to me, I am mad at you!" "Fine, I don't care;" answered the wife. Weeks had passed and the couple did not utter a word. One day, on the job, the husband was informed of a special meeting which would be conducted in a different city. He was to be at the airport at 6 am.

This was important for the husband. A great contract, which would result in a promotion, but alas, pride got in the way. He,still, gave the wife, the silent treatment. He had a brilliant idea-He would leave her a note to wake him up at 5 am! He left it there along the alarm clock. The next day, he woke up at 8 am and missed his flight. His wife, had already, left for work. Dismayed, he was shocked that his wife did not wake him up. He looked at his alarm clock, with a note written-"It's 5 am-Wake up!"

Fortune!

Ralph, a bus driver, had made friends with a lady named Mrs.Flowers. Every morning, she would ride the bus, faithfully and converse with her friend Ralph. One day, he noticed the lady wasn't taking the bus. A week had passed and no lady. Afterwards, he received a letter, informing him that his customer had passed away, but left an inheritance. Fortune would be awarded to him by next week.

The bus driver was beside himself, happy at his good fortune. He shared with his wife what they were going to do with his good fortune. At the reading of the will, The lawyer read the statement-"And to my good friend, Ralph RIchards, I award you with Fortune!" The lawyer gave Ralph a cage with a parakeet. Confused, Ralph inquired about his fortune. The lawyer, responded-" Fortune is the name of Ms.Flowers pet, which has been awarded to you. The rest of her money went to charity!"

Laughter!

Source

The Taxi driver and the Pastor

There were two friends. One was a taxi driver and the other a Pastor. They happened to die on the same day. They both went on to heaven.Turning to his friend, the Pastor noticed that the Taxi driver had more rewards than he did. "Lord, I have been serving you more than 40 years, and yet this taxi driver has, only, been saved 1 year. He has more rewards than I. What's wrong?" said the Pastor.The Lord, looked at the Pastor and responded---"Son, when you preached, the people fell asleep. When the taxi driver drove his clients to their destination, they were praying!" said the Lord. End of story!


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Comments 2 comments

Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hiya Montecristo, I love jokes and I enjoyed reading yours. Thanks for the laugh.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


ptosis profile image

ptosis 5 years ago from Arizona

There was three women all talking about their boyfriends.

This first one says, "My boyfriend is a poet and he's SO romantic - I adore that."

The second one says, "Heck - my boyfriend is a wrestler and he's kinda rough - I like that!", (with missing tooth showing)

The third one take a long and wistful sigh * and says, "Well, my boyfriend is a politican and well ... we don't actually do it, we just sit on the edge of the bed while he tells me how good it's gonna be...." (*sigh*)

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