Lessons From My Cougar Master

It's funny how working at home can make a person not feel inclined to go out and do fun stuff at the end of the week. There must be something about working your own hours (usually in pajamas) and taking breaks whenever you want that reduces the primal need to cut loose. Maybe it’s because you have that option open every single day and night when you’re self-employed. There’s no time clock to punch the next day. You’re the boss of yourself. If you’re late, you’re late. So what?

Now that I have a job working outside of my home, there's something about working for "the man" and not being able to take leisurely cigarette breaks or to make the choice of simply not working that is very frustrating. So after finishing up my work week, all I really want to do is let my hair down, go to a local bar, and gulp down two or six cold ones while listening to good music and feast my eyes on men in jeans. The best part is that now I have a cougar girlfriend to have fun with. Let's call her Kim.

 

My Cougar Master

Kim is younger than me, and she's a cougar master because she's been single for a longer period of time than me. After a particularly exciting excursion with her last night, I realized that I must start taking notes and recording everything she does because she has moves that I haven't even dreamed of yet. She's hot!

For example, as opposed to the animal type of cougar, I never realized how important it is for human cougars to move in packs or at least in pairs. It's critical really, because a lone cougar can become road kill sitting in a bar alone if she's not an expert at quickly honing in on her object of desire, and it's very problematic for the non-expert if there are several objects of desire. Plus, if you have a cougar partner, then you can branch out, expand your options, and do tag team flirting. It's also very sexy for men to see two women sitting side by side who can't seem to keep their hands off of each other--that's why cougars generally sit at the bar and not in a booth.

The Big Lesson

What I didn't know, and the biggest number one lesson I learned from Kim last night, is that she always sniffs her prey first. It's true and so simple. I was shocked at first, but it took all of two seconds for the logic to settle into my brain as I saw her sniff the first victim.

He was a twenty-something beefcake hottie with large, tattooed muscular arms that we were both drooling over from afar. We knew he'd eventually have to go to the bathroom which meant he'd have to walk past us--strategic positioning at the bar. We allowed him free passage to the bathroom, but on the way back to his bar spot, Kim grabbed his beefy arm and said, "Let me sniff you." He bent over allowing her nose to nuzzle the side of his neck where she took a long, leisurely sniff along the line of his jugular vein, and then she said, "Yes, very nice and manly."

He was smiling broadly as he stood upright, and then he started to pass me. I swiveled around on my bar stool to stop him and said, "Wait just a minute mister." Of course he stopped as he was commanded and a knowing smile crept over his face. The silly boy thought I wanted to sniff him, but I had other plans as I whispered, "I must squeeze that arm of yours." So I slowly stroked my way up to the part of his arm that I wanted and gave it a firm squeeze while shooting a penetrating gaze into his eyes. He was smiling as I said, "Very nice, I approve."

The sniffing continued into the night, and Kim grabbed one for me to sniff, but I was feeling very shy about the whole experience since it was my first time. I was much more comfortable with the squeezing, but I'm sure I'll also grow to be very comfortable about sniffing men soon.

Sniffing Explained

An overwhelming aroma of Hollister Jake means the guy is probably too young and it's necessary to throw him back into the wild. Very young boys always buy this brand of cologne and they spray themselves far too heavily with it. A distinct wafting of Armani Code means the man is most definitely fair game and at this point a cougar could either decide to sink her fangs into his neck or toy with him a bit longer. I don't think it's necessary remark about the smell of Old Spice except to exclaim: Daddy!

 

A Dangerous Lesson

I also learned that there's a good bit of heating up and seduction that often takes place before a cougar makes her final move for the kill. This often happens on the dance floor and it always helps to have another woman friend, commonly called a "wing," to assist with this. The more wings you have the better. Although there is an element of danger with this final step in the plan. Gyrating one's pelvic region against another person as if he or she is a stripper pole while moving up and down requires a certain limberness and agility, so breaking a hip or developing a slipped disc in the lower back is a very high risk for a cougar.

There are other complicated moves involving whipping yourself around behind another person so that you can deliver a few smacks on your dance partner’s backside--unless, of course, you're already behind the person, then you may want to whip yourself around to the front or the side for other seductive maneuvers that could also cause an array of highly unpleasant medical emergencies. The most common problems include rotor cup displacement, whip lash, tennis elbow (I'll explain this one more fully another time), high blood pressure, and, worst of all, arthritis could cause one's knees to lock up completely requiring you to be air lifted from the dance floor and placed in a booth and out of commission for the rest of the night.

Can't I just blow bubbles at them while they dance?
Can't I just blow bubbles at them while they dance?

This is difficult to admit, but I'm not very good at this type of dancing yet. In fact, I'm so bad at it that Kim has demanded that one of the following happen immediately:

1. I can go to a booby club and take a crash course in stripper dancing.

2. I can stop trying to dance and be the stripper pole on the dance floor.

3. Sit on the bench and stay far, far away from the dance floor.

I didn't realize that being a cougar was such serious business, but it is. I think I'll go with option number one, because I'm told I might be able to make some money while I'm learning if they let me get in one of those cages.

But back to the potential medical issues, Kim is a genius, and her advice is to lube yourself up well with Bengay (the unscented variety) before going out. Having a stash of emergency self-adhesive heating pads is a good idea too. Men don't know what you're doing when you're going to the bathroom, and it would be a natural assumption for them to think you're freshening up your lipstick or eyeliner when in fact you're slapping a Hotteeze Stick On Heat Pad to your swollen, throbbing shoulder. If he happens to touch you there and feel the heat, just tell him that he's setting you on fire already. Your G-spot happens to be in your shoulder which is why there’s such a concentration of localized heat in that area, and it will surely spread like wild fire once he understands your special needs better.

Frankly, I haven’t progressed beyond this point yet. I’m always too worn out from all the dancing to care. Heck, I think I've been very lucky to not have suffered a medical emergency yet. So I generally just go home (alone) and fall into bed (alone). However, maybe one day I’ll be able to increase my stamina enough to progress beyond the hunt and kill--I can do the hunting and some of the killing, I just don’t have the energy to drag them home.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional spoof about cougars. The only real part is the sniffing. Yum!

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Comments 78 comments

Manly Man profile image

Manly Man 6 years ago

Manly Man says what was the name of that bar? I fall for neck sniffs and bicep pinches every time. I give great back rubs.

Nice job. Very funny!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

You definitely should be boning up for the future challenges when it is imperative to be a convincing virgin great-grandma!! ;) You have just begun to hone your skill!


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 6 years ago from India

Between you and De Greek, I am learning a lot of new tricks. ;)Keep them coming and by the way your writing is awesome, so in my book you are already a cougar woman.

Now excuse me, while I go out and buy a Pole, as in... not one with rippling muscles. I do not have to sniff that first, do I?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Manly Man...I think I've seen that butt crack before. Hmmm. Do you ever remember a woman who looks kinda like me asking if it was okay to stick her martini in there for just a minute while she texted someone? ;) Come on over to the mountains and lemme sniff you. I need some practice. ;)

Nellieanna, I'm working it as fast as I can, but it's so hard! I never knew it would be this hard! ;) lol! Oh what I won't do for the sake of...what the hell am I doing this for? I'm sure it's important.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

dianacharles, thanks! Please help me out with the whole pole thing if you learn any good moves! If I get kicked out of the cougar club, then I'll be a woman without a...I dunno really, but I'll be without something. Good one about the pole sniffing, you might be starting something with that though. lol ;)


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

From pajamas to being a pole...you've come a long way, girl! :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Ha, ha. I've never laughed so much while learning such valuable information. The old scratch N' sniff. I never knew, and now understand how I have managed to be eaten alive so many times. Not to mention finally learning where the mysterious G-spot is...in the shoulder! Gosh, I feel such a fool. And here I thought I knew as I rooted around in...um...another place. Those ladies were so kind to pretend that I had found it...with Oscar winning performances it turns out!

Thanks for this most enjoyable read!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Feline Prophet, I hadn't thought of it in that way! I feel much better now! Wait a minute...you literary genius you...that should have been my last line. :D

Chris...lol, something tells me you never ever managed to get eaten alive in your entire life! Hey, I saw those pictures of you playing the role of Stanley in Streetcar Named Desire...don't even try to come in this hub and play all innocent! Thanks for trying though, it was cute and funny. ;) And thanks for this. :)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

You are a BRILLIANT writer who has proven that you can write truly wonderful, lyrical stories. Why do you waste your time with this? You are so much better than this, you deserve so much better than this and when will you realize it?

Don't go for the cheap laugh. Erase this and write great literature as you were born to do :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Ah you! De Greek, my adonis, I couldn't help myself. The tiny little sniffing experience moved me to tears of laughter and then a cheap story exploded in my brain and weaved itself from my fingertips. I was possessed by it or the devil or something equally evil. ;)

Does this mean I can no longer write about us either? That was my next project until this evilness came over me. :D

I must now go to work. :(


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Oh Pam - I've laughed enough to keep me healthy the rest of the darn year!!! Hotteeze Stick On Heat Pad??? Pam, you're a riot!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I thought cougars just don't happen overnight - they undergo training like ninjas and assassins! Haha This is as funny as funny could get!

Hmmm...you know what, my mother owns stacks of Bengay and she goes out with her pack on Fridays supposedly for some religious thingy. Do you think....? :D


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 6 years ago from India

aaah and I came back to read it once more ;)


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

What a perfect way to start on Monday morning. Never realized the serious business of being a cougar and the risks involved.

Do I sniff a first marital disagreement between you and Dr Greek? Use the pole to hit him over the head if this is the case.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Personally - (if I were looking, which is not the case) I would never find a man in a bar with a fragrance I'd want to sniff, (were I to attend one OR approach a man there, whichwould not be the case, either).

But just for the record, because I think you've touched upon a valid point with vast merit in any realistic discussion of what a woman is attracted to about a man, and probably what might please him to know were he to have occasion to, the fragrance which I love to detect on a man is - first of all, his own, (and if you've ever experienced only the stuff from Old Spice to Armani, you surely have no idea of what I mean, but if you do know - you KNOW and no more need be said!) and then with his own exquisite aroma enhanced with the ones which no perfumery can ever duplicate: - fresh air and sunshine!! Once you get a whiff of that trilogy of heaven-on-earth aromas, nothing else will ever do in that department!! :)

Just to clarify, since it's obvious that I've gone from cougar category to - - well, no need to elaborate on that - - let me explain that at age 40, newly single and quite well-equipped for cougaring, I'm told, but working as a Bridal Consultant (surrounded by women & girls, mothers, grandmas, and impatient daddys-of-the-brides twiddling thumbs perched on tiny wrought-iron ice-cream chairs, eager to get out of there and back to their football games - - the superintendent of my apartment complex decided to take me with her to her favorite Friday night bar to look over possible guys, I guess. I went along for want of any better offer for Friday night. I hated it with a passion I can only compare to how I felt when first introduced to "Hoosier Hysteria" & found myself marooned in a gymnasium with a hard-wood floor and 20 or so hefty basketball players running up and down on it - shouting, puffing and hurling the ball into a net - while HUNDREDS of Hoosier fans screamed at the tops of their voices for or against one or the other teams. I just wanted to run out of there into the snow and find some peace!!!!

Of course I didn't drink, which was no advantage in a bar, I didn't party, which hadn't prepared me for any of the goings-on there - but no man there had any smell but the stench of liquor as only a non-drinker can "appreciate". Even after I later learned to drink socially - I was not attracted to or by that scenario, though I was offered hands to dance in that one instance, and also some suggestive but unappealing 'come-ons'.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

By the way - not going that route didn't hinder opportunities. . . So take heart - (and wise counsel), sweet Pam!!!


randslam profile image

randslam 6 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

Well, Pam, you've done it again. I must agree to a point with Nellieanna, about scent--and what a man should smell like, but she was a little harsh on the whole boozed cruise. If one is going to be a cougar--the bar is in the first week of the training manual.

However, as a cougar hunter, me being a well-maned lion, the bar scene does peter out--and wisdom and intelligence do eventually reign--unless one just loves the impropriety and contemporaneousness of the bar life---but I drift.

The very real, and perhaps most important, sense of smell is huge. Your cougar mistress has taught you a very important lesson in life--not only cougardom.

The scent of a woman is just as important to the patient mougar (man cougar)--but I thank you for this rollicking good read and hope that your life returns to a pajamas and silk kind of theme because honey is more effective at catching the sweet-smelling mankittens as opposed to the barflying boytoys.

Thanks, Pam.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

You all are too much! :)

Shalini, you're too young to know what those stick on heat pads are, but they'll be your friend one day! lol! ;)

Cris, I'm busting a rib laughing...yes, it appears that cougar training is very much like ninja training! OMG!! Let's keep this secret because what a great idea!! LMAO! Psst...your mother is obviously not playing bingo or going to any form of religious retreat on Friday nights. She's a cougar. Sorry Cris, the Bengay gives her away. ;)

Petra, I think he's just miffed that I haven't sniffed him nor have I pole danced for him yet. Actually, he should feel lucky that I haven't danced. ;) Thanks! ;)

Nellieanna! First, YES, I do understand about the natural scent. So all I'll say is "uh huh!" Thank you for sharing the sweaty, hefty, huffing, hurling basketball player story! I'm sorry, but that would have made me very, um, happy...except for the hundreds of other people screaming at the tops of their lungs. Perhaps, in my confused state of mind and in an attempt to find solitude, I would have accidently stumbled into the locker room until the game was over. ;)

You are wise, and I agree that bar stench isn't the most savory sniffing arena! ;) Thanks Nellieanna!

randslam, you increase my attention every time I see you. I hope that people can see from your comments that your writing is something worth checking out.

Anyway, you certainly know quite a bit about cougardom, and perhaps I should consult with a mougar, like you, before attempting more hubs of this nature! I'm obviously an amature! After only one sniffing experience in a bar, even I can see how it would get old, but a girl's gotta start somewhere. Right? Man Kittens...Cubs...hmmm. I love it! :D Thank you!! I'm back to the drawing board!! Man Kittens!! Gawd I love it!!


Lee B profile image

Lee B 6 years ago from New Mexico

So much information I really needed and didn't have 25 years ago! Too late now--oh, well.

De Greek's right--you could and should be writing great literature, but this is soooo much more fun. I really enjoyed it!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Lee, if that's you in your profile picture, then you're too darned young to be a cougar. You're not allowed in the club yet and leave me some man kittens! Thank you so much for the kind words. I appreciate it. ;)


Lee B profile image

Lee B 6 years ago from New Mexico

Oh, thank you so much, Pam! However, you need to look again. The picture is out of focus--the most flattering focus for a cougar like me! That's why I chose it. Glad to know it worked!

The man kittens are all yours. I got me an old war horse!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Ah Lee you're being modest! You're young and beautiful. But I know what you're saying too. An old friend recently asked me if I was using a high school picture here (flattery is grand!), and I told him no that it was just the angle of the picture. If he ever comes to visit me after all these years, I'll have to greet him from that same sitting postion on the sidewalk (by the flowers) at the very same angle and maintain that postion for the entire visit to keep the illusion alive. ;) lol! :D


Lee B profile image

Lee B 6 years ago from New Mexico

If only I could super glue my jowls behind my ears! But seriously, I do know the value of the proper pose.

You're too sweet, and pretty, too!


BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

I must say you have written a gem. It could be use as a study guide for future cougars!

The part about the arthritis is so true!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Lee, I was thinking the same thing yesterday! I even pushed them back behind my ears to see what it would look like! ;)

BJBenson, thank you! I think the subject deserves more meat and consideration for a guide. Mr. randslam seems to know quite a bit, so I may be consulting with him in the future--plus it would be great to have the perspective of a man kitten. ;) lol! It's too bad about the arthritis part being true isn't it? lol ;) And I really do have one of those stick on heat pads in my dresser drawer. Maybe I'll take my own advice and stick it in my purse if I go out this weekend. ;)


BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

Oh, you make me giggle!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

I used to push my jawls back to see if I could get them to stay back, when I hardly had any. Well, of course it didn't work, but I still think they've held up quite well considering my cougar age slipped right on by without that bar habit to launch it properly. Thanks for the tip, randslam - but my age category would be two-cougars long, raise you one, now, I suppose. How old Is a cougar, by the way? - Maybe I enjoyed it but just didn't recognize or realize... Would Demi and Ashton fit the requirements? If so - I guess I did, at that!

I meant to be a little harsh though - because too many young gifted artists and writers like Pam fall by the wayside twiddling their thumbs - or whatever - on a wasteful life, and are led astray by glitz and glitter. What kind of a friend would I be if I raised no objection - or at least a finger of caution?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Nellieanna, you are beautiful! I think a cougar is any age. From reading an article recently, she is a woman from 40 up who is comfortable with who she is, knows what she wants, and is sexy...and yes, Demi would represent this well!

I don't find you to be harsh at all. I appreciate your straightforwardness and honesty. You're tactful and even your comments flow like literature. I adore you!

Off to the coal mines. : /


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

Pam my boyfriend just left town for a week. Funny I should pick this morning to read this... Thanks for starting my day with giggles.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Randy Behavior--Just the person I would love to have winging me tonight! For real! It's karaoke night at a certain place downtown, we could do some sniffing...think about it. ;)

Okay, on a serious note, not that I wasn't serious before, sorry your guy is out of town for a whole week. Thanks for reading, and thanks for giving me a smile. :)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

If you are ever on the West Coast Pam, I'm definitely up for some sniffing lessons!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

I highly doubt you need any lessons! But I will definitely look you up if I'm ever on your end of the map. The same offer is open for the East Coast. :)


Gordon Hamilton profile image

Gordon Hamilton 6 years ago from Wishaw, Lanarkshire, United Kingdom

Very entertaining, Pam! I am trying to imagine how such behaviour would be received in a traditional Scottish pub. Some of the old boys sipping their halfs and half pints would have a coronary just by bearing witness to it!

Don't envy you going back to a, "Proper," job as so many seem to call it. Don't think I could cope with that but good luck!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Gordon! Hmmm, perhaps I should round up some friends for a trip to Scotland to have a look at some mankittens in kilts. It sounds like a marvelous plan actually! :D Thanks for the idea, and thanks for coming in to read!

Yes, the proper job is demanding and difficult, but necessary. Thanks!


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Pam, This is fantastic, I hung on your every word, in training... maybe ;) love Love LOVE IT! Peace :)


Gigi2 profile image

Gigi2 6 years ago from UK

Oh my what a laugh. I would be one very arthritic cougar and would definitely seize up and need the air lift! Thanks for the laugh,much needed today :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Katiem, ah, from reading your hubs, you've got it going on big time. Thanks!

Gigi, that would make two of us, but those stick on heating pads really work well! I'd advise wearing capris or jeans though! ;) Thanks for reading! :)


leeberttea profile image

leeberttea 6 years ago

Very informative! I'll be looking out for you and your friend!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

leeberttea, yes, from the looks of things, you are very sniffable and should keep a sharp look out. We're quite stealthy. Also, our night vision is superior, our sprinting speed is unmatched, and we can leap from a sitting position 18 feet straight up in the air (it's in the video if you don't believe me!). Sunglasses won't help you! ;)


oscillationatend profile image

oscillationatend 6 years ago from a recovering narcissist.

LOVED this Pam.

I already have my cougar, and I'm keeping her. ;P


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

oscillationatend! Such devotion from a mankitten (you) to his cougar (your woman) is so encouraging that I just might stay with the training. In fact, I might set my goals much higher to that of a Panther. Thank you! :)


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

A very funny story. It sounds as if you had a good time. I enjoyed reading about it. I never understood the goal of cougars.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Pam - I've been wondering where you're hiding out. Glad to see you active here. But we need a new wonderful Pam hub from you! You're missed! Thanks for the lovely compliments, too.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi James! While the sniffing incident is true, the rest is just fictional sickness from my mind. I'm sorry. Perhaps I should just go rest under a tree somewhere. ;) I don't know that there is a true goal for cougars. I think they just enjoy the company of younger men. Personally, I just find it all very funny and amusing. ;) Thanks for coming in to read!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Nellieanna! It's so good to see you! I've been working the night shift. :( But I'm also working on a few ideas. ;) I'm very slow with hubs. Thank you so much for thinking of me! You're an angel!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Fiction!? Well, you had me snookered. I believed every word of it. :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

James...snookered is my new favorite word! Thanks!! :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Thumbs up, Pam!!

By the way - James can verify it, but I believe Snooker is a rather old-fashiond table game similar to billiards with its own rules and the objective of annihilating the opponent! Good word!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Nellieanna, forgive me, but this comment never arrived in my email inbox and I've been working much more than normal for the past week. :(

Now that you mention it, I do seem to remember snooker being related to the game of pool! Nice! You get oodles of thumbs up for that!! :D


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Pam, I never mastered any of this stuff, and don't know if I feel like taking lessons now. (Although a friend like Kim could get the juices going.) I loved the read, but I have to wonder, if a guy sniffed and squeezed girls in a bar...wouldn't the bouncer have bounced him out? I absolutely LOVE this double standard.

On a different note, older women understand younger men much better that younger women do...oh, that's too heavy!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Sally! It is quite a double standard, but one that I love too. ;) I'll share something funny: Even though the ONLY thing that really happened that night was a sniff and a quick arm squeeze, and even though I'm not a routine bar goer, that single incident labled Kim and I as cougars with that group of young men at that particular establishment. When we returned two weeks later, the group of them got up and sang a cougar song (it was karaoke night). lol! I nearly died laughing!

Thanks for coming in to read Sally. I always appreciate you. :)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

Funny and so amusing, sniffing guys. Well, guys out there, beware - Hygiene First - Always!!! LOL! Great hub!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Cheeky Girl! :) Smelling like fresh mowed grass is kinda okay as long as it doesn't smell like he also mowed over a few cow pies. :D lol!


sunflowerbucky profile image

sunflowerbucky 5 years ago from Small Town, USA

Geez Pam, you almost had me wishing I was single!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Sunflowerbucky, thank you for coming in to read! The word "almost" doesn't escape my attention! You are very wise. I will share this: In my jungle adventures (one of my friends actually brought binoculars once, so I was able to observe quite a lot), I've noticed a good number of (happy) married women who sniff and enjoy the hopeful attentions of young men and maybe do a little dancing with their women friends, yet they return home to their husbands unscathed, untouched, and ready to rumble...in a good way. ;)


jokeapptv profile image

jokeapptv 5 years ago

lol very cool hub. i really like it. bob


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks bob!


GmaGoldie profile image

GmaGoldie 5 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

Pam Roberson,

Delightful - the story, the video - your viewpoint. Cougars in packs...hmmmm....

Happy those days are behind me. I married the man of my dream this past August. The revolving door closed.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Congratulations GmaGoldie! May you be happily married for many, many years and Augusts to come. :) I truly believe it's possible.

Thanks for coming in to read! ;)


BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 5 years ago from USA

I wanted to wish a Merry and Happy Holiday. I hope you have a wonderful year!


Writing_Wine profile image

Writing_Wine 5 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area

Hilarious and a delightful read!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Writing_Wine, thank you! ;)


Rhonda Waits profile image

Rhonda Waits 5 years ago from The Emerald Coast

I really enjoyed your hub. A great read. I think I will go have a glass of wine.

HAPPY NEW YEAR


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Rhonda! Happy New Year to you as well! :)


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 5 years ago from South Africa

Well I gues I went past the age of being cougar prey without ever coming across either the word or the phenomenon! Did I miss something?

A note on the word "snookered" which James used - it does come from a game very similar to billiards or pool. In the game you are "snookered" when the ball you have to hit with the white ball is behind another ball which you are not supposed to hit. It leaves one in a position somewhat analogous to the stalemate position of chess, if that helps!

Thanks for a wonderfully entertaining Hub.

Love and peace

Tony


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

You haven't missed a thing Tony! Although I'll bet you've been stalked and you just didn't know it. Cougars are stealthy. ;) If you didn't watch the video at the end...watch it! It's informative and hysterical.

Thank you for elaborating on snookered!! LOL! I now see that I've been snookered many times in my life, and perhaps I should consider having it as a nickname. Snooker. ;) I like the expression tons better!

Peace to you Tony!


To Start Again profile image

To Start Again 5 years ago

So, I have to know- have you lost your man sniffing virginity yet? Are the beefcakes bowing down to your sexy dancer feet? I'm sure they are! Enjoy your cougar-ness :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL! I admit that I am a sniffer now, but I still haven't acquired sexy dancing feet. I'm working on it though! At least I have the sniffing part down! ;)

Thanks for coming in to read. :)


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

A cougar sin is to smell like ben-gay,be careful,lol.;)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL! Note taken! ;)


LuisEGonzalez profile image

LuisEGonzalez 5 years ago from Miami, Florida

God this was extremely interesting and fun to read, quite hard not to read.

Thanks for writing it.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Luis, thank YOU for taking the time to read and for leaving such a nice comment. I appreciate both very much! :)


raymond1489 5 years ago

Great hub: Ah, the power of women. They just love sniffing around.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL yup! I would think that men would be more inclined to be sniffers, but I've had to ask them to sniff me...well, it was more like a demand while holding my arm under their nose. They didn't have much choice. ;) Thanks for reading.


Ghost32 5 years ago

This is HILARIOUS! Shame on ME for missing YOU all of these past two years!

One of the tales I wrote (yesterday) referred to a fellow whose stories his exploits were "not even close enough to the truth for a sniff test"...but I had NO idea you cougars were "on it".

The two story lines might be slightly incompatible. The only cougar in the plot so far (an animal type) got its skull smashed to pulp by our hero wielding a busted rifle as a club. No, not AT a club....

Okay, gotta go follow you (cougar stalking?), then Hub-hop on to see if the rest of your work is so deliciously wack (I mean that in the best of ways) as this one.

Voted Up and Funny. Duh!


jeremejazz profile image

jeremejazz 4 years ago from Philippines

Hey I just learned a new word.. "cougar"


STEVEW13 profile image

STEVEW13 4 years ago from Norwich, England

If there is one thing I miss the most about living over in the states, it is the cougars! Great hub :)


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

A great description of 'the cougar' mindset, and methods... An entertaining read indeed. ~smiles~ I always wondered why an older female conquering a younger male is provided such an asteemed title of speed and strength to overpower in which 'Cougar' reflects.

When the same thing used for an older males interactions with younger females lables them with the humiliating title of 'Pervert'...

Is anybody willing to address those contrasts in a sensible, non-emotional, fashion?

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