Make Me Old Online

Yes, it's true.
Yes, it's true.

Do You Want to Be Old?

Literally 5 or 6 sentient humans throughout the globe sincerely wish to be old.Sure, Hollywood and probably Bollywood concoct feature film plots depicting folks who long for oldness, but most of us prefer our current chronology over what we might face as senior citizens.

On the other hand, many web surfers own up to a passing curiosity as to what they might look like as an old person. Modern technology make this yearning a reality. You can make yourself old, if only in a virtual sense. Many web sites exist solely to provide magical aging software to the masses.

These web miracles offer free and physically painless old-person makeovers to folks feeling excluded from our modern society because they are too young. Most people simply glance at their driver's license photo to see a really bad image of themselves. If that's not enough, go online to make yourself old.

if you own one of these, you are probably already old.
if you own one of these, you are probably already old. | Source

How Do You Make Yourself Old?

Becoming aged requires a simple transfer of information from your personal computer to an Internet computer hidden somewhere in cyberspace. We don't care where it is, it just is. Upload a current photo of your face, walk away, make yourself a smoothie, and in a relatively brief period of time an almost but not quite completely unrecognizable image appears in your inbox or on your web page. This image ostensibly represents oldie-you.

What Resources Might Be Required to Turn You Into an Old Person?

Many Internet users hesitate to make themselves old because they fear the outlay of hardware and software resources. They wonder if such a significant step might affect their ability to put their kids through trade school or provide a reasonable tip for the dry cleaner. To their surprise, the typical old person transformation turns out to be quite a bargain.

The potential oldie should be prepared to provide a current photograph, but even a passport photograph or a hastily drawn sketch will suffice. Should the client not have access to a computer, most public library computers connect to the Internet and also connect to many free old person makeover web sites. Email addresses may be obtained free of charge from many web sites such as Google.com and MakeMeOldPlease.com. If the latter domain is available, feel free to register it now.

How does this process work?

Software is a magical thing. Highly educated computer programmers create wonderful computer programs such as Angry Birds or the the code that controls a Coke Machine. Other programmers who can't get a real job toil tirelessly in their parent's basement to create logic that consumes a digital photograph and spits out an 'oldified' version. Millions of microprocessor instructions execute in a technical ballet of one's and zero's. The process is actually quite complicated.

Don't worry about how it all happens. Simply revel in the results.

Software engineers want you to be happy. To that end, they offer innovative applications that make you over into zombies, cartoons, or old persons. Everyone wins. The coders get a new line on their resume and you get a funny picture. All their years of advanced education pays off and you get a funny picture. They prove to their parents that they will actually amount to something and you get... we think you get the picture now.

Old people know what this is.
Old people know what this is. | Source

Does an Old Person Makeover Intrude on Your Privacy?

Acquiring an old person makeover obligates you to send a photo of yourself to a relatively unknown web site. Your image becomes part of cyberspace for all eternity. You may one day see your resemblance on a billboard advertisement for foot powder or other wonder drugs. Such an experience may be a fun thing for some people, while other folks could well be horrified.

Read the fine print carefully. You never know how an old person makeover will impact your ability to get a job or file for Social Security. Employers and government agencies frown upon applicants who are not comfortable in their own young skin.

Only you can decide if the risk outweighs the rewards. The reward appears to be a few moments of amusement and the possession of a graphics file remotely looks like you might look if you immediately became old overnight. You may be able to coax a few uncomfortable chuckles from friends and neighbors. You could use the thing as your desktop wallpaper on your computer or the background on your iPhone. We suggest a panoramic shot of the Grand Canyon, but the final choice belongs to you.

Is There a Downside to an Old Person Transformation?

No, there's no downside to this transformation. Reality indicates that this transformation actually occurs deep within in cyberspace. No human beings are harmed. It's your photo that's altered, not your physical being. Your inner self, your yin and yang, and your existential consciousness cannot be affected.

If you liked The View before being made old, you will still like The View once the process has completed. You will not experience sudden uncontrollable urges to walk the mall or drive with your blinker on. You can keep your day job: you do not have to retire. Your credit rating will not rise or fall, nor will your social standing change. No one will know of your transformation unless you choose to reveal the gory details to them personally.

This was new paper, before the makeover.
This was new paper, before the makeover. | Source

What's Next?

The average customer might believe, with all sincerity, that a free online "make me old" transformation represents the peak of online transformations provided at no cost. We beg to differ. We humbly request a variance of opinion. We suffer fools gladly, even should they be transformation-obsessed Internet surfers. Demand for oldie makeovers will inevitably peak. We can't say when the peak will come because we are not soothsayers. Once we are beyond the peak, we predict free online makeovers for additional phase-of-life situations:

  • Super Bowl MVP Makeovers
  • Evening News Anchor Makeovers, and
  • "Make Me Young" Makeovers.

Disclaimer

No old people were harmed in the composition of this article, but numerous septuagenarians fell asleep while proofreading it. We tucked them in and turned down the lights.

When I am online I feel old

See results without voting

More by this Author


Comments 11 comments

Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

Now this right here is some genuinely unique content! Good job, very interesting!


cloudy_cool profile image

cloudy_cool 5 years ago from London, UK

I think that in a nice way, growing old is connected with being more responsible and mature and have more compassion as well. How you look on the exterior doesn't matter!

Voting Up for such an interesting observation. Thumbs Up!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I knew a man who wanted nothing more than to be old. He loved to take out his teeth, sit in a chair and stare into space. He was about 48 years old at the time and this was his hobby and source of great amusement.


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 5 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

So many kids would love this. Kids always want to be older.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - I drive with my blinker on all the time - while still in the garage.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Oh please, you forgot the one thing that could make you a bloody fortune, how about Make me thin.com? Lose 50 lbs of ugly fat in seconds! SECONDS! I love that weight loss plan.

Unless I can retire, I don't want to be old. Thanks anyway.


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 5 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

Old is coming fast enough.


Kindacrazy profile image

Kindacrazy 5 years ago from Tennessee

I can honestly say I am NOT looking forward to getting old.

As my 92 year old daddy says "getting old ain't for sissies"!!


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 5 years ago from Midwest

I'm old enough now! I can see the direction I'm going in my pictures over the years. No need to do any projecting! At least I'll have hair on my head (as well as coming out of my ears and nose).


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JBeadle: I think all Duke fans look like that.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 5 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

playserials 105 minutes ago

"very nice website"

boker 106 minutes ago

"very nice information you are sharing thankx admin"

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working