Sex Appealometer for Male Celebs
- The Men in My Life
From a very early age, I found them cute and funny. In elementary school, I fell for redheads with freckles and wide smiles; brooding artistic types; big bumbling boys with hearts of gold; and weedy bookish...
Inspired by a fabulous hub by MindField (see link, right) I've decided to air my own secret celebrity crushes. Film stars, TV stars, musicians. Classically handsome or offbeat and quirky -- there is no one thing that I find sexy. Well, that's not entirely true. I like my men -- and that includes my celebrities -- smart. If they're not smart, they can compensate by being goofy and sweet. Goofy, sweet and smart is actually a good combination, too.
So let's get this drool fest started. Ladies, are you with me? Men, you're welcome here, too. More than likely you'll spot someone very much like you on my list:-).
My earliest crushes
As a young, impressionable lass my taste was undeveloped. But certain trends emerged quickly. Pretty boys trumped witty boys trumped bad boys -- for about 3 seconds.
Paul McCartney, the so-called "romantic Beatle" stole my heart at the tender age of 7 (I was 7 -- he was leading the British Invasion). That same year I got an Animals LP for my birthday. This presented something of a dilemma for me, as I was literally unable to choose a favorite among the hunky bandmembers: Eric Burdon (vocals), Alan Price (organ and keyboards), Hilton Valentine (guitar), John Steel (drums) and Bryan "Chas" Chandler (bass). It was pretty much a tossup between Hilton Valentine (more than likely his name had a lot to do with it) and Chas Chandler. But Eric had a sexy deep, gravelly voice. What's a little second grader to do? Become an animal lover, of course!
Which naturally led to my next notable crushes. While most of the girls were swooning over Davey Jones, I declared my favorite Monkee to be Peter Tork ("Ew!!" I can hear some of you groaning. That's the equivalent of choosing Ringo over Paul or John!). Be that as it may, Peter was my choice.
During the same time period, I copped a major thang for another man with "animal" magnetism: Batman, as played by Adam West. Holy catfish! That little chin cleft ... who could resist? Not I. And, not surprisingly, I had the same reaction later on when Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer played the masked avenger of Gotham City.
Rounding out my girlhood celebrity crushes are a couple of blonde/brunette pairings.
Watching the TV series "Here Come the Brides" I never could decide who was cuter, Bobby Sherman or David Soul. I was also a big fan of "The Man from U.N.C.L.E" with a slight leaning toward Robert Vaughan as suave and sexy Napoleon Solo (I just found out Mr. Vaughan earned a PhD from USC -- pretty impressive) over his blonde sidekick, Illya Kuryakin, played by David McCallum.
For what it's worth, I watched The Partridge Family faithfully, but David Cassidy never did much for me. Nor did any of the Brady Bunch (if forced to choose one, I'd pick Sam the Butcher:-).
Musicians Make My Heart Go Bump
With the onset of puberty, my taste in men continued to evolve in the direction of bad boys. Those "animals" had left a lasting impression on my budding libido. One whiff of the sex part of sex, drugs and rock n'roll, and it was time to...
"Get it on, bang a gong, get it on!" with the band T Rex, fronted by Marc Bolan. (I like yer hat, Marc.)
Other musician crushes include:
Bryan Ferry of Roxy Music. I chose his version of "Let's Stick Together" as one of the theme songs of my WZLY radio show in college. More to the point, I longed to be the object of his whistle in the song "Jealous Guy."
Another giant hunk packed into a not-too-tall persona was Robert Palmer. I discovered him through his "Sneaking Sally through the Alley" medley (Sally, Susan -- close enough in my book). Basically, I found Mr. Palmer "Simply Irresistable."
Backing up a bit, I loved The Doors, but Jim Morrison died while I was still in my pure, innocent prime. Had I been older, I would no doubt have found him very, very attractive. But being under 12, I was somewhat intimidated by his raw sexuality. Sounds silly now, but it's true.
I made up for it later with Michael Hutchence of INXS, Gavin Rossdale of Bush and Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam.
And then there's Lenny Kravitz. Dorky name for a fiiiiiiiine specimen of manhood!
ONE WHO GREW ON ME
I never cared a whit for Bruce Springsteen in the '70s, but as he's aged (and I've aged), I've come to really appreciate his politics. Not sure if that's the reason, but he's definitely weathered like fine, supple leather!
Love their music, but just can't get excited about David Bowie (too many bizarre incarnations) or any of the Rolling Stones, The Who, Led Zeppelin or U2. I have moments when I think Bono's handsome, but mostly I think he's just way cool but no sex magnet. The Edge is kinda cute, tho.
Of the current crop of so-called rockers, I can't think of a single one to add to this list. Sad.
Studs of the Silver Screen
My list of movie star idols starts out classic but soon turns to eccentric.
Old time faves include John Doe himself, Gary Cooper. Coop sets the standard of unassuming but undeniable sexiness. I also like Jimmy Stewart and Christopher Plummer (with Julie Andrews in "Sound of Music"), Glenn Ford, because he reminds me of my Dad (ok you armchair shrinks, I know that's Freudian). William Holden's pretty cool, too. Omar Sharif (as Dr. Zhivago) and Jeancarlo Giannini.
Bing Crosby's so suave it's not hard to look beyond those ears.
And then there's Greg. Greg Peck was a gorgeous guy when he was young and just got handsomer as the decades wore on.
I simply cannot understand how anyone could find John Wayne sexy. Don't see it, don't feel it. Clark Gable, Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, James Dean -- pretty much any leading man from the 40s, 50s and 60s that others swoon over, I'll gladly pass on. That includes Frank Sinatra and Humphrey Bogart, although I do enjoy watching him flirt with Lauren, Ingrid and Kate.
The men who light my fire these days
Those who say Sean Connery has ripened with age are absolutely right. He was good as Bond, but from "The Untouchables" on he's been a silver fox. Same thing with Burt Reynolds. I never thought much of him, but in "Boogie Nights" I noticed how flawlessly he'd turned out. Anthony Hopkins in "Remains of the Day" but not "Silence of the Lambs." Ben Kingsley's got a certain somethin' somethin' too, as does Jeremy Irons (although I don't much care for his teeth).
Paul Newman and Robert Redford are timelessly etched in my memory as "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." Although Newman remained gorgeous till the end and Redford's more of a political figure these days.
My list of all-purpose male crushes includes: Pierce Brosnan, Kevin Spacey, Alan Rickman (yes, even with a black robe and hair in Harry Potter), Tommy Lee Jones and Christopher Walken. Don't ask me to explain the appeal of CW. It's somehow related to his NY accent and his ability to play any kind of wacko you could name. Maybe it's that he shares his initials with our very own stud Constant Walker! I've always liked Joe Montegna (especially in plays by David Mamet). I don't need it, but I'd let Andy Garcia send me to rehab anyway, as he did for Meg Ryan in "When a Man Loves a Woman." Tim Robbins is another one I wouldn't toss out of bed. But I know that's never gonna happen on Susan Sarandon's watch:-).
I like Ralph Fiennes but his brother Joseph, not so much. I also like Liam Neeson. Daniel Day-Lewis is borderline. Hard to get some of his unsavory roles out of my head.
Colin Firth will always epitomize Mr. Darcy for me (although Matthew Macfadyen made quite a mark on the role against Keira Knightley).
Of the younger set, I definitely dig Vince Vaughn and Matthew McConaughey and have a major (I mean, to the point where Hubby gets jealous) crush on Owen Wilson. But the best of the lot is Edward Norton. Be still my heart (and other twitching parts).
A FEW THAT GREW
A girlfriend of mine used to gush on and on about Johnny Depp. Sorry, but "Edward Scissorhands" and "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" did not portray JD as a studmuffin. But I started paying attention and soon changed my tune.
Same with Brad Pitt. Ok, I grant you he was a nice little tease in "Thelma and Louise" but aside from that he didn't do a lot for me. He's another one who's become more attractive with age. Maybe it's all that sex with Angelina Jolie.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon will never be "sexy" in my book. But I've come to respect them as actors and they've both grown into manhood very smoothly.
I'll concede that Will Smith is adorable, but not in a sexual way.
Colin Farrell -- too arrogant. Hugh Grant -- too wussy. Ben Stiller -- funny, but too Fockeresque. Denzel Washington -- too overexposed, with Jamie Foxx right behind him. Tom Cruise -- too schizo (and he'd probably make me go off my meds:-).
Jake Gyllenhall -- seems like a nice enough guy, but not my cup of tea. Same with Joaquin Phoenix.
And finally, a few that I adore as actors but just can't seem to give it up for:
Tom Hanks, John Travolta and Sean Penn.
Who have I left out?
I'm quite sure I've left out some household names that should be obvious. Sorry, but I've reached my saturation point for the night.
I hope you'll set me straight and toss in your favorites for consideration.
Til then, happy drooling! MM
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