Daily Weird #44 Man tries to rob a bank with a plunger. Brilliant.

If you stick up a bank with a plunger, make sure it's a USED plunger

Your money or your face in this plunger
Your money or your face in this plunger | Source

When all else fails....take the plunge-r

Lawrence Deptola , 49, of New York, recently had a brilliant idea. He wanted to rob a bank. That was stupid. The brilliant part came with how he wanted to rob a bank.

Guns kill people. Lawrence knew that. He was from New York for God’s sake. Lawrence didn't want to kill people, he just wanted to rob a bank. He thought and he thought and he began talking to himself in the process... I can almost imagine how this went....

“Hmm, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. That’s not true. I think it's the bullets. If the people didn’t have bullets in their guns, if they had, say, marshmallows, the odds of the people they shot with marshmallows dying would be pretty slim.” (Lawrence often talks to himself. Did I mention that while he may be brilliant, he's also mentally unstable.) “Now, I don’t have any marshmallows, and even if I did, I don’t think I could scare anyone with them, at least not enough to give me money. Some people have marshmallow phobias, but the odds of a bank teller having it are fairly slim.”

“I wonder what would be scary enough to cause a bank teller to give me money, but wouldn't be deadly should something go wrong.” (This was an important question since talking to himself on this deep a level practically assured failure.)

Much consideration, and 144 tacos later, he found his answer. The tacos were because Lawrence eats when he gets nervous. Unfortunately he has irritable bowel syndrome, so they weren’t his best idea. They sent him running to the bathroom several times an hour for 16 hours. On his last trip, when the toilet clogged due to overuse… he found his answer.

“Wow!” thought Lawrence, “this toilet is really clogged. This is disgusting. I’m plunging it but all that’s happening is I’m getting toilet paper and pieces of taco waste stuck to this plunger. This is the most disgusting…..OMG!!!”

That’s right. The only thing scarier than a gun to your face is a freshly used plunger to your face. Brilliant.

Lawerence, of course, got caught. He was charged with third degree burglary. His lawyer is currently working on get the charges dropped to "loitering with intent to plunge."


Another brilliant mind behind bars. What a waste.


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Comments 24 comments

Theophanes profile image

Theophanes 4 years ago from New England

That's even better than the snake robberies, almost as good as holding up a NYC cabbie with a Sharpie held to their neck. Funny.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

LOL .... Welcome back Sue!


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 4 years ago from Canada

Ha ha! Yes, this is pretty weird, alright! Plungers are kind of scary, but I had never thought of robbing a bank with one. Great hub and I am going to share this!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 4 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Ah, Lawrence...how stoopid. Ya shoulda used a plunger made specifically for toilets...the kind with the extra extension in the "cup". Now THOSE are truly scary because when a bank teller looks at the (used) business end, he/she'll imagine what lurks inside that could mean days on his/her own toilet if the robber shoved it into his/her face.

Great hub! Voted up and funnnnny! ;D


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Theophanes:

Sharpie to the neck, stinky plunger to the face... you've got to love NY. What's next, muggers with fake vomit?

Susan: Thank you so much! It's so nice to be remembered!

prairieprincess:

Love, love, LOVE it when people share. Not germs. Germs are not good to share, but stories... oh yeah. Thank you!

JamaGenee:

your grammar is beyond description... your description is beyond mind blowing! I actuall said, "EWWWW" out loud! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan:

Thank you my talented friend! It's nice to be remembered!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Lawrence may not be the brightest bulb in the fixture, but he certainly was creative. I nominate him for Dim Bulb of the Year.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 4 years ago from California Gold Country

This is pretty dumb, though an industrial strength plunger can be pretty intimidating-- but did you hear about that Taliban guy who found a wanted poster for him (Really--in the news tonight)-- he wanted the $100 reward. When asked if he was the man in the photo he answered emphatically "yes!" and wanted his reward. The captured him.

I think they need to put more wanted posters up. Who knew it could be this easy?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Sue! Woo hoo! You are back and in rare form my friend! Lol.

I so missed weird news:) what a brilliant dumb guy, eh? I really would not want to be touched with a plunger at all! Especially a strangers plunger! Ew! I would have given him the money for sure!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Lawrence obviously has a loose screw! This was a funny, very entertaining hub. Voted up!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I had a neighbor once who robbed a bank with a toy gun. Needless to say she's not my neighbor anymore!


arb profile image

arb 4 years ago from oregon

plunging into a life of crime comes with inherent risk. Obviously,so do plans hatched from tacos.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

I second that nomination and move to crown him plunger of the decade as well.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

I'm actually wanted in 14 states. I was going to do like the Taliban guy, but now that I read your perspective on it, I'm considering changing my mind.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Housewife, as usual, you nailed the problem right on the head. Being touched by a stranger's plunger-crap is WAY different than being touched by family plunger-crap. This is something people should keep in mind when they go to rob a place. Robbing your family business with family plunger-crap will probably not work.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

And yet, how brilliant. I hope he takes advantage of the schooling in jail. I'm thinking... electrician?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

She? I love it when a woman takes initiative!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Nice to see you, arb. Most things hatched from tacos contain a healthy risk factor. :)


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

LOL...great hub that made my day! I think I could eat a taco now...lol!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Yes, I, too, had an insatiable desire for tacos after reading this. Tacos and a yearning to plunge.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

And Taco Bell has a NEW taco made with a Doritos shell!!! Whoa, can't wait to try that one.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Now that is so funny.. lol.. I love this hub.. Nice to meet you..

I want to share this

Debbie


coffeegginmyrice profile image

coffeegginmyrice 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

YEW!!! But, it's not a waste of humour here. I was cracking up! I enjoyed every bit of taco, I mean laughter in this hub. Oh my, I'd die if my face is sucked up by that "taco-wacko" plunger! If money wasn't enough, he can take me too than having that gross red rubber up to my nose...then, I'll run away!

I enjoyed this story so much that I'm sharing it; perhaps then those bank robbers out there will get the idea and more lives will be spared.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 4 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin, ... so, how was it? I'm waiting for the deep fried taco dipped in chocolate...

Deborah... it's nice to meet you too, thank you for sharing. The world loves those who share. :)

coffeegginmyrice... you really should be nuttycoffeegginmyrice, it would be more fitting. I enjoyed your comment, esp. the visual of the taco-wacko plunger on your nose while you ran away! Thank you for stopping by and sharing.

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