The 5 Worst Remakes Ever
Sometimes Hollywood hits one out of the ballpark and lands a blockbuster. This happens with both original and remade scripts. Unfortunately, a brilliant remake isn’t all that common an occurrence. Particularly when the originally is already pretty snazzy.
In recent years, I’ve come across some pretty crappy remakes that just made me shake my head. Here they are, in no particular order.
1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, etc. The original flick, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, was one of my faves as a kid. Gene Wilder was fantastic. Yes, it was a little cheesy, but it was also great. So I was really excited when I found out the new version was coming. The effects looked superb, and I was eager to get to the theater. To be honest, it started out pretty well. All of the actors played their parts brilliantly – except for Depp. His rendition of Willy Wonka was just creepy. His social interaction was disturbing and I found myself wrinkling up my nose. I was very relieved when this film ended.
2. Planet of the Apes (2001)
Mark Wahlberg, Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Roth. (Hmm, Ms. Carter is making this list twice!) Truth be told, I was never a big fan of the original, but I luurve me some Mark Wahlberg, so I was well ready to see this one. In terms of effects, props, etc, it was top class. Brilliant, really. The acting was excellent as well – except for Wahlberg. You only have to see one of his many films to know he’s a great actor. But not in this one. His character was completely devoid of dimension. He came across like a robot, really. I couldn’t sympathize with him on any level, it was too boring.
3. Shaft (2001)
Samuel L. Jackson, at the peak of his overexposure. Hottie Christian Bale is in there, too, and that’s the only redeeming feature. Jackson is a good actor and has been fantastic in many roles, but I didn’t buy him as Shaft. The character just seemed to be trying too hard. Busta Rhymes and Vanessa Williams also star. Not exactly Hollywood royalty, if you know what I’m saying.
4. Meet Joe Black (1998)
Anthony Hopkins, Brad Pitt. This was actually the second remake of the 1934 film. I guess someone thought Pitt would be able to pull this off. Instead, his portrayal of the grim reaper came across as robotic. Not as bad as Wahlberg up there, but pretty close. I didn’t have much interest in his character. Anthony Hopkins, on the other hand, was great. But then, how could he not be? Claire Forliani is pretty good, too – but Pitt kind of ruins it for everyone. Good filming, interesting story, bad Pitt.
5. Vanilla Sky (2001)
Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Penelope Cruz. I was psyched to see this one. It looked very hip when I saw the previews. You can imagine my disappointment when I found out you had to be on LSD in order for it to make sense. It was just bizarre. I suppose the acting was good – it certainly wasn’t bad. But it was confusing and I had a headache by the time it was done. My head still hurts when I think of the 3 of them together.
That’s my list of the 5 worst remakes ever made. If you liked any of these, do leave me a comment, I will be fascinated to hear why!
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