My Ten Doomsday Items
Whether you believe the world will end or not, I suggest you get these items just in case.
Trust me, this might be the most important part. You will be spending time alone with this person. It may be up to you to repopulate the world. Are you sure you want your wife or husband?
My plan is to kidnap a Supermodel. She will be great to look at. Without electricity I'll have no television and more time to fantasize about her. After a few days I'm sure I can get her to have sex with me. Plus, when her stupidity wears me down, she will become a food source. Cannibalism might be necessary at some point.
If you're going to procreate with your Supermodel, you'll need some medical knowledge. You will have to deal with the pregnancy as well as deliver the child. If you were smarter the me, you would make you mate a doctor so she could deliver her own baby. However, I took beauty over brains. My bad!
I suggest you get a good first aid book. Load up on top of the line medical supplies, plus baby items. Congratulations on your child and good luck!
Get yourself a good list of cockroach recipes. These insects have been around for thousands of years. They have survived everything Mother Nature has thrown at them. I'm sure they will survive this. So, learn some roach recipes and you will always have a food source.
Sure you can use it for what you think I'm suggesting it for. However, you will need it for the farts. I'm sure beans will be part of your food supplies. Beans lead to gas.
You may think you can handle it, but there will probably be multiple people with a gas problem.
Remember you are in an enclosed area. Can you imagine the smell? No? Go fart in your closet with the door closed and get back to me.
Bring the Bible or any book related to your God. Don't believe in God? Trust me you will when the end is near. It is better to be safe then sorry. Facing the end, you will pray to who or what you think can help you.
You might consider buying the holy book of every religion you know. Pray to them all. This isn't the time to discover you've been backing the wrong God.
When I talk about air freshener, I'm talking heavy duty. There is going to be sweat, dirty bodies, burps and farts. You might be stuck in your bunker for days with these smells. A pine tree haning form a nail in the corner isn't going to cut it. I suggest you find the most powerful stuff you can
Of course if you followed my earlier advice and bought a gas mask, you might want to forgo this step. I, however, will be doing this step also. With my luck, my mask will break.
Men will understand this better then a woman. Duct tape is the ultimate fixer item. You can repair anything with duct tape. It stops drafts and leaks. It holds things together as well as keeping them separate. You can use it in first aid, and make clothes out of it.
Probably the most important thing it will to is silence those annoying people that won't shut up. Just a strip across the mouth and you're done. Just make sure you also tie up their hands. Wouldn't want them ripping the tape off.
Keep A Secret
This is very important. You need to keep your plans a secret. You can't save everyone and only have limited space. Everyone who knows of your plans will want to join you. Yes, even those that mocked you. Don't put yourself in the position of playing God. Don't decide who lives and dies. Just keep your mouth shut!
Then again this could be your chance to bump off the annoying neighbor.
Above ground or below ground? That is the question. Personally I'm heading underground. It appears to be better at handling even the worst case scenarios. I'm not sure how the world will end, but I think I'll have a better chance underground.
Only one drawback. What if something heavy falls on the door and I can't get out? Now you know why it's important to pick a good mate.
Remember when Mom would ask if you were wearing clean underwear? You thought it was stupid then, but it's time to rethink it. If ever there was a time to wear clean underwear, it's for the Doomsday! Your chances of getting severely injured will be increased. You really want that sexy nurse seeing your soiled undies?
I know you're thinking who cares if i die in dirty drawers. You might care when you get to the Pearly Gates. What are you going to tell them, it happened at death? Sorry, God will know it's a lie!
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