No Really, Please Go Away Star Jones
Star Jones...oooh sooo thin...and who cares?
No Really, Go Away Star Jones - Don't Get Me Started!
And so she's back, (looking like she's) from outer space. We just went online to find that tropical fish look upon her face. (Any good gay knows those were redone lyrics from the Gloria Gaynor classic, I Will Survive) The real question is why has she survived and why are we again being subjected to yet another bout of Star Jones in the news? Is she news? Was she ever? The only thing we can be sure of is that she is not talented and gets on almost everyone's nerves in the world. No really, go away Star Jones - Don't Get Me Started!
As I wrote previously, Star Jones has long gotten on my nerves. (Read that here - http://hubpages.com/hub/Why_Is_Star_Jones_Back ) The thing is that she is now officially "the bad penny" that no one can get rid of. Her latest "look at me" angle is that she is finally admitting that she was admitted to a hospital and had gastric bypass surgery. Oh my God, that is so shocking I don't think that I will ever get over it. Here I thought that she lost over 160 pounds by just working out with her gay husband and eating right.
Come on people, no one loses that amount of weight without some major surgery as opposed to her whole, "medical intervention" statement that she made originally. And what exactly is a medical intervention? Is it a bunch of doctors confronting you in a room saying, "Look, you are fat. We're not going to sugar coat this (because you'd probably eat it) by saying you are morbidly obese. Star you are a big fat, fatty boombalattty and no matter how much eye makeup you put on or chunky ethnic jewelry you wear around your neck, it just is not going to distract anyone from the fact that you are huge, woman and we're here to tell you because you apparently don't know that you have hit the rock bottom of the brownie pan. So have you eaten in the last twenty-four hours? Do you have some nightgowns roughly the size of the tent you were married under? Because we're going into surgery right now if you accept this intervention." Of course her family would be in the room and they would be saying things like, "Star, I love you but I will no longer go to all you can eat buffets if you don't accept this intervention." And then her husband would speak up, "Girl, you gots to lose the weight cause everyone just thinks you're the standard oversized fag hag at this point. If you slim down at least we can sort of look like a real heterosexual couple, even though I'm not giving up my eyeliner for anyone. Doctor, by the way, how long will she be out of the house...I mean, will she be in the hospital? I want to get my "friend" Rodolfo to redo the bedroom while she's away and we're going to need to lay on a lot of...I mean look at a bunch of mattresses before we can decide which one will be best." With tears in her eyes and the stains of the last Whopper she would ever eat under one of the rolls on her oversized gauze peasant blouse with ruffle collar (that she shouldn't be wearing no matter what size) she would put her hand in the air, leaving it for Jesus to guide her. At this point, Jesus probably stopped whatever he was doing and treated her chubby hand with too many rings on it as serious as the bat signal. Swooping down he would land lightly in the room, appearing only to her and say, "Star, the time has come for you to be made in my image and you don't ever see an image of me with that blouse on, horizontal stripes or not being able to fit into an airplane seat in coach do you? Not that I'd ever go coach but you get the idea. Yes, I love you this you know for the bible tells you so and that's why I'm saying go forth with these doctors and let them try to make a purse (a Kate Spade one cause I simply love what she does) out of you, the sow's ear. And by the way, if you ever get back on television, let them know that I never talked to George W. Bush, will you?" And just as magically as he came, he would have disappeared. Star would lower her hand (and after a Baby Ruth feel out of the sleeve of her blouse) walk quietly with the doctors humming "Amazing Grace." The "medical intervention" a success.
If anyone thinks that Ms. Jones is admitting the surgery now for any reason other than publicity you're just crazy. And for those of you who say, "Well, why are you even talking about her if you want her to go away?" You have officially missed the point of every post that has ever been on Some Like It Scott! Bitter looks great on me and it's my job to let people know the many things that "start" me and ask that you "Don't Get Me Started!" The many reasons she should go away are so obvious that they really don't need to be listed. Anyone who saw her on The View with her "high and mighty" haughty attitude (while she was raping every guest that came on the show for free stuff for her wedding) knows the same as I do that she was as they said about Eva Peron in the musical "slap in the right place at the perfect time" but now she needs to be put out of our misery.
Here's the deal, she can go away for a few years and then come back and sell something on QVC (because I don't watch QVC) but I don't want to see her in the media any more, sucking what's left of her cheeks in and acting as if she's the Ponce De Leon of weight loss. She didn't unlock the mysteries of life, she didn't lose weight by asking, "What would Jesus eat" the diet or even marry a straight man. So I say, "Next." No really, go away Star Jones - Don't Get Me Started!
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- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
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