Note to my Hubber Friends

May 29, 2010

May 29, 2010
May 29, 2010

I live a hermit existence at the edge of Sherwood Forest, in a little known village which Google Maps has been unable as yet to discover, where the natives speak a form of Pidgin English which, however, does have a vague resemblance to the glorious language of Shakespeare once your ear becomes attuned to it.

The place is, in fact, a wilderness where the foot of the white man has never set and missionaries have never preached the testament, either old or new, their strength and will giving up long before they sighted the wooden posts which form the defensive wall around our village.

But I tell a lie. There are, indeed, stories of a missionary who managed to get through the undergrowth some years past and make it to our village square, but rumour has it that the natives did not like him. According to some of the old timers at the local pub, he took a long time to boil and tasted like shoe leather.

The old boys do give him credit, though, for his sense of humour. Apparently he tried to convince them that the eclipse of the sun was his doing and that he was some kind of god. That got him a good laugh and an extra dollop of Bisto gravy, according to the grapevine, but it did not make him go down any better.

Apparently they found amongst his personal effects a book and one of the brotherhood who actually knows how to read said that it was written by someone called H. Rider Haggard and called King Solomon's Mines, in which the eclipse of the sun saves the white man from a fate worse than death. It just goes to show you what learning can do to a man.

Since then it has been the established position of our Beloved Leader that what the world needs to make it a place fit for heroes to live in is fewer and better tasting missionaries and he has since declared open season on the species.

That particular episode has never ceased to be green in the memory of our Four Hundred and they make a point of reciting it to the five year olds every Saturday when the youngsters have a rest form hunting the local wild beasts for lunch.

In fact if you visit us on any Saturday, you will be able to enjoy our choir for free, because that is our bath day which tradition dictates be taken in cold water and, according to village rules, we sing in it otherwise we get a strong letter from the municipality. The village alarm bell is used to keep time and in the winter we all sing Wagnerian Operas in tones of excruciating agony. In the summer, when the water is warmer, we are more inclined to Verdi and the Beatles.

So, as you can appreciate, other than the occasional boiled missionary, our entertainment is restricted to scalping the primitives of the next village in the form of rugby. That’s what our American friends call football and we, because of all that padding, call a girls’ picnic. In fact, our women enjoy a game of American football whenever they get fed up with knitting and feel like stretching their limbs a little as a warm-up prior to vacuuming the carpet.

Oh and we also have Bingo. Now the De Greeks are not an overly critical lot, but I don’t mind confessing to you that it would be paltering with the truth were I to deny that there are moments when the thought of bingo is an outrage to everything that raises Man above the level of the beasts. I know that one must be open minded and twenty-first-century-about-these-things, but surely there must be limits?!

You should also bear in mind that our village is not renowned for producing brain surgeons and rocket scientists as we are a more hands on lot, provided that strenuous thinking is not required. It took us a number of decades to erase that incident during WWII when our lot volunteered for mine clearing. Regrettably, for some reason, they decided to probe the ground with the pointed sticks which were customary for the purpose at the time, while going in reverse. The resulting explosions reduced the village population by a considerable number.

As for our courting practices, these often involve the use of stout clubs and we demonstrate our affection for the little woman by dragging her by the hair to our romantic little cave for an impromptu honeymoon. In the unlikely event that any poor fish might object and even worse try to do something about it, he usually has sense enough to carry a note in his pocket with clear instructions as to where the body should be sent.

But our heart is in the right place and our hospitality is second to none. As you may have gathered, we are practically all soul, with gentle but strong natures, raised on sound principles which are based more on the past practice of the humanities rather than on the study of today's sciences and we tend more towards practical tradition than modern educational methods.

But as good as life is in the sticks, something is missing. Besides our courting and bingo, we have no entertainment at all. So finding Hubpages and meeting so many kind and talented people here and making friendships with some of them is a huge benefit for me for which I am deeply grateful. In fact it would not be an exaggeration were I to describe some of these friendships as an ode to brotherly love.

Because some of these friends have expressed an interest to visit my wife and I here, this is an opportunity for us to extend an open invitation to all those with whom a feeling of brotherhood has been established. In other words, in order to better express our sincere love and affection we would be happy to have you visit us and to this end, I ask you to note my new email address, which is . You will need this information in case you decide to make use of the invitation.

And do bear in mind that visiting us is not just a simple matter of cold meat and a pickle. Though for those without a proper Emily Post style engraved and gilded invitation, dinner at our village can be a test of manhood, if you have actually been invited, then the sky is the limit. Be prepared to unfasten the waist coat and belt buckles after dinner because unless man and beast reach the bursting-at-the-seams stage we do not feel that dinner was a success. We often even stretch the Privy Purse to a cigar and port. In other words, I am fattening up the biblical calf ready for the day you shall visit us.

In fact, so much is my affection for you lot that I have decided that if I ever have a son, he is going to be christened Ebenezer, Aloysius, tonymac04, Shadesbreath, Christoph Reilly, Cris A, saddlerider1, Fauntleroy, Rumsbotham De Greek.

In the unfortunate event that it is a girl, then it shall be Patricia, Giggles, Nellieanna, habee, Zsuzsy Bee, Gypsy Willow, _cheryl_ , JamaGenee, Shalini Kagal, lisadpreston, Feline Prophet, Lee B, sunflowerbucky, akirchner, Crystal, Floozie De Greek.

Those who have been left out know that it is for lack space and no other reason, so do bear in mind that our village is currently looking its best and most pastoral and you are all welcome to come, one at a time, of course. Any tenderisers you might consume in the interim, can only be beneficial to the end result.

Dimitris Mita

De Greek

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Comments 104 comments

William F. Torpey profile image

William F. Torpey 6 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

You don't fool me, De Greek. The only reason I'm not mentioned is that you already know it's my 75th birthday today and that I am one of those who take a long time to boil and taste like shoe leather.

drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Interesting hub, de Greek. Did you forget to take your meds today?

Would be delighted to visit but I'm allergic to boiling water.

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I'll remember to send a few missonaries your way...

frogdropping profile image

frogdropping 6 years ago

lol there there de greek, there there. You didn't forget your meds did you?! You just ain't on enough ;) Made me laugh - serve you right if a frog pops out!

dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 6 years ago from India

What a wonderful take and poke at the typical British 'villager'....maybe a century ago?

I have heard that if you add a sliver of papaya while quickens the cooking process. And if any of the Hubbers you mentioned above dont write for a long time, I know where to send the local bobbies.

With all that verdant landscape I am surprised you aren't bursting into verse about blossoming trees and shady walks. :)

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 6 years ago from India

First things first - what a lovely house, DG! :D

The surroundings hardly seem like a setting for all the barbaric things you mention but who knows what those lush woods are hiding? So glad you're writing on HP instead of boiling missionaries! :)

trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago

Hi there,

How lovely! Your place makes me miss my old house, which was in a similar setting. While there were no missionaries lurking about, there was an occasional ghost, along with bats in the belfry :)

Too bad I hate flying, or I'd be there. Perhaps a slow boat? :)

Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 6 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Looks gorgeous De Greek. Like something out of 'Midsomer Murders"...

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Everyone! Thank you for your comments........:-)))

FIRST: The house in the photo is not mine. It's near where I live and this is where my wife and I walk to for exercise.

SECOND: Someone whose opinion I value has pointed me to a number of weak points, so I shall have to work on this a lot more before it becomes acceptable.

THIRD: For reasons of courtesy to you lot who have commented, I shall leave it up for today so that you read this message and THEN unpublish.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

There are some weak points; however, your style and wit are not at fault, only certain factual anomolies, though those too are woven into the fabric of the story with your inimitable humour and polish. If you do decide to rework it, undoubtedly it will be improved.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Thanks Nellieanna ... I shall try to midify the story. :-)

Does anyone remember the story about the white men in Africa who are captured by natives and are then released because one of the white men remembers that it is the day for the sun eclipse and the Africans think that he is a god and let everyone go?

I read this story last about 50 years ago and I do not remember either the author, or the name of the book. If you can help, please do :-)

Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 6 years ago from Ontario/Canada

What am I missing here? Is this an invitation to come for dinner or be dinner? Or an announcement for a new email addy? The girl's name really seems to roll of the tongue though...

you're a hoot Sir Greek

greetings from a sunny 90+ degree Ontario


robie2 profile image

robie2 6 years ago from Central New Jersey

I'm packing my bags and can hardly wait to visit your little patch of Paradise. Being American, I prefer my missionary's grilled rather than boiled ( why do the English and Irish boil everything?) < shrugs shoulders> ahhh well, never mind. Boiled is fine as long as there is enough ketchup.

You are brilliant, DaGreek:-)

Guest 6 years ago


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia

LOL! Very nice my dear one!! Although I don't think I'll be visiting soon because I'm sure I'll be the one boiling in the pot with villagers standing by ready to spoon on the bistro gravy! They'll need lots of it too at my age!! I'm warning you now--LEATHER I say!:D

This reads like literature! Smooth and funny. You just can't help yourself can you? :)

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

The "convenient eclipse" happens in many pieces of literature. One is in the book, King Solomon's Mines, and another in Mark Twain's A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court..

There are a bunch of them listed here:

Yours sounds like an interesting place to visit, if you happen to time the eclipes correctly. A fun read.

Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Now this is a 360 into the next dimension! I don't think you're missing your meds DG, I think you're on a great new prescription. Can I have some?

Thanks for the mention too:) I now have little fear of paying you a visit although I should think the village elders would reject a tough old bird such as myself.

Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 6 years ago from Florida

I love the hub and the pictures; your description of your village makes me want to move there. I have always thought that missionaries must taste of leather, and now I have proof.

Excellent choices on the names for your children, I think.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ Zsuzsy Bee why be stickler for detail? A bit of exitement for the unknown perhaps?

@ robie2 no, no, no, we can grill! Just bring yourself over and leave the rest to us :-))) Thank you for the kind word :D

@ Pam Roberson we are a clan which takes care of its own her! You have no fear :-)))

@ Rochelle Frank THANK you! It was King Solomon's Mines and I have ordered the book just now. Many, many thanks!!! :-)

@ Green Lotus don't tell me that you really like this? I am going to do some more work on it because my consultant is a BRILLIANT man whose opinion I value. Please come back and read it again in a couple of days, after I re-post it. And comke without fear, our hospitality is world renowned. It's those animals at the next village who have to careful when they go out at night! :-)))

@ Faybe Bay I shall keep a sharp look out for you! You have my email now, so just tell me the arrival details :-)))))

BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

You have written so many perfect hubs, that I could never criticizes you. I don't like doing that any ways. I am here for the pure enjoyment and found so much more.Thank you for your wonderful hubs.

akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

Too hilarious - you are making Prineville look like a metropolis! Except they don't boil any missionaries here - they just tie city slickers like me behind a horse, light a cigar, and take off with me trying to run behind - or just give up and go for the ride! Too hilarious - and I should be so honored to have my name perpetrated throughout eternity. Where would be without our life on the Internet? I'm thinking of naming a yogurt after you - DeGreek yogurt - probably not very flattering, however, now that I think of it but it's good for you and keeps you healthy...on second thought you probably do the same for many of us with the great laughter!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ BJ, I loooove critisism because first it means that someone has taken the trouble to read and secondly, it helps me to improve. Thank you for passing by. :-)

@ Being turned into a yoghurt is fine. I like being licked.

So does the name of my prospective daughter slip off the tongue, or what? :-)))

randslam profile image

randslam 6 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

I'd love to visit as I am not on any missions, though the missionary position does seem to stir up a lot of hot water. I was surprised you haven't witnessed any burnings of virgins--but perhaps upon the occasion of Joe visiting the Volcano you just ask them to visit someone's boudoir?

Okay, I tried to copy but you are just an original, DeGreek.

Thanks for the excerpt into insanity and modernity. We hubbers do have an island to get lost on with our literary friends.

I look forward to reading the re-edit because stuff only gets better after more percolation.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi randslam! I shall only add a couple of phrases to the new version, so please make sure that you pass by in a day or so and give me your opinion. And thank you for trying :-)))

saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

DG your twist on words never ceases to amaze me. You can poke fun at everything and why not? life is to short to be too serious. Did I spot maid Marian and Friar Tuck shadowing the edge of the forest? or was that Friar being chased down for the boiling pot awaiting his fate? You also posted lovely pictures of your quaint village, there must be a pub with a wild boar's head sign or maybe a witch's broom. There are so many interesting scenarios here that one can play out. I like it.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Saddlerider1!!! Good to see you again! :-))






Lee B profile image

Lee B 6 years ago from New Mexico

Now smooth as silk, but I liked it before too. Didn't comment because it sounded as if you were going to delete it. Was wondering if there was an "inappropriate" allusion I didn't get! Expect tourism to increase exponentially this summer!

devsir profile image

devsir 6 years ago from Earth

Impressive pictures with relevant words. That makes it a popular hub

Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Lovely house, lovely shades of green all around! Your part of the world sounds sooo inviting De Greek. (I am sure I taste even worse than shoe leather - just in case!)

That was such a hilarious read! Floozie De Greek????? :D

CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 6 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

You missed out the CMHypno in the girl's name, De Greek, shame on you! The bingo sounds very alluring, so if I ever find myself battling that far north I might machete a path through to the De Greek family door!

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

De Greek, You have a marvelous imagination and a great way to making up a funny story. Good hub.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ saddlerider1 our local pub is called "The Red Cock" :-)

@ Lee B nothing inappropriate in the previous version, just not quite complete. Thank you for your kind words :D

@ devsir glad you think that it's popular :D

@ Shalini Kagal this is the Calcutta of the UK, believe me :-)))

@ CMHypno with the girls, is it? Now why did I think you are a man? When you arrive through the undergrowth, a refreshing drink shall await you and we shall stuff you full of food to recuperate :-)))

@ Pamela, thank you for your kind words :-)

Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Village life in your neck of the woods has a twist all of its own. Or maybe that's a twist of lemon to add to the pot. Another good one, DG

SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

What a lovely setting! I spent the day doing mundane things and decided to look at the hubs of a few of my favorite hubbers and I found this story about dinner time. Since I was hungry I became enthralled with your recipe. I went outside and set the hot tub temperature to boiling. I threw in the seasonings I could gather here it was seaweed, lemon grass and pine nuts. I could not find an old man or woman for that matter to boil. A couple of them walked by, but when I invited them to join me in my hot tub, they just sneered and walked on by. I was becoming disappointed when I decided to re-read your hub. I'm glad I did because it gave me the idea of throwing old shoes in the pot. Luckily we have been saving old shoes for 30 years or so and we had a nice assortment.

The neighbors came by and wanted to know what the yummy smell was. I invited them to dinner but they declined.

I was concerned that I have no Bisto Gravy Granules. I'm sure that the Bisto makes all the difference. As I served myself up the first healthy serving of the concoction with my napkin tucked under my chin and a knife and fork in my hands, I was struck with how much that old shoe leather tasted like Stu.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ Gypsy, any condiments recommended will be put before the committee and I shall let you know the results :D

@ Steve, what can I say? YOU have made me laugh out loud with your witty response and I thank you for starting my day in such a nice way. BRILLIANT! :-)))

sabu singh profile image

sabu singh 6 years ago

Funny and humorous as always, Bro de Greek. Your comment about the choir reminded me that you make like to go through my own choir experiences in my Hub:

katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

De Greek, What a fantastic read, love Love LOVE it! Although you should know, I've never played bingo, and the loosening of the belts is NOT in your weight loss plan, I've got my eye on youl..... Thanks for sharing, I too believe in an open door policy in regards to friends and family, people are wonderful and summer is for gathering. Peace :) and many happy adventures...

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author


@ Ok Cleopatra, I have been to to the site and I have read all about you making a horse's arse of yourself AND left you a note. I hope the other inmates here will also visit because it makes my adventures downright conservative :-))

@ Katiem, I loooove flatery :-))) And since you have an open door policy, when is it a good time to call? :-)))

Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

DG you are too funny!! Even the comments are a good read!

De Cuz profile image

De Cuz 6 years ago from Portsmouth

I always wanted to know what the missionaries position was? now i know, its well done!!!

And tell me your kidding about your local!!!!

Over the years i often wondered if you still took the medication they prescribed at your initial assesment.....obviously not cuz!!

But it suits you.....thoroughly enjoyable hub D.G.

Love your profile pic too.

habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

WHAT?? I'm not sure I'd like a place that preferred the Beatles over Wagner! My favorite Wagner is Bugs Bunny singing "Kill the wabbit," to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries." Do you know and love the tune??

cameciob profile image

cameciob 6 years ago

De Greek…what a fascinating life and surroundings and community you have. I wish I could come but I’m afraid there is a catch (do you guys eat the visitors too?). Your description of this remote village reminds me of the hobbits' world. I wished you added more spicy details.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ Angel Face, the comments are the best part. It is the story that's rubbish :-)))

@ Cousin, you know that insanity is in the family genes, so why do you embarrass me so? Of course I take my medication, how else could I stop the shaking long enough to write? :-))

@ Habee, even our baritones can sing the female parts of Die Walküre if the water is cold enough :-)))

@ Cameciob you WILL be a spoil sport! :-))) - Is it our courting practices that make you afraid? - Just tell me what it is you want to know and I shall try to oblige. :-)))

@ And to the woman who decided to insult my intelligence by writing the message below: I cannot imagine a more inappropriate message to send to someone with the things I have written about my wife in my profile. I am copying your message here, in the hope that someone else (perhaps someone really desperate?) will find it of interest and contact you as a result. I, for one, am not interested



Dear New friend,

My name is camila i am a single female looking for love and relationship,i am new in ( and needs a matured and honest friend. I will send you my picture as soon as i hear back from you and from there we can take it,thanks for taking your time to read my mail(

I am waiting to hear from you



tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

I feel pretty safe coming to your village - old codgers like me smell so bad no-one would ever think of trying to boil them. And I'll conveniently forget to use the underarm just to make sure! No amount of Bisto would help.

That wooden stockade around your house looks cool. Did you cut the trees yourself?

That car hasn't moved since winter? Not your's, I presume?

Thanks for the really super Hub and just fair warning - when I get there I clean up at Bingo, so don't take me there! LOL!

BTW at least your tastes are good - Verdi and the Beatles over Wagner any time, thanks!

Love and peace


Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

That's where I want to retire! Here's what, let's exchange houses when the time comes, you'll have my house by the river (fault lines and all) plus tons of Filipinos and I'll have yours in the wilderness! :D

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author


@ Tony, I gave your name to "Camila" above, who is looking for "love and relationship" as she so eloquently put it and she says that nose picking and your religion will not be an obstacle to true love.

And the car hasn’t move since winter, because I am a pauper and cannot afford the petrol. So when you come to visit, we shall move about by cart.

@ Cris, you poor chump, you have just made yourself a deal. By the river eh? So this agreement is made in front of witnesses and I shall refer to it in when you change your mind. After Calcutta, this is probably the worst place on earth. Boredom wise, it may just make it to first place :-))))

Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 6 years ago from West By God

I LOVE all the Arthurian (old English) language style you used. Peeks my interst all the time! I laughed all the way through this. Welcome to Hubpages and you will go far here.

De Cuz profile image

De Cuz 6 years ago from Portsmouth

Heh D.G. I had to laugh that your "new friend" was looking for a "matured" friend. I wondered if that was as in a wine or as in a cheese?

I thought pointing her in Tonys' direction was a bit harsh though..;))

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Should have pointed her to you, cousin :-))

How was Cyprus?

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Just lawl. I would have hit this sooner but was on the eternal roadtrip from wife-demanded-hell. (My last response was via Blackberry from a location that, had she known I was not focused on "how much fun I was having," she would have killed me). Funny stuff. I wish I could come hit you up, because I would. You'd be a total and absolute F-ing blast to hang with, on so many levels.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Lady Guinevere I get so much pleasure when someone tells me that my jokes made them laugh. TAHNK YOU :-)

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author


Shades, to receive a compliment like this from someone of your calibre is the ultimate accolade for me. Thank very much for taking the trouble to advice me about this story, to help me make it better and to visit.

Oh, and I am glad that your wife made sure you had so much fun on that trip of yours :D


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

I considered taking up a collection for you to get petrol for that poor car which sits out & never budges. But if it did budge. . . there's no sloping driveway out of there. It would just crash over that little cliff. (possibly it backs out over a proper driveway?)

Another thing - where do your women play football? It surely would be dangerous in or near the woods, what with possible boiling, since female flesh is less like shoe-leather!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

We don't boil our own! What do you think we are? Cannibals?

Ginn Navarre profile image

Ginn Navarre 6 years ago

Okay DG, I love your humor but dam! you made me spill my coffee laughing and I hate bingo---so keep it coming!!!!!

Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland

Brilliant Hub De Greek

Your 'Village of the Damned' sounds almost as crazy as my hometown Glasgow :-)

Must invite a missionary over for Sunday lunch sometime

De Cuz profile image

De Cuz 6 years ago from Portsmouth

D.G. I couldnt believe the made me sad really. I shall write a hub I think. I need to get it off my chest.

Lita C. Malicdem 6 years ago

My first time around here, just looking for some hubs to perk up my gloom this early rainy day. And here you are! I love and enjoy the humor written all over from your hub down the hubber friends' comments. Really, you made my day! Hmmm- let me see if I could invite you, too, for breakfast in my parents' house vacant house. While I plan the invitation, I'll bury myself in the nipa hut at the backyard and snoop around for missionaries to boil into steaming stew- LOL! What a funny influence. Keep it up!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

@ Ginn how kind you are. Thank you :-)

@ Shinkicker when Glasgow is mentioned, even the insane asylum inmates concede its superior position in insanity

@ Cousin, what changes? Only additions, surely? Please tell me what has annoyed you :-))

@ Lita glad you liked it. Hope to see you again here :-))

Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

Hello, De Greek, I just discovered your story and found so amazing and laughed my head off. Now there you are see what you done. Mind there wasn't anything in it. Then I went through all your comments, gosh there are a lot, worse than Michael Jackson. When I arrive I realized I hadn't sign in, see what your story made me do. It is terrific.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Well now, Helo, helo, how kind you are tosay so. Thank you, we aim to please :-))

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Epic in its scope; tales woven like tapestry; so it's difficult to know what to comment on. Let me start by saying the abomination known as rugby is just an excuse for lots of male touching and kissing in the scrum.

Now, let me say that I should be most delighted to visit you, however you should know that a tribe of cannibals I befriended invited me for dinner. I was surprised that I turned out to be the main course. (Cannibals are two-faced, lying bast..ds!) I'll just say the whole tribe suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth and I left several pounds heavier and in need of a toothbrush.

So let us drink and be merry and declare a truce on such nonsense, and I'm sure well have a marvelous time!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Of course a statement of facts has been left here, in expectation of just such a dastardly attack on the manly sport of rugby. Your homophonic approach is deplorable. While boarding at our public schools we may have acquired certain habits which may come through in the excitement of the moment and we may exchange the occasional kiss, but there is no tongue!

From the end result of your visit to that unfortunate village, I would agree with you that cannibals are two-faced, lying bast..ds!

Your closing statement is confusing to a poor innocent such as myself. Of course our position is always to drink and be marry and that is why I have said that the fatted calf is being made ready.......:-)))))

2patricias profile image

2patricias 6 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Oh we are so pleased that should you ever have a girl child you might name her Patricia!

About a month ago the other Patricia said it was time to start having some fun. If Sherwood Forest wasn't so far away we might take you up on your offer and drive up there.

Actually, it's not so much the distance between here and there (although it is a long way) the real problem is our total lack of direction.

Anyway, about 2 weeks ago we had fun by going to see the latest Robin Hood film (your reference to Sherwood Forest reminded me). We took along our Wonderful Husbands. Now, this film is meant to be a serious, swash-buckling adventure, but about 30 minutes before the end Tricia started laughing, I joined her and then our husbands started. We simply could not stop. When the film ended, the guy came out of the projectionist room and said he was pleased we had all enjoyed the film so much.

I'm only telling you this to get you prepared should we actually come to visit you.

Thanks for an entertaining Hub. (sorry to go on so).

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Next time you lot decide to educate your husbands with some sight seeing in the Lake District or Scotland, you should stop over for lunch, before you carry on... :-)))

lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

You had me at bingo and pub. Im packing my bags. Tell the village there is a new sheriff in town. Plenty of entertainment when I arrive I assure you! LOL. Ill bring a full supply of meds. I am honored that your future daughter will carry, in part, my name. LOL. I shall name something after you as well. Love you.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Lisa! I thought that you ahve forgotten me completely and that you don't love me any more :-)))

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 6 years ago from East Coast, United States

De Greek, I imagine that the poor local folks, being so unused to the 'better things in life,' may actually enjoy those (here I shudder) games of Bingo. Here, in the civilized world, we reserve such horrors for the aged, the disabled, and Catholics.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Ah, Dolores, I see that you and your lot are a persons of high and refined sensitivity :-))

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 6 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Much better than the original version, DG!

FYI, marinating missionaries in a vat of Italian dressing overnight makes them quite tender, no matter their age. (We prefer Guinness Stout, but so hard to come by in my neck of the woods...)

Like robie2 said, boiling is out of the question, but so is grilling.

We find turning on a motorized spit over an open fire much more to our liking, mainly because we're a lazy lot and trying to flip the poor sod several times on a grill is just way too much trouble for one meal. ;D

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Well naturally I shall bow to your superior knowledge on teh subject and I sahll pass on the information to our Great Leader :-))

Deos this mean that you saw the original version and did not comment???!!! Oh, the shame! The rejection! How can I bear this blow?!

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 6 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Oh, stop whining! It's soooo unbecoming to a man of your stature and impeccable lineage. ;D

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Yes but can you see how my dyslexia affects my writting? :D

prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I saw a beautiful place for living, that's your home. There's no great place except near the nature. We can breathe with fresh air, hear the birds singing and many things we can't found it in the city. I am glad to visit your house. Good invitation from you. Thank you very much!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Yes, Prasetio and don't forget to bring grandma, grandpa, cousins and aunts with you. We don't want want to disappoint anyone do we? :-))))

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi, De Greek, are you sure you don't live in Marlow? I am sure the picture at the top with the house, is just down the road from me! And a few days ago, while I was out clubbing, a man over the head, not dancing!, the missionary that lives near me, told me he was going out to lunch! he never did come back....! lol The scary thing is, I thought this was normal behaviour! don't all English villages act this way? No? better go put the club back then! ha ha great stuff. loved it. cheers nell

Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Your village looks so typically British (including the damp foggy forest)...but England has it`s special charm.

Despite that charm of good old England, Mediterranean is much more enchanting...and colourful...

Thank you for your excellent humor, DG.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Hi Nell, very pleased you liked our little eccentricities here. But when you come to visit, don't forget to bring that club with you........:-)))

Tatjana, I another three years to go before I can move back to the Med. See you there? :-))

American Romance profile image

American Romance 6 years ago from America

I suppose I could take offense at calling American football players sissies! Just in wondering, Would one assume our players wore all that padding because most are 6'4 and weigh 240 lbs or more of pure raw destroying muscle? and I believe most of the british football players are what? 125lbs soaking wet and when they collide its something like a nerf mat one falls one? LOL after the games our boys drink beer and eat mexican food and isnt it custom for your boys to quilt or wash each others hair?

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author


Excuse me while I yawn :-)))

Kael Myril profile image

Kael Myril 6 years ago from Tacoma, WA

Very nice. I did so enjoy the names for your future children, (as I suppose their future classmates will too) and you can't hardly beat a good boiled missionary. I'll be sure to stop in next time I'm down your way, and if you don't have any fresh meat handy, I'm perfectly okay with cold shoulder...

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author


Kael Myril, it's the fatted calf, not could shoulder to visitors with a sense of humour :-))

ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

Oh that American Romance really is a bore...and actually I think ladyjane sounds so much better than floozie...Cheers!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Now that I think of it, how could I have left LadyJane out of the list???? :-))))

ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Holy moly - is there anyone in the world who hasn't left a comment? Anyway, enjoyed the photos, laughed til it hurt over the text, and can only add one thing.

I.e., I'm pretty sure that the missionary position is: We're against the boiling and eating of missionaries.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

I am very pleased LT that a talented person such as yourself found something to laugh about here :-))

Jarn profile image

Jarn 6 years ago from Sebastian, Fl

As far as courtship goes, the missionary position is always fun: me fanning the flames and her in a safari suit and cookpot. :)

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Ah, here you are :-) A bit of fun at times does not hurt :-)

dawnM profile image

dawnM 6 years ago from THOUSAND OAKS

so now with all of the comments I am wondering if there is a hidden message in the article and I am missing

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Nothing hidden. Just a joke to make you smile :-)

James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

I love the creative expressions of your mind on this page. Your words are witty, warm, and interesting, with a fine pace and flow. Well done!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Thank you James. Nice of you to say so :-)

ACSutliff profile image

ACSutliff 6 years ago

De Greek,

You've talked me into it. The idea of singing operas, Verdi, and the BEATLES together in the bath is probably what did it. I just love musical bath time. Before I come, you will have to explain that google map thing to me again. I will get lost otherwise. And please keep in mind that my noodle arms have no muscle on them whatsoever. I'm all skin and bones, definitely not tasty at all. :-)

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Fine, AC, just let me know when you are coming and we shall beat a path through the undergrowth for you :-)))

hafeezrm profile image

hafeezrm 6 years ago from Pakistan

Very interesting to read because of good humour.

KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

Beautiful photos, it looks like a little piece of paradise. I find your writing cleaver and witty. I enjoyed the adventure of reading it.

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Thank you, very kind :-)

Laura Morena profile image

Laura Morena 6 years ago from United States of America

You seem to live in a beautiful area. I will assume that those are your photos, and not some random images that you downloaded from the internet.

I would come to see for myself, but your invitation is actually, quite scary.

If I were to chance it, I would bring a list of my ingredients. I live in the US and unwillingly ingest large amounts of preservatives, artificial food colors, and artificial "Vanillin". (You may be fooled into thinking that I may taste similar to vanilla after cooking, however I should inform you that, according to Wikipedia, artificial vanillin is made from either guaiacol or lignin, a constituent of wood which is a byproduct of the paper industry.) You would be much better off dining on an organically raised missionary who has lived in the bush most of his/her life than eating an American.

On second thought, I don't think I will chance it. There are some good travel deals going to the Dominican Republic right now.

I'll just rely on you to keep me updated on that corner of the globe. Keep up the interesting tales!

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

We like 'em tough in our village. You are just too tender-looking for our taste. Nahhh. You are safe :-)))

And the photos are mine :-)

Laura Morena profile image

Laura Morena 6 years ago from United States of America

Good to know! ; )

They are lovely photos! : )

meteoboy profile image

meteoboy 6 years ago from GREECE

Pretty good job , De Greek , I am learning from your articles.Thank you .Greetings from Greece.

katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Awesome, I remember reading this it's delightful. I'll keep you posted of my travels. I have a very busy summer of travel planned. My daughters and I are doing a few weeks in North Dakota with their youth ministry, building and home repair this summer. We'll def let you know when in your neck of the woods. Love and Peace :)

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

meteoboy, thank you for your kind words :-)

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK Author

Katie, look forward to hearing from you :-)

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