Once Upon A Time -- A New Episode That Seemed Like A Repeat

Original Airing: April 28, 2013

This is the episode when I officially began to think about not watching anymore. I was thisclose to just closing the browser button and just not watching it. As it was, I just listened to it as I did other more interesting things, like playing Words With Friends on Facebook. This episode was just completely pointless and a waste of time.

How many times have we seen Regina plotting to kill Snow Blight? Too many, that’s how many. The episode’s back story could have been given to some other fairytale story. Instead of having The Blight as the archer saving Regina’s life, they could have had it been Robin Hood and tell the story right instead of the abbreviated version they told last week. But it’s like these writers are so obsessed with The Charmings they’ve got to have some flashback about one of them every other episode. Why don’t they just go ahead and rename the show The Charmings. Not even Rump or Regina could make this swill interesting.

This is what drove me crazy with Lost in season 2. The repetitive flashbacks that provide no new information. Flashbacks or telling a back story is a good tool when used to reveal something new, but when it’s used to show something you already know then it becomes useless filler. I suppose the only new thing we discovered was Rump got Regina to cut-off all trade with King Charlie Widmore so he’d be forced to approach King Midas and then had Prince Suddenly Evil This Season killed so that Sheep Boy could take his place. But we already knew that Rump manipulated everything to make the curse happen to try and find his son, so this was just redundant.

I can sum up the back story in one paragraph. Regina asked Rump to transform her into a beggar woman so she could kill The Blight. The Blight rescued Regina and talked about how she was sure there was still good in Regina until she saw that Regina’s Royal Guard had slaughtered a bunch of Regina haters. Then she said Regina had no good in her and was going to kill her, but couldn’t, and Regina escaped and Rump turned her back into herself. A big fat waste of time for anyone who sat through that dreck, and that anyone would be me.

Another thing this show has been doing all season that’s been driving me crazy is rewriting stuff from season one. Season one Prince James was good, this season to make Sheep Boy look good, they made him evil. Belle spent her entire existence in Storybrooke locked up in a padded cell, and now they’re saying trashy Lacy is her alter ego. Just when did she have time to be Lacy and what would be the point when she was locked away in a padded cell? But they really outdid themselves this episode.

Regina used Hook for Maleficent bait while she retrieved something she stashed in the basement she’s keeping her in. Only problem is Maleficent is dead. Emma killed her in last year’s season finale. Just how dead is she? Emma sliced her open after killing her and took the true love vial Rump had Sheep Boy hide inside her out of her. The utter disrespect to your audience pulling crap like this and expecting them not to remember that the woman was killed; it’s disgusting.

The present day story was Tamara and Greg wanted Hook to help them find Greg’s father and in return they would make sure Rump is not only really dead but most sincerely dead. He tricks Regina into putting some cuff on her wrist and it puts a chastity belt on her magic and renders it useless, and Tamara and Greg bag her, as they go ahead with their mysterious plot. You know, at this point I don’t even care if they really do kill Rump. Personally, I think Robert Carlyle is too good of an actor for this show, so killing Rump off would be doing him a favor.

Meanwhile Emma becomes convinced that Tamara is the woman August warned her about. Unfortunately, Neal catches her searching Tamara’s room and thinks Emma’s just being a jealous bag. Although I did get a chuckle out of The Blight pointing out to Emma when she declared her secret power of being able tell when someone is lying is pretty unreliable as half the time Emma can’t spot when she’s being lied to. That whole thing about Emma just knowing when she’s being lied to has become the biggest joke of the show.

Out of this giant pile of steaming manure one scene incensed me the most, however. Sheep Boy is telling The Blight they’ll offer to allow Regina to come back to Fairy Tale Land if she agrees to be imprisoned in that filthy pit they trapped Rump in before the curse happened, and this…I’m trying to be a lady and not use a string of expletives…thinks he’d being generous. Hey, Lord Bountiful, how about you and your murdering spouse take cells on either side of Regina. You for committing treason by stealing a throne and passing yourself off as someone you’re not, and your little wifey for murdering Cora. Oh, I forgot, their crap doesn’t count, only everyone else’s.

Of course, it may be a moot point for Prince Pouty Puss as he and Dumpy discover the bean field ruined. Regina made sure she has the only good bean plant left, but since she’s been bagged, no one knows it but Hook. It’s terrible but I’m kind of finding myself rooting for the bad guys here. All Regina had to do was give Greg back his father, but she won’t do it, because she’s a spite beyotch who made that kid grow-up without his father because he didn’t want her. It’s the same stuff she pulled on Hansel and Gretel.

I swear, my hatred for Sheep Boy has risen to such heights; I feel like throwing darts at a picture of him, that is if I could stand to look at his repulsive face. Or if I had a doll made in his image, I would cut it in pieces like I would a chicken. Put this crumb-bag back in a coma and leave him there. He and his little dwarf, too, are the worst characters on the show.

It truly is astonishing how quickly this show has gone down the drains. Last season it was the IT show. Granted, near the end of the season with the over-abundance of The Blight and Sheep Boy it’s star was starting to dim. But it was nothing like the garbage this season has been. There are only been 4 episodes out of 20 I would even want to watch again. That means 80% of the shows have been crap. That’s not good. Especially for a show that’s only in it’s second season.

I’m sure the show will get picked up for a new season, but after that it’s going to be history unless ABC cans these Lost writers and brings in someone who can write and understands this is an ensemble show and more characters than The Charmings need to be written for. Quite frankly The Charmings are the weakest characters played by the weakest actors on the show. A smart show goes with its strength not its weaknesses.

If I had any advice to give to anyone reading this recap, I’d tell you if you have any plans to watch a show where former Lost writers are on the writing staff then don’t. Once Upon A Time is a prime example of what you’ll get. They took a show that was a phenomenal success and in one season put it in the toilet.

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