Once Upon A Time -- Pinocchio

It's pretty bad to loathe most of the Charmings when they're considered the most important people on the show. The one that's ticking me off the most is probably that obnoxious little brat Henry. I'm sorry, but if any of us talked to our parents the way he talks to Regina, we'd be at least punished, and Regina does nothing to this ungrateful little brat. Every Fairy Tale Land kid is loyal to their parents and loves them [even if they're not their blood] and they've behaved worse in front of them than Regina has in front of super brat, There's no sign that Henry ever loved Regina before he found out Super Emma was his real bio mommy. Henry needs to have Granny Cora float him up in the air with his arms tied to his sides, then he'll have something to be yappy and disloyal about. From what we've seen Regina has been a good mother to him. She hasn't been physically or emotionally abusive to him; quite the contrary she's the one who has to take his emotional abuse. As this season draws to an end all the Charmings are really losing their charm.

This week we learn the tale of Pinocchio whose identity in Storybrooke is August. A lot of viewers guessed he was Pinocchio; I wasn't one of them. I thought he might be Bae, but after last week I'm so glad he isn't. Anyway, it seems since the clock started running in Storybrooke he's been slowly starting to turn back into a wooden boy for not keeping the promise he made to the Blue Fairy when she turned him into a real live boy. So that's how he's dying. He's slowly turning back into wood and unless Emma believes and unbreaks the curse he will die by turning completely into wood.

In Fairy Tale Land, Pinocchio [who is still all wooden at this point] and Geppetto are out on the raft when they run into the whale. Pinocchio sacrifices himself to save Geppetto from the whale. Geppetto wakes up on shore and finds a seemingly dead wooden Pinocchio. He begs for someone to save his little boy. The Blue Fairy flutters in and makes Pinocchio a real live boy with a proviso. He'll only remain real as long as he's brave, truthful and unselfish.

You know, The Blue Fairy may come in a prettier package than Rump, but she's really not that much different. Instead of just making Pinocchio a boy for good, she puts conditions on it. We don't know what happened to Bae, but I don't think it was nice, and Bluesy didn't give a crap what happened to him. She used a child to try and get rid of Rump. But you see when it's her own hide on the line, she's trying to find a way to save herself.

Her way is to get Geppetto to make the magic wardrobe to transport Snow and Charming out of Fairy Tale Land so their golden child can come back and break the curse. Only Geppetto isn't willing to fall on a sword so the Charmings get their happily ever after out in the real world. He says instead of both Charmings getting to escape the curse when they're the reason every one has to suffer, he wants Pinocchio to be one of the two people who gets an escape clause. Bluesy isn't happy about that, but Geppetto reasons the Charmings golden progeny only needs one parent to raise her.

The nagging green bug Bluesy set on Geppetto to guide him to do the right thing starts chirping in his ear and Geppetto basically tells him to bug off. It's either play game by his rules, Geppetto makes it clear, or there will be no wardrobe for the golden child to escape in. Having no choice, Bluesy agrees to lie that the wardrobe can only save one person.

It's interesting how that scene at the start of the series is viewed in a different light when you know Geppetto isn't being as altruistic as he seems by agreeing to make the wardrobe or that he's forced Bluesy to lie that only one Charming can escape the curse. When Snow goes into labor early, Bluesy expects Geppetto to back down on his demands, but he's not giving up Pinocchio's ticket to ride. He says Pinocchio will look after the baby, but Pinocchio isn't giving up his ticket to ride for Snow White.

Only things don't exactly work out that way once Pinocchio and Emma arrive in the real world. They get put in a foster home with a miserable foster father, and when some of the other kids steal money and plan to runaway, Pinocchio now August, goes with them.

In Storybrooke August looks at his former human leg that's turned to wood. He tracks down Emma and tries to get her to go somewhere with him, but she blows him off. She's heading to Gold's to try and get him to be her lawyer to take Henry away from Regina. Then The Brat calls her to come and meet him at Granny's, so August calls Gold to make sure he turns her down and pushes her back in his direction so he can convince her the storybook is true.

Emma meets The Brat at Granny's and he tells her someone added a story to the book. it's the story of Pinocchio, but the story is unfinished.

When August arrives at Gold's Geppetto is there. Gold tells August he knows who he is and Geppetto is his father. He wonders why August hasn't tried to see his father once since he's been back in town. For some reason Gold is cooperating with August to try and get Emma to believe so she can end the curse. You have to wonder why. he wants to end the curse. He created the curse to come to this other world to find Bae. Has he given up on finding Bae and he wants to go back to Fairy Tale Land? Whatever the case he turns down Emma and she goes running to August.

He takes her on a magical mystery tour of her past. He takes her to the diner she was brought into as an infant by a young child, and tells her he was that child. Then he takes her to the tree they arrived in this world in. Finally, he shows her his wooden leg, but she acts like she doesn't see it. He says she's so deep in denial she won't see the truth. She responds then they're all screwed, because she can only handle taking care of The Brat.

Speaking of The Brat, when Regina comes to bring him his lunch, she has to endure his insolent mouth telling her she's the Evil Queen and Snow White will have her happy ending and there's nothing she can do about it. It's times like these, I wish he'd gotten Regina's mother Cora for an adopted mother. The Brat would have spoken to Cora like that once and it would have been the last time he did it. Regina doesn't do anything to him and lets The Brat get away with his nasty behavior. Then she has to endure a dose of sanctimonious MM's pious forgiveness. Instead of going on about what a sad little life with a whole in her heart Regina must have does she stop to think just what she did to deserve for Regina to do what she did to her? Maybe she was doing it to pay her back for what she was doing to her friend, Kathryn? No, of course not, because even when she was laying on her back with another woman's husband she didn't think she was doing anything wrong because she loves David. I haven't been able to stand MM since she was shocked anyone would think she deserved to be slapped for screwing another woman's husband.

Regina in turn, decides to make a play for David. She fakes a car breakdown, and David drives her home. She has a fake note from The Brat waiting for her on the table. 1. The Brat wouldn't leave her a note if he were going out and 2. He certainly wouldn't address it as Mom. David feels sorry for Regina so stays for dinner. During dinner she tells David how she found him and got him to the hospital, but when she tries to kiss him he pulls away and makes an excuse to leave.

Strangely enough, Regina and David had chemistry and might be interesting together. They're definitely better than the ickiness of David and MM. Meanwhile Emma calls Henry telling him she wants to take him away from Regina and he can't wait to go and goes off to meet her. Once he's in the car, she drops the bomb they're leaving town together.

Having failed to convince Emma to believe and who he was, August goes to see Geppetto and gets him to hire him to work with him. With what times he has left, he decides to spend it with his father.

If you're an old Lost viewer you probably got a sick feeling of deja vu with August trying to get Emma to believe. Hopefully that will be the only similarity to Lost because the show's ending was a total flop and made Lost virtually un-re-watchable.