Penis Obsession!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Cock-a-doodle-doo!

What's it all about?

I thought I'd be really controversial and begin this hub with a photo of my cock! Nice, isn't it? It's up every morning, greeting the day and wakening the neighbours. My neighbours love my cock, especially that Mrs. Smyth a few doors down.  She told me once that if it wasn't for my cock, she'd probably never waken up in the morning. 

Ok, I think I've just about exhausted all the innuendo.... so let me get to the crux of my gripe here. I'm a 53 year old man, who's pretty healthy. I reckon I have a fairly active sex-life, and am fortunate to have a rather beautiful wife. So I'd like to give notice here, to the dozens of obnoxious promotion companys who seem to target my email and gmail addresses with their incessant campaigns. Listen guys...once and for all.

I do NOT have erectile dysfunction! I am NOT unhappy with the length of my penis. I do NOT have trouble sustaining an erection! I do NOT feel the need to make my erections last for half an hour longer! I do NOT desire the sexual prowess of a porn star! I do NOT want creams, gels, ointments, tablets, remedies, cures, enhancers, or any of the other products that you recommend to make me feel like more of a man!!!

How did those obnoxious gits get my address anyway? And who told them I was over fifty? The day after my fiftieth birthday, the number of sales pitches doubled, and they just keep growing and growing!

Neither do I wish to find a Russian wife, or a Thai servant "who's willing to do a few 'extra' chores"! I don't really care if Nastasha or Yasmin is "looking to be very true love of kind gentleman who will love me for my soul and be my friend for life"!  I never ASKED for your attentions, and I'm not going to give up the happy marriage that I'm already in to make you happy!

Please, please, PLEASE.... just leave me alone.

And before I go.... what's the difference between a Rooster and a prostitute?

A rooster goes "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"    A prostitute goes "Any cock'll-do!"

 

End of gripe!

More by this Author

  • The Parrot - A Short Story
    1

      Peter bought a parrot. A pretty little parrot. Polly had been the pet parrot of Patrick and Patricia Pendleton, but Patrick had gotten rid of the bird shortly after the sudden passing of his wife.   ...

  • Confessions of a Cross-Dresser!
    6

    I was about 8 years old the first time I wore a skirt. To tell you the truth, it didn't even cause me a dilemma. I did it voluntarily. There was an excitement about it that made it an easy step to take. There was no...

  • The Rescue.  A Short Story.
    6

      It was two weeks before Christmas, and Lydia and Lauren couldn’t contain their excitement. For the first time ever, both were playing leading roles in the School Christmas show. Sheila felt at least...


Comments 9 comments

christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

I like your "Rooster".

Good Hub. I think all the over fifties get the same hassles.

It's the world we live in unfortunately.


Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago Author

T'is indeed the world we live in, Christopher.

My other pet hates are those television adverts aimed at the over-50's, for life assurance, stira-stair lifts, funeral arrangements....

My least favourite was an advert for over-50's insurance... offering you a welcome gift of a carriage clock... presumably so that you can sit in your rocking chair and watch the rest of your life ticking away!! Another one offered a welcome gift of a Fountain Pen???? Who uses fountain pens nowadays??

I'm hoping to live until I'm 125.... longevity runs in my family..... so i'll start worrying about the frailties of old age when I turn 95.... until then, I plan to keep as young as possible. (The fact that I have my first child on the way, has put a new spring in my step!! :-) )

I remember the great comedian George Burns at the age of 98, coming out with the line, "I saw my doctor the other day. He said George, if you don't stop smoking those cigars, you're gonna die a young man!" Now THAT is the way to look at life!!!


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

You should worry, PK! It's when I get them that things get really surreal ... but I know what you mean about TV adverts that go on about old age ... I suppose they have to as some people need the products and are old in their 50's/60's ... not us though, eh?


Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago Author

Hahaha... nice first comment, Angie.... I suppose a woman with erectile dysfunction really only needs to buy new batteries!!! :-)

And yes, I can tell from your spirit that you are not a decrepid old lady! Stay young and stay happy!


THAT Mary Ann 5 years ago

You certainly know how to get your readers' attention with that opening sentence! Very amusing. Voted up (no pun intended.)


Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago Author

And so far I've had responses from a gay man and 2 ladies... hahaha... speaks volumes, doesn't it! ;-)


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

PK, you are in a league of your own. Your opening paragraph is award-winning.

up/soooo funny


Thatguypk profile image

Thatguypk 5 years ago Author

Awww Fay... you say the nicest things. Thank you kindly.


SteveMacken profile image

SteveMacken 5 years ago from Galway, Ireland.

Can you put this in next year's panto script... please! :-)

Up and very, very funny.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working