Perfect Parting Gifts - Gifts for the Newly Divorced!


The Perfect Ending... a "not so perfect" relationship. After all.

Not only is the divorce rate holding steady or rising, couples that have been sustaining long term marriages are divorcing now more than ever. In 2009, over 600,000 people were divorced who were over the age of 50. The term "Gray Divorce" has been coined to reflect the number of people in this group who are getting divorced.

Some of the most significant reasons for divorce cited were based upon feelings that they had just had not found the "right" person for them.

Psychologists suggest that the length of life could be the culprit. Medicine is better. People are living longer and discovering that forever is just too long to stick with their partner after all. Now we have the "me" attitude and we own it. We live in a time where we are not expected to sacrifice our own happiness for another.

Thoughts such as, "I deserve to be free and live a happy life...I raised the children and served the equivalent of one life sentence already," are trending.

Divorce is now an event worthy of hallmark cards and showers!

In fact, according to Your Tango, the expert relationship advice website, they are hosting their third annual, "Break Up With Your Ex Campaign."

Break Up with Your Ex Campaign begins on February 1 and ends on February 13 as the final, break up target date. It is strategically planned to coincide with Valentines Day. These experts can guide you through a painful process that culminates with the cutting of all apron strings left between you and your ex, online and off.

Sometimes it's better to say goodbye forever...
Sometimes it's better to say goodbye forever... | Source

Say Goodbye - Forever

Sometimes, it's just good to say goodbye forever. If divorce is in the future then the ex probably shouldn't be, unless there are children involved. Making a clean break is usually the fastest way to end your lingering feelings for the hasbeen.

One of the best ways to end a relationship is with a parting gift. This gift will be what your ex will remember as the last thing that you gave them so it's important to make an impact!

I have experienced the bitter end of a marriage and I hesitate to waste the ideas that I didn't use so I will be glad to share them with those of you who may need some helpful advice!

For the Person Who Cheated With The Sexitary

A high number of people cheat with someone in the office. For this reason, one of my top picks for the ex would be the game of "Clue - The Office Edition."

You could add a little tag that says, "it was your secretary! In the office! On the couch!"

For the Man with the New GF before the DE-Vorce

I love it when a guy starts dating a new girl before the divorce is even final or the ink is dry. For the guy who ditches the long time wife for the sexy college age girl, I'd send him a de-worming kit for dogs. I might add a note that I'd seen his skinny new girlfriend and I suspect she may have a tapeworm.

Or perhaps "Weener Kleener Soap" might be appropriate. You could add a personal touch by informing him that it did not come in a smaller size.

Gifts for HER (the ex HER)

I certainly don't want to pick on the men. There are a special sort of women that make me wonder if the man stays because he fears her. These are always those "in-charge" women that seem to brow beat their spouses. They do not fear letting the entire world know what a fowl up she was tricked into marrying.

For the men that find the courage to part, mailing a parting gift is a great way to avoid a final confrontation conversation.

The Hillary Nutcracker and a Bag O Mixed Nuts would be perfect!

Or maybe the Brass Balls Keyring would be better?

If you are concerned for her safety...

A Safety Flare is a perfect parting gift for the lady who continues to call you to help you fix her problems. If you are tired of coming to the rescue send her a safety flare and tell her to keep it handy and you are sure the "right" guy will see it and come to her aid.

For the woman who spent all your money at Wal-Mart? She might appreciate a roll of hundred dollar bills!

End it Perfectly

If your relationship turned into "Happily Never After," it might be time for you to sever the ties and move on with your life. 75% of people surveyed after a break-up admitted they were still having thoughts about their exes.

There is no better way to say a final goodbye than sending a gift. Make it perfect. Make it say all the things that you want them to remember you by and then, giddyup!

Jill & Kevin's Last Dance...

"Anybody who's been through a divorce will tell you that at one point they've thought of murder. The line between thinking murder and doing murder isn't that major." ~Oliver Stone

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Comments 34 comments

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA

I know of too many people that should have stayed married and didn't and too many that should have divorced and are still together for some reason. Interesting gifts! I will have to keep a few of them in mind.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I barely got through the whole hub; I was laughing too hard at the Clue game. Great fun, Kelly!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Tip! I see that the research is pointing to the same idea! They say that marriages work out when people stop looking to blame each other and use a little self reflection. When people realize that it takes two to tango then sometimes they figure out that no matter have to give and take. You can change the person you are trying to relate to but unless some realize they actually do need to accept some of the blame and change...they are off to the races with horse number 2!

I know some days, I do feel sorry for my husband and I am grateful that he can be patient with me! Yikes!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Billybuc! I missed you! It's great to get back to hub and I really was hoping to have a good laugh with all of you:) Thank YOU!!!

ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada


I guess it would be kind of random to send her a game of Clue (office edition) 10 years after the divorce and six years after the last time I'd seen her...but hey...I didn't know you and your awesome ideas back then. Damn it! I'm gonna send it!

H's & K's dear-ums,


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Thomas! Yes, while 10 years may be dragging it out a tad - it would still be funny:) LOL I am glad you have seemed to cut off all contact well though so you're doing good! Save your money!

Right back at you puppy!

peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 4 years ago from Home Sweet Home

Giving gifts for the newly divorced couple are not a common practice for us Malaysia. I just love Americans. They are still friends eventhough they are divorced. Wonderful!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Well honestly I was really being facetious:) lol. Americans are usually not the best of friends once they've parted. It tends to be riddled with passive aggressive moves. Thanks for reading but I was mostly being sarcastic:) haha

tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 4 years ago from USA

Agreed! I put my hubby through a lot too. I am so glad he can be understanding. I about gave him a stroke when I took a game called Dirty Minds to a family reunion. (It was a gag gift for a relative.) I have to admit, the look on some of the clans faces were priceless.

carol7777 profile image

carol7777 4 years ago from Arizona

definitely a fun read. YOu brought some real laughter here.

Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

You know after 22 years of being married to Bob, I would not have a clue on how to start over. I thought about getting a divorce about 10 years ago, but somehow we both know we are stuck with each other. The grass is not really greener on the other side, it's a myth. Oh well, he's pretty cool, so I guess I'll stick around.

But if I would have had to pick a divorce present, it would have just been cash, like for gas so he could get away.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I love these recommendations. I personally believe we should celebrate divorces just as much as marriages. I also believe a nice divorce party is a great idea as well. :-)

dwachira profile image

dwachira 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

Hi RealHousewife,

I am still laughing -:) and i pity that new woman "For the Man with the New GF before the DE-Vorce," de-worming kit for dogs? that is a first one. I enjoyed reading this, voted up and interesting.

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This gets a DAMN! No holds barred. I love it. I did spit my drink out when I read "weener cleaner." These would be awesome to sneak onto the gift table at an ex's wedding too. A man would be an idiot to cross you. :)

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Your very funny, but unfortunately very realistic, view of 'Gray Divorce' had me laughing, Kelly, and reminded me of that old joke about the couple, both 65, who go to see a divorce lawyer. He says, "Why have you waited so long to seek a divorce?"

Their answer: "We were waiting for the kids to grow up."

Loved your selection of gifts, too. :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Kelly....Oh I'm hugging you...and thanking you, besides laughing way too hard......This is the best and most fun-time I've had in a month! I'll be damned if your incredible gift ideas aren't too late for me.....but, never fear, I will share with whoever may need them!

VERY creative and funny as hell Way UP, Kelly..+++

melbel profile image

melbel 4 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

Haha! These are hilarious! I love them! Thank you so much for making me laugh, the soap seriously had me rolling! I've been pretty tired this morning, but this hub definitely woke me up! :P

my_girl_sara profile image

my_girl_sara 4 years ago from Georgia

Love the blog idea. I am happily married but I would be looking for a meaner gift if I were going through a divorce. Yours were too nice. I like Carrie Underwood's idea of smashing and keying.

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

ha! I would have been the first one to set up that board game:) haha But hey that is what parties are for - having unexpected fun and laughs:) Thanks Tip!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you carol777! I had fun writing this one imagination is bad:)

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

That's hilarious - "here's some gas money now get the hell out of here!" haha I've been with David for 20 years now...I've decided we are gonna die together and that's that. If he tries to get away? He might have to die trying! lol

I don't think you nor Bob would dream of work too well together!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yeah Jeannie:) lol Thanks! I think Hallmark would love the idea! And entertainers and singers and caterers would prosper. Makes good sense to me! LOL Thanks so much!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

hi dwachira - thanks so much! I had fun coming up with ideas for this hub - practical yet fun! LOL

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Tammy! lmao Well at least if you're going out - go out with a laugh right? It makes a much better memory than a nasty fight. Sometimes you just have to call it quits somewhere but a little passive aggressive fun is natural I expect. Thanks so much!

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

ha! Hey Drbj - I love doing these hubs where the imagination gets to write them:) I do think people are just coming to terms with things like "you have to be happy yourself first before you can live happy?" It is interesting when you look at the data and ask yourself what the correlation is? Thank you so much - !

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Paula! You are looking gorgeous! Thank you so much - I did have a blast making my list up:) lol Thanks so much for the up votes too - I would have guessed you would totally "get" my sense of humor in this one:)

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Melbel! Thank you so much - I believe I scammed this idea off you? Right! Thanks - I had a blast just thinking about the possibilities! You should have seen the ones that got away:) lol

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey my girl sara - I am just basically harmless. I wouldn't do anything that would require my ex to have to fork out a lot of dough - then he wouldn't be able to pay me! haha

TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

Kelly, these were awesome ideas! My first ex, I just wanted to give him a steak...ok, more like a stake in the heart! :)

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Terrye - I didn't know you had an ex! Having one myself, I can't say I blame you! In fact - it's a great parting gift! They say every lover leaves his mark! I say they probably deserved it:) haha

Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

OMG, I really lol'd at the soap. Too funny. On a serious note, I do seem to notice many "older" people divorcing lately. Is it a "trend" or is it because I am older? Hmmmmm

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Sharon...I loved that soap:) haha I know...I'm ridiculous:).

Yeah I just informed David last night he won't be trading me in for a younger, blonder, model:) lol. Researchers say it's cuz people are living longer! Ha!

Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

This is another amusing post. I also enjoyed the video at the bottom!

Thanks for sharing this with us, and have a great weekend!

~ Kathryn

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks so much Kathryn!

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