Project Accessory S1-3: Bling It On Review

Bling It On

We’re down to 10 designers and the heat is on now more than ever. We’ve yet to see any groundbreaking pieces, but the show has featured a lot of creativity and accessory making processes, even though not in detail. More of the designer’s processes please. And while you’re at it, stop using the word ‘bling’, it stopped being relevant 5 years ago. Thank you.

This episode proves to be shocking for more than one reason, so watch out, if you continue you will be SPOILED!

We learn that David has a wife and daughter to support and he’s so ‘integral’ in their lives, his wife must be overburdened without him. My question is: who is this guy and why is he talking to me? That’s either really, really good for him or really, really bad.

photo curtesy of the fantabulous Tom and Lorenzo
photo curtesy of the fantabulous Tom and Lorenzo | Source

Everyone Wears A Catsuit, Really!

James’ model, Ashley, is brought out in the ugliest shiny, pink body suit you’ve ever seen. She’s a model and it makes her look like a piece of tagged modern art. Not only that, the body suit has stir-ups.

Back with Mentor Eva, who tells them to transform the catsuit into an everyday look that anyone would wear. Good luck designers, because the choices of colors are: 1 light blue, 2 magenta, 2 black, 2 white and 3 hot pink.

They can make any accessories they want, just as long as the end result looks like someone would wear it. As far as I’m concerned, anyone stuck with hot pink is at an immediate disadvantage.

The designers...Notice the excitement on their catsuit choices!
The designers...Notice the excitement on their catsuit choices!
Diego and David
Diego and David

And He Did What?!?

Mentor Eva informs the group that James will pick his catsuit first, then he will choose the next person to pick next. And what does, nice as can be, James pick? Hot pink catsuit. That’s it, he doesn’t have any taste. There, I said it.

James may not have any taste, but he’s a nice guy. He really is and he picks Adrian (who seems almost shocked since James has really clicked with some of the lady designers). Why does James pick Adrian? Because Adrian was in the bottom 2 the last challenge and James is still feeling the sting from episode 1 when he was there. Awww. He really is nice.

Adrian picks white, then picks Rich who chooses black. Christina is next who also picks black who, to the surprise of everyone picks the resident bitch, Nicolina (who goes for the magenta).

By the way, if you hadn’t heard it the first few times, there is a nice montage showcasing Nicolina being blunt or as most people call it rude, as well as her lamenting on how she wouldn’t help anyone because she’s only there for herself. She’s a special one, no?

Shea chooses white, Diego picks magenta and Nina picks hot pink. Nina has to choose between Brian and David, who get the wonderful selection of powder blue and hot pink. Ugly and Ugly. David wanted anything but hot pink, so what does he get? Of course he does. Hot pink it is and if I didn’t know who he was then, I know who he is now.

The "Camel-Toe" Controversy

I love the fact that Nicolina’s nickname amongst the designers is cray-cray. She proves how fitting it is by droning on and on about how much she hates the catsuits because of the camel-toe. Most designers already understand the task at hand is to create accessories that keep the eye from any catsuit problem areas. There are many and the camel-toe is but one.

My favorite part about all this camel-toe business? David doesn’t know what a camel-toe is. Honestly. It’s funny and he deserved to be teased about it(which most of the other designers do at one point or another). But Nicolina has to be herself and takes it into cray-cray land, harassing him about it for the next few segments. If you didn’t catch it the first time, Ms. Cray-Cray is a bitch. Just, FYI. And if you have any doubts about it, there will be another montage showcasing Cray-Cray's tude later.

The designers go to Mood, where they are given $100 and 20 minutes to shop. I looked for Swatch, but there were no sightings of the fabric store's mascot. Anyone else see him?

Mentor Eva with Adrian
Mentor Eva with Adrian
Mentor Eva with James
Mentor Eva with James
Mentor Eva with Nina
Mentor Eva with Nina

Editing Issues Abound

We soon find ourselves following Mentor Eva, who is shown talking to exactly 4 people. I wonder who’s going to be on the top and bottom? Sigh, editors, less time following the non-drama and more time showing our mentor looking disgusted and giving questionable advice please.

Mentor Eva first stops at Rich and tells him to make his belt smaller because it is looking too much like a skirt. Her next stop is with Shea, who she tells to remove the necklace and focus on her beautiful earrings. She stops by Cray-Cray and tells her to change her belt from pointing at her model’s crotch. Lastly, she tells David that he’s using too many materials and to rethink.

After the end of this, she tells the contestants, there will be a double elimination. The designers gasp. I saw two out of the four people we just saw gets the boot. How's that for suspense? The sad part is that it is clear she talks to everyone. Throw us a few more bones. It will go along way.

And We Need a Runway, Why?

Watching these models walk, I find myself asking why there needs to be a runway. It’s necessary for Project Runway, because we need to see how these pieces move, but accessories. The models look silly. I think I’d prefer to have them stand there and exhibit the pieces like art, which is what it appears the eventually do, but just don’t show on TV. Anywhoo…

James' desgins
James' desgins
Adrian's designs
Adrian's designs

Of Course the Middle Group Is

James as immunity, so we know he’s safe. Molly makes it a point to call out that he should be lucky he had it. I agree, his stuff is oooogly and tacky as all get out. Taste issues indeed.

Molly calls out the rest of the middle group, who, if you’ve been paying attention is no surprise. Adrian made a soho chic look. Nina made some mediocre pieces.

And lastly there was Brian, who made a skirt and redesigned his ugly catsuit into something even uglier. They just love to show how un-tuned to the judges Mentor Eva is. She specifically told Rich not to have his belt look too much like a skirt and he’s safe Brian with a completely redesigned catsuit with an added shirt and other crap. Strike One for this episode, Mentor Eva.

The World Has Gone Mad

Molly introduces Kelly Osbourne as the guest judge and calls her a style icon. Give me a moment.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love me some Kelly Osbourne, so much so I was rooting for her during Dancing with the Stars. But…style icon. No. Just no. I do have more to say about Ms. Osbournne, but I’ll wait until later for that.

Diego

I will say that Diego makes chic, modern accessories. He is hindered by his model, who really is awful and walks like she has a 30 inch metal rod up her bum, but his stuff still looks modern and expensive.

This is a good place to note that this was the first time Diego has ever made a necklace. Seems kind of odd, but there you go.

Kenneth hated his necklace and thought it as well as his arm cuff looked dangerous. I can see where he's coming from. Molly and Kelly like dangerous jewelry and they thought it was unique and ready for mass production. I do love danger and I’m ready with wallet in hand for his designs.

Christina

And the second called out is always the winner. Get a clue, Editors. So congrats to Christina who made a fashion forward outfit by adding brown to an all black outfit and adding a turban*. That’s right a turban, because nothing screams fashion forward than a turban.

Good grief, I feel like I’m missing something here. I get that some high end designers are using turbans, but fashion forward?

When I think fashion forward I don’t think Elizabeth Taylor, no matter how divine she was. And don’t start any hate mail, the violet eyed one was in a league of her own, but turbans? My grandma used to wear one, so associating fashion forward with them is a leap for me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Christina deserves her spot in the top. She produced well executed accessories that made a complete, ready to wear look. Her belt and cuff are eye-catching and luxurious. I can’t hate on her win at all, but the turban does make me sigh a bit.

*I will make note that I mean fashion turbans, not religious or cultural turbans. Type that could be associated with bored rich grandmas who carry little dogs in purses, order their butlers to fetch the something then have their driver take them to the country club. Just to clarify.

Rich

He made a ‘spectacular’ necklace, which made the outfit. He’s an amazing craftsman and the women wanted that gorgeous ring.

Of course, he didn’t win, but I’m thinking he should have. It was very steam punk-like and unique. Rich, also, had the quote of the episode. He noted, "a woman who is wearing a body suit isn't worried about her body in a negative way." Well said.

And I will note that though he shaved some size off of his belt, it was still huge and they didn’t even bother to show the judges critique on it since they loved his ring and necklace so much. Sigh, Mentor Eva. Strike Two.

Or maybe I should be giving these strikes to the Editors. They're aren't doing Mentor Eva, the desginers or the audience any favors.

Who should have won?

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David

The first thing that stands out is that David named his ‘girl’ he was designing for and explained what she was doing. I’m not sure if all of the designers do it, but it is odd that he’s the only one they showed. That’s not a good sign.

David made leg warmers over open toed shoes. Uhhh…wow. Kelly said she was doing everything she could not to laugh at him, she failed. I felt bad for him, but then I was laughing too, so there you go.

The man was doomed. I knew he was out the moment they showed his talking head in the first segment. Then you have his atrocious outfit and Kelly calling his ‘girl’ Eurotrash?


Ouch.


Then Molly abruptly says, “You may leave the runway.” No kisses, no hugs, no handshake. Nada. Double ouch. The show is lacking some consistency here and though the guy deserved to go, they should give the designers some respect, some sort of warmth when booted.

Shea

The weird thing about the craziness that Shea sent down the runway is that she removed the lace that draped down the side of her model, connecting the earrings Mentor Eva liked with the belt. Instead, she attached the lace to the belt.

What she began with and what she ended with were odd. Is it sad that she looked better than her model when they stand next to each other side by side?

The judges hated it. They hated the silhouettes, the lack of cohesion and really hated the lack of finish in every piece, including the earrings. Strike Three Mentor Eva/Editors. Eva talked about removing the necklace, but nothing shown about the draped lace and why Shea suddenly removed it. Poor Shea thought that, at the very least, her earrings were a home run, but oh no. Kelly mentioned how unfinished they looked several times and Molly wasn’t kind either.

Unfinished. That’s a very specific critique and it would have behooved someone (lets just say a mentor) to have mentioned it or shown it (come on editors) as some point.

Cray Cray indeed
Cray Cray indeed

Nicolina

Who else was utterly surprised they got rid of the resident villain, the uber-bitch, Cray-Cray? This is the first time this show has surprised me so far. I didn’t love her pieces, but I thought they were loads better than that crap Brian put out.

I think Kelly saw the fringe on the belt, got tampon stuck in her head and Nicolina was done. Who in the world wears 2 foot long fringe? Oh yeah, Nicolina and Steven Tyler. Well, at least she knows she has a client for what she produces, although I doubt it will ever be mass market.

I will give Mentor Eva some credit, because she warned Nicolina that leaving that belt pointing at the crotch was an issue. The judges had Nicolina move the belt and found it was slightly better.

But that wasn’t why she got got asked the leave the runway. So, why did Nicolina get the boot? The fringe was too long and the colors on the belt were problematic, you know, because they were brown. But, a different brown than Christina’s fashion forward brown. Strike Four, Editors. Wait. Strike Four? Sigh…never mind.

My guess is that the judges have brilliantly thought out critiques and explanations for their decision. It would be nice to see them from time to time. Just saying.

So, Nicolina is out and that’s right, no kisses or hugs for you either. Just get off the damn runway and leave. They really have to do something about this, because it is awkward and cold.

I almost felt bad for her, especially when she sounded so professional and thankful in her final talking heads. But, then I looked at the bottle of aspirin on the table and remembered that her voice made me pop of couple of those pretty early on in the epside.

Goodbye Cray-Cray, it was good thing you didn’t go on the show to make friends.

Not an Icon, But…

Having Kelly Osbourne on the judging panel highlighted Molly Sims’ issues. Kelly came across as witty, snarky, specifically critical and, most importantly, warm.

It took Heidi Klum a couple of seasons to really get the feel of being the host. Molly could probably mold herself in the same way (and it seemed like she was doing that last episode), but why should the viewer have to wait when Kelly’s right there? That’s right, I said it.

They should consider having Ms. Not a Fashion icon, but who is fashionable Kelly Osbourne host the show. Just because the original recipe had a supermodel as host doesn’t mean this one needs it.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Molly, but I don’t know what the shelf life of this show is and I’d want to see it continue on for longer than this season. Time is of the essence and all that.

Do you think Kelly Osbourne would be a great host/judge?

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Bagging A Preview

It looks like next week we have bags in our future and I can’t wait. I just love handbags and I want to see something innovative and a little cray cray, in honor of our recently departed Nicolina.

It also looks like the role of bitch will be played by Shea in Nicolina’s absence. She’ll have a lot of live up to, since cray-cray was in a world of her own.

By the Way No One Sports a Turban better than Daler Mehndi

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