How to Become a Reality Show Star in 10 Easy Steps

Change Your Life!

Are you bored with your current financial situation? Are you tired of going to work each day? Would you like to spice up your life? Maybe you just feel the need to have random strangers in your home following you everywhere with cameras? Of course! Don't we all feel that way sometimes?

It sounds like you want to be the next reality TV star! I am sure you are ready for the excitement (and the paycheck) right now. I know what you are thinking, "Jeannie, how do I do this?" Well, I am here to give you some advice. Of course, I am not a reality show star, but I would like to think I could certainly become one if I followed these 10 easy steps!  It is all a matter of choice, if you really think about it.

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Step 1: Audition Time

Your first step to becoming the next big reality show star is to audition. Don't know where to start? Well, start googling television networks, visit their sites, and start that audition process. Some reality shows are so thoughtful, they will actually take their entire crew to your town so you do not even have to travel. Wow! Thanks American Idol and America's Got Talent!

OK, so maybe you can't sing and maybe you don't have talent. Don't let that stop you! Surely you can travel to New York or California to audition for other shows. Have you ever wanted to lose weight rapidly and risk your life? Well, it's time to audition for Survivor. Are you young and don't have too many inhibitions? Looks like its time to audition for the Real World. Perhaps you are lonely and looking for love. Just imagine the countless dating shows out there! There are plenty of other great shows just waiting for you, as well. It just depends on your interests and your standards (the lower the better!) and you never know what you might find.

Step 2: Pitch That Idea!

OK, so the audition stage in the 10 easy steps did not work out. You are not going to let that stop you, right? Start making some calls and make some new friends, and you can pitch your own idea for a reality show. Don't have any ideas? Of course you do. What do you do all day? What can you pretend to do all day? You can come up with something.

Even if the major networks won't take you, don't let that stop you and your great idea. There are a ton of cable channels out there with even lower standards. Start knocking on some doors! Of course, it helps if you are into ghost hunting, have given birth to 5 or more children at once, have some type of addiction, or your last name is Kardashian.

Step 3: The Lower the IQ, the Bigger the Paycheck

Now, we are going to assume you've managed to land on a show by now. Honestly, it doesn't matter how you've gotten to this point. You are a success just because you've made it this far. Now it is time to become the big reality show star!

It helps if you have a really low IQ for reality TV. The lower the IQ, the better. You say your IQ is not low at all.  What?  That is OK.  You can just fake being stupid.  I am sure reality show celebrities do it all the time.  If they were really that stupid... well, I would just have to give up all hope for the human race.  We can't do that, now can we?

Step 4: Create a New Catch Phrase

Now that people believe you are not even smart enough to tie your own shoes, you need to think of a witty catch phrase. All the coolest reality show stars have a catch phrase. You don't want to aim too high on this one. Go for something short and cute.

Please note: "That's hot," "You're fired," and "It's t-shirt time!" are already taken.

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Step 5: Get Drunk

This is pretty easy. If you are not acting stupid enough to appeal to the audience, you are just going to have to lower your IQ with alcohol. It is really the only way to make a big scene at this point and have a memorable performance. You may ask, "Where are some great places to get drunk?" Don't worry. I have a handy list for you:

  • At home
  • The club
  • The sidewalk
  • The bar
  • The deck
  • The yard
  • The car
  • The boat
  • The beach
  • The pool
  • And much, much more!

Bonus points to you if you vomit.  Even more bonus points if you fall down drunk or, better yet, pass out.

Step 6: Start a Fight

What is better than getting drunk?  Starting a fight!  So maybe violence is wrong and we live in a civilized world where this type of behavior should be frowned upon.  Wrong!  This is reality TV.  Reality shows have nothing to do with the civilized world.  So it is time to turn around and pick a fight with an unsuspecting roommate, neighbor, random person, mail carrier, etc.  Just start a fight and watch the ratings soar.

Step 7: Get Drunk and Start a Fight

It's a reality show double whammy!  Everyone wants to see a great fight break out because someone is totally drunk.  If someone throws a drink in somebody else's face, awesome!  Who doesn't want to see a good drunken brawl?  If the cops show up, the show is a sure winner.  If someone gets arrested, that is even better.  Of course, it might be tough to decide who on the show is going to "take one for the team" and go to jail. 

While the cameras are turned around or not rolling, try to determine whose turn it is to go to jail this time.  It isn't fair to always send the same person.  You can also draw straws.  It is not that hard to find straws.  Chances are, this conversation will occur at a bar anyway.  There are usually straws available at any good bar.

Step 8: Cry Like a Sissy

When all else fails, start crying. No one likes a sissy, but if that is all you've got, give it a go. People will at least remember you. In most situations, when you realize what your life has become, it will be pretty easy to start sobbing. You will not even have to fake the tears one bit. Also, it is perfectly acceptable to start crying while drunk. Most audience members actually prefer it that way.

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Step 9: No Shame = Fame

Do you have strong moral values?  Uh-oh.  That will never do on a reality show.  You'd better leave that at the door if you want to be the next big reality show celebrity. 

When it comes to being a reality show star, you need to show little or no manners.  When it comes to human decency, this is not the time to show any of that. 

Does your family embarrass easily?  Yes?  Well, they are going to be a problem.  Will they accept some hush money or are they going to have to disown you?  Perhaps with a little extra cash coming their way, they may also be willing to humiliate themselves in front of the camera right along with you.  

Step 10: It's Time to Get Nude, Dude

So there you are with your new reality show roommates and there is a perfectly lovely pool, hot tub, bathtub, kitchen sink, bird bath, or some other type of object that holds water. Isn't it time to get naked?

You'd better believe it is time to get nude if you want this show to be a hit. If you don't have a tub or a good excuse to get naked, oh well. Do it anyway. You can't become a celebrity without great ratings, so start tearing those clothes off now!

Lights, Camera, Action!

Now that you've learned the 10 easy steps to becoming a reality show star, it is time to go out there and do it.  Wait?  You say you've got second thoughts now?  What is wrong with you?  Are morals actually starting to creep their way into the picture?  Shame on you!  I guess you are not interested in my ideas about promoting your new diet / fitness / success story / autobiography.  That is OK.  I am not starring in any reality shows anytime soon either.

 

Disclaimer: If anyone from any reality shows actually ever read this, well, hey - thanks!  But most of all, this is all in good fun.  No matter what I say, I still watch those shows.  I couldn't write this if I didn't.  Oh, and stop drinking so much!  You are surely embarrassing your family!

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Comments 48 comments

Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Ha, very funny hub. As much as we complain about them, we still watch them. How else do they get such high ratings. Maybe we watch because it makes us feel so normal for a change. LOL Thanks for the enjoyable hub and good laugh. I pushed many buttons here:)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you so much! Yes, I have to admit, I may make fun of them, but love watching these shows. I will sit there and watch the Jersey Shore whenever it comes on.


Rosie2010 profile image

Rosie2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hiya Jeannie, I really enjoyed reading this hub. Voted up and funny.

Have a nice day,

Rosie


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you, Rosie! I appreciate the comment and vote up.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Funny as all get out! Voted up and funny...maybe recategorize it under humor (satire and parody) - although it is SO true to life...lol

Great hub!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for the comment and the vote up! I usually categorize most of my work under humor, but I thought I would try something new this time. Perhaps someone out there may actually take my advice and get famous. Wouldn't that be crazy (and scary!)?


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

It would be AWESOME!! Can you imagine? And, you'd get a mention in their Emmy acceptance speech! lol


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, this is true. Maybe I could even get a guest spot on their reality show. I would probably have to agree to get drunk and start a fight though.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Nah, probably just take your shirt off...that should be enough to get at least a mention! :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

This is true. I will start working on my catch phrase now just in case I have the opportunity to use it.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

Oh, what a fantastic guide! Off to grab some booze and a tagline XD


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Good luck to you, Simone! Hope to see you soon on E Channel or MTV.


Fluffy77 profile image

Fluffy77 5 years ago from Enterprise, OR

Very good hub, and kinda true too. Voted up and funny!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for your comment!


Greensleeves Hubs profile image

Greensleeves Hubs 5 years ago from Essex, UK

Great! Probably the best hub I've read for a long time. My kind of sense of humour and compulsory reading for anyone who thinks getting exposure on TV is the most important thing in the whole wide world. Nice to know that people on the other side of the pond are just as silly as people in my country (UK)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you so much for the compliment. I think most people consider my sense of humor overly sarcastic or a little dark. Oh well. I am glad you enjoyed the hub.


nycgrl profile image

nycgrl 5 years ago from New York

You are hilarious, thanks for making me laugh! Reality tv is so silly but at least you have used it to make a fun hub. Voted up!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad I could make you laugh. Reality TV is so ridiculous. It has nothing to do with reality. Thank you for the comment and the vote up.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...tremendous writing style you have here full of wit and charm and savvy and funk and spunk and nerve and veve and irreverence and truth and irony - just a hubawesome piece of work ......

lake erie time 10:30am ontario canada


WillSteinmetz profile image

WillSteinmetz 5 years ago

Awesome hub.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you both for commenting on my hub! To epigramman, thank you for all the compliments. It's funny... even though this was written as a joke, I am starting to wonder if I should take my own advice. Maybe reality TV is more fun than working full-time.


nadalee profile image

nadalee 5 years ago from USA

Ha-ha-ha, this is funny! Just put on a few pounds, buy yourself some really tight clothes, some good push-up bras, hair extensions, chew gum, be ready to start a fight at a moment's notice, and your future is secured! Seriously, reality shows are so cheap to make. That's one reason they're so popular. But sometimes I think they go to far, like making a show about fights that erupt around a tow truck in Miami


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for the comment. I am glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for mentioning the tow truck thing. What is up with that? Why are there suddenly so many shows about tow truck companies? It seriously cannot be that interesting. Of course, there are several shows about cupcakes, too, so I guess that is just as strange.


kims3003 5 years ago

Wow! Happy we found each other as I love your hubs! I am looking forward to reading more. This is a very funny hub and so well put together. You have a very pleasant style of writing too!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you so much for all the compliments! I really enjoy reading your hubs, as well. Thanks for the comment!


molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago

Hi Jeannieinabottle great hub and fabulous advice for the hapless fool that "wants to be famous". It used to be that you had to do something, to become famous. Like fly around the world non-stop (in an aeroplane of course) Climb Everest or invent penicillin. Now you just have to be dumb drunk and prepared to get the boys out. Jersey Shore has spawned 2 imitators in the UK both are equally popular and hideous and I can't stop watching them. It's like what are they going to do next? It's amazing that they can breathe unassisted. Voted up IUF


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for reading and posting a comment! Yes, it is true. You used to actually have to do something interesting, but now you can just act foolish and get a show. I can't believe there are 2 versions of the Jersey Shore in the UK. I am interested in seeing these shows, even though I shouldn't be. I still kind of like the Jersey Shore even though I know it is not the greatest show ever. It is my guilty pleasure.


molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago

Well you know we are none of us saints and a little guilty pleasure amongst friends is acceptable. I'm sure you will hear of these new shows soon enough, they are massive here in the UK and like all dross it will end up in the USA as your TV dross ends up here. Enjoy!

One is called "the only way is Essex" and the other "Made in Chelsea"


lambservant profile image

lambservant 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

#11 Look and act slutty.

#12 Look and act like a grungy beefcake who abuses women.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

molometer - Oh, I can't wait to see some of these tacky TV shows from the UK. We have some real garbage over here, but I always welcome more. Thanks for the comment!

lambservant - Hahaha... Have you been watching the Jersey Shore? Thanks for the additions!


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

This was funny, too. Thank you for the comic relief. Hehehe. Voted up!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you enjoyed it. Hope to see you on your own reality show in no time!


Sooner28 4 years ago

Very funny hub!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad you liked it. Thanks for dropping by!


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

I am still laughing!!! I especially liked the title, "The Lower the IQ, the Bigger the Paycheck" Voted up for being funny :)


Robin Oatley profile image

Robin Oatley 4 years ago

Great hub! It really made me laugh!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

iamaudraleigh - I am glad you liked this hub. And yes, it does seem to help if one has a lower IQ for these shows. :-) Thanks for the votes!

Robin Oatley - I am happy you enjoyed it. Thanks for dropping by!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

So funny! But sadly--true!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, sadly it is all so true. Thanks for the comment!


jimagain profile image

jimagain 4 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

Reality shows: we all love to hate them. I suppose the more obnoxious they are, the larger viewer audience they draw; like bugs to a bug zapper.

Great pointers! Get drunk. Start a fight. Get naked...or just get drunk and the other two just happen. Who needs a script?

Great satire...or maybe I meant, parody? If don't have the IQ of boiled cabbage...you will soon enough!

Voted UP and funny!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

It is so true! I love all the obnoxious reality stars. The nicer the person, the less interesting. For that matter, the more sober the person, the less interesting. Thanks for the comment and the votes!


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

I bet it was so much fun to write this! I have become addicted to this mindless reality idea! Lol!...I have to admit I like the Kardashians and NJ housewives! I should get drunk when I watch these! Voted up!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Oh yes, it was fun writing this, but sometimes I wonder if it might be fun to even try some of this. I probably won't... but I do wonder. I do watch the Kardashians sometimes, too. I have to admit, my guilty pleasure is Jersey Shore. I simply can't get enough. Thanks for the vote up!


my daily dish profile image

my daily dish 4 years ago from Beverly Hills, Florida

Too funny! Thanks for the advice and the laughs! :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much. I am glad you liked it. Now, good luck with becoming a reality show star. ;-)


pop-culture profile image

pop-culture 3 years ago

Haha, can't stop laughing. Jeannie, this is stellar article dear. Every point is so relatable to Kardashians, esp.

LOL!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am happy you enjoyed it. By the way, I like your profile pic!


pop-culture profile image

pop-culture 3 years ago

Thanks, Jeannie! :)

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    Jeannie InABottle (Jeannieinabottle)1,161 Followers
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    Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics - anything from hamsters to office work.



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